Cost of Being ”right” as Caregiver

Contact Helping.Mom (we don’t spam) Intro: Tragic true story of noncommunicative octogenarian man thought for years to be incontinent--who wasnt To be right is to be alone, and sometimes to be very, very wrong.  4 Things we must be right about in CG: Safety & Security of CR Cash Flow (nonpaid bills are lurking snakes)--IU Health as example Medical State as of right now: appts, meds, conditions, supplies, RX, TX, DX,  What is next…what if… But what does it mean “right?” One Beautiful Bill, Grand Scheme, Elegant Solution, Kick closest snake, pragmatism, utilitarianism, ethically right, morally right, legally right, range of options, Look to median & mean, Venn Diagram. Is 80% solution enough. Close enough for govt work? What is the STD, who defines?   Do we find right by Logic, Hunch, Counsel, Advice, Skill, Training, Intuition, Zodiac?  Right for who? CR, CG, Stakeholders, Fam, Med Provider? At West Point--choose the hard right over easy wrong. But most times we are not morally wrong.  In seeking right, there are traps to avoid, per Dr. Caroline Leaf 1-Sometimes our need to be right is fear dressed as logic. Truth is--we dont know. But we are expected to, so we feel pressure to stab at being right. Hwer is where we need to be aware of biases--confirmation, achor, social conformity, halo effect  2-When we prove a point, we build distance not connections. There are only so many times you can be “right” with CR and not lose completely your relationship w her 3-If you always have to win, you’re not communicating, you’re keeping score. Zero Sum Game.   4-Needing to be right makes it real hard to learn what’s actually true.   5-Most pain is caused by people who are right, who know truth, but communicate it as weapon--either as knife or mallet  6-If the conversation is about control, nobody’s listening. Break and regroup later.