Do I 'LEAVE' Military Flying Training?

Tim, I'm currently serving in the Air Force as a pupil pilot (prefer not to mention which Air Force). The journey hasn't been easy, not that I thought it would be, just been testing in aspects where one wouldn't expect and be able to prepare for. What I mean with this is; physically I knew it was going to be testing so I could train for it; mentally is so broad you can only prepare certain aspects but others catch you completely off guard; lifestyle comes with its own challenges but one can gradually adapt to them I feel; spiritually you can't prepare for but you must allow for growth in the most demanding times, which is super tough as one doesn't always see the bigger picture in the moment, so a lot of introspection is needed (thank you covid 19); emotionally is truly the most difficult one even more so during these tough times, as I'm not an emotional person and I struggle to share emotions if I do feel them. How does one prepare oneself mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally throughout the different phases? How does one keep adapting to the ever changing environments? How did you as a pupil pilot share or offload some of your emotions and feelings? My time in the military has come with quite a few challenges. I applied in 2015 while busy with my 2nd year at university, went for selection that year March and failed the psychomotor tests as I was trying to be to precise and completely disregarded speed. After failing I was eager to try again but had to take a 6 months break before being able to. The Air Force called me in October that year to try again, I improved on my previous shortcomings and passed. November that year I went for my interviews, which I found pretty easy as I had been for job interviews before. 2016 is where the hiccups in my military career started. I received a call early January telling me basic training will start next week and expect a call in the week with information on where, what and how. I had to reapply for uni in that same week, naive as I was I didn't reapply to uni cause I was off to the military in my mind. Let's just say they never called and I spent a year working, started a handyman company with one of my mates and worked for a NPO. 2017 came about and I finally received a call the Friday while away on trip with the NPO, had to travel home and get all my things packed and ready to ship off the Sunday. Basics is basics, don't think I need to elaborate much there as you have walked that path before. One thing I did find difficult during that time was sharing the experience with my friends as they had not walked that path but with the older generation it was easy and our stories were very similar. Officers training is my least favourite course to date, as it felt like an absolute waste of time, I just wanted to get to the flying part. Also felt that most of the people I was on course with didn't have the leadership abilities needed of an officer and they were just there because they knew someone in the right place. 2018 was ground school, which was loads of fun and challenging at the same time. It is where I learnt balance in life is key, I learnt it the hard way by failing 1 of the exams due to me enjoying my birthday weekend too much. June that year we signed our contracts and were made to believe we will start ground school/flying September that year. So off we went to the flying school to go work on the flight line for the time being. This is where the major hiccups start. We ended up working on the flight line for a whole year, where we were fed the same story of you will start next month. When next month comes around, we get fed more less the same story of next month. After a year we decided to write a letter to be sent to home units so we could be closer to family, as it came out our training was only going to start in January 2020. I do believe the flight line is good for pupil pilots but they must be put there with a set goal in place and it must be made a learning environment. To give them a better understanding of how things work on the ground and what challenges the groundcrew face. Instead the groundcrew see it as an opportunity to boss the youngsters around, not beneficial to the organisation or a future officer who would need to deal with groundcrew in the future. We all went home for 6 months and spent much needed time with family and friends. Was also able to partake in sport again as this was difficult while under training. The year 2020 started off so well, we finally started with the much awaited ground school, passed all the tests. I got the instructor I wanted, while working on the flight line it came out we went to the same high school. Started with sim sorties, was 2 sim sorties away from getting in the aircraft and then covid 19 happened. Training was immediately stopped and we were told to hang ten in our rooms. We had asked to go home over this time to see our families, the request was denied later. They then decided to start with aspect briefs so we could remain busy and take our minds off when we are actually going to start flying. We were a week into aspect briefs then a member in our work enviroment contracted the virus. It honestly feels as soon as we get going something comes along and hampers our training. How do you recommend keeping focused and refocusing the negative thoughts and energy? How does one stay positive even at the most difficult of times? How to stay current with the work, keep feeding the brain information but with no ouput and how to make sure you are not engraving bad aviation habits? As we are vulnerable students at the moment, still fresh in the new field with lots of information but no opportunity to expand on it and make sure we understand the concept correctly cause we don't have the interaction with our instructors at the moment due to lockdown. It feels as if my life has been on hold for the last 2 years. Where if I was just told the truth from the beginning I could have made a plan to go study or do something that is beneficial for me and the organisation. I don't expect smooth sailing but I'm slowly losing faith in the organisation and it is not great to have such thoughts, especially if this is where one wants to be. How does one keep faith and stop questioning what the higher ups are doing, even though they are dragging their feet along with your career? I'm aged 27 at the moment and have nothing to show, except my life experiences up until now. Would you recommend studying after completing pilots course or to go straight to the Squadron if there is no backlog there? I would love to go to fighters. Looking forward to your perspective and thoughts. Thank you and all the best - M