Disnae Matter

Esta historia de dos páginas del autor escocés Irvine Welsh está llena de palabrotas y localismos. Quedan avisados, señores y señoras. Al final de la historia tienen un glosario que les resultará util si no están familiarizados con el dielecto escocés. I was at that Disneyland in Florida, ken? I took her and the bairn. With me getting payed off for Ferranti’s, I thought it’s either do something with the dough or piss it down the bog at the Willie Muir. I saw what happened to a lot of other cunts, living like kings for a while: taxis everywhere, chinkies every night, carry-outs. You ken the score. And what do they have to show for it? Scottish fucking football association. That’s what, you cunt! Now, I wasn’t that keen on Disneyland, but I thought: for the bairn’s sake, ken? I wish I hadn’t bothered. It was shit. Big fucking queues to get on all the rides. That´s alright if you like that sort of thing but it’s not my fucking scene. The beer over there is piss and all. They go on about their beer. Their Budweiser and that. It’s like drinking fucking cold water. One thing I did like about the States though is the scran. Loads of it. Beyond your wildest dreams. And the service and all. Mind, in one place I say to her: Fill your boots while you can, hen,cause when we get back home, we’ ll be living off of McCain oven chips till fuck knows when. Anyway, in this fucking Disneyland shit, this daft cunt in a bear suit jumps out in front of us, ken? Waving his arms about and that. The bairn starts fucking screaming. Gave her a real fright, ken? So I fucking panels the cunt, punch the fuking wide-o in the mouth, or where I thought his mouth was under that suit, ken? Too fucking right! Disneyland or no fucking Disneyland. It doesn’t give the cunt the excuse to jump out in front of the bairn, ken? The thing is, this police cunts, fucking guns and all, you cunt, no fucking joke, I’m telling you. They say to us: What’s the fucking score here, mate? But like say American, ken? So I go, nodding over to the bear cunt: cunt jumped out in front of the bairn. Well out of fucking order! The police cunt just says something about the boy maybe being a bit too keen on his job, ken? The other one says something like: Maybe the wee lassie is afraid of bears, ken? So then this radge in a yellow jacket comes along. I tipples right away that he’s the bear cunt’s gaffer, likesay. He apologises to us then turns to the bear cunt and says: We’re going to have to let you go, mate. They we’re just going to, like, give the boy his fucking cards like that. This is no good to us, he tells the boy. This poor cunt in the bear suit, he’s got the head on off now, likes. The cunt’s nearly greeting, going on about needing the job to pay his way through college. So I get a hud of the radge in the yellow jacket and say: Hey, mate, you’re out of order here.There’s no need to give the boy his cards. It’s all sorted out. Mean to say, I banged the cunt alright but I didn’t want the boy to lose his fucking job, ken. I ken what it’s fucking like. It´s all a great laugh when they through that redundancy poppy at you. But doesn’t forever, ken?All the doss cunts that blow the dough on nothing. They’ve got mates they never knew they had till the fucking hireys run out. Anyway, this supervisor radge goes: It’s up to you, mate. You’re happy,cunt keeps his job.Then, he turns to the boy and says: you’re fucking lucky, I’m telling you. If it wasn’t for the boy here, you’d be picking up your cards, but likesay, American, ken. You know how the doss cunts talk on the TV and that. The cunt I punched, this bear cunt goes: really sorry, mate. My fault, ken. So I just say: soud by me. The police and the supervisor radge fucked off and the bear cunt turns and says: thakns a lot,buddie. Have a nice day. I thought for a minute: I’ll give you a nice day, you cunt, jumpig out in front of the bairn. But I left it. NO hussle to no cunt. Boy’s entitled to keep his job. That was my good deed for the day. I just go: Yes, you too,mate.