DARVO in Divorce — When the Abuser Becomes the “Victim”

If you’ve ever felt like your abuser managed to twist the truth so completely that you ended up defending yourself against their behavior — this episode is for you.Today, I’m breaking down DARVO — Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender — and how it shows up in divorce and custody cases. DARVO is psychological warfare disguised as concern. It’s the reason you end up explaining, over and over, why following a court order isn’t “withholding,” or why setting a boundary isn’t “abuse.”We’ll walk through:What DARVO actually means — and why it’s so effective in family court.Real examples of how it plays out in co-parenting communication.How to respond when your protective actions are reframed as “control.”Practical steps to document and communicate clearly when this pattern appears.If you’ve been accused of being the problem simply for following the plan, this episode will help you see what’s really happening — and how to get back to solid ground.You can find the documentation course, my “Divorcing a Narcissist 101” course, and more tools to support your case and your nervous system at emotionalabusecoach.com or highconflictdivorcecoaching.com.Support the show*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your RelationshipWebsite: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.comInstagram: @emotionalabusecoachEmail: [email protected]{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner