Hello sweet chicks Rosie buds, hmm My mother's totally moving No winning brew when I down we get back up I've got the haunted desire My mother will refine your riddle To the top Bill Cook to the show Did you know that your mom is a Ace bloke? Wait, she's alright She's pretty good Alright, get it in myself It's Rob Dyrdic's Ridiculousness Welcome to the show everybody It's 2023 and it's all up for grabs Do you want it? How much do you want it? Are you willing to take it to get it?
I don't know, I gotta pop myself up Because I'm done with that I'm done with the negative We're moving on We're behind me now Yes, clean slate And we're going for it with the utmost positivity And it's just gonna be fun and tremendous And I look forward to what's to come We've gone on your mom's house It's terrific That's some of it, that's some of the good stuff We've got funnier on the weekend That was convenient That beats the alternative? Yeah, good point So that's good So I'm looking forward to doing that Looking forward to getting better at that And then, cause I did stand up with big Jay Oakerson And he said after the first city It's like man, it's awesome to see You get better, like your timing is Awesome now, which is Hard to know why I'm better I just could tell that I'm better I was like maybe just cause you're confident Let's know if it's something, I don't know But I am starting to figure something out And it's exciting, it's exciting to do stuff And somebody in Australia is reaching out to me And wants me to go to Australia for a week And I'm just like, I'm trying to be nice And believe it, but it's also too good to be true But it does look good in that Would be already, that would be Such an awesome success story for me And I really hope I don't take any of that for granted If it does happen, cause to be in it for such a short amount of time And to go home And to stand up at home Paid for, flown out there That's incredible After all the stuff, so incredible So, you know, like you can bring somebody I was like, really? Do you guys know who you're talking to? Are you sure you want to do that?
Yeah, I'm like, okay, I will go So yeah, all those things Just makes it feel like something Special is about to happen I've had this feeling before and this is happening again I'm very excited about it and just like all the other things that I've done Well, don't take it for granted I've cooled next, next, next Appreciated, so that's what I'm gonna do I'm very excited about it 2023, yep, it's gonna be good And then I'm headlining again, tomorrow Last week by the time anybody hears this? Yeah, it was great Accidentally, yeah, I killed Accidentally didn't know What's happened to so many of the greats Richard Pryor famously Never showed up, never promoted a show Didn't know that he was performing most nights he performed Yeah, well good, that's me, I'm very Richard Pryor as then That's the craziest bit about it Just to, you know, the first one trying to line up people And I think I kind of settled with Ryan Sickler was busy I tried, I think I might have asked Jessa May Paluso as well She was busy and I was like, ah, yep Looks like the show's doing stand up, which I thought was a good idea We probably liked it, but we promoted it And this time we did not So that's a bit of a bummer I would have liked to have Done that correctly so that I could impress the improv You let him learn next time He's there next time when you don't have any tickets But the good news is, you don't know, but you could have got a free ticket to it If you're a fan, I would have hooked you up There's a decent chance somebody who is watching this or listening to it right now Was there for free? Right, because they probably watched our Patreon show That's right, because we do two of those a week live They pretty good in your face, you can tell it to us directly And then you can give me your info on your tickets And liquid death is sponsoring it, so liquid death is going to be bringing cases Yep, it's going to be the most hydrated comedy show I'm going to do a little game where you guys are going to have cards at the table And you can write down stuff that you've never told people and I'll read it on stage If you feel like getting up and joining me fine If you don't also fine, it's a little bit of a... Get the guy off your chest, so to speak Get the Brock off your chest?
Mm-hmm The Brock Lesnar off your chest Tommy John, Tommy John, then I sign your balls Any buttocks? Nice sort of Allison Chains grunge, by the way Ahh, I'm a man in the box, so shorts from Tommy John That was the original version, I bet that was Tommy John's are so G darn comfortable There's lots of words I don't understand like modal in four-way stretch But I know what it means, I know that I have a pair of their lounge wear, their pants And they're the most comfortable pair of pants that I've ever done I got two, I got two, so that's convenient Try them and if you come to me and say that they're not the most comfortable pair of pants You've ever worn, I will punch you in the face because you were a liar I'll film it and probably urinate on your unconscious body Because Telly hits, I can fuck a cannon 20% off, luxury Would you like that ladies and gentlemen? 20% off your first order at TommyJohn.com slash Jason That's me, it's very easy to spell 20% off right now at TommyJohn.com slash Jason See Sight for details Man, there's a lot of news in mixed martial arts There is, well I know the one big thing that happened most recent to when we're taping this is Kinda McGregor's pregnant Yeah, cause you're my preggar they call him Ahh, kind of McGregor, that is so good What, what'd you hear? Is the big Dana White news?
Yeah, yes, Slapp and his wife I just saw a video where he talked to TMZ About how he had to show the video to his kids How well are his kids? Now they're old enough to know what's going on They're teens Pretty crazy though Like hey kids, gather around, look at your dad did to your mum I guess, whatever situation you grow up in That's normal until you get out of your house and you really compare yourself to other people And everybody's got shit that they grow up like maybe it's not that my dad runs the UFC But there's always weird shit in your house that you don't know is weird until you get out in the world a little bit All they've ever known is a world where their dad can do an armpit fart And it'll be retweeted around the world So the fact that their business is public Is something that I guess the kids are They don't know that it's weird, that if your dad's something everybody knows it It is not a great look No, but I also feel like I don't want to I don't want to crap on MMA But the attitude is are you surprised? People was that totally surprising to you or was it more like? Yeah, I just think this is a really Camera I can't Because I'm going to show you this, this is a really really tacky way for him to be promoting his new slap lighting organization I think I think Data's better than this No wonder he loves that company I know Because he really invested in it It's just a crazy thing to He's been training His wife looks like she's been training harder Like I love how he's thinking we've been married 30 years and it's like what does that have to do with it?
It's because you've been married a long time, you're allowed to slap your wife Like 30 years makes her more annoying or something like it's just such a I don't know, it's such a barbaric man I feel like a lot of guys that eat keto And I'm not, you know, obviously a lot of us don't but just judging by the comments on stuff What do you think keto has to do with this? I just feel like dudes that are like into the living king and stuff Hit their wives, they go for it But is it a chicken egg thing? Like does eating liver make you a little bit more sloppy? Or is being sloppy make you like liver more?
Well, I just think of people that like liver also agree that they are cavemen Alright guys, this is part of the paleo lifestyle And you protect your wife and you also slap her when she gets out of control for her own good muckeringue You slap all covers but sometimes you also need to slap some scents into her Yeah, I see, let me ask you this Put a man does This is maybe an incredibly naive question that I'm about to ask Do you believe that is the first time he or she has slapped you? Absolutely not Do you think this is something that has happened two times before? Or do you think this is something that has happened two hundred and two times before? Yeah, that's what I think.
If you do it at a club, that's also added that you're 55, dude Right, like when you're in your fifties and you slap your wife Don't even tell me you didn't slap him when you were 25 Does it, I'm not trying to say right? Does it make it different that she slapped him first? No, but that's me. You can say people are raised different or something But I'm a violent person as much as I don't want to be maybe that's the only difference is I'm not proud of the Manblood that runs my in through my veins.
It's a little embarrassing sometimes and I just never I just not a person that is a bully I mean I am I have been for sure like I said as things that I do that I'm not proud of but I never put my hands on a woman Like I think I've restrained a woman but to strike. I don't know man. It just seems like such a You know, maybe if he was blacked out and he didn't really even know who he was But he was standing up in a club. Yep.
It seemed and he probably did something that was worth, you know I think he does things that are slap worthy. I don't think I'm ever gonna amount to anything with him I think whatever I've done in the past with Elle's manias, but my bridge but I know that he slept with a lot of women Before he was married Allegedly he might have slept with other women like I've heard rumors of that so maybe not true But I have heard that and that women don't find why I just don't find that good No, they don't like it enjoy their husband having indiscriminate as I bitches. That's it Yeah, like if you got him an apartment and stuff, right and they didn't know and then they found out that would be That would make you want to slap him. Yeah, and you know if you're getting slapped on you using an i-club Well, also everybody you know, it's easy to reduce it to a slap And I'm not trying to say or imply that he was like really moving in for the kill or anything It's not just the slap I've seen like he had to be restrained because he was still at least going to stick his nose interface after it was He slapped her so you were coherent enough to know that it was a lady You know, but he did well if you black out and rage out, you just start hitting people.
Yeah, he I'm trying to defend him as in You were so black that you didn't know where you were what you did. Oh, that's not what he didn't No, no, because he knew who he was doing it to and he did it more than one time You know you could just lose it for a second. No, actually give it to you So you're really angry you're in a heated argument and then the lady's slasher you could give you one I shouldn't but I could give you an excuse of like I just reacted and that's exactly what I'm saying is doesn't make it not okay or Acceptable but different that you get smack you go. Oh really right back.
It's it's it's bam bam. Yeah Yeah, I don't I'm not a fan of it. Yeah, if you had a video doing that, I would not be cool with you, right? I just I just feel like a lot of people could justify that on his behalf and I think those people suck That is not My first my first thought was I don't know Maybe it is just this like shot and Freud like you just want to see the mighty tumble But my initial thought was he's the guy and it was before he even said it I didn't need to hear him say it because I've heard him say it before that's the one line You can do it every one you stirroids you can come back blah blah blah blah blah you go to Bellator You can come back you if you're if you hit a woman or there's a reason to believe that you have you're done You're dead to me.
Well now what about that football guy that he signed her signed him right and kept him around for a long time I think I was like four in a row something he would still be there. He would be if he'd won he Absolutely positively well I think Greg Hardy was useful to them a couple different ways because I just NFL fans will watch it and if I'll fans will watch it And I think if you win he's an NFL fan So I think that yeah, so help but I also think that honestly It's kind of same thing as when Jason Mayhem Miller went to the UFC if he wins It's cool and if he loses it's kind of cool because look at this You guys watch the NFL every weekend you brought when your toughest guys over and you have see guys beat that It's kind of a it's kind of a it's kind of couldn't lose there. I just thought when I saw it. Oh Everybody in this community who you don't put hands on woman You don't put hands on a woman Dana White's gonna be if he's not if he's even in jail he'll be out of jail in 48 hours and I don't mean real jail I mean in the popular opinion of the MMA world.
I'm tired of rules don't apply to certain people people who have such Hardcore opinions go about fucking everybody else really hit a woman. You're done well than Dana White go take a seat Go and suspend yourself for six months do something do something real don't just do damage control and then put it behind you Because there's lots of other guys who may only be guilty of this which is I'm trying to say it's right This is not a ray rice like fucking dragging a woman unconscious. It's not it's not but guys have had their careers ruined over this. Yeah, at least get a speed bump I'm so I feel like I live in like medieval France now where it's like if you've got sir or Duke or Billions associate it with you you could get on everybody and tell everybody how to live But there's no rules for you and there's no accountability And I just think the MMA community you've been very clear about this.
This is your line in the sand. Yeah, I like it. Wow Yeah, yeah, yeah, well said I completely agree I'm not saying you need to sell the UFC. I'm not saying he needs to disappear I'm not saying he needs to get chemically castrated but consequences.
It's not a good language control. No, it sucks saying it's okay You know, he's back tomorrow, and it's okay, and it's not you know, like it's your mom or your sister or your daughter that he hit And that's how I see it. So it's always Very easy cut and dry for me. You do that.
You're a piece of shit You know and I totally agree with you with the whole you know in a nightclub. This is the first time no way is the first time It's probably been worse, you know, and you got to show your kids like look that was bad. You definitely don't do that I remember my dad in a nitrous oxide Corvette with a beer and a joint in his hand driving with his knee And he said do as I say Jay not as I do and I was like okay, I Totally drink and drop a car and smoked weed driving the car because I thought it was cool And I didn't think that it was anything wrong with that. Yeah, and I wonder why yeah Turns out kids learn from the parent example.
Yeah, and just your words But like everyone knows go to therapy your actions are the things that that do it you can say, you know All the nice things you want, but if you're on video hitting your mom That's it man And I can look at him the same way again Yeah, I actually like I'll do it too because sometimes bitches get out of hand and they need to be regulated Yeah, that's and that attitude we should stop, you know because we're you know we came from a man, you know It's something like women are weaker or something, you know, it's like really check out. Yeah, okay Athletically sure but that doesn't mean if anything means even more so to not do that because it's obvious, you know Yeah, hitting a little people somebody starts talking to you and you fight a little guy because you know you're gonna whip him That's that's some coward cowardly. Yeah. Yeah, I think that I think the actual size and strength disparity is a big part of it I would go so far to say if there is a gigantic very strong lady who's dating a very small week man She also should not hit it.
Yeah, that's why he can't win. I agree. Yeah. Yeah, yeah I remember a bully I had a wife that used to beat me and I was way bigger than her and when people found out they were like dude You do not put up with that.
Yeah, they didn't say beat her up They said leave her and and and it was all the people that were Raised in a what I would call like a good person Yeah, they're kind-hearted people try to do the best with their life to make it not inconvenient to others Those are the people that were like Jason I know you don't want to hear this and maybe no one told you because of the group of people you hang out with but that's not acceptable Yeah, I remember being surprised isn't it well that it was it was a different time and when you're talking about a woman beating a guy It's still a different time, you know There's a double standard, but it just doesn't people don't think of sexual harassment against men or domestic violence against me You say domestic violence the mental image that comes to mind for people to this day is the guy beating up a check Yeah, you know, but I I'm very front of mind for me with my daughter who's four I'm like Relentlessly trying to give her the vibe of this is what it feels like when you're with somebody who respects you yeah Because at some point I'll have to have an awful conversation with you about like you know how it feels when you're I bought my daughter flowers This morning, you know like you know how it feels when somebody actually probably loves you when somebody properly loves you and treats you with respect It would never well keep you I mean I'll keep you in line. You know, but you're not a Every now and then Okay, you win but but if you're ever but you know, you know what right feels like you've got an internal compass You'll know because we've all been you know, you have that that friend who like wants to go You know break some shit or probably this feels wrong this feels like you you may Yeah, but you'll know the difference you'll know the difference and she'll say no to Robin gas stations. Yeah, there's a lot of pretty wild news that went down. I was completely checked out I successfully did not look at World events outside of the National Basketball Association for one week straight.
How was that? It's difficult. Um It's just the cigarette the cigarette thing when I quit cigarettes It was really hard for a few days But after that it's just a little tap on your shoulder every 10 minutes a little tap on your shoulder And it's just I swear to God the same thing you can you pat your pocket to get your phone you pat your pocket for your cigarettes And I just I'm trying this year 2023 to be the year that I actually don't need to know what Marjorie Taylor Greene. Oh, yeah, thanks.
Yeah about anything Yeah, and you don't either you can notice that she's out of the I haven't seen anything from her lately. Oh, she was Back to I'm back up to half a pack a day I did catch a headlight on her right before the show, but it's okay like in moderation if I could just keep it too Like it used to be my dad my mom did read the newspaper in the morning You know they pick it up and finish it they put it down There was an innate seat at six o'clock news at night and that was the end of it There was no 24 hour news cycle because there was no 24 hour news channels. There was no smartphones I'm not saying like I don't want to know what's going on in the world I just want to be like old school about I want to read the paper and go cool I'll be back in 23 and a half hours Right because it can you know what change the angle of your day so much and you don't it didn't matter It didn't you found out at lunchtime nothing happened in a week that I that I needed to know yeah And that'll probably be true next week and you know what something really big does happen I'll probably hear about it from somebody anyway, right so will this be the year that I can just let go I don't care Okay, but in But musk Kanye it's tough because this job I kind of do feel a slight We should know something to know a little bit, but I it is my people hate our opinions anyway I know it is my thought to be the least important fan and podcasting good luck. Yeah stick with me I'd probably be alright.
Yep. I don't know what's going on. What'd you do? What'd you do for every senior in a week?
Anything exciting happened over here? I know it kind of worked most of it, but I had three days off Katie sent me to San Diego a little Airbnb little janky one That's nice go with My guy friend and it was all Katie's ideas. So we both went and You know bought some water or whatever and some snacks and just hung out in this house for For two days, but it at least nothing for one whole day you went to San Diego to buy it by water For the room for that so I didn't have to go and get water. Oh, I say yeah, because everything else is postmates.
Oh, I gotcha Uh-huh, cuz we're lazy like that. I see but I don't want to get postmate water. I got snacks too But I got a lot of snacks for Christmas, so I didn't have to really buy any snacks I got this fun bag right now where everybody gave me snacks I put all in one bag and so many so many candy delicious candy treats Yeah, and it's just a bad one because I was deciding to let go of that a little more this year But right now I have a bag of candy that I cannot waste got a 50-20 to say I need a couple candies before I go to sleep It's pretty cool. I had a bunch of Brazil bucks at the airport that I felt compelled to buy one of every candy We had the worst time because Gimli had a heart attack and And then had a couple and with to go to the vet in the middle of the night a couple times I'm thinking this is it for Jim and he pulls through every time, but just the stress of Knowing Jim's days are numbered and you know, is he breathing?
Okay, because now we're just always concerned about it. It sucks because they can't talk All right, and he's on different meds now, so it seems to be holding up But just going back three times is like well, he's when's he going back again? You know like I think about every night for hearing me. I'm like is this it?
No, it's okay. We're good And then obviously I know we're a bit behind but I found out yesterday before everybody else that can died Ken Block and that was really hard still is that's chucking yeah, that's just the saddest thing ever But I also know You know, I know Ken helped me so much he helps so many people But I know that he would want me to you know, he was he was such an inspiration to me on being Successful and how to go about it like him befriending me because I had such a high opinion I mean he was like I love hanging out with Alex and I'm like really and it kind of made me feel like I too can be successful and It really helped a lot. He was you know, I've told you let me live in his house for like I don't know I felt like a year at one point He flooded his house and then he left and I lived in it because I still had the pool house that wasn't flooded Oh, so he was like you can just stay here So I just had his whole house I met my kid's mother and the first time we ever hung out was at Ken's house It was just a pussy magnet like if you take people there you're getting late Yeah, and he was just always a supporter man I always had my back with the hernikins since he started that he was like Jeez, why don't you do some stuff with them? But then I became friends with all those guys and then you know DC's nobody motocross all the things that he's done to help All those sports, you know like Colin and I had a conversation about it because he called to tell me and he was like We both wouldn't be sitting in these houses man if it wasn't for him, right?
Yeah, what is the Ken is DC, but DC is all he's sold it. No, I know but how did it start exactly? He was sleeping on Danny's couch. Mm-hmm.
He was friends with Damon Mm-hmm and he's a skater Yeah, and he was trying to design a clothing company I think it was eight ball that was first and then the clothing company did pretty good And they were trying to transition into shoes all Ken's idea and design a few shoes and because of Damon, you know Damon way Danny way's brother, okay Had some money from an accident that happened in a basketball game He had a football I don't know at a game he fell down stairs or something but it permanently you can't walk properly and They made a team got Colin on and it was Danny and Colin That's why people thought DC was Danny and Colin, but it wasn't but the design and the ads made that company In huge it made everybody want to be on that team and I feel like skateboarding as a whole started copying their Way of branding because of how powerful and successful it was immediately and rub dirty like everybody got on the team They started designing shoes and they just had a campaign that was unstoppable You know like people still try to make sure that look like they're then he did all that you know He put in the hours I remember him because we're skaters which is floating around they can and then he beat the office Just living there making it all happen and then next company and they get to the motorsports Yes, but if you write is makes that look even better snowboarding makes that look even better And then he starts driving cars and makes motorsports in its entirety bigger. Yeah, like all the posts I see it's in everybody motorsports everybody that's ever had an engine is like man We really lost a good one because we did yeah, he's a really good person I've only been a man through you obviously, but yeah, he's a totally normal. Yeah, you know, you think the you know the ego would but not him He's always been based on written reality the fucking champion. Yeah, that's a Absolutely, I just feel so bad for his wife and his kids kids.
Yeah, it's just like the two young sway too soon It was all happening. It's a great life and then just like that And I think Travis Pashrana had a statement to the effect of you know how impossible it is to achieve Achieve everything that you would dream of achieving and then make all those roads intersect, you know Make no mistake though So many I've seen so many people through the nature of the work that we do who as good as they are at the professional stuff They're like that bad at the personal stuff. Yeah, there's better at the post. There's this Which is saying something because yeah, pretty good celebrity Yeah, there's a lot of really miserable very deeply unhappy famous successful rich celebrities who know that where it counts the most They are big gups and they're reaping with and and because a lot of they borrowed from the the energy and time bag of the personal stuff to put it Into the professional stuff.
That's part of the reason why they're so successful and as Travis said in the statement, you know Can't just achieve everything he wanted to achieve and raising with his daughter all that stuff was dovetailing together perfectly And also we all know that life is not fair But out of all the people who do live on the edge that you wouldn't be so shocked to hear that there was Yeah, he's from that community to me the last guy because I was telling Katie he did dangerous stuff But it was always calculated. Yeah, it wasn't just like seed of his pants. Let's see what happens kind of stuff. Yeah Yeah, it was I'll never forget him.
He was very important Yes, he is the things that he's done will go on because we're all still here using his Techniques to be successful. Yeah, because he taught so much he was a giver gave so much You know, I think at one point It's kept me on the team because he liked me, you know, but I think it was like you could take her you could give her take Jason I was on DC like what the is that anyway, and it was just it was like until there is no, you know, I cannot justify it I was like I know what am I doing? Get me on it was you know when he said to me and I was on work of a ESPN doing all the ex-game It was like I was making like twice as much as I'd ever made ever in skateboard and I was on the coolest team And I was not the coolest that's exactly what I met you. Yeah, it was like the tail and the guys at the DC Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's yeah, that was when I was like, I'm on radio.
I don't know how much I'm helping you do You know I don't skate I'm on the radio I don't have any shoes themselves for you to be honest, maybe not right and I was still on the team until it was I feel it was almost like got yourself a job got yourself a career good now Yeah, seriously wouldn't surprise me if that was like in his back of his mind the whole time like let's get Jason settle I don't I'm not your son. Yeah, yeah, but can hook me up man. Yeah, same as what they both helped me so much You know, Lucy really cared for me gave me a lot of really good advice when I really needed it and you know Obviously I didn't take everything they taught me and use it But I think it helped me a lot a lot of things where she would just explain stuff in a way where I'd be like Oh, yeah, yeah, I don't need to do that anymore. Yeah, thank you like always just so helpful It's very sad.
Well in happier news. Yes a man took his own PT cruiser Well take a time Give a minute took him a minute to figure out what he had and then he finally figured it out and did what you supposed to do If you have a PT cruiser you piss on it So this should have been made this guy they are really odd cars should have been done now They look like a like a lower level Dick Tracy villains. Yeah, it's just not I get what you're trying to do Yeah, maybe everyone around you at the time thought it was a good idea to have a look so you covered the 50s But it's a new card. It's not it's not it's not it's not it's what you've done It's you've made a steaming pile of shit.
Yeah, and you've somehow convinced some people I remember before I came out I was in a mall in Australia and Steve Caballero showed me a photo on his phone check it out I ordered it before it even came out and I was like that's a piece. Yeah, it was like really come on I'm like dude really that's a piece. Yeah, and then it's not too late You know just cut bait on that deposit. So he pissed on it on the outside or in the no get on it Look at this sneakers the PF flyer.
They were like the PT cruiser of shoes and vice versa. No, it was the same thing I was like, yeah, I see it's a car. What shoe it wasn't it? Am I imagining things?
Am I just fully concocting things at full clock the PF flyer Is that what they were? Yeah, that's what those things I feel like when they came out they had a certain there you go You see that the certain 1930s. You gonna say qua? Anyway, this guy was I think there was a car parked perhaps illegally at the entrance of like a national park And they went and found the guy and they're like what are you doing?
And he said I can't hear to listen to the owls and they're like have you been drinking sir? I mean he in his own estimation said that he was a five out of ten drunk. Mm-hmm And he had a natural ice in natural ice. Nadi ice.
What's natural ice? It's just really cheap here. Yeah, okay. Oh, okay Yeah, right.
Yeah, like even in my worst days. I was never My surprise a lot of alcohol content ice beers always did right I spear is I think a polite term for malt liquor right which was when I used to do Meth when I lived in Hollywood. Yeah, I would drink a Six pack of ice buds. No, but I see a yeah, yeah Beer is just like you can't shock your system with it.
You need to once you get used to it. Yeah, it's like beer Yeah, but if you're living like a normal sane human being and all stuff you decide to do it's one in it's like it's a tremendous shock Yeah, so this guy was I think they were in the middle of giving him the whole alcohol tiger woods touch your nose Say some state capitals thing and they said all of a sudden he made like this like face He just ran over and pulled down his pants and get on his own bumper in front of the police Yeah, does that mean you failed the test? I don't think it's against the law to poop What about it? What about if pretty sure it is?
I don't know what I would you're an eating is I understand There has to be some leeway for things that are beyond our control Let's say I get one of those bacon wrapped hot dogs outside of a club I'm a boulevard but on the designated driver that was my fun for that I got one of those dumb hot dogs and it turns out it was a horrendous idea and fun fact you shouldn't eat food That's cooked on stolen shopping carts from grocery stores Yeah, and then I'm driving home and I'm like getting a rat because I'm like oh I'm gonna poop whether I like it or not and I'm sweating and they pull me over and they go have you been drinking sir We just saw you pull away from Hollywood Boulevard and I go no I have not been drinking but I'm about to have a really bad But accident yeah, I have to be able to just go sorry officer's coming I don't know if there's any police out there listening, but I can't be a logan you gotta poo in your pants, bro You pull your bum out you've exposed yourself. I don't want to live in a world where I can't either I think I should get going to jail. I think I should get three freebies Why is there a number should be a punch card that you get for how many times you're allowed to say I had to Poops poop is natural. What about if you have butts is natural That's what I'm saying.
Well, then if you get five maybe you get diagnosed and you get five punch cards I think you're supposed to poo in your pants dude I'm saying that I boring a cup my friend Toby Pete Pood in a cup where they went on a hike and he needed to poop very impressive Right, that's what I said gross because they found they kept it in the car Until they found a place to dump it which means he had poo in a cup in the car. That's going too far That is you gotta get it out He was arrested and taken to the hospital for a blood test on the way He noticed the police officer was using his GPS and said man I'm the drunk one here and I have to give you directions on how to how to take me to jail you moron You're moron. Yeah, but you're already going to jail. What the what the hell and while they were taking his blood Quote, it's all beer not going to lie to you pure natural ice Not unlike I ever want to meet him kind of way Yeah, from a distance.
I like it and the kind of related story a passed out guy Like weekend at Bernice cops on a somewhat high-speed chase because he was in a self-driving Tesla He had a dead person in the car. No, he was he was like we can have Bernie's like he was passed out behind the wheel Oh, he just programmed the car. There's these things like a nice like a it's like a steering wheel weight It is I guess the the steering wheel has I don't have the self-driving one It can tell if there's hands yeah on the wheel yeah, but people buy these things to put on so that they don't actually So he's passed out. I think yeah, the chair reclined.
Yeah, and he went straight through a checkpoint Wait, look how didn't notice stuff at the check. No, it's 68 and so they're just like chasing him around and you just Pass out the cars like evading the police What kind of computer criminal mind is it behind that wheel? That's so awesome I honestly can't tell you how they actually ultimately I don't know how long it went on and how let me see this is in Germany Police officers tail the electric vehicle for 15 minutes on the on the auto bond. Yeah repeated horns and sirens He was at a steady 68 degrees the whole time.
I see eventually. Yeah, I'm sorry Yeah, eventually he woke up and followed police instructions police under the man showed drug typical abnormalities during the checkup He'll know to do that next time yeah We probably had gotten away with it Any number of times he's probably got that was a thing that he did I'm kind of okay with it Like if you can drive you home How's that drink driving because technically you're supposed to be ready to step in at a moment's notice because it's not technically the cars fault if there's like a very small very pale person walk going through like a crosswalk or something in there is that yeah Cuz don't stop when people walk in front of it. They almost always do yeah, okay. That's why yeah You have to but what's the point of a self-driving car?
They're not allowed to self-drive look this is I'm prepared to say the future yeah 20 years from now Maybe not every car but there will be a model. That's like you are not responsible for this thing Yeah, we're just not quite there Yeah, but in the meantime if you are an alcoholic refuses to get an uber or drink near home It this I'll take my chance. He didn't hit anybody. Yeah, you've been fine It wasn't for that meddling checkpoint.
Oh Let's see what else you have you have kids yeah, do you have any? Do you do you go through their phone or you'll know have you ever no I'm in the past when they were really little I did because the kids had iPad Then I discovered that tiger was trying to look up porn without knowing how to spell the words yet And it was endlessly funny to me. I always type pran. I don't know what are they what are you taught?
He's spelled boobs wrong boys and girls nipples boobies I never having to talk to him about it. That was uncapped Yeah, cuz it's still took him to porn hub. Yeah, yeah, I know what he wants absolutely What everybody wants yeah, well, I'm friends. I don't know what the rules are my son actually just asked me Phone he asked for a laptop.
We're just starting to get there But I I've heard friends with teen kids say that they go through their kids phone and their kid fully knows it like when they got The phone they're like just you have a good thing you have no privacy with this thing So I don't know what you're supposed to all figured out when I have to figure that out in a couple years And then I'm going to throw it all its own apparently there's like Supervising settings you can do with a parent where you can like block you can lock them from accessing certain apps Yeah, she did that like she still does that if they get in trouble they get their apps taken away Yeah, that's cool. Well, but here's the thing It's this cat and mouse game where kids are always trying to stay One step ahead of their parents and that's why police are warning about all of the different emojis that your kids might be using and the codes for them to get drugs I don't know man. I feel like I feel like if your kids are doing drugs, I'm not catching them with an emoji I'm catching them because I know it hard looks like if your kid has a snowflake emoji. Yeah, they're probably a coke dealer Yeah, right.
No man. That's coke fish. Let me guess fish is I don't know like the dealer usually it soliciting underage prostitutes under a himself. Maybe it's what's what's his name?
Tate or what's his name? Okay, I'll use those emojis so they have the police I don't know where the police police force is but okay If you go on your kids phone and they have an emoji of a nose and then a snowflake right next to it Yeah, they should just say be some cocaine Can nose in a snowflake what is that's two on the nose for code? What's a what's a fish got to do with coke? Scale.
Yeah, what it's fish scales have to do with coke because that's how you weigh it. That's right. Oh, yeah Does that mean you're saying you want to buy a hefty amount? What about if you just say I'm looking to get Tony yayo's next album.
Do you have it? Is that code that would be even more of a dead giveaway because Okay, children How big was it? I'm kind of appalled that the little skiing emoji didn't make it in for this. Oh, yeah Yeah, people say go skiing.
That's right. I'm appalled that Tony yayo had a career. Did he really yes? What do you mean?
If 50 cent yeah, it was huge if 50 cent had released I never thought I'd say that said a single buy his dog It would have been as successful as Tony aos. Oh, that might have been even bigger 50 cent had a dog that had an elbow Yeah, but I thought you had a substantial audience. I think I think Lloyd Banks may have been more successful than Tony ao Well Lloyd Banks was better how that that helps yeah Yeah, it was extra bad and then young Buck. Where do I where are they gonna figure out where they coming from these names?
Away to exactly to extricate the things in my brain that I can't get rid of but I never needed it I still don't need it. I still don't need it And put something valuable in it. Yeah, and instead I can name all four members of G unit I thought I was waiting for G unit Yeah, it's all those guys on stage with 50 cent appalling. Yeah, just an absolute.
Yeah sacrilege dickhead So the purity of the drugs your kids got a nose and a snowflake and then fire lightning and fist that your kids get He's got the bomb. He's got that bomb. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I think you may have a bomb Let me get a prostitute some cocaine Let me stop you if you have all those no one will ever know I used emojis.
Don't worry. I covered our tracks it sexting If your kids have wet peaches like a bad news my friend wet beaches wet peaches also That means see man the bomb that means my butt is wet for you, but yeah, I know that yeah Peaches is definitely as yeah and eggplants at this point the eggplant emoji has become so vulgar They may as well just replace it with interaction. Yeah, yeah, everybody knows everybody knows never for let's get to make Ever no one's ever usually a plant emoji. Yeah for eggplant no one has ever bragged about the sick eggplant part They just I don't even like eggplant.
I think it's a highly underrated You eat but you eat weird stuff. Yeah, you like patay I do like patay got some I got my hands on some sick duck croquettes here. We go. What's a croquette a croquette is a deep fried ball Or something.
Oh yeah deep fried what duck? Oh I like that I like deep fried stuff. I'm gonna get there you guys. I'm a baba boo.
Yeah Let's see if your kids have a horse. They don't want a pony they want ketamine. Oh Of course whole strangle on so dealing drugs if you get as a dealer they might have an eight ball sample Yeah, or a plug be a bad idea to do the April symbol if you're a drug dealer. Yeah, yeah, you know They're the plug you got the hook up the plug.
Yeah, what's a plug a plug is like a slang term for a hookup? Like you got the plug for Jason's got the plug for liquid death Okay, you know places why don't get drugs? Yeah, yeah, you don't have a plug you don't even know what one is I don't even know the lingo I'm not sure sometimes and I say can I get some mushrooms? I'm gonna get busted for sure I always wondered about that right like because there was those urban legends when you were a kid to like don't say the names of Drugs on the phone.
Yeah, cuz you don't know like probably nobody's listening But they could be we should tell me that if you say the word that's when it starts recording right that there's triggers Which you know, it's funny cuz I'm pretty sure now that technology definitely exists now Yeah, but I'm pretty sure it did not exist in 1988 Yeah, I think that was about as realistic as that that that turned the color of the pool water if you peed it It's just not true. It's about the fun. It's about the you're like, hey, man You got any you know Jimmy or whatever. Yeah, full of nobody knows where in the core.
Yeah, yeah, right You're just a you I remember what people thought that they could talk about their parents in front of their parents by calling them the rinse That's ridiculous. It's unbelievably stupid. Yeah. Yeah, that doesn't work.
No, it didn't No, nope. Well, there you go. That's we're ready to sell drugs. That's good What else what else what else we have a new world's tallest man a new one?
Yeah, they could not verify this guy for a while because they didn't know where within any near proximity of him Do they have a tape measure? He's very poor and very tall. Yeah, somewhere in the depths of Africa They brought him to a doctor's office and the thing just didn't he's nine foot six Wow And and growing and handsome as all fuck. Yeah, he's clearly got a lot of it.
That's a good question He's clearly got some kind of a gigantic and that's why they had been measuring him and measuring him And then finally one day he went to the doctor and they said we are no longer equipped to measure you know He wants money to measure himself. He could do our only fans. I bet she's got a pretty sick All right, if you're a giant guy, you got a giant cock right Oh He laid over too much to try and fit in they do that I know just stand up rule it I know tower over these four I regret that I had a tall gorgeous girlfriend and every I only have like two pictures of us together It's just like pre smartphone and everyone she's like got like our hand on her hip like leaning in like if I'm like some prize You can't you? Yeah, exactly.
It's like I knew you were six feet when I started dating you I don't want to say the point but it's part of the point. Yeah, it's definitely part of the Shane of it. That's for sure. I know it's all this guy is he was 22 when he noticed that he was really gigantic But he's way more gigantic than that now.
How much of a correlation He got bigger after 22. Yeah, like when you have I think Giganticism You usually just don't that there's something he's going there's something in you that tells your body to start growing and then there's something You tell your body to stop growing is he's kind of proportionate. He doesn't look like he's not hideous Yeah, he's nine foot six, but he has the eyelids of a 12-foot man. Oh No, yeah, he looks alright I reckon Oh, yeah, it's a traveling back.
Do we do we feel like at the end of the day? Like how strong is the correlation between a man's height and his penis size? Yeah, okay? Good point.
No, I mean I don't know I'm trying to add up now. Like I don't think I've ever seen naked It's generally pretty proportionate. So like five foot four dudes all have tiny I don't think that I don't think that I always feel like they kind of make out in that regard where it's like if you're like Five foot three and you have a six-inch erection you like yeah Pretty mighty little package you've got there fella. Yeah, but I haven't seen a lot of five foot eight and under big wings It's usually on a six plus guy.
Oh, that's interesting. Yeah where they have like a tremendous right penis Right, but let me put this way if I wandered through the shower of like the NBA all-star game Would I just be like wow holy shit? I think you would have to be really if you're six foot five and up. Yeah, and you're a black guy There's a good chance.
Yeah, the odds are in your favor. That's all maybe not But but I'd say half yeah of them. That's probably that's probably not a ridiculous But a substantial one so we think that nine foot six guy. It's got like we gotta have at least eight inches The record is still right There's that really irritating creepy dude is his name like Jonah Falcon or something is like a 13 inch erection There's a guy He has the world second biggest dick and he just always talks about how there's one guy in the picture We talked to a adult entertainer the other day and they were saying how these days filming is difficult because of how many Huge hard during the game.
There's more a lot more than you than ever Right like maybe it's more acceptable to start only fans. So you're getting more clientele That's my guess and workers and and these people that usually wouldn't do it that had a 12 inch penis They're like man I don't know what else I'll do for a job and I do have it would get me paid well only fans makes money now Oh, yeah, I can't believe it. I thought for sure it was just a stupid thing But it's actually I feel like I could get it to like to do really good. I get a gay out Which I shouldn't say like that.
It's cool, but everyone likes that weird because Figured you're real straight, but maybe you're straight and you just want to see me get boned. Yeah, I do have more than ever now So it's cool. Yeah, I would assume that most of the look there's no way around there's a couple weird dudes out there who are I mean fucking Howard Stern could start and only fans and there's some guy named Tony who lives in Queens who is such a Howard super fan He's just got to see that yeah, I think I've got a couple of those I think you do have a couple of those but I would have to imagine most of the girls though, you know No, even girl fans. Oh, I say yeah, right wanted to see it.
Yeah, but obviously a lot of people messes me and say Amen. I love the show cool. Yeah, it's not you know, I'm like really weird Yeah, I think most people who would stick around for more than just I came I saw I'm out of here I would be gay because there's a lot of requests of to do gay acts. Yeah, you know more so than gay people love those Yeah, so that does hint towards gay fans.
Yeah, which is cool because it's starting to pay bills. Well good very handy because yeah, they keep coming for you Yeah, what else I? Don't often keep track of what Dan Blisarian's up to oh, I think I even say his name wrong. It's right Bill's area Is it's not blizzarian?
Oh, I didn't I just love you. He seems like a I agree. I agree. I never made him.
I could be wrong. I don't think I would enjoy being stranded on a desert island with Dan That's all that's all I'm trying to say he'd eat all the liver. He's not for me. Yeah, he'd slap everybody But sometimes it's like my enemies enemy is my friend.
What about this? Yeah For Dana White to apologize. Huh. He is in the first slap fighting with us with a guy Slaps him out And then also has to go to couple therapy.
Yeah It's probably more important, but you know, but also get slapped by giant man. That would be a good apology It would be I want something concrete and substantial that would fit the bill. All right. Just out.
So salt bay Is that it wait salt bay? You'll get there. Is that an ice cream? No, it's not an ice cream.
Is it the salt those where people race blacks and cars salt flats No where land speed records are set and yeah Salt bay when you salt bay. I've heard that before you have it's not ice cream now. What if I told you salt bay was a human It'd be I do whatever. I told you salt bay is a person.
Oh, is it? Yes. Okay. What's salt bay do he Makes food and his signature move as a chef is putting salt on things.
Oh He's harassed the socket team the other day right? I pride myself on not knowing a goddamn thing about the world cup It's so Tushy to me when people Who have never mentioned soccer ever all of a sudden are like well, you know Cuba's midfielders are their weakness It's just like dude every it's cool that you just took an interest in this it's like the when the Olympics comes around I don't think it's bad that you didn't follow the gymnastics team until last week. Just don't act like you did It is so weird and it's like everybody started doing it. So everybody gets a pass on it It's it's douchey to show up and declare yourself an expert on things I don't even know who won why guess did Argentina win the World Cup?
Okay, baby blue and white stripes, right? The only reason why I know that is because there was this controversy over salt bay somehow some way I think he had a legit credential Yeah, and I think he was on the field and he held the World Cup and I don't I wouldn't be surprised if he does keep salt in his pocket at all times Yeah, so I don't know if I saw he fake salted. Okay, so it wasn't real salt But yeah, and I think some people were outraged because they're like we took it off the player Right, but I think some of the players think salt bay is like I don't know the flavor flavor flavor food Gee me like he's a jackass but in a way that they enjoy and I think some of the players thought it was funny that salt bay salted the World Cup I don't think that like the World Cup people thought it was funny and anyway Dan Blazarian comes in swinging and he goes you guys are just figuring out that he's weird now I've known this for years. It turns out it says everybody talking about how weird this salt bay is I've been knowing that for years If we own what that salt weird he said Dan Blazarian shared this is the DM history Salt Bay has just been sending Dan Blazarian photos of himself with like celebrities and women in meat Since 2015 he probably wants him to come to his restaurant and bring women He probably does that to a lot of people and and this person has never responded once and there's never been a message It's just non-stop photos of himself.
He is in meat for the last Seven years. Yeah Why? Is that like a thing that makes you go? Cool.
I should you should come on my podcast like what is the hey can I get some of that meat? But wait Dan doesn't have meat No, I think salt bay is thinking that Dan's gonna go sick bro When can I get some of that meat and that would be a And that would be to salt the that yeah, then he could stick yes and then post the video I think that would be a power move for salt bay to salt bazarian meat. Okay. Yeah, but I guess you can only send Somewhere between zero and three unsolicited meat picks.
Oh, yeah before you just gotta It's your embarrassing yourself and salt bay has seemingly sent Several hundred I wonder how many other people get that exact thing On instagram also does that to everybody also when did the salt bay phenomenon blow up? I think he's been doing this for covid. Yeah, but this started in 2015 I think he was blowing up people like blazarian It's I can it makes a little bit less than you're trying to but he went from being nobody to being big enough deal to be able to solve the world Cup yeah, and he's never once stopped who's responsible for bringing that jackass to the soccer game Like how do you get that's what I'm saying at a credential? I have no one knows I have to believe that some people on the team think he is funny and stupid and silly Yeah, like they like that's what I said So he probably said although he probably sent three to the whole team He's probably been meeting them for years too.
Yeah, he strikes me as quite the hobnobber Yeah, yeah, but if you're a hobnobber and it makes you're it makes you money. I justify it more Job for sure, you know, he gets all those celebrities in the restaurant I'm assuming people love to go to his restaurant and don't mind paying extra because they know that salt bay is the owner Oh, no, no, no, no, no, it's his job to to to kiss ass He probably salts beautiful women on a nightly basis. I think he sells dudes I could see him something dudes right. Yeah, my gay guy goes off a little bit seems like a man for all seasons Yeah, he looks like very meticulous Salt your I think I'd be okay with that.
I'd rather that than a state But you would rather that salt bay seasons your penis than gives you a steak. No, I'd rather that he's I mean often gave me a steak Oh, that probably take the steak. Yeah, oh, that's fair. I think we've covered this Great show.
Yeah. Oh, has it yeah All right, everybody make sure you check out The patreon Patreon.com slash else me. Yeah, it's great. It's really good.
We're really good like this but even a lot more Take care of each other tell everybody