Delay is Not Denial, Surrender is Not Defeat

Hope, The 4-letter word that leaves hearts torn and joy alive.Hope is bittersweet in taste. Often something we’re chewing on while we sit on the intersection of Past Avenue and Present Lane, sometimes in our hometown, waiting on our ride to The Future.We may not always be joined by youngins like Bright Eyes and Smiles, nor old-timers like Anger and Sadness, but that ride never leaves us quite the same.When I first recorded this podcast episode, it was about 10 minutes and I couldn’t tell you what I said even if I wanted to. I just knew it wasn’t quite right.When I recorded it the second time with the sunshine finally dancing in the sky over the Carolinas and I paced around my mom’s garden, I felt my roots grow deeper.It’s like something clicked in my soul and the light bulb came on.This is my full circle moment. Just like I talked about in my piece on February 6th, “Lessons from the Grammys: The Delay is Not the Denial — History Begins Off-Stage When the Cameras Are Off and the Silence is Loud” when referring to Beyoncé and Taylor Swift at the same awards show, and was baffled when I saw Kanye West on the red carpet and wife, Bianca Censori. Not again, Ye!16 years later after that incident, it was evident that God had prepared the table for not just that win, but several. So why does it feel so hard to surrender to the delay?I have several theories. The first is from personal experience because I used to beat myself up for every little delay. As if I controlled all of time and space so I was the sole cause of what was happening. I’m not saying you can’t make your life as magnificent and beautiful as you want to. Please do!I’m saying it’s unhealthy to want to control every little detail down to the timing of it all. I’m telling you that as a Type A planner type of girl too.“I’ll be married by this age, with kids, and a nice house.”“I’ll have this kind of career, work there for this long, retire by this age, and live happily ever after for this many years.”The second? Nowadays, we’re really bad at waiting well.Like, I’m one of the most patient, optimistic people you’ll probably ever meet when talking to everyone else about their dreams and hopes, but how I used to treat myself? Dragging myself through the mud and down into the trenches of “well, if it hasn’t happened by now, it’ll never happen.”It’s like we make a prayer or wish on the star and expect it to appear in thin air at the exact moment with a “ta-da” or a beep and tune like instant ramen being done in the microwave.Some things take the oven. Some things take the slow cooker. Some in the air fryer. Some meals really need to be on that grill in the summertime and breakfast has got to be on the griddle when at all possible. Much like the analogies I typically make with flowers in the garden, every meal needs different ingredients meaning it’s going to take different prep and cook times. Now why would I wait for a meal at a restaurant but not my blessing? Surrender means letting go.Surrendering to the wait. Surrendering to the delay. Surrendering to the unknown and uncertainty of what’s to come: good, bad, or ugly. It also means giving ourselves a whole lot more grace than some of us are probably used to. I know, I felt it too.And still, surrendering is beautiful. It is liberating. It is divine. While it’s not my phrase of the year, it could be my word, right? In fact, I’m going to challenge myself right here and now. While 2024 was truly The Year of Audacity in the Name of Good for me, why not make 2025 about The Year of Surrendering to Divine Joy?It’s not about numbers, accolades, or everything society tries to tell us we should want. It’s about finding as many moments as you can to be childlike in your joy, to wish on a star, to breathe in fresh air, to live out loud. Who’s with me? I’m 100% sure you’re worth the time, energy, and effort. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit cydneyrai.substack.com/subscribe