But my roommate drinks into his Coke all night. Well, that's cool. Thursday to... Does he ever give you any of his Coke?
Sure. That's cool. It's cool. But it's just...
This rooming house is better and better all the time. Sometimes there's wars. Yeah. Hence why...
Helly little slots. What's going on here? Sometimes I wake up and there's a thousand dollars under my pillow at this rooming house. Never.
Well, if I play my pelly slots, that's where I'm going. Oh no, suicide? That's just where I... Where the record's suicide is a five figure.
Yes, yes. You're a... Kamara, you're absolutely right. You're absolutely right.
I would have smashed my head on the toilet until I passed out. And just woke up with a really bad bump on my head. Because I was talking to a guy and he said he got this checking account. I am a genius.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am a genius. There you go. Oh wow. That's...
Wow. That is crazy. Went from wanting to smash my head to death on a toilet seat to being a genius in... What was that?
Like three and a half minutes? I'd never seen you in such despair. That was the juviest you've ever been in. In our friendship without a doubt.
That's not true. No, 100%. I just told you my daughter went to Coachella. I thought that was the juvies.
Yeah. Quickly. Yeah, you know what's crazy in ten minutes. You just like...
I did the whole gamut. Listen, just to qualify. Yeah. She went with a bunch of her friends and one of the moms took them.
So it's not like I flew her down to fucking... You know what I'm saying? I'm starting to sound like you flew her down. Whatever.
I think it sounds like an awesome dad thing to do. I agree. That's all I want to say. Thanks, man.
That's all I want to say. Thanks, dude. Mar is a great person. Thanks, dude.
Can I tell you something we were talking about Rothschilds before, Matt. You were telling the story about that rapper who's a conspiracy theorist who's married to a Rothschild? Yeah. Well, someone you know named Candace Owens Electronica is married to a guy called Jonathan, I think Parler, who is like literally one step away from the Rothschilds.
So this fucking bitch who's out there screaming on the hilltops about Israel and this and Matt. He's on French. Or you're defending Israel right now? No, I'm not defending Israel.
I'm just saying she is full of garbage. She fails to mention the fact that her... This African American lady was clearly sparked by Jewish people. Hold on.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. She's one people off of the Rothschilds. They're like, they own Israel. They are Israel.
What's going on? What kind of for each other? Oh, Israel. What do you think?
He's stealing my jokes. No, I'm trying to say this podcast. Tread Reznor's show. I see what he's doing.
Peter Teal is going to show it on my door. Sorry. You see I was gay. Looking up for you and your family.
I didn't say, what's that family you're not allowed to say? The Rothschilds. No, you're allowed to say that. With the P.
Remember got Sam Tripply banned from the fucking internet? I don't have that. They're French. Anyways, the only thing is she's just not very...
She's not out there letting us know her true colors. You know what I'm saying? She's like playing both sides of the fence. She's screaming about how much she hates Israel to make money.
Meanwhile, she's in bed with a guy who literally in bed with Israel. So what's real, Matt? Do you like music? Do you know who Justin Bieber is?
I do like that. My wife said she cried when she saw the Justin Bieber tribute. Is he dead? No, but...
But I could tell that he did this thing last night where he showed all... Like videos of his old songs and stuff. What do you do? Sit down.
He had a table on stage where you'd sit down and the laptop just like a kid at home would scroll through videos and he scrolled through his YouTube baby. Like going back to... Holy shit. Was there any videos of Diddy and...
Well, I was gonna say... No, just his music video. He's had a rough time. Like he got fucking bum-rate by Diddy to become famous.
Like then he got like cerebral palsy or something where half his face froze. He got his back cells palsy. His wife is like uber mean to him. The bald man.
Shashanna Lowenstein there. Whatever the fuck her name is. Hopefully he's got a good relationship with Alec Baldwin. He can give us some...
Well, that's right. She's a bald boy. Why did I think she was a Jew? Bald one's not Jewish.
In any event he was... He stole most waspies name I've ever heard. He scrolled through and... Click on a video, literally play the video on a massive screen, sing along with it, and then move on.
Anyway, she said it was very sad. Like emotional. I would... Do you even like music?
I was thinking what I need from Justin and then I don't need anything in the same breath. Like a serious song. But he has done that. Do you know what I mean?
But just a change in style. I mean, it's just a new song. Like a... You don't listen to Justin Bieber.
No. Harry Styles... What's the name of that song? Exactly.
Like a Harry Styles song with that. But what's the name of that song? Lonely is a song with that. I know all the way from the fucking movie.
The one I love. But considering something times, if he started in 2000, sign of the times, 2006. Like, is it something? Justin Bieber started in 2006.
That sounds about right. The longevity that he's whatever kept it together through, you know, litigation stuff. How much is he? He was found as a killer on YouTube.
That's it. I don't need to do Coachella. Coachella. But I'm...
Oh, so this is a... Just a new Coachella. Just a new Coachella. You want to hear something about wealth?
Yeah. The five FIFA players that own the most expensive cars. Yeah. Number five is two million dollars.
Okay. It's that blonde guy. That doesn't feel like an expensive car. Erling Holland.
Erling Holland. Is that wild? You don't think two million dollars is an expensive car? No, it is.
Okay. I'm waiting. I thought that you were going to start higher. Number four is the guy who played on Brazil there.
Neymar. Yeah. Three million dollars. Yeah.
Number three is Benzema. Five million dollars. Yeah, he plays in the Saudi. He got fucking paid.
Now we take a jump. Ronaldo. Twelve million dollars. That's one car.
How many do you think he has? Just one car. I'm just saying the most expensive car. The number one guy, I don't know who it is because the video wouldn't tell me.
But in the comments they said it was David Beckham. Twenty one million dollars. For one car. That, my friends, is more than a private jet.
For a car. That, my friends. That is fucking mental. Is it though?
These soccer players must make more money than anybody. I think it'd be mental if there was more than football players, more than basketball players. You mean, well, no, hold on. Let's go talk to your guys.
I think so. Well, okay. Here's the thing. Once the Saudis got involved, it was like all that.
They're involved in it. I see Emirates on every. No, no, no, no, no. What I mean is like they paid Ronaldo to go play in the Saudi league and they gave him like a half a billion dollars.
Yeah. I mean, he should have a twenty one million dollar car. No, but they paid they paid guys like Benzema a quarter of a billion dollars. Who do you think it is who has the most expensive car?
Out of the soccer players. Yeah. Who do you think it would be? I don't know.
I think it's Beckham, but I'm going to look it up. I mean, again, Simon, I don't know if you know this, but when Neymar went to play in Paris, they bought him a fucking hotel. What? Yeah.
What? Yeah. Hotel. Even better dude.
To live in? No, he owns a hotel in Paris. They bought him. Even better when then when he went to play in Barcelona.
They dug up his contract and they found it in his contract. They had to get his dad to threesome. Isn't that fucking incredible? So my friends, it is Lionel Messi and his car, which is a 335 S spider, Skaglietti, a 1957 Ferrari at a Paris auction was quoted between 30 and 36 million dollars.
The car they were talking about, the 25 million car, which is a Rolls Royce boat tail is owned by Morro Akardi, who I've never even heard of a Galastre striker. Galatasra. So that's Turkey, right? Yeah, but he used to play for Inter-Holl.
He doesn't feel more like art at that point. Then just, yes, I'm just saying, like, what would you rather have? A fancy car or a private jet? I would take the fucking private jet.
You can't drive your car to Paris from Ottawa, but you can take your private jet. No, no, the private jet. You have to be a billionaire. They are a billionaire.
No, they're multi-billionaire. Yes, I'm not a private jet. Not a private jet. The jet is the big, maybe Beckham, probably Ronaldo, probably.
I think the jet might be over a super yacht as well. I think they don't want a super yacht before. I wouldn't want a yacht is way more expensive to run than a jet. A jet, you need a pilot?
No, I think the yacht. And to gas it out. No, have you watched? Not watch below deck.
You need an outside crew and inside crew. True. For constantly fucking. There's all sorts of drama.
Everything, yeah. The cooks are always insane. But again, I'm going to watch a lot of the cars. In 1957, that car is going to be worth, if the world still exists, $70 million in 20 years.
If I was a professional soccer player, which I'm not far from considering my betting, I would definitely buy a jet over a car. I wouldn't even give a fuck about cars. I don't care about cars. I don't care about cars.
Some of the locals get in. I had a nice Mercedes for 60 grand. A lot of those guys don't make enough money in their career to buy a jet. If you can afford to buy a $12 million car.
The guys you just mentioned are five of the top. Yeah, I'm talking about every soccer. I'm talking about these soccer. Yeah, okay.
We're fine. He just said the guy owns a fucking hotel. He has the tequila. He has the tequila.
No, she killed Brian. No, she killed me. I doubt owns a jet. He'd have to buy a fucking custom jet that has bigger ceilings and toilets that he can take shits in.
He can't just take shits in normal. The only reason I say he probably doesn't own one is because he probably has access to a lot of private jets. I think that taxis are uber. And he's very smart with his money.
I just brought him up as an equal to people. You want to know what's weird about Jack? Yeah. Jack's like a giant, like a legitimate giant.
You see him next to like normal people. He is fucking massive. But he's not like an Andre the giant giant. Like he doesn't have the defects.
He's still an amazing athlete. You know what I mean? I mean, I'm a wimby. Andre the giant.
He's free throw percentage. Just go on. He's never scored a three pointer. I'm just saying he has one.
Andre the giant. I thought this that I gave you a zero. Maybe it's zero. Andre the giant.
Yeah. So they like Andre the giant was a wrestler, but he wasn't really doing all that much because their bodies just can't support it. He drank like a kegabear. You don't you don't think that Shaq could down a fucking day.
I don't know. No, he didn't. But I think if Andre the giant lived like a diet today, he could still be wrong. Wrong.
He had giganticism. But we have science. It doesn't matter. These guys live to like.
You live a wild lifestyle side. He lived a wild lifestyle, but they're genetically behind the eight ball right from the start. Shaq isn't like that. Shaq is a prime athlete.
And I bet you that Shaq probably didn't have to do shit and he would still be a prime athlete. I think you're completely wrong. The clips of Charles Barkley saying some pause worthy stuff where Shaq cannot hold it together is like some of my favorite. Those two are the best together.
Yeah, Charles Barkley will be like when you in the polls and those boys banging it. I just just sit there like dude, dude, when they're running at the tree and he checks Charles into the tree, I fucking died laughing. Come on, Ernie. Come on, Ernie.
Yeah, Charles says the gayest things and totally unintentionally. So how's your week? How's your week? Did you perform?
Yeah. Oh my God. I went to Montreal. I went to Montreal on Tuesday and they've got to do something about those exits on both side.
Yeah, you said to the right, but they'll have one that goes to the left. So you're in the middle and it's going to be GPS on. I do, but I realized I have really bad vision and I kept thinking. Remember last week I thought there was a blurry pen?
Yeah, I thought I had a blurry phone. I was trying to wait. But you're honored to carry or whatever. You just not.
I just don't have the spatial spatial awareness on Montreal. I know exactly what you're talking about. I was driving at night along the highway and I'm constantly using my. Right.
No, well, I'm trying to clean my windows the whole time because I'm like, I can't see a goddamn thing. My windows were crystal clear. Oh, it's my eyes that need to be cleaned. I need fucking windshield wipers things underneath my eyelids.
Oh, that's hilarious. That's funny too. Just a couple of minutes ago. How did the shows go?
But first of all, I went to this restaurant, a Shally BBQ, Swear By It. It's established in 1944. It's still the original wood paneled. And they're doing it the same way as I had it.
I don't know. Eight years ago, it's the last time I had it. It's this thing that is an institution that will owe you the same. I talk with the waitress.
The one you told me it's St. Hubert. It's what it's based on. It's the real deal.
It's the real deal. Oh, come on. Eight years ago, they still have the same staff now. The same gravy stain is still on the laminated menu.
They're not lamated paper every time. But you finish everything and I asked a woman, like, is this place? Is everything going to have this place? Because you think of the Carl Tintaver to get torn down for a building, whatever that means.
I think the family owns a building. It's packed all the time. I know, too nothing. And it's a...
Fuck yeah. Why don't you say something you goddamn bastard? I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to do that.
I'm not really sure. I'm sorry, come on. No, it's fine, anyone. No, no, we didn't win.
Just a leg. Sorry, we need to leave. Sit up five minutes. For a leg.
I don't know. Great dinner and I punched in the bar that the show's at called McGivens. I hop in my car and I got about 50 minutes to get there. Before I don't, I'm almost in Pytonoa.
And there's a McGivens in Doron. In fact, there's three McGivens. Where's Doron? Doron?
I don't know. He was... The GPS was telling me. So you were real close to the place?
For Doron. When you're in combat, do you switch your GPS to have a French accent? I do not. You should.
It really helps with the cultural... I love listening to it. Butchor. Ruth, Saint Laurent.
In any event I double back made it to the show and comedy shows are just like movies. I can't wait for this bit. The show's at 8.30, the show's going to start out at 8.40. Yeah, yeah.
There's previews. They go up and say, 10 more minutes and we'll get the show started. Yeah, yeah. The deadline I had myself and I was way more clear for time than the stress I was under when I was on my way back to Ottawa.
And I had to double back. So I don't know. That's food for the hot. Good shows.
Great. Lots of girls. Lots of girls. And I did a second show in this cool hostel downtown Montreal on Bishop or...?
Do you mean brothel? No, hostel. Hostel. He was a company.
You mean brothel? Well, there are a lot of cool brothels in Montreal. But a really nice hostel with like a bar in the basement with pool tables and all stuff you can do if you're a traveler. The Ottawa hostel is in the old jail.
That's kind of cool. I have a friend who works there. He does the old jail tour every day at 11. I think he's going to be a free.
You know what? I don't want to go. Is that his own? So he just does that one tour?
No, then he does. Okay, gotcha. He can't keep jogging. And then he cleans people's toilets.
He works at a hot... He needs new people from countries every day. That's going to be interesting. I think so.
So it was at this hostel. It's a hit or miss show. This was a miss. Say the shows could have 35 people.
Enough. They were like, what the fuck's going on? Bonsoir, man, Moizel. The first shows were eight.
And then I just drove back. I was home by 11.30. You know what the fuck's in the up? I was like, dude, I was like...
You get two shows and you're home by 11.30? The grind dog. I was thinking about this the other day at trivia. I'm in the third round and this girl walks up and she goes, can you tell me what this word means?
Because like, none of us, like English is not our first language. And I was thinking about it. I was like, dude, you couldn't get me to another country to where I could play the trivia comfortably enough in their language. And then they made it up.
Like to the lightning round. And I was like, what was the word? It was a gestation. God, I don't even know what that is.
When a baby is a... Yeah, how long? Yeah, like it was what? And what mammal has the longest gestation period?
Ooh, that's a good question. Don't say anything because you know. Yeah, he does know. Animal with the longest...
Mammal. Oh, it's got to be the blue whale. No, incorrect. That's what we guessed.
And I think we were talking about... Okay, is it a whale? No. Oh, hold on a sec.
Longest gestation period. Mammal. Yeah. And it's not the blue whale.
I won't reiterate that it is not the blue whale. Give me a hint. No. No, no.
Oh, my God. No. Or maybe, I don't know. It's a land-walking and...
Elephant. Is it an elephant? I did not know. The point is this, though, to reiterate my point is...
Kind of like what Kamara's saying about these three girls watching comedy. It's got to be tough picking up punchlines when you're just trying to stick along with the word. No, you're doing shit about the trade or public service and just a little... No idea what you're talking about and you realize you're doing that.
I mean, I'm surprised when he does comedy in Montreal that he's not forced to do the punchlines in both languages. Well, they have... They have segregated shows. I did say...
You'll segregated. I'm not sure is the correct term. French only shows in English only shows. But you can do French only shows.
He was doing black and white shows? You wouldn't do English at a French show. I would appreciate it. I don't know what you want to call that.
I think you'd get booed off stage. I think so. Unless you do get ironically and spoke French. And then all is forgiven.
But if you're... Dude, I remember when I lived in Montreal, I was playing for jobs and I got a call back from a place and the guy called my house and it was so early in the morning and I answered hello and the guy goes, see Matt's feeling. And I was like, yeah. And there was a long pause and he just hung up.
I guess because I didn't speak French. Like he... Because I answered in English and I responded and he was like, fuck this guy okay. I remember once I was in Montreal and I'm smoking a joint in my dad's car.
I stopped at a stoplight and I turn around the corner and there's a cop behind me with his cherries on. I go, I literally have the joint in my mouth and I go, and I spit it onto the floor and I stepped on it with my foot and I immediately lit like three cigarettes. Three cigarettes. One finger.
So he comes up and he says, paltufoncée. I don't know why. Which for our listeners is do you speak French? I don't know.
I do. And I said no. Oh terrible answer. This guy goes back to his car, comes back, gives me a ticket for $540.
I never asked what it was for. I was just so happy that he wasn't taking me to jail for smoking a joint. The car fucking reek dude. Like this guy 100% knew I was smoking a joint.
He gave me the ticket knowing I know that I wasn't going to argue it. Yeah. Because I'm high as a kinder. He drives away.
I'm sitting there like thanking my life. I looked down at what the ticket is for, stopping over the stop line. 600 bucks. 600 bucks my friend.
And we'd would have like 50. And I have never been happier to pay that $600. No, I would have gone to jail. And it was my dad's car.
He would have had to come and fucking bail his car. Did you know you're going to join this car? No, I'm not. Dude, the whole thing.
The house of car is going to be like that. It was fucking terrible, terrible. But I wonder to this day if I had just spoke to him in French, would he have just sent me on my way? No, it depends how good your French was.
I mean, it's impossible. I figured because I had an Ontario license plate, I was just fair game for him to hit me with whatever ticket he wanted. And plus the fact that my car smelled like an Amsterdam coffee shop. It's almost like a dispenser.
Good starter phrases. So, like I said, I think it's a good start to your smoking three cigarettes. He's like, oh, this guy's my beef. That's why he asked if you spoke French.
I didn't have my young child in the back of the car. So that was a point against me. I think he was approaching like this guy's English. And then he saw three lit cigarettes.
And I was like, maybe this guy's from the back. Actually, I think I got it. Do you speak French? Like, no, he's like, OK, let's try to cover up the weeds.
Well, that was confused because of the three cigarettes. I thought your name was Jean. Jean Pascal. Goate.
That was one of those moments where you watch your entire future. That's the worst rush before your eyes. And then when it's done, you're hit with that rush of adrenaline, of like freedom. That is no drug can compare, you know?
You know, it's funny. I'm just going to be heroin. One of the oddies. When I got pulled over like two weeks ago, I always am like, because I'm always high.
Yeah. There is no four hour period where I'm awake where I wouldn't be considered like, but I'm not a danger to like, I'm fine at driving. You're only a danger to yourself. No, even then I don't think I am.
If I genuinely thought I couldn't drive, I wouldn't get behind the fucking wheel. And we never was Charlie Mary just always drives. So don't worry about that. But either way, the point is, is like, when he pulled me over, I sat there for a second.
I was like, am I high? Did I just get my my high? And I was saying, there was like, well, I'm in Mary's car. So I definitely didn't.
Am I high? You don't even have cigarettes to. Yeah. No, I'm like, oh my God.
Yeah. I'm in a vapor. Yeah. I hope you like blue razz.
Oh my God. I saw this video and it's Star Wars people as the office characters. And it's like, um, you and McGregor, like it's obviously done by some sort of CGI, but it's so fucking perfect. AI.
What did I say CGI? CGI. Whatever. And I can as an adult, whatever that guy's name is, Christians and whatever the fuck his name is.
He's talking about how he takes his pen, pen, Jimin into the bathroom every day. And then, um, who's planning a meme right now? It's a video. It even works.
And then what's his name there? You and McGregor is like, I know that Anakin's high all the time. So I just call him into the office to fuck with him. It's really funny.
AI's taken over. So we're done. I saw the craziest thing. Well, first of all, that, uh, you guys obviously saw that insane acronym, the Mmqw hbikq plus a lgbtq IP.
You didn't see that? This is the one on Twitter. The right has gone too far. I just post that.
We talked about it last week. Yeah. No, no, no, this is a new one. This is this Native American MP.
I don't know. Is she NDP? Yeah, so she is NDP. She came out and she was like, Carney's cutting seven billion in funding to Native American programs.
And then she's like, and that's Canadian. Sorry. And then she's like, and that is affecting. And then she drops Simon.
Like, I'm not kidding. A 22 letter LGBTQ acronym. As if it had been spoken. Oh, as if it was like, it rolled off her tongue.
Like we all knew what the fuck she was talking about. I had to look it up. The first part is like murdered and missing Indigenous women. And girls.
That's a real problem. No, but I'm not. No, no, no, no, women and girls. Hold on.
I'm not saying it's not a problem. How are you lumping that in with gay rights? We should address the problem. But have you ever looked into the numbers of the women who are missing?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, but the deeper numbers because it's like 82% of them were raped, abused or killed by someone they knew. And then 78% of the time was some within their own community. So it's I listened to a podcast. I think I know Canada land or.
Thunder Bay. I gave that's not a good easy list of them. And there are there's a lot like I mean there was one guy who was murdered. He was like a serial killer of the numbers of their own women.
Like it's crazy. I'm not again. And they need more money. We're not.
Well, here's the other thing. She's also wrong. He didn't cut. She said he cut seven billion and I looked into it and he didn't it was programs that are ending.
So like, you know, when a government program like we're into this for 10 years, that's the way it doesn't matter. It's people keep coming up and building this thing out and out and this is how it is now. When people are I don't even think it's like it was six letters ago right now. Again, LGBT was in our country.
It was just gay people trying to get right. They were just want to get married. That was all give blood. It's a thing, but it's not a thing.
Our politics. It's a thing. My dad often does work for the native Canadians. Like they'll hire him to look at a case about like the stress that was put on that certain groups community because of whatever like drinking water.
They move them from their original place too close to like an airport and then stuck them in a swamp or whatever the fuck, you know what I mean? Like that's that shit happens all the time. I don't know why I told you that. Speaking just to prove how much we do for them.
Speaking of planets. The Jews that is. Yeah, yeah, you guys are helping everyone. Did you know sorry I'm sorry just before.
Do you know the story of Grey Owl? Go on. There was this famous Jewish guy who went and lived with the Indians and the native Canadians and there was a lot of like cross pollination, let's call it. And that's why there's a lot of like shared genetics between Israel or not Israelis, but Jews and indigenous people.
Well, that's interesting. You guys really like to lump yourselves in with all the all the stuff interesting. It's interesting. I mean, I would feel bad remember the natives.
A press does oppress. Yes, it's true. Look, just because Israel is doing bad things, it doesn't take away from the fact that Jewish people were killed during Holocaust name a group of people that haven't been killed on mass on earth at any time. Oh, wait, Italians?
Really, you don't think Italians have ever been slaughtered? I mean, maybe by the mob, but that's not really a thing, right? Okay. Go on.
No, I'm just waiting. No, I'm waiting for you to tell me. No, I'm just saying every group of people on earth like you name one country. But you don't think the Romans ever got slaughtered?
Okay, sorry. Modern day. How about that? Oh, so we're only doing.
I mean, if you want to go back in time and talk about like, who do you think fucking built the pyramids? Aliens. That's what you say. Yeah, that's right.
Yeah. So let's pack this up. There were a lot of I'm just saying like the Holocaust wasn't the first time the Jews have been massacred. Like go back in time.
They've been massacred all through history. For no reason. Yeah, a lot of the time for no reason because we did some lending of money because we mother fuckers couldn't do it because your religion was too fucking pious. Fuck you, man.
Your religion said the same thing. No, it didn't. That's why we're the fucking banks. No wrong.
Your religion said you usually amongst Jews is not it's against God. It's our own people. That's what I'm saying. You go on.
Yeah, you do whatever the fuck we want. Yeah, no, that's fine. That's fine. Okay.
Sorry. Come on with him. No, come on. He wants to sell.
He wants to sell fucking moonlight in the box. Well, that sort of fell flat on his face. You better cut that out because that's his fucking future. But did you guys not watch the shuttle reenter?
The historic moment. So my step. You saw it come back. I watch it go up.
I watch it come down. You watch it come down. You don't really see it come down. You don't see it come down.
See the shoots open sort of at that point. Yeah, where's the rocket? I don't know. I don't know what rocket.