Cult Conspiracy: Human Manipulation or Reptilian Vampires?

We're getting into cults, so you don't have to! The idea of the cult goes back to the earliest times in America... aaaaaaaand we don't seem to have learned anything since then, so... Anyway, what if cults we're used to manipulate populations by government groups, or maybe, just maybe, the reptilians got involved and are messing with us for shits and giggles... either way, we're asking you to believe us without question and give yourself over to the Cosmic Cantina and everything we stand for!