Desperate for things to change: listener question

I feel like I've asked this question in many forms, but here I am again.  I've just watched your latest video in the "Energy" course.  I was shouting out to it, "but I do move into the space of discomfort, in fact it feels like there's no choice about it!"  The retraumatization that you talk about is seen so clearly and of course it's depleting my energy.  Over the past few years I've decided that it's not worth my short or long term health anymore. I've been applying to  any job where I feel like I can at least cover my bills.  No interviews have been offered. I have lots of stories about that too as I've done all the research and any housework that seems necessary.  I also shouted at the podcast about you saying that if the listener wanted another job they would have one. I seem to shout at you a lot even though I love you like crazy!  I ask the big questions and stay in my body as much as possible.  I don't have the capacity to do this all the time therefore, I"m not in that place where you've been, where you didn't care about what came up for you in the talk you gave.  I've listened to another of your podcasts about it being more difficult for people who've been harshly conditioned or traumatized.  This is the situation here. I therefore, have thoughts about how it's always going to be like this and the trap gets tighter and tighter. I'm not exactly sure what my question is now, except that I'm very envious of the people who see thru it all and then suddenly it's magical or at least it seems like things fall away and there's a larger capacity.  Can the forcing of the facing of things be too much for the system especially when the programming is strong?  I did this job for 2 decades without a problem and now the brain rewiring is also a story I tell myself about.  This is quite a long winded question, but if you can make heads or tails of it, it would be much appreciated.Thank-you Clare.  I have so much love for you.  Most of the time I'm not shouting at your videos and podcasts, instead they resonate deeply, and yet nothing shifts so there's huge frustration.  There's the feeling of haven't I suffered enough already!  Ughhhh