Devora Segall on Why Moms Yell, and How to Stop the Cycle Before It Starts

What happens when a therapist who spent 10 years working with parents at the breaking point traces it all the way back to standing in her own kitchen crying before work because she couldn't get her four-year-old dressed — and realizes that the missing piece isn't love or intention, it's skills? In this episode of the Trustcast Show, Zane Myers speaks with Devora Segall, parenting coach and therapist, about why yelling is not a character flaw but a learned pattern that can be unlearned, what the wise mind concept from dialectical behavior therapy actually means in the middle of a real moment with a real child, and why the first thing she teaches every mom is not a technique but awareness — because you cannot change a reaction you have not yet noticed. Devora explains how her 12-week coaching program works through one-on-one sessions, real-time texting support, and weekly skill practice to help moms of kids ages 2 to 12 stop overreacting to normal child behavior without suppressing their emotions or pretending everything is fine. They also discuss why 75% of the parenting stress she sees in clients comes from unresolved childhood experiences rather than what the child is actually doing, the mom with four kids in a basement apartment whose internal resources came back online once she felt truly validated, how to prepare yourself on the commute home so you are not ambushed by your own nervous system the moment you walk through the door, and why Devora believes DBT — dialectical behavior therapy — is one of the most practical tools for everyday life that almost nobody outside the therapy world has ever heard of. Devora Segall is a licensed therapist and parenting coach, author of Sensitive Hearts Strong Minds and The Peaceful Parenting Solution, and founder of Segall Coaching, serving moms in New York, New Jersey, and beyond. Connect with Devora Segall: segallcoaching.com Free audiobook chapters: parentingaudio.com Text: 732-523-0370 Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Devora Segall 00:31 Standing in the kitchen crying before work — and what that moment revealed 01:04 Is it actually possible to stop yelling or is that just who you become as a parent 01:53 Can you be fully present at work and fully present at home at the same time 02:48 What parental burnout actually looks like day to day — not in a textbook 03:35 Who the program is specifically designed for — moms of kids 2 to 12 04:37 The fear that yelling now will destroy the relationship later 05:04 How the skills get installed and practiced until they become second nature 05:50 Why tamping down emotions makes them explode — the tea kettle metaphor 06:30 Awareness as the first step — what is happening in your body when your child acts up 07:25 What wise mind is and how to access it in a real parenting moment 07:55 The first skill — checking for safety and asking yourself is this actually an emergency 09:09 What to change first if you are snapping at your kids every night when you come home 09:22 Why the preparation starts in the car before you ever walk through the door 10:11 What wise mind is and how to reach it when you are three minutes from losing it 11:05 What the three-month coaching program looks like — one-on-one, office hours, and texting 13:17 Is there a course or is it primarily one-on-one 13:42 The mom with ADHD, the lost socks, and what changed when she stopped screaming 15:43 How much of parenting stress comes from the child versus unresolved childhood experiences 16:07 How Devora handles childhood trauma in coaching versus therapy 17:10 One word to describe what most parents are missing — calm 17:50 The one thing she wishes she had known 29 years ago — feelings come like waves 18:14 The mom in the basement apartment and what happened when she felt truly validated 19:04 The two books — Sensitive Hearts Strong Minds and The Peaceful Parenting Solution 22:00 Where Segall Coaching is going — groups, schools, and making DBT a mainstream movement 22:59 Free audiobook download at parentingaudio.com and how to reach Devora directly #DevoraSegall #SegallCoaching #PeacefulParenting #TrustcastShow #ParentingCoach #StopYelling #DBTParenting #MomBurnout #ConsciousParenting #ParentingSkills