Connection Costs Energy. It’s Still Worth It.

Note: I realized that since I’m making all material available to all subscribers, free and paid, it makes sense to just include the article version in the “show notes.” If you’d rather read than watch a video or listen to audio, the Article Version is below the Resources. This one is a little different. I recorded most of this episode in the car while Janet and I were on our way to The Morning Cup Toastmasters 10th Anniversary Summit. (Janet was driving. I promise.) It had been one of those weeks when everything seemed to happen at once. I’d finished a book draft, written a prequel while the manuscript was with an editor, helped prepare for the Summit, and gotten ready to lead both a session on story structure and an ecumenical worship service. And somewhere in there, Friday arrived without a regular episode ready to go. So, inspired partly by my friend Mark Leslie Lefebvre and his remarkable streak of showing up every Friday with Stark Reflections for (at this writing) close to 500 episodes, I decided to hit Record anyway. The audio isn’t great. There’s road noise I couldn’t completely remove. The episode is short. But it led me into something I’ve thought about for years: being an introvert doesn’t mean I don’t need or enjoy people. In fact, sometimes the things that drain us can also be things that matter deeply to us. The Big Takeaway Introversion and human connection aren’t opposites. I can look forward to spending a weekend with friends, speaking, teaching, laughing, and connecting with people while also knowing that, when it’s over, I’m going to need some serious quiet time. Understanding that about myself helps me make room for both. In This Episode * Why introversion and shyness aren’t the same thing * The two characteristics I find especially useful for understanding introverts and extroverts * Why an introvert can be perfectly comfortable speaking in front of a crowd * Why the hardest part of speaking, for me, often comes before and after the speech * How social interaction can be both enjoyable and draining * Why Janet and I sometimes build an extra quiet day into trips involving lots of people * Why our need for solitude doesn’t eliminate our need for human connection * And why sometimes showing up imperfectly is better than not showing up at all Something to Try Pay attention to what gives you energy and what uses it. If connecting with people matters to you but also drains you, don’t assume there’s something contradictory about that. You may simply need to plan for both connection and recovery. Give yourself permission to enjoy the gathering and the quiet afterward. Quote to Ponder “Even though I might be an introvert, we still need human connection.” Resources Toastmasters International — If you’d like a place to practice speaking and communication in a supportive environment, Toastmasters has been an important part of my own journey. Stark Reflections on Writing and Publishing — Mark Leslie’s podcast, and his commitment to consistently showing up, provided a little of the inspiration for this particular episode. Article Version: Connection Costs Energy. It’s Still Worth It. I’m an introvert. That sometimes surprises people because I’ve spent a good portion of my life speaking in front of groups. I taught communication for years. I speak professionally. I’m a pastor. Put me in front of a room full of people with something to talk about, and I’m perfectly comfortable. Put me in the room before or after the speech, when everybody is milling around and talking? That’s different. We often treat introversion and shyness as though they’re the same thing. They aren’t. Shyness involves fear of judgment. Introversion has more to do with how we form our thoughts and restore our energy. An introvert tends to recover through time alone. An extrovert tends to recover through interaction with other people. Introverts prefer to form their thoughts before they speak. Extroverts tend to form their thoughts by speaking. Neither is better. They’re simply different ways of operating. That helps explain why public speaking itself doesn’t particularly bother me. When I’m giving a speech, I’ve had time to prepare. I know what I want to say. There’s structure. The unscripted interaction around it takes more energy. I enjoy that interaction, I just have to take steps to recover. That’s the interesting tension. As I recorded this, Janet and I were traveling to a weekend conference I had genuinely been looking forward to. I knew I would see friends. I’d meet people. I’d teach a session. I’d lead a worship service. There would be conversations and laughter and all sorts of things I value. I also knew I’d be tired afterward. In fact, when we take trips like this, we sometimes stay an extra night simply so we don’t have to rush from an intensely social experience straight back into everything waiting at home. We make room for quiet. Those two things don’t contradict each other. Human beings need connection. Introverts need it, too. The key is learning what connection costs us and making room to replenish what it uses. Extroverts tend to go to conferences anyway. Introverted friends, I recomment you also go to a conference. Meet the friend for coffee. Join the Zoom call. Have the conversation. Plan for the impact, but go. And if you need to go sit quietly somewhere afterward, do that too. Pay attention to what matters. If you get value from the show, consider supporting us in one of the following ways. You can make a one-time contribution or sign up for regular support through Buy Me a Coffee. You can also subscribe on Substack for free OR upgrade to a paid subscription. Your support helps me continue helping you and others, and thank you in advance! All subscribers now receive the following: * The “Big Takeaway” * A bulleted summary of the episode * Practical tips from the episode * A quote to ponder * Prefer text? We turn each podcast into an article. Plus, Founding Members receive ebook copies of all my books as well as a sponsorship message on the podcast at least once a month. That’s our way for saying “thanks for the support!” Here at King’s Chronicles, we explore books, creativity, storytelling, and the complicated work of being human. If you enjoy thoughtful conversations and encouraging resources for difficult seasons, I’d love for you to subscribe and join the community. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kingschronicles.substack.com/subscribe