Dear God

Dear god,I am sorry for staying away so long.For thinking I had the answers and I didn’t need you.What kind of arrogance is this?To believe that this small human mind could see the best possible outcome,When it cannot see the perfection of the twists and turns?To walk between the chasms of victim and know it all, is the path to you.The middle way.The way that says: I am struggling. I am struggling to remember who I am. Can you help me?After all, the past three years I have lost my selves a million times.I have let myself go, over and over.I have tried on every nook and cranny of myself, and left most of it behind.Making me feel lost.And, at the same time, found.Lost and Found in the vastness of my existence.I have wondered and wandered and find myself coming back to you on my knees.This time knowing this was always a journey right back to where I am.But now that I’ve take it all off.Now that there is less between me and you, I can see that there is nothing else to do but listen.To be exactly who I am, in this moment.And then be exactly who I am in the next moment.I am willing to be led.I am willing to be guided.I am willing to lay my masks and costumes down and say:“What will you have me do?”“Where will you have me go?”Because I could never know the answers to these questions.Only you do. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit clarabelize.substack.com/subscribe