also going to work girl in fifth grade you got pregnant what the fuck is going on this morning only in our big only nothing was a full name bro shot i see a part of the fire from the other half but what happens to a quarter is for me to be under brothers i feel like it one goes down it really i want to send a mad aman like savor and i think it's really it's going to put me in so much but the funny thing is you're known for your cool hair and yeah everyone likes your hair by the way here you're cool looking at his eighty percent of people that's cool here's a big deal yeah and you have good hair but i didn't have any trouble yes you don't think it will live in with their c and you know more than one of the most of the people certain crazy and then what you start obsessing on it you get more more obsessed easy obsessed about that's a good hair is a great one because the people that have their bums better here the me and i'm like daincely drawing the hair with napkin meanwhile they're like rubbing a rock on it every morning and then it is better you know i think you see bums with the not bombs but i call it but outdoors yeah outdoorsy guy's way finder the freeway and they look cooler i wanted to paint my mom yeah where you go there and you clean them up and get like some kids to clean them up for college credit and then they try to get a job in the necklace or something well i don't know about a bunch of just a necklace just gonna turquoise necklace say hey man it's gonna flip your life or yeah i could see that even when i was on to son is he's definitely turning like a real turquoise junkie my mom loves turquoise i think mom's love turquoise yeah it's pretty funny how they my mom is a squash blossom necklace from gilbert aegas that's like some marisona and they have a lot of indian you know real indians uh yeah that they do uh they make jewelry so this has a lot of silver and turquoise and like a big horseshoe in the middle it's pretty crazy because they were worth a lot she made me hold one once in my car when i was a little dirtball and they're for good luck they're just they're for good looks and you know very decorative indian jewelry and then i left it my 62 Volvo when i ran i guess i left it three days because i couldn't you know when you're oh it's hard to take a necklace with you out of here you don't think it was there you gotta just walk practically and i'm like i can't get back to the next day to get it and i'm working so i finally get there i didn't realize my door i was no locks and stole it and i had to tell my mom she's crushed him and that's easy did you ever go look for a duplicate of it to try and have it i didn't have any money but yeah i mean i see him in those stores i just uh i just waited and then i bought our house later oh they took a long time yeah the old buying the mom house is really the peak of showbiz where you go if i can go long enough and make enough where i can get her a place if you're you know and your mom my mom is the best so and are you paying or now when you do that do you pay your buying the house outright there's no payment on it um and this one i bought it outright um but first i bought it was a car i waited till i could get it outright because i didn't want another payment so i felt like i wasn't ready if i had to do all the payments because that a repo it is embarrassing when i got your mom's back yeah i was a jacket back you should be yeah for showbiz cancel now you're like you're living there now my mom's like someone stole my jaguar i'm like i wouldn't report it yeah that's thing that is not reported you have it parked behind the house yeah i didn't even know because it's repo man comes and yeah you know i mean get nerve but this hair for some reason it started to take overall my thoughts and everything it's like started to so i'm going to get some taken out of the back they have this guy dr kegan and beverly hills and i'm gonna get him taken out and put it in yeah there's a lot of good guys and they've got it down to a frickin science yeah they're like a robot comes in but uh people i know that do it and just because but johnnie farley i will out him because he got about you know a hundred one of the father yeah he's kind of like he's kind of pretty much horseshoe bald you know he got hit hard but he went in there dentists milling just says guys got more plugs in the last two minutes of karsen and uh so yeah he put him in there but they like grow straight in the air and so when i have on the show he just he like spits on it and goes makes it goes straight up he looks like that fucking clown in it and norm out at him the other night instead oh i saw that episode and he's doing that ass car and yeah he goes jot right in the middle of the bed we're doing some phony vietwyr chinese the pa with kurt bush and the norm is hey johnnie your plug's they're really working it tonight and he just stops and goes thanks norm okay good job get back to the bit now his head is spinning going you just tell everyone but look that guy i mean yeah but that guy all he has is like 19 hairs like it's almost like a fantasy lineup that he put into his head it looks like he's got the bare men skeleton crew in there i know i was definitely the night shift i was on s&l and i knew a guy there that got something way back and they were like four manhole covers they put on your head it was like each one had like a hundred hairs so it's like a doll you know but i think like girls at boob jobs guys with her it's just mandatory at this point i mean i'm still shocked girls do lips and no one's even embarrassed anyone is like i'm doing fucking everything to claw and stay in my 20s or 40s or whatever it is yeah i feel like sometimes that all that stuff and the girls get makes them look older you know well some of them make them look a little lumpy like they've been like a not kind of in us like a you know some a lady's face could seem kind of uneven sometimes the older lady sometimes their eyes will start to get float a bit yeah you're like whoa because it's like they sleep on their side and their eyes and in china doesn't settle for noon yeah because on plastic they're not allowed in the ocean there's so much plastic in their face if you want to catch them out of it you gotta hit them between 11 and 1 p.m. and then like it's even up don't the other way now i get it but i don't even really you know we make fun of it on the show anybody but it is we do i would do the same thing was it nerve-racking have a norm and i felt i felt anxious for you like norm and limo because norm is such a what's like throwing dynamite in like a china yard i checked ahead at norm like slano and you know leno is great guy i've done his show million times in the old days and he was a great comic he got on letterman and was doing stonav your member jerry young but he was a guest on letterman who was so funny and very edgy that letterman you know put him on so much and then karsen put him on i think that he was guest-hosting cars oh wow but when he had to be a full host on karsen uh or took over then he got a little bit of flack from comics for being not like sellout you know half a little jealousy but a little like people like he had to tamper down a bit which you have to i mean if he's on a network show yeah so they gave him a gree for that and then the whole konin thing which is hard you know i didn't really take size of that leno's always been nice to me i love konin so i tried to stay out of that one doesn't affect me uh and then leno called me after about you know week on the air to say i watch every show i love the jokes there's more jokes per minute anything on tv the algorithm is great you don't talk about politics you don't get in that tense arguments you don't make people feel cringey watching like it's here for this now they suddenly hate you and i said that's the idea is that i mean ideally that's what we're trying to do it i'm too stupid for politics i don't really want to get into it and when else is everyone's better at it i got Trevor right before me better at it so i just want to fuck around and fun like it's almost a podcast like buddies hanging around and try to cram jokes and make them look fluid and half of our fluid because you don't know what the other guys gonna say is he's role with it yeah and then what we're getting to you is then jay said if you want me to come on i love to and i said of course you know he's a guy that it's just a joke machine that's what we need and then the idea of who do i put him with you almost don't need anyone right that's what i was thinking i was really nice of him also to go and just be and say i was always gonna be the top banana but to be just a you know a banana in the bun and you know also you know in the comedy world like if i see a comic on the road when you're on the road it's usually you talk to the commentary oh i know this guy oh yeah he middled for me here oh i used to open for dentists milling you know we all talk shit just talk communes of so comedy is something where i could even walk up to sign and fell in the old days and if you're a comic and you're on that list and you just tell some of your comic they sort of treat you equally they're pretty cool most comics you're in the club with them and they're nice you know i mean like i try to be at the store there's guys are doing better than me guys are doing worse but you try to treat them the same because you're all in the comedy world and we all know how hard it is we all know this guy could blow up fucking tomorrow and you could work for this guy the next day because that's how it is that's crazy and now and how tough the world is so i think lino is old school saying hey you tell me you want me to sit on that panel with a bunch of comedians also with comedians and bullshit and i think he likes to be a comedian still yeah and uh... we uh... yeah making people part of the group yeah like we have martin short coming up and i'm like maybe put my root off of him because she's funny and we're maybe just have those two yeah because they goof around i might want to do a q&a soon have people asking the crowd oh that'd be great because it's funny no one to be longer i know you know what i think it feels fast which is ultimately a compliment right it's good yeah you could be good to be gone yeah get it done make people want more i think what it is is like if i go on how i'm probably doing 15 minutes out there you know at least sometimes longer like she'll go just do the whole show because i see why now it's it's relaxing for her she just goes oh she'll weekend lights a cigarette i'm like anyway i went to the rogstones concert i just go on non non and she's like okay let's go to commercial that's better for her and i and i understand that and then because sometimes doing the show is a host which i've never hosted i don't want to go interview people really i just want to shoot the shit with comics and laugh so like the hard part is uh they only get a little bit of time you know this is people and you've pre-ego there's always a little ego when you're sitting there sure and she'll see you know handler did it she did it well but i think she made herself sort of traffic cop it's easier i mean to say which i could see doing that you just go you guys are the funny one like just go i'm gonna chirp in when i feel like it yeah basically here's the what do you think of this and then they go and it'll i'm sure turn into some form of that but i like to throw in jokes now so now it's like four people right yeah because you're yeah you're coming to you too it's like yeah it's like your chopped liver and so we don't need that's the old term that's the decision i chopped liver that's a good one to go ahead it's still out there no but i just pictured it sounds the gross people i guess hate it because everybody's like it's always like the last thing it gets a bad rap yeah you know i was good to bad rap um fish when people go this smells fishy because i feel like bad for the fish because he goes yeah i'm fish and they're like oh fishy's by the grossest thing you could smell and they're like i am a fish uh why is that gross i'm just smelling like yeah i'm on they don't get us menus the other fishes they it's cool but the other two humans a sometimes i wonder if it's your male or female here on my plate you know it's it's all you trust my mind oh you ask who the fella i asked the waiter oh and they'll be like let me check they never come back so i'm working there sometimes at that point that's funny they should leave the building because they don't get that a lot i'm sure they're like fuck are you eating fish dick how do you pick this out yeah maybe i was eating fish sticks instead of fish sticks is like yeah i just want to know i want to make sure i'm not eating fish dicks man well fish sticks were good number then oh i mean in the lazy mom fucking dictionary it's so perfect or the kids or you would have to make yourself to give her to make your own your mom made them the greatest thing is you could be a lazy mom and what you're doing is giving your kids a dream like if she goes all right fish sticks and i'm like she did it it's my birthday yeah you know she's like fucking throw that goddamn cookie she put eight of those bitches on there do pizza rolls we had fish sticks the easiest shit and i loved it so much pizza rolls isn't really a dinner i think fish sticks at least you have that element of you know you got a protein on one of your meals definitely fish in one of the food groups yeah fucking 90% breading yeah i like the fish i go to mcdonald's and i go to the drive through and i go what's the for life ish of the day and i go excuse me and i go is it brand zino is it's not swordfish again and they go they just pause and i go quarter pound when she's like okay quarter pound she is they've been know what to say when they think about fish though is some of them have those little bones in it and they never they never act like they do you know talking about like they're something to get apart of the fish like oh there's eight little bones grotesque yeah the hard part of fish is i see them first of all when they ring the fish with the head to the table i'm fucking out yeah i don't want to see them going why me i tell you a friend yeah i don't like that it's sickening i don't like even the eyeball which please call it a delicacy i mean i like when they label it all because you're not tricking me well do you even they give you the head you don't eat the eyeball you just leave it in there i don't know some people like other countries they think different parts are great yeah i mean i'm sure shit we eat is gross but i'm used to it now i don't think i can start with some of the stuff they eat yeah it's too late in the game like i never worst as a kid and i liked it somehow my mom snuck that in there and then i like it with mustard on toast but today i wouldn't start with liver yeah we used to get a cut of spam every now and then a cut of hot spam and that shit was fire boy that guy's a good i don't know what it is dude it's real i mean if you is it food yeah man is it outside the i mean i think it's orbiting yeah it's in the vicin it was good man i know you know i used to get a horny for wisdom devil's food because i heard commercials and it sounded good but i don't even know what it was devil's food yeah have you ever heard of that are you allowed to talk i am okay devil's food gate yeah devil's food gate what is um is devil's food something devil's food is nothing it's nothing i think it's um pie thinking of uh not spam but there's something also like i'll get to it but it's sickening there was talk torp or something other was oh i know but i'm just thinking about the gross food hogs head cheese was popular when i was young he'd go there to go with lunch yeah he'd watch a lot of older people sit out of a bench and eat it that's uh i like the scenario you put it in a setting and it would blow out minds bro i would be uh and they'd shape it into a little hog too back in the day for you they'd shape it to what in like a hog in like a swine like oh gross er i had uh i went my big thing was this is why malnutrition didn't fucking barely alive is that i grew up and didn't have one fucking glass of water for 22 years that wasn't really a desert thing yeah no even the desert only if you're going to the desert you bring a canteen but yeah but i did if you lived that's crazy we weren't big on that and what it was when you know more about food now i woke up in the morning went to school my mom went to work so i would eat cereal which was like yeah uh you know fruity pebbles or something you could not lose you went to grab any of my cereal boxes captain crunch 10 out of 10 wow fucking king vitamin i was an old one apple jacks life did you do that one too little that's the seven out of 10 it wasn't sugary enough right i need count chocula i need the basics oh wow and then i remember sign thought one said cookie christmizzie now it's just a bowl of cookies and we gave up you're giving your kids so i'd go so that's all the sugar right right drink the milk whole thing go to work i'm gonna go to school got their lurley grab some m&m's or a cinnamon roll oh wow sugar sugar sugar sugar lunch cheeseburger fries coke um and then in school i blacked out ones our big thing was about that like i just blacked out at school playing basketball and then i went to doctor and i blacked out again a couple days later and they said you either have leukemia or low blood sugar and uh that's where i'm and i went up with low blood sugar so i thought do i need more sugar yeah i think that would be what you need you had a trick you so i ate more and passed out again and then i started drink dipe pepsy and ico which was oh that's really a little fruity yeah it's a little it's a little iffy yeah i couldn't even see a young man having a can of that let's just say an ico didn't fly but i had to couldn't he said no more sugar like you're a fucking kidding so it must have been nerd alert where kids like jesus do this do not a drill whoo major nerd alert affecting all four counties in arizona all the other schools heard about it so i'm sitting there eating but i still i'm only have 10 cookies today like this is i was cutting back but my body was not getting nutrition when we were eating good food at night i swear to god it was fucking lean cuisine that was our big oh yeah which today would probably make me six it's it's a zip lock of glue yeah with a gloppy fit you know it has salt in it has a good salt in it has a lot of good salts is it good salt is it really the good kind of salt or is it just definitely man my mom had one last night dude i couldn't even talk to her she was wolfing in i want to lean cuisine now she had a tv dinner so every now and then she likes to get a little tv dinner over there where's your mom is she around she was in tuson oh that's right you said so she's out there did i still live in tuson do we had a male man when i lived there he would drive my late off hours bro and fucking furious at his wifey or the young shit about her even though she wasn't in the mail truck and fucking throw the mail out of you yeah or just anybody just throw in the mail out of the yard not even using the box i love anger you know the kids today i guess we do sell mailman i forgot now i feel like it's just somebody that kids everybody reports them always it's like petafiles predators it's like they don't get a good rap out there if you're still like yeah traveling around doing stuff everybody like i saw a guy yesterday and he was just like a like a construction worker and i was like oh man like i might be a sexual predator you know for no reason other than the fact that he has an oddball job or something yeah that he's just gainfully employed yeah and like or what about all his jobs are they get around kids it's like but nans what is your wrestling coach and high you know you just wrestle kids and slap money ass all day you never know that's like volleyball coach you're getting busted yeah away you're being around all those chicks are not chicks younger all those jobs where i mean gymnastics i think they're onto that one but you just i just look back and go how could you not how many pervs yeah i remember like we had pervs we had a couple pervs i was going to half of them into jail i think my friends are you know i want to get more data before i hand them in because it's only on straight i went to his house he's watching the little world series i go i don't like it you know and then i try to get my out of you are you are you you know this one of the kids and he goes no he goes but look at those calves man these are athletes i go they're not really they're 12 yeah you can't see their calves either a lot of them have long painful yeah i know he's just dreaming about it i think yeah i'm when you're just kind of guessing leg muscle but i will tell you i can honestly say little girls little kids are cute just cute yeah and that's extinct you cannot say that you see anybody with their kid and i go oh your daughter's cute they're like huh and then they like shuffle my own like they're like i'm king yeah i'm gonna say handsome you say this very handsome child that's a bad tune oh you say that to a girl yeah i'm like wow it's a handsome you know kid hopefully it's an adult soon it's hard it's hard because you know i said hey listen i'm no child was sure believe me i'm not starting with your kid yeah she's not that great i'll start with that kid i saw the carnival for you next year you go short pants on that's number one i'll start with a nice Latino kid yeah that's like that care your kid is down the wave of wear i'm telling it because yeah i'm not starting with this pasty yeah she's no jambonay no offense i i think i happen with jambonay why do i love anything about jambonay i just it's two well first of all i feel like you and her almost have a there's something about you guys both thank you nice hair talented talented showman showman showman ship working through the test like standing the you know the test of time kind of like continuing to stay relevant that's true jambonay is still more famous in me which sucks uh but i was a little uh my yankie little dandy i was a little bit of that a little look at me kid well were you really tension seeker did you do any uh you didn't do chorus or anything at school did you because that is really i was straight but what happened was no i was i think it's my dad left us when i was four i look back to think is that why i was always like entertaining yes i think it made me see gross i don't know that's a good angle though because i used to get throw fits i had a bad temper and i'd smash trophies in my room this is just no look at this white part not enough white purpose but that's just well what is it smashing your trophies and all the lives i had any trophies i had one trophy i had a participation show dude i got a trophy one time was a plaque and they miss bell half the shit on it from our school when i was like fuck and that was your big break yeah they fucked it up and i also spelled me to a girl in fifth grade who got pregnant what the fuck swear to god this girl named hollina or big hollina i think was her full name bro and dude nobody thought she could speak no one thought she could get knocked off that's a reason so she was a real overcomer dude or just someone who accepted cum you know and she uh sorry about that part my trophy was for the shortest first in school i think no way no i wasn't trophy but i got one for a little league just for being on something but i broke it my mom was like oh the broke arm yeah because i think i was mad my dad left i think i look back why was i so fucking mad all the time you probably have to be if you're a kid that's all yeah you have to be dude it's funny sometimes i think that i interrupted you though you were just talking about that girl i got knocked up oh hollina i don't know what she's doing you guys still stay in touch or no no i lost my convenience and i should have had a skill oh you did yeah i lost i went to state and i thought i was king fucking cock i walked in the state finals like this like some Indian kid i walked up there i got smoked in the first word uh-uh they go apparatus i go easy a a p a p p they go being gone i go no no you can't change it i try to change it in the middle wow and i slept oh you can't change once you put a letter that was it yeah i think so back in my azy strict rules but yeah the rules were a lot stricter than you what do you do those inconvenience that's a toss on convenience yeah i just and i was show boating up there everybody was watching dude finally a couple chicks looked up from whatever they were like you know the love letters they were right into my friend scott not quite as drenched as you thought they'd be because you're almost spelling convenience yeah nobody cared in the big hollina part shook me she comes out and brings her water she got mad at all words i was like you gotta be kidding she should have gotten abortion dude she was built like an adult though like that's one thing you don't seem like when i was younger they had children that were built like fucking adults yeah you know i was kids who wore like we had kids who came to school with just oil stains on them like they were ready like in taps they're ready to throw down ready to go to work as soon as i go right to a garage yeah like undeniable like half the kids would leave school and go to work somewhere even at young ages it seemed like and now these kids you know it's just different there's crying meetups they're crying meetups we should have one of those yeah i mean Sebastian said the other vma's that they had a room if anybody's triggered they had a room backstage for people that triggered yeah oh he must have a field there though they were alarmed i went to bash was doing that i almost wanted to say no i don't know well enough i do like the guy because there's no way to say it but i did teen choice once i hosted and i wrote for dana at the vma's and it's just a tough room i mean they don't give a fuck if you're over 22 i even just presented the MTV words with uh obry plaza and we're she's like what's our bid i'm like obry you're funny and no one gives a fuck that we can give our best shit out there they don't care so they had some guy this guy no uh good looking dude from one of the movies that kills on Netflix or something mhm got trillions of followers i couldn't walk right past him i know well from the bible i know and trebron over the nose i know this no is fucking bigger than both all three he goes out there at every chick is like it was bananas it was beetles he couldn't even do any any did some then he sat on the floor then they thought that was hysterical this guy's out of fucking jokes or anybody couldn't do no and then these girls were just like it was Katrina they were all fucking sliding off their seats and they were like you know teenagers shouldn't say that they were some adults 18 years old yeah they were 18 and they were born 18 and then he finally leaves and they introduce us ladies and gentlemen basically children would you please welcome these two fucking assholes so we walk out they could not give a fuck they were all mad they're facing way he's still in the building why the fuck are you wait we're still applauding we still are screaming over this guy why are you uh uh then we start talking like no and then i'm like hey all very blah and they're like shut the fuck off they hate it and they're blocking me on instagram and i just find you just a block who are you how do you spell it and block well where you know excuse me i know you're i was just talking with david spay but now i gotta 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bachelor coverage on i-g-man's not helping my straight case no well actually the funny thing was i remember when you invited me to watch the bachelor oh yeah oh yeah of what and then yeah no we had a blast definitely you also i had to sit on the sofa you sat behind me in the chair i didn't want anything i was making any moves oh i didn't think that broke except for murder maybe and you're like why do i need to run i'm in a penny wise costume it's like why do i throw so no i was because my fucking back i can sit on the couch well too didn't only have other people sit on in front of you like i should tell people listen here just tell them a little more you probably won't get killed yeah because i didn't know you that good that's right no it was just like all right and i i was i was like one of those creepy kids the movies that walks with my knees go the wrong way and i'm like don't mind me you know what the fuck you know if i see a movie first i never see scary movies if i see like a little girl in a dress who's like ten and she has black hair in her face and she walks with her knees go the wrong way that joins i'm out there's not a fucking chance i'm seeing that movie oh she's from outside of the city limits do we got a question we have a question oh we have a question how does this happen uh they sent them in we let them know they were gonna come in yesterday oh when you head phones for this on it yeah okay go ahead it's complicated show this made is a fan of the bachelor and my question for him is if you could change the format be the new chris harrison mix things up what would you do to change it what was her name do you remember? shelby shelby shelby uh beautiful of age girl too she's a very common question yeah she wasn't fanning out which i sort of wanted uh i wanted her to go oh my god i came to take my questions statement so nervous so nervous to tape this that he might see one so the bachelor i do like what do you like about it just for the stupidity of i don't know you know it's got cute girls and i just fun to make fun of everyone oh yeah that's why i like it too actually and they and every girl knows about it so if you talk about it you have some kind of yeah something common and they're all single girls and 29 of them are losing so you go well you're gonna run into them at pizza oh you know boyfriend so at least it's not like you're creeping on some married show yeah look at all these hot married girls so it's just more for comedy and fodder but i think i don't know what i would change because they obviously have it wired i do like this new situation which you wouldn't know which is a guy named tyler he's like i'm going this guy's too good looking he's on the bachelor he's vying for the one girl hannah i think he's gonna win it all because he's good looking he's a bit of a dud but it's never stopped any guy from getting later so he doesn't get picked he's the third runner up so they go he's gonna be the next bachelor and then in this new crazy world gg hai did says this guy's hai wow it's another dating another dating no and guess what not only dating they're dating every second of every you know couples are like velcro monkey's like shump like just together right away like magnets he went to where grandma's funeral into grandma's funeral whoa whoa whoa and so that's very native american too my thing is first of all these guys that have so much free time so girl like you you fly to new or whatever or whatever it was and you don't need for fucks that do you have one thing to do in the last six weeks you've been with her a haircut a dentist appointment yeah i have shit you just remember something you left somewhere yeah you can go hey i can see this afternoon this morning i got a couple things i gotta work out what no he has 24 hours a fucking day obviously not a job yeah they never have jobs they always quit the job to go on about you know this is stedman this is like a new stedman yeah and look at he's odd though wow now he has very handsome old stedman look at that funeral look at him he could have yeah he almost was the grandma who's allowed to get a good look at he said the grandma was in the coffin and he and he saw the roses when she gives him out because he didn't know anything else he says something else i get one i'm gonna reject it now this is intense there you go dude he is ripped is it do you think men are more handsome since you have gotten older or when you were younger do you i didn't know what good looking guys were growing up like i couldn't tell now when you get all the data of what girls like you can start to say oh this guy's got some i never look from the way i never look waist down though you don't do that i don't i don't yeah i don't need to look at this picture of this man but i will only like my eyes can't even i never knew that part because a girl i went out with said uh about two years ago she goes i saw harry stiles and she goes look at this picture when i go right he's in a suit she's where's his dick i go what he means is look where his dick is you can't even see it second i go why does dick be popping out his pants she's i always look at guys dicks all day in their pants i go fucking really i go no one's mind it's not doing anything in the day like yeah i'm getting screwed on that deal because i don't want to walk on slapping together half a rod just so some chick might look for it you know i've done that before i'll sneak off or go in a busy room and just kind of shake it out a little maybe if there's some shit going on like just like you're mixing a fucking milkshake we don't know i'm walking out of the ammys i'm like oh yeah get a couple ccs of plasma and i'm fucking slamming in the door back oh dude i remember when i was on this cruise ship and i was trying to get an erection this girl was a real fucking land animal you know and i literally was like whacking my wiener against the wall trying to get blood into oh god god i still remember that i'm the worst in india i'm like a one trick pony like let's everyone thinks i'm like whatever i don't know what i think but where would you think yeah you're definitely just castanova before we can have to all want to talk a little bit more what else would you do about the bounce or anything else because i know me you have a stir on that question i could almost see harris in first of all we'll never give the job up he is low-key while he's seeing half of these women oh i mean and they they have nothing to that island but sneaking his room yeah he's on the island too so he's i mean it is boring because you know they pull him out for three minutes a day and he has to wear a suit and all that shit but i wonder if he's allowed to mingle and hang out there must be ruled it's all their numbers i mean he's all their ideas he's DMing up a frenzy i can't even think he's married and then he goes to the bathroom island then he goes there he came on a show and he was cool he's a great guy he was cool you want to show with him he was awesome was it me and calie kuco no what show were you on who was she divorce again or no no they don't live together though now that i like isn't that interesting i think it's a new thing i've been trying to pitch that i think it's true because i mean go ahead i'm sorry we're getting away from her question but i uh calie was on i said my second show you were on really early i was on the second show and it wasn't calie uh-oh she was on i think the next day he was on with jen kirkman and another female comic oh look at fucking fucking greggy google over there's got it bro i have better than adam egan look at calling calls in you see that last night we've actually got some voice questions from adam egan as well we do we have questions from adam for us yeah i got it you do okay so let's get one if we can get one oh shit it's okay it's okay it's sorry we'll get time what's the paper tell budget you get it okay let's take it's bad hey it's uh adam egan from the office um do you know where the paper clips are you know where the paper clips are you really need these like as soon as possible i guess he looks fucked over here um also corn dogs for lunch today so let me know if you want me to say if you won what can i have what you guys are running uh cus i'll see how i said hi uh yeah call me back as soon as you get this i need to know about these paper clips like stat i will tell you adam egan who's still using paper clips there's actually two more uh there's actually two more uh he's quite from him yeah and when did he when he write these you're fucking solid yeah okay he doesn't do the monologue yeah it's adam egan no shit do you know why i changed my w2 um i think i'm doing right i'm not a tax is taken out so i always get 300 uh only back dependence call hey uh it's absolutely hey uh it's adam again spade uh do you have fire extinguisher in your office um he's an arse just uh get back to me on the fucking mess actually he's just like slow pogradariga there's a fire roast bit it out spade uh you know what happened i yesterday he got a box of pens sent to him he's got a hall of his he's got an office let's say this is a big square room right this big huge lot we are doing the show and over on the wall like that's his desk so everyone walks this is a hall of his because he just walks everyone just walks through and does their shit oh right he didn't get like an office office of the door he sits there and everyone just makes fun of him so i he was someone put garbage on his desk like these workers came put on his desk while they were coming and he just sits there the so on one of my stories i put on instagram like adam egan hating his hall of his and so this woman works for a pen company sent him i mean maybe 300 pens oh wow they said hey i saw your office looks needs a little pen action on it so yesterday he was like having a yard sale he laid them all out and we got to come pick a pen he said don't take the violent ones take green he's like no no no green and then everyone's like arguing about which ones they want to be like 300 yeah but they're like you know he felt if he's like nah he's being snug with someone like he's got a free one minute ago like now he loves me and he loves the job though it seems like he's been he loves my yeah he's the guy that does the comedians and we have another department seems like a total shit show but we have a whole department that does anyone's not a comedian so like or get too big like if leno is a comedian but we have talent office deal with him just because you know there's some people that are more kind of jim carrey oh yeah we i think jim carrey's coming on really that's awesome love jim carrey very interesting dude did you remember um did you ever remember seeing him as a comedian um barely just sitting on a special i think ronnie dangerfield's hvio special when he was a young comedian special those were big they would have a big comedian committed host and have five new comedians five or six and i saw kennison on that i saw with kerry was there a thing that happened like whenever you were kind of coming up with the ranks that you you wished you had done it or you had gotten it and you were like oh man this is and you started working out of career wow star search they came to my like in arizona to a mall oh when you were there i was valium all i think your mom take you just go i think i was old enough to drive went out to pvm i literally used to drive without my shirt on i was such a fuck joder started because fred wolf lived in montan with their balls out of an a series of guys walking with a long hair with no shirt on tucked in their back pocket holding a gas can oh i love that that's a whole life out there so i'm i'm i'm i step that i take my shirt off whenever i drove because i'm an American so i go to pvm that's why and i stand on some little i do two minutes to stand up wow they check to see if you have any game no callbacks no nothing and pv was a pal was already maul or something pv uh paired as valium paired as valium at the mall it was at the mall in front of everybody no like tiffany and i think they would check crowd reaction it's kind of a good idea well yes at least you're getting some real feedback right there so when i finally i felt like i think you'll know you you'll agree that people say what's your big break comedy sort of a series of little breaks like um getting on one club when i was starting that was a big break yeah and then getting another club and then getting at the improv when i got in l.a. was huge then i got on this hv young comedian special which i was talking about kind of tennis miller was i was me raphsoniter dreak sailor fred stoller we'd all these guys in there and uh everyone did great and then robin i got s&l off that another big break wow tommy boy another big break so it's just really like treading water your whole fucking career just get you can never let off the gas because go away in two seconds somebody said me that day this uber guy goes you're in showbiz yeah because i love those is what are we having a chris pratt i go chris pratt did three blockbusters in last two years you go oh okay i go i didn't see him i go well this fucking guy's in trouble what i mean i did i didn't i didn't move on netflix got never saw that i guarantee it i didn't father the air in the other one i go well fuck dude i want to be like hey it's good to see i don't know like what people perception is yeah yeah it's definitely changed all you have no idea people to see it takes a year like you're this which is every week like i usually want to tv show so it's every week and so when people don't see me for a year they're like what the fuck what have i take you know a year to get a movie off the ground i write then it takes three months to film it then a year edit and get it out and if you miss that one now there's two and a half years you miss me so that's all that work for one fucking two-hour movie and then you do another one so have you done some pretty stinkers have you done some real shit ones yeah oh movies yeah i think i mean shit oh no i've done some pretty bad ones dude i have the worst superpower i don't know if it's superpower enough but i i know if i walk into a bathroom if somebody's pooped in there recently as it sinks yeah that's not a superpower by the way can you call it too if someone took a dirty shit dude i walked out of a bathroom i think the one thing i hate the most about myself man i just wish i couldn't do that um let me say it bro okay that doesn't okay i will tell you though i hate it i don't know if we need a moment of silence but i don't know what sounds i just i was i'm gonna fucking can feel it i went to this nice place the day for dinner not that nice but it was a regular restaurant okay wow so well i don't people think i'm too high fluid and asshole dude i bet he with you it's only a nice yeah so i go and i go to the bathroom and this is that you would relate to this you can see the camera this is they can't hear it all but i go like this i walk in and uh this dude's walking out and i go oof because he shit so bad oh yeah and he stops and looks at me he goes what do you say and i go fucking rough dude and he goes what the fuck i go and i pushed out of me like i go am i even a fight about a shit that wreaks so bad i have to i thought i had to say something i was walking like oh god damn like because some of the air defender unordinately rank you know and i get that it's not of you know fucking it's a factory but when you go in there and it's wreaks so bad sometimes it wallops you and you have to mention it like you can't even hide it you go oh yeah and then he was offended because it was him oh so he wanted to fight me yeah you want to fight me over your poops well you're also defending the air bro like you're right to defend i just want air i want to be able to live and so i had to leave i can't even pee in this poo it's like oh yeah i hate that i hate i hate knowing that it's i just wish that i could never sometimes i try to hold my breath before i go in and try to just have my breath out the whole time that i'm in there oh when you're pooped on and i think it's a nice restaurant i go up do one time this guy i went in there one time there was like a kind of like a urban gentleman working in there you know like kind of like a mint you know with immense and the you know doing the someone they'll do scarves and everything they got cigarettes everything this guy was buying new suit in there yeah this guy was fresh off the boat you know and um they clean up in there oh dude well here's the thing though this guy was kind of like a big jock kind of dude so i go into the end of the stall right into this little stukey booth you know to rock number two right and this guy goes uh oh uh all right fam i got you right i'm like what what does that mean like i think you're trying to like think like i'm gonna tip him or something you know so then another guy comes in better if you talk to me i think you have a tip that's a thing one so yeah the thing then another guy comes in and tries to get at the door right and this guy like lunges at him yeah stop so bro and he's like hey my man's in there i love it i love him he's in there he took care of it they get into a fucking fight in a shummy match security comes in the whole deal and you weren't even pooping you were pissing like no i was why i can't tell someone's i will sit down and piss sometimes if it's late at night but this was uh i don't know but it was just so like i'm not with this guy you know that's so hot that he went to the mat with you and then you go out there and put a quarter in i'm sure they are you know you get me here's how you get me to tip i walk in they go david's fate i go up you're getting tip because i know you're gonna call tm t and go this motherfucker took the dirtiest poop and he only get into the nickel he doesn't tip the fucking shit jockey who's in there and what time it was bring your kid to work day no i shut up that's not fun so that's where to go this is over you see la it was at mahony's bar somewhere they had over their malaones and the guy's got his son in there and laugh hard enough dressed up like a little seal or something like a little oyster like a you know like a fancy oyster or like uh you know somebody that's going like a you know a wedding or dance or something you know like looking nice oh like a little not like an actual oyster yeah yeah not like a nice that what you say when people dress up or like a penguin or something yeah penguin you're so far off i gotta bang would make some sense like a little tux but dude a snow oyster how good would that fucking taste bro what is that that's what i'm saying what they find those you know how expensive the watching a year those are gonna be something no way shit i'll put all my money in the snow um would you change anything else on the bachelor or no bachelor are you trying to go back to her she got a lot of screen time for that question we haven't even answered all that amigets we don't have paper clips yeah bachelor i love i um it's it's down right now viewership is when does this come on today is September 2006 today's September 12th yeah 2006 yeah so it'll be on 12th two years okay yeah sorry to interrupt this little chit chatter with uh with uh with uh with mr. Joe dirt himself but this can you believe that's really so wild dude i can't believe that happened to him um this episode is brought to you by better help better help will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist i remember i was having a tough day one day and i was driving and i didn't want to be driving i didn't want to be thinking or feeling and i pulled over and i got some dang help and how to do it i did do better help you can start communicating in under 24 hours it's not a crisis line it's not self-help it's professional counseling done securely online better help you can get uh you can do it through text you can do it through call you can do it through FaceTime skype it's committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches and it'll set you up with a counselor that's right for you better help want you to start living a happier life today visit betterhelp.com.com.com.com.com that's b-e-t-t-e-r-h-l-p and join the over 5 000 people taking charge of their mental health that's right our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com.com.com.
Theo 10% off your first month if your brain is not feeling good then this could be a way that you could get some help it's secure you don't have to walk into an office um and it is a unique method to uh to get some mental help that i have used myself it's betterhelp.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com for 10% off your first month. today's episode look everybody needs to learn something learn how to do something learn how to hunt a pig learn how to you know paint learn how to ride a camel or something or learn how to you know uh do uh um vaginal rejuvenation those aren't things you can learn at Skillshare but those are skills Skillshare is different it's an actual online learning community for creators with more than 25 000 classes in design business and more you'll discover so many ways to fuel your curiosity creativity and career take classes in social media marketing photography creative writing even illustration learn to draw something you love somebody in your family draw them give them a portrait give them a something do some art love your friends you want to learn graphic design try graphic design basics core principles for visual design one of their most popular courses join the millions of students already learning on Skillshare today with a special offer just for my listeners get two months of Skillshare for free that's right Skillshare is offering tpw listeners two months of unlimited access to over 25 000 classes for free to sign up go to skillshare.com.com.com again go to skillshare.com.com.com.com to start your two months now that's skillshare.com.com.com. Theo Von and now back to the episode. We don't have a show today on my show we have we have the sklars last night.
Yeah so I don't think we talked enough about norm and j because it was it made me nervous the show is fucking nervous the show is hard because everyone's got a different energy and vibe and I don't sometimes know it one time I know a female comic and you know I'm like going over the side and audio she goes well I mean and I go oh is that your hook like I don't know like some could be very dirty some are timid some are like she's she stayed in her shell this guy over here is like super whatever or he doesn't like you know and then you know I jazzle like I was like he's sort of quiet very funny but he's not with other people and so I want to make sure he gets time to get his joke out and I get stepped on and then you have some fucking guy you don't even know on one show like a roll flabbing too hard and running over everyone's stuff you know I learn every show what I like and I'm like I don't like to pull teeth because there's two me dead spots you know I like people to sort of self-start last night the sklars perfect Leno perfect I show a picture of the Kylie Jenner and he's like you know I read you hear about this yesterday they say Kim and that kind of you're gonna get divorced I don't think he's gonna leave her behind yeah and it was funny but I was sitting there freaking out going everyone give him a second on this because he's old school and he took his time with it he was right he's seeing this pause and he's still mike it of words and just think someone's gonna jump in on that pause and then do their line or comment and I'm like just leave on and I've got crazy normal there so norm is always very funny and you just don't know what you're getting and that's part of the fun yeah yeah I've watching that when it seemed like yeah you're just like he's such like uh like you literally have no clue what's about to climb out of his mouth and I don't listen he can offend me it's sort of the funny part about it that he goes after me a little bit I don't want him to offend the other guests or I don't if they don't know what they're getting either and J is you know he was very nice to J he said nice things uh but it's hard and then I had to do the bit with NASCAR yeah kurt boy and it's hard to do bits in front of comedians because NASCAR came all the way there to be a part of it they like the show we're getting more and more people like call it one of the show and that's nice that means the show's doing all right and I'm an asker guy I'm a little bit of a derp also I had met this guy kurt and he was game but every joke we had they killed right before the show so NASCAR you know they have their brand and this not and I didn't know it so then I was like fucking going to because now I go what am I saying because I think one we had the car up close I go oh just make a wish car why is it so close and he goes yeah it says it has cancer but I think it's lying you know and then that's gone so when I get to the show about to tape it I go oh that's gone what's there we put some else they approve I don't even really know what bit I'm doing now and that never happens and then uh we said oh Johnny the PA I have a question for gird it's John Harley and he goes I go all right one question he goes do you have any Adderall and I go you're not asking him that he goes it's not even for me I go he's not no and then Kurt goes talking after the show and I go oh so they kill all that these aren't the best jokes in the world it's just don't take away Joe you know what I mean right yeah it's like why not shoot more and then cut it down they just we should have sent him ahead and then they can talk and you know there's always gonna be a barter with someone it was a lot packed in one episode but most people like we had rascal flats on last night and a band Mumford and sons and they're very game they come on they go I know what space about I'm not there to make them look bad you're not gonna get people if you do that so if they want to roll with some jokes yeah I make fun of myself outside so do you like are you enjoying doing the show are you finding that you're enjoying it more than you thought yeah I like it when I like now it seems like it's definitely coming it's hard it's very hard but and I have cards and cards like rolled this pre-taped and we have someone talking a voice over and make sure they get to say this if they want to say something but to wrangle it all it's it gets easier every show it's but it is hard it is a job we wake up 7 a.m. and I have to think all day movies are really hard but it's more just leg work being on a set every day laying around all day memorizing lines it's memorizing and staying awake and then the movies are fun but they beat the shut out of you this one at least I go home and I can have dinner right I can't movies I'm on the set all day what happened at the mall with the star search you got her you didn't get it now I got I got a shine on that and then when I started to do okay you didn't get it didn't get it I finally got the LA couldn't you know how they let you know in the mail they didn't say jack shit oh I asked Ted Sarando's once from Netflix you know this guy he's one of the bosses there he's from Arizona very cool guy for that job he's always so cool and collected I can't believe it one time somebody a big name guy I was shit that guy pitched to a show and he goes yeah and he's a friend of his and he goes but it didn't work out we passed and I go why'd you tell him and he goes nothing and I think he said you know if you go to the store to buy a suit and you don't want it you don't go back and tell him you don't want it right they figured out dang I go whoa and I think he said that I'm trying to I thought it was cool I go fuck man because you know they're in your share of in town yeah I wonder if you got a question or you're from wall to them and it sometimes you just don't know oh wait let me I think if I turn it up loud enough you won't have to hold up your your do it all right I'll do it yeah it's up to you what's up David my question is what was your worst date that you ever had and what is the best way to get out of the bad date without being a jerk gang gang gang brother give you a gang gang at the end and he's from Poland he didn't call him for Poland he lives in Poland no he lives in Poland he's up and he hears this yeah this dumb fucking joke okay thank you brother I'm not a safe thank you in Poland but thank you very much oh two things okay one was bad day so many you've been on some some fucking reakers bro oh yeah I'm the bad part of it oh yeah I'm still dead so now you have to take yourself out of the equation have you ever has it just been so bad where you'll tell a girl straight up this is bad I'm I all I you know listen if it's bad I can tell they don't like me or it's not clicking you know at this point in life you realize everyone's trying everyone's means well you just I would try to start with lunch or something then you can just tap out after and be polite never be rude and then when it goes a separate raise it just doesn't you know it's too mean I've had it done to me so many times if some girl would actually like me which is weird because when you're in a position of getting like you know you get DMs and shipping girls and to tell someone you don't like them or don't I was very weird yeah very weird position I was never in it so I would always always the other way girls would tell you just to give you the vibe or they wouldn't call like the sarantos thing one girl about ten years ago said with a rainbow room just cool little joint and she goes so she's an actress right so about halfway through it's that noise is that you mm-hmm it's me that elevator to me oh what do you have in half of a part of a Twix now oh nice not Twix people like when you chew and talk my mommy's deep pay days because they were like kind of like the healthy candy bar that goes up you know I get it and she wouldn't let us watch her eat him she would eat him by herself in a room that's weirder um I used to put pay days in the toilet and then say I was sick and they couldn't go so uh they break apart so uh I go to this I go to the rainbow room and this girl's like yeah and then her phone's like mm-hmm and she goes yeah shit it's work I go oh she goes I have to go to the valley there's a fallout in an anal scene no way I go oh you're a adult porn actress she goes yeah I go yeah she goes I should probably go gotta pick that up you know I go hey works work you know and she's like but I'll probably done my minute if you know let's put a pin in that we'll uh pick this up later why don't you just do tonight do your thing and I'm like oh there's twice I've been running to porn people yeah I ran into a hooker once I was a hooker and I ran into two girls I did porn I know but porn's way common out here porn's pretty common a lot of girls out here is more you get in and see a lot of women that are more of the uh sugar daddy style like it's like dating you know it's a boring day to do for a couple hundred bucks I go on a date with you and see what happens a bit of a hybrid hooker yeah my friend does what's your price you know that is the great sales pitches it goes what's your price you ever seen a girl so pretty the coffee shop you wish you'd go one day with her you went over well you can so he goes on a site and all these pretty girls and you go hey how much is it cost to take you dinner and they're like 300 bucks he does it all the time I see the girls they mean for dinner 300 bucks and then they leave three pence and they go no love connection it's like a business or they say for another 500 I'm gonna drive in the car you know sometimes you take some home but yeah I'm not some friend yeah it's just like girls want to make some money they go I'll go yeah and some guys want to just pop up and go to fucking catch and be like you look who I got take a hottie out there yeah little arm candy old school yeah dude you took me to catch that one time yeah I don't care you're mad we're like arm candy yeah we did have fun man you were my arm candy right that place uh I mean I remember watching you were really even walking out and ever you would see like like I had like a couple people that were like oh hey that's the obon you know like a couple of like comedy fans but you it's definitely a different thing it feels like a little bit it almost feels spooky I feel like being at your level of popularity you know that's nice I mean I think by this point you'll learn that you can get a big head about it but there's always so many people doing better than you right so many times he did things didn't work that you wanted that I think right now most people know me without even sounding cocky just after all this time they've seen even something but they don't always like you some people get pictures of it and they rise even think I'm fucking asshole yeah but yeah that's the difference about popularity from like podcasts and stuff is people are a little bit more engaged with who you are as a person I feel like yeah you know and so it's like well you're very real you've got a different thing which is I think you're interesting because you have your comedies like that you think there'd be more like this there's not just like guys here's me and you have an interesting life some people could do this and it wouldn't be funny here you have a good spin on it you're funny down deep and then you have an interesting past and present it works it's good that's true I think that's the whole thing why it works and I one guy tried to trip me up in an interview and then I probably have to book it to book it fucking breia one guy said when you think you're the most famous it's a weird question and what he meant the real answer was now because of cumulative from everything I've done and there's more people now we know me now of course shows are in reruns this you know right rules of engagement just shoot me s and l and then all the movies on tbs everyday at 3 p.m. oh yeah something's on with me so there's that but he meant I think I did the in the old days cover Rolling Stone cover Vinterpin weekly cover tv guy that's what he was getting at but that was a while ago so it was more so it was a little question that you weren't still as famous I guess I mean you could ask anyone that and there's times when you could point to where you know it's really like up and down your career you know if something come out for two years then you do then it doesn't really work and then two years there's something big so it's never gonna be like straight level line some years or better overall it did make it did make me think I'm like wow that is a weird question I don't know but as long as you I think the hard thing is still doing shit and making a living year after year is hard so if you can do that it's already praised anyone other so my friends are still just road comics but they're doing it yeah it's hard and they bring in a crowd and they get their bills paid and I can talk hard man do it good job one last question we have the new SNL cast number we just wanted to you want to ask that name yeah well just more of a topic for you guys which you won SNL yesterday announced three new SNL cast numbers oh yeah kloi Finiman bo and yeah because the first east Asian descent at first people were saying first Asian but Rob Schneider's Filipino so people got a little specific thank you Rob I love him singing with the Filipino I'm West USA I'm really breaking it down and Shane Gillis and hours after he was announced a Twitter mob somebody dug into him they tried to ruin his life and a resurfaced video from his podcast came up where he used the word chink he was like kind of playing like a character they were talking about how to say that I looked at that little clip I thought they were saying like Japanese people feel like they're number one and Koreans feel not as good as that when you're talking about yeah it is I have the clip right here but it's definitely I don't know it's gonna be tough for him because that playing against they just hired an Asian guy they did that was the first Asian they hired yeah so it's one of the three guys they hired so one's getting all this praise but when you know I see and then the other guy they dig up something where he's just something seemingly against that like I don't even know if he'll survive it's you know what I mean I don't know he put it on apology he said I'm a comedian who pushes boundaries I sometimes miss if you go through my 10 years of comedy most of it bad you're going to find a lot of bad misses I am happy to apologize to anyone who's actually offended by anything I've said my attention is never to hurt anyone but I'm trying to be the best meeting I could be and sometimes that requires risks yeah and how do we expect people to evolve if they don't have a past if they don't have any timeline you know it's like I feel like the online mob has just become it's just a mob that's what it is it has no understanding it has no care or concern for well it's very it's it's hard to just remove people from their job in life and some people get angry about different things and just want someone's life done and they don't see the after effects like that is now people go kill themselves if you take everything away from someone yeah now I don't even know about this case in particular I don't know enough about it but in general as a comedian you know used to try to be edgy that was the whole thing five years ago that's what you want to do but no one else is doing you don't want to steal material like what's your take on this you're taking this and you pushed it oh that bit's fucking crazy you did and now if someone could go look those up and say you went too far it offended me and now you're out yeah and that's a tough weird time to be a comedian it's hard it's hard every day my show I go I wouldn't say something because I'm just trying to get a fucking laugh in that one second moment right really I don't believe in everything I say I just say it to get left you want to shock people you want to say crazy the monologue a lot of the stuff I'm like oh this is great you know I mean some people like comedy I like it and everyone the writers I'm like do it do it but I have to think about myself and go I don't want something to happen over but how do you get a new show off and go how do you be different you don't reviews ago it's the same fucking shit because there's probably seven jokes we're still allowed to use everyone's like I'm okay with that one right you can do it yeah it's like reviewers what it nowadays it's almost like it's just different viewers don't like you or when they hate you just by being a human living human yeah they hate you anyway so it's like almost it's hard to get ahead and you know reviewers gonna need a bag of ass bro I think or an ass bag or whatever now it's just 30 you know million reviewers on Twitter and Instagram you hear about like my last show I did on old sitcoms there weren't people on Twitter and Instagram so now everyone's like here's what I think I'm like okay so I listen to it I mean some of your in some hurt my feelings yeah but I think that the noise has been so it's just so it's happened so much now that it's just almost become a deaf it's hard yeah I mean there's comics like Chappelle's special Bill Bird's press something while they uh they get away with it that's great I think people can again you just have to be I think you have to be smart it's hard I hope it just sort of blows over because I don't want to see the end of people don't come I know yeah what'll happen man I want to go to the mall in audition fucking star search by the way to wrap up that story about a couple years later I got the young comedian special and I think the next day they said oh you got star search too and I had to turn down star search and I was like oh fuck I was waiting all this time for that they said he can't do both I go so missed it'll let it go and that was something you thought it was gonna be a break yep do people ever think you're Brad Pitt everybody ever caught you thought you're Brad Pitt a kid did the other day he literally is like about 80 goes when you win world war z I go no but I want to kiss you yeah you took off your glasses and your glasses went up bad I could go I was like oh you're right oh he's like oh you can't be an art yeah but I the worst is if Brad Pitt ever gets it he wants to be like no I'm not that bad Brad Pitt's one of the few guys I've run into out there that's a big star he's a fucking cool dude yeah yeah I love him cool cat I mean I don't seem a lot but yeah for that fame to be cool shocking yeah how would you do it David Spay thanks so much for coming in man all right thanks I guess we just wrap it up and say thanks for having me and you got a good fan base out there I'm glad to talk to him yeah no man I appreciate you coming in I hope you across it tonight at Braille we're also gonna be in the next couple of oh I got a mirage October 4th and 5th that weekend at the Vegas oh nice yeah I do that I'm doing a couple weekends before I have that room yeah and I found you did it yeah great dude that room is the best place is fun yeah me and Ray Romano it's great oh wow we've done it we did last year it's super fun oh yeah you told me about that or I think you told me about that so you guys are both gonna be on stage just half and half kind of yeah yeah and I got used to improv coming up and I haven't looked at many gigs just because the show's so fucking on a while yeah but I'll be out there shaking my crummy out I love it same busy thank brother all right see you guys yeah I'm just going to be and I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be peace of my love but it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking brake and let myself on while Shout out ladies and gentlemen I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events stand up stories and seven ways to pleasure your partner the answer may shock you sometimes I'll interview my friends sometimes I won't and as always I'll be joined by the voices in my head you have three new voice messages a lot of people are talking about kite club I've been talking about kite club for so long longer than anybody else so great hey so yeah he's a deal anyone who doesn't listen to kite club he's a dodgy bloody wanker germane I think Tom Hanks just but I don't mean anyway first one of the kite club is tell everyone about kite club second rule of the kite club is tell everyone about kite club the rule like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on youtube yeah and yes don't worry my Brad Pitt impression will get better