第1630期:Can you stay friends with your ex?

Breaking up is hard to do – or so some people say. If you’re in a relationship but not as loved-up as you once were, when is the right time to call it a day? The longer the relationship, the harder it can be. But once you do make the break, is it still possible to maintain a friendship with your ex-partner?分手很难——至少有人这么说。如果您正在恋爱但不像以前那样被爱，那么什么时候是结束这一天的合适时间？关系越长，就越难。但是一旦你真的分手了，还有可能和你的前任保持友谊吗？When you’ve been dumped, the classic line that’s often used is ‘let’s just be friends’. That can be either wishful thinking or something to soften the blow of bad news. However, when you fell madly in love with your partner all those weeks, months or years ago, it would have been hard to imagine you’d fall out of love. And so salvaging something from that time, and remaining friends, could be a good thing to do.当你被甩的时候，经常使用的经典台词是“让我们做朋友吧”。这可能是一厢情愿的想法，也可能是为了缓和坏消息的打击。然而，当你在几周、几个月或几年前疯狂地爱上你的伴侣时，很难想象你会失恋。因此，从那时起挽救一些东西，并留下朋友，可能是一件好事。It’s good if a break-up is amicable – it avoids the hate, pain and anger that can eat away at us and affect our mental health. If you can accept you’ve had some good times but it’s time to move on, then all the better – besides, you won’t have to cancel your ex-partner from social media or delete their name from your contacts! If you can appreciate the mutual interests you had then there’s no reason why you can’t continue a platonic relationship.如果分手是友好的，那就太好了——它可以避免仇恨、痛苦和愤怒，这些仇恨、痛苦和愤怒会侵蚀我们并影响我们的心理健康。如果你能接受你有过一些美好的时光，但现在是时候继续前进了，那就更好了——此外，你不必从社交媒体上取消你的前伴侣或从你的联系人中删除他们的名字！如果你能欣赏你所拥有的共同利益，那么你就没有理由不能继续一段柏拉图式的关系。But holding onto the past and staying friends doesn’t always work – you just have to accept you and your partner just weren’t compatible, therefore it’s best to give each other space, to look forward, and try to get any romantic feelings you once had out of your system. And according to some, staying friends with your ex isn’t a good option. Marie-Claire Chappet told the BBC, “It does nothing but prolong the pain of the break-up”.但守住过去和做朋友并不总是奏效——你只需要接受你和你的伴侣只是不兼容，因此最好给彼此空间，向前看，并尝试获得任何浪漫的感觉。曾经有过你的系统。根据一些人的说法，与前任保持朋友关系并不是一个好的选择。 Marie-Claire Chappet 告诉 BBC，“它只会延长分手的痛苦”。Helen Fisher, a neurologist at the Kinsey Institute who’s been studying the psychology in relationships, also told the BBC: “The way to accelerate mending a broken heart is similar to treating addiction – you put away their things, stop looking at their social media and have no contact with them.”一直在研究人际关系心理学的金赛研究所神经学家海伦·费舍尔（Helen Fisher）也告诉 BBC：“加速修复一颗破碎的心的方法类似于治疗成瘾——你把他们的东西收起来，不再看他们的社交媒体，和他们没有任何联系。”So, maybe it’s time to get in touch with your real friends, instead of seeking friendship with ‘a ghost from the past’.所以，也许是时候与你真正的朋友联系了，而不是寻求与“过去的幽灵”的友谊。词汇表break up 分手relationship 恋爱关系loved-up 恩爱的call it a day 结束，到此为止friendship 友谊dump 甩掉（恋人）wishful thinking 一厢情愿fall in love 坠入爱河amicable 不伤和气的move on 接受（分手的）现实，向前看mutual 共同的platonic （柏拉图式）纯精神友谊的compatible 合得来，适合彼此romantic 与爱情相关的，浪漫的out of your system 摆脱，赶走broken heart “心碎”