100% Ho, ho, ho, merry to bearsmas, everyone. Merry, merry winter bearsmas. I like it. The greatest holiday in podcasting.
Merry substitute two bears, one cavemas, everyone. Yes, your Christmas gift from YMH this year is you have yet another week that you don't have to listen to Tom and Bert. That's what we wrapped up. But I am, they did contractually, I did have to be shirtless for one episode.
That's what it is, yes. And we figured, why, what more festive occasion than two bearsmas? Yeah, but contractually you had to go shirtless, and I had to remind the audience that they're poor. Well, you had to strangle a Guatemalan outside.
You had to strangle a gardener to get in Tom's brain. Dude, I can't wait. Like, we're having a good time, like, we're joking around, we're being silly. I can't wait to eventually get, like, a legal notice from Bert Kreischer's legal team that, like, what we said about him is not okay.
I feel like Tom doesn't care, but Bert will kill us. Tom would do it. Tom would secretly have it done. Yeah.
Tom would just, over the course of our lives, sort of like, he would kind of make us, you ever see Oldboy? Yeah. Where they, spoiler for everyone who's seen Oldboy, it's a classic. He, an enemy makes one of his former enemies fall in love and fuck his own daughter.
I feel like Tom would do that to you. He would oldboy you with one of your, with your, what would happen is, he would fake your daughter's death in a car accident. Then he would raise her, right? He would raise her in captivity, you know, make her teach her about the Mets, teach her about stuff that you would be into.
Then he would, like, you would have a traumatic brain injury. Right. Right? He would, then he would put you, it was two car accidents we're up to.
He would make you have a traumatic brain injury. Yeah. Jasmine would move on. Everyone's forgotten you.
Then in rehab, there's this, there's this half Italian, half Latina nurse who just really takes care of you. You guys, there's something special about your connection. You can't just put your finger on it. He would make you fall in love with your daughter.
And then only after you've consummated would he reveal, that's for talking shit on fucking two bearsmas. That's for saying, that's for saying we fucking phoned in the podcast. I think that's what's going to happen. Yeah, well, and that'll be like, like you said, take years, and take years, where Bert Kreischer will just come and hit us with a baseball bat as we're walking into a funny bone.
And then he would cry and apologize and tell us how much he loves us. Yeah, 100%. And you know what? It would be forgiven.
It would be forgiven, yeah. Yeah, I would know that it's him. You know, as I'm losing consciousness and I just see jeans and flip-flops and someone laughing at the top of his lungs, and my last words would be like, Bert, it's not that funny. I know, well, listen, I empathize.
I am. People often accuse me of faking my laugh. Okay. But I really am just having a good time.
Yeah. I just love laughter, man. I believe that, and that's, and honestly, I'm envious of that because I don't laugh as much as you and Bert do. And you guys are getting it out.
You're getting it off your chest. Now, you and Bert need to get it off your chest because you'll have a heart attack if not. Yeah, yeah. Maybe that high-pitched dolphin thing is just some, like, it's something escaping his aorta.
Maybe that's the sound air makes when it comes out of four blocked arteries. Now, what, now, their Christmas, we've asked, of course, you know, in continuing with the theme of they don't care about the show, we've asked them to send in what they're doing for Christmas. We've got no response. So that's just the way it goes.
So what are you doing for Christmas? What am I doing for Christmas? Well, yeah, let's, well, this year, I, you know, Baltimore Christmas. My brother had a kid.
Shout out to Tommy's bro. I have a fat little nephew. He's so fucking cute. He honestly looks, he looks like a good, because my brother is more blonde.
He takes after my brother. My brother's blonde. He had, uh, uh, blue, he had very blonde hair when he was a kid. It's gotten kind of browner.
Yes. Uh, but the baby is just like a fat little blue eyes. It's like a little gringo. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's awesome. He's better hope that your sister-in-law isn't on the Patreon. Imagine you find out she's a hyena fan and then you get sacks out of revolutionary war reenactment. No, not her type.
Don't worry. No, no. Doesn't know yet. Not, not interested, unfortunately.
All right. I'm sure there's others. I'm sure you've cucked other podcasters' family members. 100%.
Yeah. Um, we have a, we have a fat, we have a fat little baby in the family. Beautiful. So I got to go see him.
In the past, in the past, I was like, my family can suck my dick. I'm just hang out. Something, there's something nice about a holiday. I love the classic, the Jews, I take my cap to them because Chinese food and the movies.
Yeah. Is an insane Christmas. It's so much better because look, Thanksgiving and Christmas, essentially the same meal. That's a good point.
You know what I mean? And so I've already, I like to get my eating done on Thanksgiving. I like to feel like a real piece of shit. It's contained.
It's in four days. Right. That week between Christmas and new year's. Yeah.
It can get real dark. It can get real. It's like a fat heroin den. Yeah.
Just all the sodium, the bloatedness, the kind of the, the realization of, Oh, I didn't hit any of my goals from the year before. Yeah. Zero. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're trying to, you're trying to come up with your new year's resolution. You're like, everything's been a wash, but also you just, you eat through your leftovers. Sure. Like you think, you know, I don't usually get through all the Thanksgiving leftovers because family splits it up.
Christmas. There's, you, you eat through everything. And in fact, you then re-up more new, more new candy, more new dessert. I've gotten, I've, I've bought more pies after I'm done the leftover pies because you're just like, I'm not gonna get my life together on December 28th.
No way. Let's keep this rolling a little bit. 100%. That's a no.
So I like to make it, uh, I like to go out somewhere. You can't, you don't have some Chinese food. You'll have a little lo mein the next day, but it's not like I have a whole roast that I'm eating for fucking 10 days and I'll just go watch Avatar. I'll do mushrooms.
Right. So you do a Jewish Christmas is what you like. I like to supplement for years. I was doing a Jewish Christmas when I was just by myself in New York and it also feels like in New York, it's almost like when in Rome.
Right. When in New York, fucking have a mooshu and go see fucking, you know, go to AMC, AMC 12 in the village or whatever. Right. Um, you feel, I feel very connected to the culturally East coast, cultural Judaism.
I love, right. Like East coast. Absolutely. I don't know the ECJ.
I don't know much about desert Jews. There's a lot in Arizona. There's a lot. LA, I guess it's kind of spiritually connected to New York, but I love the East coast.
I grew up in Baltimore. We had a huge. Yeah. I like an Ari Shafir Jew.
Yeah. I mean, I guess, I guess he's the exception that proves the rule actually because he is annoying. But yes, I do like him. Right.
Um, but he, he came from like the real shit though. He was like, Ari was like, cause he grew up in silver spring in like, I think he's like, if not Hasidic, very close. Right. He's got the Hasidic face.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I initially, like when I first met him, like, obviously he's a great friend, but initially, like my, you know, my German, you know, when you see a face like that, like you get up. Like I was on my hind legs like that because you're not sure what to do. And then you realize like, dude, that that's just old wiring in your DNA.
You're not that, you know, I'm not that guy. Right. Right. I remember going up on like legs, like a German shepherd.
Like when I first saw Ari, do you think the German part of your family attended the Nazi rally at MSG in the thirties? Not only do, not only, not only do I think the bakery that is in Ridgewood, um, right. Tater tater. I remember this with you think any of your specific relatives were there.
So here's the thing I'm going to tell you, I'm going to look you in the eye and genuinely tell you that the answer is no. From what I've been told through family stories, but what I feel in my heart is 100%. Of And by the way, videotape them opening it. By the way, I might have to get my dad an ounce of marijuana and be like, Merry Christmas to all of us, dad.
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Yeah, because I'm thinking, you know, because it is, I do have both sides of my family do have obviously wildly different political views. So when it comes in for Christmas time, it used to be a rule when my grandfather was still alive that there were no politics talking. But now he's passed away and now it's doesn't even seem like it's a rule anymore. It's actually like the only way to get into my Christmas dinner is if you start talking about politics.
That's how it's come to me. Oh, really? Yeah. And they get mad, you know, because my Latino side, you know, they start drinking Coquito.
I don't know if you know what Coquito is. It's like a Puerto Rican eggnog. And then, you know, you get lit off that and they're like milkshakes and it's so good. And then and then little things start to come up, you know, somebody brings up, you know, I'm sure this year in New York City, someone will bring up the mayor.
Someone will bring up Montoni and ICE. It's going to start popping up. You're fucking dumb ass family's probably half pro ICE. Oh, yeah.
God, that's so funny. What? Because they'll be like, well, we're Puerto Rican. Like I'm a citizen.
Yeah. Oh, the Latinos that are pro ICE. I'm Latino. It's like get these Venezuelans out of here.
I know, dude, I went back to Greek town and I was hanging out with my dad. And literally all these guys do is hang out at this coffee shop. Sure. And it's just a bunch of old Greek guys.
And it's like they all speak Greek. It's like shout out to Carilás Cafe. Actually, some great Greek food. Shout it out.
Probably my favorite. My favorite used to be Econos, which closed down. Samos is also very good. Zorba's very good.
I don't want to, you know, I don't want anybody to get mad at me. But Carilás was literally just this guy, my dad's toothless friend who used to drive a produce truck, just decided to start his own coffee shop. Yeah. And then he just started cooking for us.
Like my dad just hangs out there. He's like, hey, I'm hungry. And his friend would just make him pork chops. Yes.
And then he's like, why don't I just make a restaurant? And then it became an incredible. It's my favorite Greek restaurant in Baltimore. Yeah.
It's just a guy's fucking and his kids hang out. His wife just hangs out there. It's starting as a money laundering operation. Let's be real.
And then the guy realized it's trafficking produce. And was like, you take three heads of lettuce and just see, you know, four fucking teenage, you know, fourteen year olds. Two girls from Slovenia. Yeah.
You're like, that Kongi, it's carrots. Only two carrots per day, though. I'm not I'm not made of money. Yeah.
But yeah. And so it literally was just all there. And I'm hearing some fucking Greek guy talk about how they need to get Mexicans out. They need to get immigrants out.
He's talking with a heavy Greek accent. Sure. He does not speak English. Yeah.
He's speaking Greek. He's making in America an argument in Greek about how immigrants need to go. And I was like, I was like, we're immigrants. You understand that?
You. I was like, go back to Greece. I don't want to go back to Greece. And I was like, what the fuck are we talking about?
Mexicans don't want to go back either. And then he was like, and there's like, well, we came here the right way. I was like, you don't know anybody that came in through Canada. People, they would come through Canada, right?
They would come to Canada. It's easier to get and it's easier to get to that border. He was like, no, I don't know anybody. And the guy he was arguing with, he was like, I came through.
Literally, the guy he's talking to was an illegal, a former Greek illegal immigrant who now is a citizen and who's like a member of society. It's like even it's like people so quickly will forget where an immigrant that does not fluently speak the language will say we need to get the Mexicans out of here. It's like you came in the right way. It's like, what's the right way?
You came in like a frozen box of meat going into the back of a diner smuggled in. It's a Neptune. You were hung up nude like a full lamb carcass. Fucking meat locker.
This is the way. No, dude. But, you know, with with Christmas in my family, too, what's not at least your family has it's one culture. It's just with Greeks.
And maybe they're a little bit. But for me, we have some honkies in the family. Right. You know, we have we actually have a little bit of a little, a little of some, some white flavoring.
OK. It's going to be the first. So these holidays, we're doing a little blended. My, you know, my sister in law and like and I.
Now, when you say blended, you mean someone because you can't in a Greek family blended is that it can't be a black person. That's that's actually right. Well, it could. But it's not Greeks are not like that.
My I am very lucky that my I didn't realize how like progressive my family was. Right. Like my mom is actually insanely progressive to the point where, like in hindsight, it was it was I was like, oh, this I was very lucky with that. And my dad is just one of those guys that like whoever the last guy he talked to.
That's what he believes. Got it. Like I remember when gay when gay marriage like my dad is kind of like just like playfully racist the way a fucking idiot would be. You know what I mean?
Like, and I remember and he's like homophobic. He was homophobic. And then like I remember when gay marriage happened, he was like, all right, we're in the car talking. He was like, all right, they can get married, but do they have to have kids?
And then I was like, hey, dad, what if I'm what do you think a kid is better off in an orphanage or in a loving gay family? And he literally was like, I literally saw him like stroke his chin and think like a cartoon character face. Like I saw the thought bubbles go boop, boop, boop, boop. You see like a baby smiling instead of being sad in an orphanage.
And he was like, oh, yeah, I guess if that's the case, it's like, well, that's what we're fucking talking about. He just never considered that a baby would be better off with gay people than in fucking an orphanage. You just thought, like, well, it's unnatural. Right.
Right. Because now he's on board. Now he's on board by the book. Greek people are by the book.
Yeah. And, you know, look, I'm trying to get a little because, look, I love my sister's in law. We have a couple of different. We have Australian.
She's from Australia, but she's an Italian Australian. And then a white, a white girl from Maryland. Lovely, lovely people. Beautiful.
I love them both. But I would like to sprinkle a little something in the gene pool. Right. Get something going.
The funny thing is about racists. It's like people who do race science and talk about purity. It's like if we really want to be scientific and I don't think we should, I don't think we should ever judge people on, obviously, their genetic traits or whatever. But my grandfather begged to differ.
Yeah, of course. He's got the calipers out. Yeah. You're good before anybody comes in.
He assigned seating depending on skull size. He's like, OK, Chris. Yeah. He has like a shade.
Yeah. These shades are allowed. Yeah. But scientifically, like the more diverse you have in your genes, the better you are.
The healthier. Like the healthier you are, the more athletic. Like all this other. What we really And listen, we're winning competitions.
We have gold medals in various competitions. And honestly, you, the people, are the ones telling us how great it is too. This is not just smoke that we're blowing here. We're telling you because you're telling us this is now your favorite vodka.
So thank you. And if you haven't tried Porosos, get out to the store. If they don't carry it, tell them you want them to carry it. Tell them request it.
When you go to the bar, you say, hey, do you carry Porosos? And if they say no, go, you should. It's pretty freaking awesome. And then walk out.
You know what I do? I go, do you carry Porosos? And they say no, I bring out a bottle and give it to them. I go, now you do.
Now get a bottle of glass of Porosos. That's awesome. That's awesome. But speaking of that, we got Tommy Buns' croissants.
You want us to check out one of those? What's it called again? Chichio Bomba? Chichio Bomba, which is that ancient Italian?
Chichio Bomba, can you see this in here? No, they can't. There we go. Look at that.
Chichio Bomba. Chichio Bomba. So here, I'll let you get the first pick. Oh, wow.
Thank you. Thank you. It is Christmas after all. Look, we got one with spinach, a little health for the health house.
Oh, I'm not eating that. I'm going straight for the chocolate one. Should we split the chocolate one? No, come on, dude.
You want to split one? Yeah, I'll take a bite. Let me do a mukbang. All right, so if you have misophonia.
Ah. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
I do this shit where they tap the shit with their fingernails. Mmm. Are you a good boy? Do you want to see me eat this pan au chocolat?
Oh, yeah. Take a bite of another one. Mmm. Mmm.
This will do it. Look at that. This is, if we're doing anything we can in our power now to get this gone. Ooh, into the mic.
Crunch into the mic. I'm sorry, folks. This is Christmas after all. We have to take a Christmas pickle break.
Hold on. No, that even disgusts me. All right. What flavor is that?
Apple? You want to take a little bite? I might have to take a little bite. Let's, all right, we took our halfway point croissant break.
We'll end the last. All right, I'll take one more bite. And then after that, we'll end the episode with eating more pastries. Yeah.
But now, as promised. Oh, yeah. It's got a little protein in it. I'll tell you what, though.
Go check this place out because Tommy can make a hell of a freaking croissant. This is actually fucking awesome. Actually awesome, right? Yeah, we were talking shit.
But sorry, Tom. Don't Old Boy Chris. Yeah. Don't force Chris to have sex with his daughter in 30 years.
Please don't do that. Yeah. Not now. Not with all I'm going through.
So we did have some fans write in some actual real questions for us. You know what, fuck it. We'll get to that in a little bit. I still want to talk to you.
I still want to talk to you. Maybe to really derail this, we just start talking shit about all their sponsors. You know, I'm down. Yeah.
So what are we checking? Yeah, that's true. What are you getting your kids for Christmas? Dude, so we got, you know, the puppy, I told you.
So we're going to get, we kind of feel like, you know, we're overwhelmed with this puppy. But I actually just was talking to Jazz this morning. I was like, what are we going to get the kids? And we don't have any ideas right now.
No ideas. No ideas. What was your best as a child? You have like one Christmas that you got one gift that just fucking did it right for you?
Dude, I can't. You were an only child. I'm an only child. And I, but I had a bunch of cousins, but I, so on Christmas, it was just like packs of wild children, animals ripping up gifts.
Cause my, my family really did go like above and beyond. Like we would have piles of gifts, like really, truly like almost to the point where like, even as a child, I was like, this isn't what Christmas is about. This is actually not what Jesus wanted. Yeah.
But I don't recall, I don't have like a standout gift. Like, and that's what sometimes me and Jazz talk about. She doesn't either. It's like, we don't even remember this stuff.
So we're trying to do like experiences. You want a memorable Christmas for your kids. Like the best, like the best recent gift that my kids have ever gotten from us. And my oldest daughter actually said this when we, Jazz and I went to Italy, like just her and I, we went on vacation, whatever.
Three days we went. And when we got, came back, we brought home pasta from Sicily. Like real, like, you know, that was made there and we took, and we made it as a family. And my kids still talk about how fun that was to make the pasta and eat it as a family as opposed to coming home with snow globes and, you know, I love Italy shirts.
Yeah. We don't do that. So like, what is the experience we can give our kids for Christmas? So that's why I'm like, let's go to Germany.
And Jazz is like, you're not going to Germany. Human safari. Yes. Like give your kid a fucking, didn't, or you could take them to like a game.
You like shoot, didn't Nate Bargatze have a bit about you can shoot like a cow with a grenade launcher in like a Thailand or some shit? Oh yeah. They would like that. You should take your kid.
Yeah. I feel like everything I know about your oldest daughter is that she is a real, she has like a real alpha about her. A hundred percent. And I feel like she would like to see the life leave an animal's eyes at her hands.
Yeah. A hundred percent. Maybe this would be a good way to check to see if your kid's a sociopath. Yes.
My daughter is, when you start to start, you know, obviously all these serial killer documentaries, like, you know, after you watch six hours of Ted Bundy, you're like, it's kind of like my daughter. And, but you know what? Maybe we'll do for, for them. My kids are right now a lot into Roblox and all that.
So we'll do, I'm sure we'll do something about that. Get her some type of Roblox yearly pass thing. My little daughter, princesses. Everybody's about K-pop and the demon hunters.
Everybody's about K-pop and the demon hunters. Wow. Tell that to your Korean, Korean war veteran grandfather who would lose it. He fucking, yeah, he got stabbed.
I love that. You know what I'll try to do too. Like I'll say like, cause you know, they don't know the difference. My kids, maybe I'll just be like, Oh, you know, daddy, I set something up.
I got you girls a FaceTime with one of the actors from K-pop and the demon hunters. And it's just Ronnie Chang. I just ruined it. Ronnie's going to be too hard to get.
Try Bobby. Yeah. Bobby. Yeah.
All right. So maybe I'll just have Bobby call in and say, Oh yeah, that's Mira from K-pop and the demon hunters. So that, and then my stepson, I think like the greatest gift I can give to my stepson is just would be to leave his mother. And just try to have some way that I just make his family whole again, which is like, can she just get back with my dad?
Right, right, right, right. So that, maybe I'll do that for him. I'll just walk away. Here's what you do.
You get him a private investigator to watch you cheat on his mother. You buy him a, here's $200. Hire your own private investigator and maybe, Hey, if you catch me, you catch me. Dude.
But may the best man win. No, you get a binoculars and a little notepad and a fucking magnifying glass. Find the clues. Yeah.
You should take your kid. I feel like everything I know about your oldest daughter is that she is a real, she has like a real alpha about her. 100%. And I feel like she would like to see the life leave an animal's eyes.
Yes. At her hands. 100%. Maybe this would be a good way to check to see if your kid's a sociopath.
Yes. My daughter is, when you start to start, you know, obviously all these serial killer documentaries, like, you know, after you watch six hours of Ted Bundy, you're like, it's kind of like my daughter. And, but you know what, maybe we'll do for, for them. My kids are right now a lot into Roblox and all that.
So we'll do, I'm sure we'll do something about that. Get her some type of Roblox yearly pass thing. My little daughter, princesses. Everybody's about K-pop and the demon hunters.
Everybody's about K-pop and the demon hunters. Wow. Tell that to your Korean, Korean war veteran grandfather who would lose it. He fucking, yeah, he got stabbed.
I love that dude. What about you? I The pre-signed? Yeah.
Like it was obviously Michael Jordan. It was just like a file they uploaded. And it was like, here you go, the signature. I was like, this isn't the fucking signature of Michael Jordan, you piece of shit.
And it's a shitty basketball. It was like the rubber one. You want the nice one. He signed it with his own pen.
It like ran out of ink at the end. You're like, I know that you did that. He signed it in Greek. He signed it phonetically in Greek.
Michael Jordan. There's no J in Greek. You know what, though? I appreciate that.
You said too that your father never actually made it a point to promise it to you because once you promise, I think about that with my kids, because my dad, when I was like eight years old, promised me that he was going to take us white, take me whitewater rafting one day. You want to go whitewater rafting? And now I'm sitting here at 41 years old. Every, every time he calls me, It gets the time.
It's deep in the subconscious. Put your time on whitewater rafting. And now he's got like, you know, bionic knees. You could possibly get, he would immediately be killed if he got into whitewater rafting.
Have you been whitewater rafting? Never. Wow. Because I'm like, I can't go cause my dad's going to take me.
I don't want to ruin the surprise. My dad's working on it. Yeah. But it's wild how it's like, it's probably just a thought he had in his head because I was just being annoying.
He's like, I'll take you whitewater river rafting or something like that. And then it stuck with me as like, Oh, that's what's going to happen. I can't wait to go whitewater rafting. And then it just never happened.
Absolute 33 years later. Wow. I'm still like, yeah, yeah. I mean, my dad would promise you would be places and not show up quite a bit, but you got, you kind of got used to that.
Yeah. It taught you not to trust authority figures, not to depend on anyone else, you know, you have to do it yourself. My daughter is like, she's in gymnastics class and she doesn't really like going. I just make both of my girls go.
So you got to do something. I understand if maybe you're not gonna be professional athletes, but like I'm your dad. You have to do some type of sport. I can't handle it if you have to do something.
Yeah. So, so she, so they're doing gymnastics and my daughter doesn't want to go. The older one, the little one loves it. And I was like, listen, if you can just go four times in a row, I'll buy you a pair of Ugg slippers that you want.
So she was like, okay. So she went four times in a row and then I don't know what she did. She got in trouble or something like that with her mom, not cleaning her room. And her mom was like, we're not buying her anything.
And I was like, well, I just made a commitment. I said, I got to get her the Ugg slippers. And she was like, well, she didn't clean her room. So she's not getting those damn Ugg slippers.
So then I didn't follow through with it. This was only a couple of weeks ago, but I'm like, now I'm having a debate in my head. It's like, before I go to the airport here in Austin, do I go get my daughter the Ugg slippers and just bring them home? But then I'm going to be in a fight with my wife.
Here's what we do. You buy the Ugg slippers, but you say you are not allowed to have these until you make restitution for not cleaning your room. So she has to like earn them back. Right.
So she earned, she earned them and now they're in the penalty box because she hasn't taken away. Because now, because last week, because she didn't, because it was the four weeks in a row. She didn't get the Ugg slippers on her feet. She protested and did not go to gymnastics.
She held out. She held out and just wouldn't come out of her room. Wow. So I respect her for that.
Yeah, you're toast. You're never going to, she's going to outsmart you. She's probably what, 10? She's smarter than you right now.
Yeah, well, she already did. She already did. She literally, we wanted to get her an Apple watch. So she goes, um, so we get, you know, I was like, oh, just buy her an Apple watch.
And then Jazz was like, no, we have all these old Apple watches from like a couple of years ago that, you know, that you just stopped using or whatever. And I was like, okay. So then my daughter calls me. She's like, Oh, we're going to, we're going to, uh, put this Apple watch on.
And I was like, okay, yeah, do whatever. And you know, I'm such a dumb technology idiot. And then my daughter called me because she has an iPad that she calls me on. So she FaceTimes me upstairs from the second floor of the house, like in the back away from her mom.
She goes, Hey dad, we're going to put this, we're going to put this Apple watch on. But just so you know, your text messages are linked to that. So just be careful. And I was like, wow.
And she was like, be a real shame if I saw something I shouldn't see. Yeah. She was like, so I can either a, I can delete these text messages for you if I get Ugg slippers on my feet. If not, you can find a new place to live.
My toes might be a little too chilly to press the delete button. That's fucking hilarious. So I like that. The negotiating.
I love it, dude. You would be a good dad, dude. I think you should. I think if you ever wanted to, you'd be good if you want to do it.
Yeah. I'm not opposed to it. I'm, I'm getting weirdly to the point where I would have enough money that I could just, you know, Elon Musk style nut in a stranger and just have a kid. Um, but I would like a loving, I would like, I'd love to bring a child into a loving, uh, situation.
I was watching this show, great show called task on HBO max. How great was that? So that girl with the bangs, like that girl, the Amelia, that's the, this girl, as soon as I saw her, what's her name? The actress, uh, go down.
Amelia Jones, Amelia Jones. She's incredible. I did. I was in a movie with her.
Well, I was going to say when I saw her the way that she's dressed, you know, she doesn't look like this in task, but the way, you know, she looks like Philly white trash. You guys heard the way she's dressed in task. I literally, I said to jazz, watch this. That girl would look good with sobby.
And I was like, yeah, this, this, I was like, this is sobby's girl. This is sobby's wife. You want me to marry you? Philly white trash.
Yes. Yes. This is, this is like, I was like, you got to be with her. She's got to be in tires.
That's so funny. She'd be perfect in tires. Do you want to hear some crazy about this girl? She's from fucking England.
What? I swear to God. She plays a Philly girl better than she. I know.
No, it fucked my mind up because I, um, I worked with her this summer and I knew her as like this like bubbly British girl. And then I was stoned as fuck watching the first episode of task. And I see that disgusting Philly accent. Get me a hoagie.
You're like, what is this? Are you garbage? Yeah. I was like, yeah.
Why is she talking like H Foley? Yeah. And that, this, that disgusting voice came out of like a, a very beautiful, talented actor and it fucking fucked my head up. But they make her look fucked up.
They make her look like a Philly, like Philly white trash. I think she looks hot. The way she is like that. I think that's, I don't know.
I just saw that. I was like, this is the type of chick. Stop. You want me to search to save white trash.
That's what I want. You want me to elevate white trash. Here's what I can tell you. That's what I am.
I'm, I'm Greek inner city. I'm city trash. You're at the top of the heap. I absolutely am.
You're at the top of the top of the trash heap. Yes. King of trash mountain. A hundred percent.
So I think you either go with a girl like this or on the flip side, I could see you with like a real small, tight, like Filipino chick. You know, like one of those girls that looks like a, she's just like a kickboxer. Right. You know, like a, like cute and hot.
Yes. I could see that. That face shames me nonstop. Yeah.
But, but watching every time I pick up a piece of pork belly, she fucking slashes me across the back. Yeah. Like that. Her fucking parents just have disdain for me.
Yes. They have a nickname for me that I think means like, you know, honored son. And it actually means disgusting hog. Yeah.
Hog in Filipino. I'll talk about like one of those hardcore Asians, like displaced from a tsunami type girl. I like What you said, one thing that you said in the beginning of the show when you said that your dad, what really he is, is just whoever he talked to last is his opinion, is 1,000% the definition of me. So I've been hanging out with you a lot, so I will hit the group chat and say, here's the five good things about my dad that I'm talking to you.
You're ready to redistribute wealth. You're ready to put caps on. But four days from now, when I've just mostly been with them, I'll text you and just tell you about actually why, you know, you need to get out of New York City because it's gonna burn to the ground. I can't wait.
The thing is, the mayor doesn't really do shit. I wish people, I wish Mom Donnie would just, like, every annoying rich person would fucking leave and I could just afford a fucking brownstone, dude. I'll turn it into fucking, it'll be like Never Neverland. It'll be awesome.
I'll be the one, because I would love to just have a fucking insane house in New York. No one's gonna leave. Everyone talks like shit. They're like, we're gonna go.
It's like, no, you want to live in fucking Florida. You don't want to live in fucking Florida. You want to live here. Fucking Austin sucks dick, dude.
100%. Dead people have fucking ruined it. There was a dude who was sucking dick on the street last night. Well, that was just, it's died off.
He's just blown off some steam before having to come into the podcast. Yeah, Torchy's Tacos. I love visiting here, but man. No, New York is the spot.
New York's the best. And it's, of course, it's expensive to live there. It's fucking awesome. You have to pay a premium to be somewhere cool.