Cristiano has a bunch of new Champions League records, the four-red-card ending to the Russian Cup final, and the Indian team threatening to "fast unto death"

U.S. Soccer has a 100 million dollar problitunity, Cristiano Ronaldo proves he doesn't have to be offside to get a hat trick, Sulley Muntari receives further punishment for being the target of racial abuse from random strangers, the Russian Cup final with four red cards in the final 20 seconds, meet the man who is making a fortune selling all those "Wenger Out" signs, and the Indian club planning a… hunger strike. For more on today's stories, subscribe to The Goalmouth newsletter: fifa.wtf/2cS0Z5V