Do you have a dysfunctional relationship with your goals, dreams, and desires? EP 117

I admit it, I have an unhealthy relationship with my goals, dreams, and desires. I have always loved ideas like the Law of Attraction, SMART goals, and “if you can see it you can achieve it.” These are all good strategies and they work. I’ve just never been able to embrace them enough where they feel authentic. Some of the discomfort I feel around goalsetting and visualization is, I often feel unworthy or selfish for wanting amazing things to happen to me. My altruistic desires seem to be grappling with selfishnes, self-worth, and ego. I fantasize about, if "this" happens to me or if I get "this", THEN, everything will be OKKKKKK. Or, if I had these "things" or was "this" successful then you would like me and I would be enough. So, you can imagine why I have a hard time getting started with visualization and goalsetting tools. Even when I'm able to get into a visualization process, it doesn't last. The real funky thing is, even when it works and I get exactly what I want, it never feels as good as I thought it would. It always feels anti-climactic. Now, I can come up with all these nice reasons why my goals and dreams are good. I often talk about how, all I want to help people and serve... Which is true... Sometimes! I often end up coming from a place where deep down, I just want to be liked and excepted... And I don't even realize it. On the flipside, there are perspectives like the “Backwards Law” which Alan Watts talks about. He says, wanting positive experiences is actually negative and accepting negative experiences is actually positive. The more you want to be rich, the poorer you feel. The happier and loved you want to be, the lonelier and more afraid you become. The Backwards Law is more in line with my way of thinking most of the time yet, it can be just as tricky. Sometimes I think this acceptance crap feels a lot like a defeatist mentality. For example, I know how to make it look like I'm in acceptance, yet I really feel like a victim to circumstance, as if life is happening to me I instead of for me. Then, I start secretly beating myself up. Herein lies my hypothesis, which is, EVERYTHING boils down to one's ability to combat fear, insecurity, low self-worth and the ability to be in the moment. Like, really in the moment, exactly the way it is. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting nice things, to be a successful, and to want the most out of life. As a matter of fact, it’s probably healthy. However, I find that when I focus on where I want to go or where I wish I was, I often get distracted by invy, FOMO, comparison, and turn to self-loathing and beating myself up. The magic happens when I grow the relationship with my higher power, my inner most self, serving others, and living in the moment... not regretting the past or fearing the future, or wishing things were different... all while working towards that which I desire most when I feel safe in the sunlight of the spirit. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Where do you fall on this spectrum? Do you like goals and visualization? Do you like the Backwards Law?