Desperate to understand: listener question

I really want to have insight in reality. I’m all in, but it feels like I’m doing something wrong. Instead of sleeping, I lie awake at night - pondering on what is true; instead of playing with my kid, i’m asking what’s at stake; instead of working I’m trying to feel what I’m feeling. It’s a total mess and I’m afraid that if I continu like this, I end up in a straight jacket and getting a lobotomy ;-) So for one more time: can you please elaborate on what you mean with the question: what is truth? I think that you mean that all the thinking and ‘selfing’ exists only in my head and therefore it isn’t truth. But for me, the thoughts and feelings look very real. Knowing on some philosophical level that thought isn’t real, isn’t enough for me. I really want to know.