Dancing in Duality

Episode #195: “I just always felt most comfortable in retreat settings, and in monastic settings to some degree… and in strip clubs.” This is Natalie Claire’s story, and though she no longer is employed as a stripper or sex worker, her perspective on her story and her decisions is very thought-provoking.Natalie traces her story back to a very messy parental divorce. To help her cope, she took up yoga and then vipassana, but also experimented with all kinds of drugs. In fact, even as she began sitting long vipassana retreats, her drug and alcohol addiction spiraled out of control. Finally, with professional help, she was able to get it under control, and has not used substances for over a decade now.But she continued her job as a sex worker and stripper, and was comfortable with her decision. She sought out advice from therapists and Dharma teachers about how she could stay in that profession while still being true to her inner values of living with integrity and not taking any action that would cause harm to others. She was intent on applying the Buddha’s teachings of mindfulness in all postures and in all situations to the strip club.So even while stripping, Natalie tried to maintain her observation of her body and mental volitions. Outside of work, Natalie spent her free time on retreats, studying the Pāḷi scriptures or at the local Mahasi monastery in Las Vegas which she visited often. She took a trip to Thailand in 2007, and then Burma in 2019, where she spent time living in nunneries in the Sagaing Hills. She remembers Sagaing as “a Disneyland of monasteries.” She was deeply inspired by the generosity and friendship of the community of nuns she came in contact with.The coup and its aftermath have been devastating for Natalie, especially hearing stories of violence inflicted on the very nuns she spent time with. Still, she comes back to the deeper lessons that remain with her from that trip in the Golden Land, which she is still deeply grateful for today. “What really sits with me is this expression of that life and of that culture of Dharma, of monastic life, just the most loving, tender, gentle, nurturing… that's what's really emerging for right now."