Come for the Corny, Stay for the Cancer Rates

When Art Cullen Drops By…Pulitzer Prize–winner Art Cullen joined us to talk about his new book Dear Marty, We Crapped in Our Nest—and, true to form, he made us laugh while reminding us just how screwed up Iowa’s water, soil, and politics really are.Art confessed he never wanted to write a book again after New York publishers dismissed his “Corn Gospel” chapter as too provincial. (“Too provincial? Have they been to Iowa?”) But Steve Semken and Phoebe Wall Howard caught him at a weak moment, flattered his ego, and—bam—book deal.He talked about the Des Moines Register’s decline, his son Tom’s dogged reporting, the Pulitzer-winning editorials, and why local journalism is still the only thing standing between citizens and complete bamboozlement. Also: he’s undergoing prostate cancer treatment and joked about his urologist having “a claw up my ass—give me another Valium, dude.” Classic Art.The book itself? Not just doom and gloom. It’s funny too. As he put it, “It’s the end of the world, but it should be a good time at the end of the world.”The Crowd Warms Up* Folks trickled into the Zoom room like Methodists to a potluck—30 here, 50 there.* Art Cullen got the rock-star welcome: “We’ve got a nice crowd for you today, Art.”* Offenburger showed up, and suddenly the banter about Rob Sand turned into a cornfield roast: Sand is “corny,” but then again, so is Art. Pot, meet kettle.Art’s Reluctant Book Deal* Cullen swore off writing books after New York publishers told him his “Corn Gospel” was too provincial and too much of a “ramble.” (Translation: not enough vampires or billionaires in it.)* He retreated to 800-word columns—short, sharp, and Pulitzer-worthy.* Then Steve Semkin and Phoebe Wall Howard caught him in a weak moment, flattered his ego, and—bam—book deal.* Working title? We Shit in Our Nest. Final title? We Crapped in Our Nest. Apparently “shit” was too spicy for Ruth Harkin and the radio. “Crap” is family-friendly filth.Journalism, Water, and Why We’re All in Trouble* Art laid out how the decline of the Des Moines Register left Iowa without a common set of facts. Once everyone sang from the same hymnal; now it’s more like a karaoke night gone bad.* He described how his son Tom’s dogged reporting on nitrate pollution helped expose dirty water, dark money from Monsanto and Koch Industries, and the counties’ stonewalling. That series of editorials won Art the Pulitzer.* Local journalism matters, he reminded everyone, because someone has to sit through eight-hour meetings about “noxious weeds” just to catch the real bombshells that happen at hour nine.On Health and Hog Shit* Art casually dropped that he’s undergoing treatment for prostate cancer—handled with classic Cullen humor: “The urologist has a claw up my ass. Can’t you give me another Valium, dude?”* He pivoted back to rural Iowa’s water quality, which he says is the worst in the nation—by design. (Apparently Genesis said, “Let there be corn subsidies.”)* Iowa soil has eroded from feet to inches, rivers are toxic, fish species extinct. And yet, tourism ads still beam out: “Come swim in our hog lagoon!”Supporters and Side Characters* Mike Delaney, Chuck Offenburger, Laura Belin, and others chimed in about CAFOs, lawsuits, propaganda, and the lonely but necessary fight for clean water.* One woman noted she now counts hog confinement barns on road trips the way people used to count license plates.* Another asked why Iowa spends money promoting tourism when fishing here is basically Russian roulette with mercury.Wrapping Up with a Laugh* Art insisted the book isn’t all doom and gloom—it’s funny, too. (“End of the world, but a good time at the end of the world.”)* His Ice Cube Press, LLC publisher Steve Semken praised the writing and revealed that even Montana’s Rick Bass was upset he’d never heard of Cullen: “How do I not know about a Pulitzer Prize winner in Iowa?”* The book will be launched at the Okoboji Writers’ Retreat, because of course.* Closing note: If Oprah’s people are listening, call Art.👉 Big Picture:Art Cullen’s Dear Marty, We Crapped in Our Nest is part memoir, part stand-up routine. It’s about dirty water, dirty politics, and the dirty truth that without local journalism, nobody’s left to tell the story. But Art makes sure you’ll laugh, even while holding your nose.Book Review of Dear Marty, We Crapped in Our Nest, by Lyle Muller: To pre-order Art Cullen’s book: Better yet, come to the Okoboji Writers’ and Songwriters’ Retreat where it will be officially launched. Meet Art, and publisher Steve Semken. Who knows? Maybe he’ll publish your books some day! September 28-October 1. Learn moreArt Cullen and several others on this podcast call are members of the Iowa Writers’ Collaborative. Here’ the roundup from Sunday (you can read Offenburger’s piece about gubernatorial candidate Rob Sand, referenced in this podcast: This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit okobojiwriters.substack.com/subscribe