do believe I told you so

Welcome to Raw Impressions number 32. Moon Adele are home from the Barlow Family General Summer Tour, part 1. It was awesome as they will describe. But, hardly the last night.

The last night of the tour. Daddy did a bad, bad thing. So Izzy. What?

I brought you here today. I want to discuss the drive home after the last Barlow Family General Tour show. Yay. After the last show.

Remember that show in Brooklyn? Yes. So, we went home after the show. Wasn't that great?

How we went home after the show? No. It was torture. It was what?

Torture. It was. I felt like I was legitimately, I was 100% torturing her. I went to such a deep, sad place during that drive.

I think I was internalizing all of my life's anxiety into one drive. It just all came crashing down on me in the silence. I was pretty much silent I feel like during that drive. I don't really remember talking.

You didn't. You were really quiet. I was very quiet. Izzy.

I think there was. We just kept repeating. We'd never do that again. Yeah, we just kept saying, we'll never do this again, honey.

And I'm so sorry. And she told you you made a bad choice. Several times. I did.

I did. What I decided was that we should drive home after the show in Brooklyn. It would have been three hours away from Brooklyn. I thought it would just be better to go home rather than try to get a room.

Mm-hmm. I thought that she would go to sleep in her seat. And maybe you'd go to sleep too. No.

I had plenty of energy. I just played a show. So I was hopping. I never got tired during the drive.

My eyes weren't tired. I was 100% for that three hour drive. And so I thought I knew I could do it. But it was not the best decision for the Barlow family general.

It wasn't. That's true. The group, it suffered. And it was...

It's not 1989 anymore. I'm not at my parent's station wagon. Heading back from CBGB's at two o'clock in the morning. No, no.

It's true. I mean, I don't know. It just was a long day. No, because we didn't start the day in Brooklyn.

We started the day in Riverton, New Jersey. So Saturday, June 17th. Saturday, June 17th. It was the last day of the first leg of the tour.

And Lou played in Bushwick, Brooklyn. At a really cool place, it was a lighting warehouse where they make really beautiful lighting lamps. Lamps, factories, chandeliers, they restore chandeliers. They restore all this historical metalwork.

Yeah. And they make new stuff. It's called Remains, right? Yeah.

Remains lighting. And so I drove from Riverton to Brooklyn. And I think... Well, no.

I'll just be honest. I think I did what probably a lot of women do is that I just internalized a lot of my feelings from the stress I was having. Because... Travel stress.

There was a lot of travel stress building up. Although you were doing quite well. That's the thing is, I think, again, as a woman, we can look pretty together. And some people could say like, calm or measured while we're juggling these things.

Whereas I will say, I've often noticed that men, when they are feeling taxed, they throw full-on tantrums as adults. Like they make it seem known. Well, when you go back to our traveling from LA, remember, it was like all the men who were yelling at the gate agents and things like that and making a scene because of weights and things like that. This is a generalization.

But I'm going with it because I'm going with it. So anyway, I was... I have the experience to back that up. Yeah, you do.

I mean, let's be honest. You and yourself... You and a lot of men, grown men, have full-on baby tantrums at airports. You also attest to maybe that you've had some as well.

I have. Right. I've yelled at like eight agents. I know.

And you also had like, you like broke guitars on festivals in front of audiences. Oh, man. You were just like, well, yeah. So...

I have a long history of... I mean, I stopped a while ago. Yeah. You have.

I think I've got a good decade on it. But it took a while. Well, and to be perfectly honest, I kind of told you to stop doing that too. You know, I was like, that's not very effective.

The life change helped, for sure. You know, I was like, you know, when you talk to people that way, they're not going to want to help you. And you were like, oh, that's interesting. Maybe I should try to be nicer when I'm in these situations where I'm going to need help.

And you're like, that works. I'll never forget it. You were like texting me anytime. I had a realization.

Maybe ten years ago you had to... I had a realization for someone to have like, oh, I have to treat people decently and not yell at them. I mean, that was my... I mean, I didn't...

I wasn't aggressive in general with people around me. You know, I'm not... I don't have... As a partner, I'm not a real yeller or a pointer.

I mean, I can't be. But less so. But what's the point? I suck.

I think what I was just saying is that I brought to you a level of customer service. You did. Because my whole history is working in customer service. So I'm always the person on meeting it.

Okay, so you're saying that like, okay, men and myself included, we will externalize all this stress. Yeah. So... And we're like, you know...

Like maybe if dad was driving or something, you would kind of know if he was like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh my God. Whereas I just like got really quiet.

You did. You got really quiet. Because you are... You're not...

If you will complain. You're not afraid to complain. You're not afraid to say, I'm tired. This sucks.

And you know, but you were... You were really, really quiet during this long, dark drive. I felt so bad for Izzy. New York.

My heart was literally breaking. My mom's heart was breaking. The way she was describing her discomfort. Yes.

I was like, this kid is gonna throw herself out the car. She is in hell. And she's way past her bedtime. She is exhausted.

I didn't think she was gonna... Actually, I would say that it was such a pinpointed exact tantrum. I was impressed because she wasn't just throwing herself around in the seat. She was actually...

But she was exhausted. But she was extremely concise in her descriptions. Why she was uncomfortable. It was like...

I don't know. I feel like I watched Izzy grow in this last week, becoming more nuanced. She was saying really nuanced stuff. And this tantrum was not quite a tantrum.

She was putting her foot down. She just said... Look at her test. Like, hey.

No. She could have very well said, Father, get off at the next exit. I can see a Hampton In sign. She's that close.

Father, right now. But I have to ask you a question. When did the itching start? Okay.

So, yeah. I started to have an itch during the drive from Riverton to Brooklyn. And we were sitting in traffic, like bumper to bumper traffic in Brooklyn, literally mere minutes away. Oh, the BQE.

Great road. BQE. Water road. Brutal.

Bumper to bumper in the BQE. And I felt like I had what was a mosquito bite on my hand. And I'm like, oh, it's fucking annoying. I'm gonna itch that image.

And I'm like, huh. And then I felt like I had something bite me on my face. And I was like, damn, there's a mosquito in here. I can't see it.

And so I started scratching near my eyebrow. And then behind my ear started itching. And I was like, well, there's definitely a mosquito in here. It found me.

And so, Carrie-On. Got to Brooklyn. You did the show, which was really fun, by the way. Great way to end it.

But then it was a long night. And then when we got out, it was pretty late. It was like 11. I think when we hit the road, like 11, 12, 12, 10.

Yeah, Brooklyn was in full bloom. I mean, there was parties and driving engines. Brooklyn was just kicking into gear. And we were leaving.

And so Lou was driving home. I'm not a good night driver. And anyway, poor Izzy was having her saying her protest, her heartbreaking protest. And I had just started to feel like it was on fire.

I was like, whoa, what is going on with me? My whole head itch is so bad. And I just started scratching it because I wasn't really thinking clearly. I was just like internalizing all of the sadness and anxiety.

And I was just like, I just really want to get home. I hate this. I want to be transported now. That was like an hour into the hour.

It was just itching away. And so scratching like a mother, you know. And so then we got home. Well, maybe we should play the song.

And then I'll describe the aftermath. Yeah. I mean, should we describe the condition? Should we name the condition first?

Or do you think that people should just figure it out from the song? It wasn't a mosquito. What was it? Hives.

Hives. Speaking of hives, the hives from Sweden were one of Lou's favorite bands in 2000, whatever. Listen now. To lose weird, I'll ask.

Parity version of the hives hit. Do believe I told you so. Enjoy. 720.

I don't think the name of that song is too believe I told you so it's something else. It's like a... I have to find out. Look it up.

Right now. Hives. Was this a band that wore matching suits? I feel like...

Yes. They wore suits. Yeah. Like kind of sleek looking.

Yeah. Really sleek. They had a really good looking lead singer. Hives band.

Yeah. But uh... Yeah. Oh, wow.

What a cool look. They did a really cool thing. Oh my god. They're hot.

I saw them play a couple of times. The first time I saw them play the big word among the dinosaur junior people is that the hives, they wore those same suits every night. But they were dabbing the sweat stains off of each other with a wet cloth. Do you know what I mean?

So if they were wearing black, they would be these lines of sweat, like a little salt trail on the black t-shirts. Which is something that happens to me. But they just dabbed out the salt lines with cloths for each other. Of course they did.

It's really smart. I've done that ever since. I get a lot of wear out of a black t-shirt because I dab out the salt stains. Yeah.

Dab dab. As I learned, the technique I learned from the hives. So the name of that song is actually Hate to Say. I told you so.

Hate to say I told you so. And you had changed it to be Do Believe. I told you so. I know.

My memory had some sort of like a room. I did like a... I don't know. I kind of softened the type.

Do believe. I told you so. Yeah. Hate to say I told you so.

But I made it Do Believe. I made it do believe. I made it fancier. I didn't do it on purpose.

Yeah. I do believe. I made it fancier. I totally, totally not on purpose.

I remembered it that way in my head. I could hear the hives saying Do Believe. I told you so. Yeah.

That was so funny. You had that realization that you could do a hives song when we found out about my hives. So yeah, I came home. Yeah.

And had a pretty rough night. Scariest of what's going on. It's being taken over by something. I'm not so good with that stuff because I really go...

I'm not like, oh, it's probably fine. I know. People don't get all worked up about their body. They're like, no, it's no big deal.

I go through quite a journey in my little brain. I'm like, well, this could be it. My body is... It's done.

I don't know. I don't know. It's showing up in ways. It's doing things.

It's saying you did too much. And I did actually do too much. It turns out. So I woke up and I was covered in these hives and I was like, whoa shit.

We kind of tried to figure out what it was, which of course is not successful. We were like, is this bed bug? I had a bed bug from a cinnamon. Sorry, but they didn't give us bed bugs.

It's a clean hotel. I trusted that place. I'd been there twice. Well, and I looked up bed bugs and said there would be a red dot at the center of the bite.

And I was like, there was no red dot. And they looked like hives. They were like just big red welts. And I'm like, all over my legs, all my arms, and my whole head felt like one big hive.

And it was. So then I kind of just lived with it on Sunday and then Monday I went to urgent care. You did mystery-solved hives all the way. My lovely doc there, she who knows me a little bit.

I've been in a few times because as you listen to the pod, you realize I have some chronic sinus infection issues. So they know me there with urgent care and she was like, oh, hi, Del. How you doing? And she takes one look and she's like, whoa.

Okay. Because I had shorts on and I wore them to show her. You didn't have to take your pants off. Yeah, exactly.

I was like, let's go shorts. And so anyway, she said to me, it looks like you have stress hives. I was like, is that a thing? She's like, oh, yeah, that's a thing.

It's totally a thing. Did you do anything different this week or kind of taxing or anything happen? And I was like, uh-huh. Okay.

So she's like, I'm going to hook you up, girl. She gave me a prednisone prescription. Which, if you don't know, that's steroids. That stuff rocks.

I don't knock anything out of you. They give it to you. It's just like a blanket. I like I had my weird elbow ache.

You had like a phantom. I had my phantom elbow. You've kind of passed that baton to me in a way. You know, when we first got here, you had a lot of like urgent, not urgent.

You went to the emergency room. You went straight to the emergency room. That's about a lot of time in the emergency room. Yeah.

Greenfield emergency room. Those were several heart things, but nine, everyone. Something called SVT, which is cool because it's also the name of a base amplifier SVT. That's my condition.

That's my condition. Yep. And you also had, so you had like a phantom arm ache. Well, I guess it wasn't phantom.

You did have an arm ache. To this day, I have no idea what that was about. Well, you thought you were having a heart attack, remember? Yeah, that's your left arm.

Yeah. And it kind of did go into your chest. And so it's fair enough to go, Oh, shit, is this a heart attack? It wasn't everyone.

It's just a baby egg. It's like carrying a baby around. It's like gone. That was great.

I was flying for like five days. Yeah, she only gave me three days. Today's my last day. And she was completely right.

She was like, Oh, this will be gone in a few hours. And it was. I had a good time on the tour. I had a great time.

Actually, that being said, it was a lot of work. It's really hard parenting full time and doing all of the things we do because we're not just like, listen, touring is hard anyway, but like we're not laying on a bus, you know, with like a lounge. We're in our minivan. We're driving to every show.

We load. We unload. We do everything. I sell the merch.

Loop plays the show. We load back out. We drive to a hotel. We find a hotel.

We check ourselves in with a little person, try to get her in bed before midnight. Wake up before the buffet ends in the morning. Anyway, the buffets were pretty pretty mid. Oh my God.

I know. So so. Don't let is to hear me say that because shit, I kid loves a buffet. You guys, the hotel buffet kids, man, and hotels.

I just I got to like channel that shit because her love of it is just unmatched. You don't have to love for it, Loub's honey. No, but I think just the heard joy of like, look at it. It's pretty exciting.

It's really sweet. It's been exciting for a long time. I know that deep into my twenties and thirties, I was still excited by even a shitty buffet. Right.

It's true. It's true. Yeah. It's solidly into your twenties.

Back before I was like, I read back before the whole like, you know, what you are, what you eat kind of a kickstand. Yeah, before like that egg white omelette. Your twenties are like, give me the bacon, give me the greasy, whatever. Yeah.

I give me the sugar yogurt. Give me the, you know, there's a cinnamon roll there too. And I'll dip it in the yo play and then I'll have some of this depression bacon. But yeah, so it's like, you know, I do misery meat and I played a misery meat.

We're not vegetarians, but we do recognize the misery meat. We know it's up. So anyway, she has such a love of hotels that I think we have a week home. That's what we're here.

A really brisk week. And I'm, I'm a, what's the word? I'm kind of like reevaluating what I might need to have better self care in the next leg. So that's good.

Yeah. You know, you can allow me to drive during the day. I know you, I know it does, it does help me. Yeah.

We're going to be driving in the Midwest driving. It's not like negotiating the Northeast corridor. That's true. I think it will be.

Yeah. I was bopping around really tight and tense. America. What is happening with America?

Adele. America is on the move. America is on the move. Biden said it and you know what?

He's not wrong. It fucking is. You guys, people are everywhere. Rev on their engines.

They're not on their engines. Oh, you shit. Chasing each other down the highways. Driving boats and RV's.

Oh, God. Holy cow. The roads are busy. Semi's just weaving as drivers are checking their phones.

Oh my God. And just seeing the constant road rage like happen, it's kind of tense. You just lay back. You laid back.

You let it go. And we also had another, there's another thing like back in the day. Someone passed me faster. Like I'd be like, pretty soon you're on the tail of somebody.

See, that's what you did. I never did that. But that again, that's crazy early kind of maybe machismo aggression, aggression a little bit that you didn't even know you had where it's like, maybe it wasn't that so much. You tell me.

I'll tell you right now. You did that for a long time. I know. It's not the machismo because I got all the machismo still.

That's intact. What the problem is, is just it's like you have other things in your life that are you ever, it's just rage built up from like, I mean, you haven't really. We all have our own pools of rage. I haven't, you know, I hadn't learned how to process disappointment.

I hadn't learned. I wasn't living, maybe I wasn't living an entirely honest life. Maybe I was things that happened to me that I was unhappy about. And like, I have to say a lot of my internal dialogue at that point in my life.

And actually for a long period was just like a constant argument with somebody. And if I wasn't like arguing with an imaginary, not imaginary, like real people in my head, you're like putting all these words into people's mouths and going further and further with these like these rageful fantasies. And you know, I'm going to try to, you know, just this constant thing. And then of course the, you know, you're berating yourself at the same time, blah, blah, blah.

It creates like a lot of like ambivalence and anger, I think. And it just comes out in weird ways because you don't, I mean, ultimately that stuff just comes out. You're not like, you don't. It has to go somewhere, you know.

It does. It absolutely has to. It blows. It's socket.

It's like my song, Beauty of the Ride. Let it build. Let it explode. I like that song.

Leaving blood and shattered bone dramatic. It didn't happen very often. Didn't really come to blows very often. Shattered bone.

Wow. Yeah. That is dramatic. Could have.

I had that, I had that potential. I was a fighter. You know what I'm thinking about right now, listening to you talk about all that, is letting go is I think that has been my greatest challenge and my best lesson as I age. And it really hit me in my late 30s, early 40s was, you know, the concept this idea of letting go has always been there and you hear it and like self help stuff like you gotta let things go.

But truly, truly understanding when you do have to let go, there's no more room for you in here, you know. We're full up and you've taken up a lot of real estate for a long time. This particular grudge or this particular story you're holding on to. You know, giving you hurt or rage or whatever.

And I think I have to say I am so fucking grateful for letting things go. And I'm getting better at it. I really am, you know. And I'm grateful for that too.

Because I knew what letting go was for a long time, but I couldn't actually do it or like put it into practice. The shit just kept coming back. And you know, it's realizing that it takes constant vigilance. Because if you just go like, I'm just letting it go one time, you're not letting it go.

It's like a marathon. You have to keep pushing it down until it's gone. Does that make sense? You know what?

Unfortunately, I think it never actually goes away. You just, it's just there. Well, you learn how to manage it, right? That's what I mean.

It's you're managing it better. And actually I do let some things go. You know, I have, I have. And that feels nice.

Some things I think you have to learn how to manage because they're never going to go away. That's true. Actually, that sounds traumatic. I have so many feelings about this subject.

I could go on forever. I'm reading a book called Letting Go Right Now. Stop. Are you really?

I am. I'm reading about letting go. I haven't even done that. Apparently you just really don't have, you need to not really have strong feelings about anything.

So that's what I'm learning so far from now. I'm like, okay, I mean, I don't want to get into it. I'm about ready to just choke on my words here. I'm going to have to edit out.

I don't want to do any more work. I want this to be the end of the podcast. Okay. Let it go.

I want to let it go. Yeah. You and I have, we're moving forward. Yeah.

We have a lot of things on our table. My hives have cleared. Izzy has, I think recovered from the torture. She forgave me.

She did. Goddamn it. It's such great in this night, kids. So she's, we're not doing that again.

We're not driving after a show. We're going to a hotel every night. Thank you for listening to Ron Crescion's episode number 32. Lou, Adele and Izzy are on tour.

Now, in June through July, the first show is in Kingston, New York. Please consider buying tickets for all of the dates are available and can be seen in the description of this podcast episode. I'm Spotify. There is a list of dates and the tickets are available through EventGreat.com.

I know it's an extra step. Nobody wants to take it. Thank you for listening. I'm sorry for making us drive home from Brooklyn.

I forgive you. Thank you. I love you. You're welcome.

Handshake. Handshake, yo. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. Peace.

Peace out.