Do Your Own Work: Stop Expecting Your Family To Know What You Need (Brilliant Advice from a Parent Coach)

Send us Fan MailIn this episode, we we meet Cindy Shuster, mother + parent coach. Note, we didn't say parenting coach. Because Cindy specializes in helping the parents. Not just with their children, but with themselves. That's where it all begins. We cover:Cindy's "meltdown moment" when she lost it on her family, and how it was both an epiphany and a turning point when she learned the importance of setting clear boundaries and communicating expectations before reaching our boiling point.Cindy suggests that while it would be great for family members to step up without being asked, the kindest thing we can do for them is do our own work: set boundaries, remember your innate value, and stop doing things we actually don't want to do in order to get approval and validation.Cindy has learned to be comfortable with her kids' struggles. While none of us enjoy watching our kids suffer, Cindy talks about the importance of having the capacity to tolerate their challenges without the knee-jerk reaction to fix them, and how for many of us, fixing our kids' problems boils down to this: "Can I please hurry up and make this feeling in myself go away?""You are your child's favorite toy, so stop being so exciting when they are misbehaving." Cindy talks about the importance of positive connection vs focusing only on problem behavior. Cindy sheds light on some particularly "American styles of parenting" that are harming our kids—including a focus on achievement, too much interference, and an intolerance for failure. Cindy says, "Kids develop resilience by feeling competent in their own life."With all the information, opinions, and resources out there, Cindy reminds us that the most important thing is for us to return to our own intuition and parent with confidence. "You don't have to look to the left and the right."Cindy's first question to parents; "What are you doing for self-care?" The oxygen mask analogy is true—you can't help anyone if you aren't filling your own tank every day. Cindy Shuster is a PCI® certified parent coach and a Nurtured Heart Approach® Trainer. For the past 7 years, she has been working with parents and educators to provide effective and transformational strategies that improve relationships with the children in their care. Cindy has her B.S. and M.S. in education with a minor in Child Psychology. Prior to parent coaching, Cindy worked as an elementary teacher for 10 years. Cindy has lived in the Baltimore area for 30+ years with her husband and 3 sons. Cindy is passionate about helping families and educators navigate the complex challenges of modern-day parenting and classroom management. She is on a mission to bring more peace and joy into homes and classrooms!Website: https://parentcoachcindy.com/Instagram: @parentcoachcindyFor 30% Off the DIY Boudoir Course, visit:http://motherplus.diybombshell.com/And use code MOTHERPLUSWHERE TO FIND US NOWConnect with Stacey🎧 The Next Phase Podcast —  on Apple & Spotify 📸 Instagram: @stacehutsonConnect with Steph🎧 The Peri-Normal Podcaston Apple and Spotify✍️ The Reclamation Eraon Substack📝 MidCircle— a writing community for midlife women📸 Instagram: @stephsprenger