Bada, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, na, na, na, na, na. Live from Asbury Park, New Jersey. Live from Greenfield, Massachusetts. It's the raw impressions podcast, starring Adele Barlow, period.
B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b. Can I tell you about something really stupid that happened to me this morning? Absolutely. Please do.
Please do. We woke up. The bus is parked outside of our hotel that we're staying at, because we had to check in noon for our day off to day. It's my day off here in Asbury Park.
And, you know, I woke up at about 10 o'clock. I needed to use the restroom. So I thought, well, I'll go into the hotel. So I took a double shot of Starbucks espresso double shot in the small tin can.
Aluminum. And I took it with me, put it in my pocket, walked into the hotel. It was quite. Now the men's room went into the men's room.
And did my business. I don't know if I need to explain this, but on the bus, you can only pee on the bus. This is a big. You can only pee on the bus.
So it's tearing down the strip here. I'll over here the boardwalk of Asbury Park. Anyway, so then I'm like, oh, I think I'll drink that other Starbucks when I'm finishing up. And I'll drink that other Starbucks.
So I reached down for the can. But somehow it had already been opened. And it was draining into my pants. Starbucks double shot was draining into my pants and onto the floor.
Oh, god. It's brown, too. And it's brown. And it's really spreading brown puddle.
And it was actually, at first, I'm like, I didn't even remember opening the can. And why I would open the can and then put it in my pants. Oh, my god. It's a mystery.
But maybe this is part of my illness. I'm a little maybe. Doesn't seem that out of a breach for me to picture you doing that. Really?
You don't think it's the result of some sort of progressive disease or ailment. No, I think it could be like pot brain, you know. But I hadn't been high for quite a while before that. Oh, that's cumulative.
I'm talking about just like a lifelong. OK. So anyway, so somehow I opened up to start up this can of liquid and then put it in my pants while I was sitting on a toilet. Oh, Lewis.
So I stood up and I saw that the extent of this puddle. And luckily, I was the only person in the bathroom. One person did come in and out during the course of my visit there. But so I got my pants and I'm like, oh, my pants are totally soaked with coffee during the show.
So I didn't get on my shoes, which is great because I hate having stained shoes like that. But yeah, there's this huge spreading puddle. Oh, my god. And I'm like, OK, well, this is going to take some maneuvering.
I'm going to hope for the best, i. I eat. No one comes in. So I went to the sinks.
There's two sinks there. And it's been really clean in there, too. Really clean. I did a bad thing to this nice, nice, clean bathroom.
So I started gathering paper towels. I pulled out my wet pants. I was like, I'm not going to sit here so someone could just walk in. I prepared myself to leave the stalls when I'm saying.
So I'm standing there with my pants. Gathering paper towels. I feel like a fly on the wall. Gathering towels.
And I realized that the spread is really spread into the handicap stalls. So I get in there, get down on my knees, and I start sucking that stuff up with paper towels and then bringing them to the grass. Gathering paper towels and then going into the stall that I was in and then really doing the final touches on that was dozens and dozens of pieces of paper towel. But there was a lot of it.
Right. There was plenty of it. It was prepared for me. There was actually two different types of paper towels.
There was a heavy stock and then a lighter stock for your hands and toilet paper. So I had it all covered. I was able to completely soak up this spill and then dab my pants just a little bit so the walk back to the bus wouldn't be super uncomfortable. And also, if there were people in the lounge in the bus, they wouldn't notice my soaking wet, my wet leg, my wet leg.
But the only regret I have is that I didn't get to drink that double shot. So I only had half of my caffeine allowance, my round ones. My random idea of what my caffeine allowance would be, which is four shots of espresso in the morning. I only had two and the other two shots went down my pants and onto the floor and into the garbage.
That's my story. Well, great. I'm glad that it happened at a nice hotel instead of some nasty, gross bathroom, like at the club or something and you're gagging on the floor and you're the toilet. I'm traveling also on this bus too.
I've been pretty fortunate. I've been pretty fortunate because it can get really bad. It can get really bad. Bodily functions, long bus rides.
Who didn't order the shrimp enchiladas last night? I know. Who didn't do that? Who might have done that two weeks ago?
You. This guy. Yeah. I was on a shrimp streak.
A streak of shrimp. You may remember that loose friend Max got food poisoning from shrimp when they went out to dinner last week. I'll have the shrimp. That's my chosen protein.
That's my chosen protein. Two and we were on tour this summer. I was sort of being a little bold with my shrimp ordering. I ordered shrimp a few times.
I was like, damn, this is good. I miss you shrimp. And thankfully, it just worked its way through my intestine as it should instead of a violent exit. I had some point.
I had this thought. You can tell me what you think. I had this thought that I wanted to interview you a little bit as if getting to know Adele. If you could just tell us a few basic information about yourself.
I can tell you a couple of things. I was born in Minneapolis. But I grew up in St. Paul, the city of St.
Paul proper, right on what's called the West Side, across from downtown St. Paul. Yep, in an old house in a, yeah, in a kind of a, I don't know, challenged neighborhood. We were, it was not thriving, let's say that.
People were surviving. What else can I tell you? Do you ever get bit by a dog? Yes, more than once.
Damn. Yeah, so I was a little girl riding my bike up and down my street, which was Morton Street in St. Paul. And riding my little bike with my little handlebars.
And I think it had cute little fringe hanging off it as all bikes do in the 80s, cute little castles. And it was just kind of like a long classic city block with big wide sidewalks and stuff. And I was at the other end of the block. And across the street, I kind of was keeping my eye across the street because there was a house that, well, it had, it was that house.
Every neighborhood kind of has that house that you keep your eye on because something's like unhinged about it or kind of scary. And so this woman had a dog that she kept chained in her front yard and was very depressing to witness. It was like, the dog was very unhappy, very angry, and rightfully so. It was on a terrible short little chain and was probably, I'm going to just take a leap and say it's probably not treated very well.
But it was small. I think it was like this white fluffy dog. And so you would think that maybe it was more bark than bite. But so as I was riding my bike down the street, I was kind of keeping one eye on this house for that dog.
And I was across the street, so I thought, I'm safe over here. Well, that little dog saw me and got so worked up that it actually broke off its chain and went tearing across the street. And oh, my word, I actually remember the terror I felt. And the dog leapt up to attack me and it bit my left leg right below the knee in the back of it, like the big, the meaty part of your leg.
What does that look like? Your calf is right on my calf. And it fucking went to town on my leg. And it was so worked up that it's the bottom half of its jaw got stuck in my leg and couldn't, like I was trying to kick this dog off of me, like in my flesh.
In your flesh. Ah. I think a neighbor found me and carried me home. As you passed out.
Yeah. And like, I don't know what happened to the dog or, you know, at that point or whatever. But brought me to my mom who was at home. And I just remember like cutting then to having to talk to like a police officer because of what happened and then like sharing what had happened to me.
I think he came to our home, if I recall. When did you go to the hospital? You got bit by a dog? I don't remember even being at a doctor for this.
I don't remember that. It broke your skin. Yeah. Yeah, it's hard to meet a little.
I mean, I'm sure my parents. I'm almost hand. We got bit by a dog in the police. I know.
That was horrible. Yeah. I, um, Bob DeMico got a bad dog bite on tour of Sabado a few years back. I almost lost his hand.
How old were you? Young. And I don't remember how old I was. I'm Ben Zager.
Honestly, I don't know. I don't know. 6. Yeah, I guess.
I mean, I was riding my bike. So 5, 6, 7. I'm not sure. But it was so depressing.
I mean, it's just like the whole thing was very depressing. But, um, so yeah, I did have like a bad, bad dog bite. Maybe my dad found me. I don't know.
I really don't know. But I still have the scar. And I still just remember the dog breaking off its chain and running across the street to me. And that was like the worst and trying to kick it off my leg.
OK. Yeah. Horrible. Bad dogs.
I know. But you know, it was funny because even as a kid, I mean, I have a healthy fear of dogs. Not like a, um, I'm not like terrified to be in your dogs or things like that. I think it's a healthy fear where I, you know, again, I just, I keep like sort of an eye.
Never assume that an animal, you can just trust them. Um, yeah, I think it's unwise. And I think that, you know, I also don't trust a lot of owners to be perfectly honest because they're always like, oh, he's so friendly. Don't worry.
I'm like, OK, we'll see. Um, dog owners can be so smug. And I've listened. I've been a dog owner.
I had my dog Tito and we lived to be 19. Bless, rest in peace Tito. He was a chihuahua. But you know, so I know dog culture.
I was a dog mom for many, many years, but I love dogs. I love dogs. Yeah. And I want to get a dog again someday because I would love easy to experience having a dog.
Um, I'm a dog person. Let's put it that way. But that being said, I have a healthy kind of fear of them. And I just, you know, I like to tread with caution and even in spite of that experience that I had, I didn't blame the dog.
I blamed the person. I was like, yeah, I knew. I was like, that's not that dog's fault. That's a miserable life.
That's just misery. I felt bad for the dog, you know. I really did. It just seemed so unfair.
So I, uh, I, yeah, I have like a real cringe when I see dogs. I feel like getting hurt really freaks me out. I find that I end up talking about dogs a lot in my life. Like I probably had three or four conversations about dogs, my feelings about dogs, my feelings about pet ownership several times on this tour alone.
Well, you say that to you, a dog is a human reincarnated. Like that for sure for you is like, that was a, that was a person. That person is being punished. I only had that thought once.
I thought it was the beginning of a psychic break for me. I was like, oh my God. Why was a dog looking at you? It just looked at me in a certain way and I had this realization.
They're like, I could end up a dog. You know, I'm like, I got to live a better life. I got to, I got to change some shit. I don't want to end up as a dog.
Please don't make me be a dog in this next. Oh my God. And the next go around like please. Will I be a dog?
I mean, it does. It actually does really, I don't know if this is true, but I had a lot of, a lot of times in my life where dogs didn't seem to like me, you know, and some of my friends would, would be like, I mean, taking the dogs, the dogs, the dogs, the dogs, the dogs are getting too. No, like the dogs, the dogs reaction to you is, it speaks of your character. If the dog is barking at you, then it means there's something wrong with you.
And, and, oh, she doesn't like you. And I was like, with you. Fair enough. Like I'm like, I do, because I do view dogs the same way you do.
I'm like, I don't know. I don't trust you, buddy. Don't. I don't like the way you're walking.
I don't like the way you're, I mean, when I can sense danger, I can sense danger in dogs. And, but when I did have the realization, like, I was like, like, wah, just the, the ray going between my eyeballs and this doggies eyeballs and just like, bam, I'm just hit with the shock of this former life of this creature. Since then, I'm just going to make this random, just sweeping thing. I'm going to put it right on top of this.
You're going to probably disprove me. But ever since then, ever since then when I encountered dogs, I look at them so sympathetically that they're friendly to me. And they go, oh, and people say, oh, and more often than not, people say to me, oh, he really likes you, which was not happening before. Maybe you did.
Maybe you had kind of like a life altering moment where now you, you get it. You're like, oh, we are dogs. Dogs are us. And so I need to totally, dogs are us.
Are us and I better live this human life to the best of my ability because I'm a dog and you're a dog and we're all just dogs waiting. Dogs and waiting. Yeah. I hope that I come back as a Papillon.
They're so cute. Yeah. They live long and they're small. You're going to be like a really cute big, like curly haired.
I can see you as a dog. Do I want to be domesticated? Maybe I want to be a mid-sized wild dog in Brazil. Maybe I want to be like those dogs in Brazil.
They just really asked. I told you about the wild dogs in Brazil. You did. It was a restaurant.
You were listening in a restaurant and these two crazy little dogs are not little. They're mid-sized. They're kind of like terriers. They're a little bit bigger than terriers.
They're super muscular and skinny. They came up to our table and the guys that we were reading was literally through them. The bones, like the rib cage or whatever, whatever chicken or whatever to these dogs. They came back so bloated from Brazil.
I've never seen you that bullet. I ate so much. Oh my God. I had so much insanely rich food and so much.
You know the obvious of the food. I ate a lot of alcohol. You couldn't say no. I couldn't say no to the host when it came to the alcohol.
I was like, nope. Was it like, um... It's 11 o'clock in the morning and I'm definitely drinking. I'm definitely drinking.
It's starting now. This is it. And then you just these rich pots of food. God.
But anyway, these dogs just would devour like full skeletons. And just chew the bones. You'd watch these little dogs chewing the bones, the jagged bones, and swallowing them. Jesus.
They're so hungry. They'll take it. But I mean, wait a minute. Is it not just perforating?
No. I'm sure that's like the millionth... I mean, I'm sure that dog is eating bones every fucking day. They eat dogs.
They eat dogs and bones and glass. Sure. Like these things, their organs are just made of like... Well, wild dogs.
Like street dogs have to survive. You know. Oh. The street dogs are...
That's a whole other thing. Holy God. Street dogs. But they weren't threatening to us.
So... Yeah. Right. Because I think it's different there.
There's a lot more to street dogs. Whereas like in the last few years... We went to this crazy waterfall. These guys drove us to like a one lane road in a fucking tiny tourist bus.
It was bizarre. Down dirt roads. 30, 40 miles into the overgrowth. I wouldn't say it was jungle.
I'm not going to go as far as saying it was a rainforest. But I guess maybe it was. But it was... But drove all the way into it to look at this big waterfall.
And at the bottom of the waterfall, there was like a big satanic symbol with candles around it that had been visited. And candles were all melted. And there were wild dogs. But it was this huge waterfall.
And I was like, it was kind of a tense ride out there. Because I'm like, this is where things happen. This is like you're in this one lane dirt road deep into the forest in Brazil. This is where stuff happens.
It's all just feeling a little tense. But if you sat at the bottom of the waterfall, you would be pummeled by tons of water. So it was just like being this massive... I was like, oh my gosh.
So I went under the waterfall and I was like, okay. I think we could do this. I release whatever happens. I think everything's gonna be fine.
It's all good. Yeah. You're here. It's all good.
I'm here. I came back. You survived.