Day 23: Emotional Agility

In her book, Emotional Agility, psychologist Susan David tells the story of a British battleship that was on manoeuvres in heavy weather. While navigating through the fog, the lookout in the crow’s nest reported a light directly ahead. The ship's captain ordered the signalman to send a message:“We are on a collision course. Advise you change course 20 degrees east.”A signal came back:“Advisable you change course 20 degrees west.”Annoyed, the captain instructs the lookout to send a stronger message:“I’m captain of HMS Defiant, a Royal Navy battleship, change course immediately”The response:“I’m a seaman second class. Change course 20 degrees west.”Now furious, the captain insisted:“We are a battleship! I order you to change course!”The reply was calm and final:“We are a lighthouse, Sir.”Emotional agility, as defined by Susan David, is "about loosening up, calming down, and living with more intention. It’s about choosing how you’ll respond to your emotional warning system." It represents a sophisticated approach to dealing with our thoughts, emotions, and stories that differ from reality. Emotional agility encourages a mindful, values-driven response to life's challenges.At its core, emotional agility is about separating ourselves from, yet acknowledging our emotions without being dominated by them. It's recognising that all emotions—even difficult ones like anger, fear, or disappointment—contain valuable information and energy that can be harnessed constructively rather than avoided or suppressed.The Four Key Components of Emotional AgilitySusan David's research identifies four essential components of emotional agility:* Showing Up: Face your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours willingly, with curiosity and kindness rather than judgment. Instead of avoiding difficult feelings, emotionally agile people acknowledge them as data, not directives or confirmations of truth.* Stepping Out: Detach from and observe your thoughts and emotions to gain perspective. David refers to this as "the space between stimulus and response", where we can choose how to proceed rather than being driven by knee-jerk reactions.* Walking Your Why: This means connecting with your core values—what matters most to you—and using them as a compass for decision-making. Emotionally agile people align their actions with their values rather than with transient emotional states. Remember Session 8 in the series?* Moving On: The final component involves making small, deliberate tweaks to your mindset, motivations, and habits in alignment with your values. This isn't about dramatic change, but rather about achieving sustainable progress through consistent, incremental adjustments.Many business and management writers and experts suggest that emotional agility, or emotional intelligence, is about strategy. This flawed thinking assumes that every action is designed and preconceived with the strategic goal of manipulation. It represents what Erving Goffman referred to as surface-level acting. It’s where business leaders put on a show to attempt to convince everyone that they are something other than what they really are.This is not what we are talking about here.Mental Skills Basics CourseSuffering stress and anxiety is not a prerequisite for success in self-employment–there's a better way. Mental skills provide you with the means of coping effectively with difficulty and achieving your goals. I created the Mental Skills Basics Course to introduce business leaders, self-employed individuals, freelancers, consultants, and small business owners to the psychological and emotional skills associated with success. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit peak.humanperformance.ie