Hello and welcome to the Get to Life podcast where we have conversations about organ tissue and eye donation. You can always find us at the get to life dot org. I'm Roy Steele. I'm Sarah Blake Marm and I'm Kirsten Heint, spilling in for Joey Boudreau.
Joey's been really busy trying to keep everything moving forward during this coronavirus pandemic. Thanks to Joey and thanks to you Kirsten for hopping in and just to let all of you know our listeners and thank you for listening to the gift of life. We are recording this episode during the coronavirus pandemic and we're being socially responsible by recording remotely. So if our sound quality is a little off, we apologize, but we are so grateful to have the technology so we can share the importance of organ eye and tissue donation with you.
And today's episode of the gift of life, what's coming up? Well, today we're going to be talking to the founder of the Don't Wait Project and she is going to share why we need to all live our own Don't Wait stories. And we're going to be talking about all the ways that we are coping during this coronavirus pandemic at home. All that and more guys right here at the gift life dot org.
Sarah Kirsten, you guys ready? Let's do it. Here on the gift of life and inspirational story for you and Kirsten, you actually helped bring this to the table. You were so moved by our next guest.
Yes, it's hard to believe, but just a couple of months ago I got to see our next guest, Miss Lisa Bradshaw. She was a keynote speaker at the AOBO conference, the Association of Organ Percerman Organizations. And as soon as she finished her talk, I ran into the hall to track her down to ask her to come on the podcast and she has graciously accepted. So Lisa, welcome to the gift of life.
Thank you so much for having me. So Lisa, your story has so many facets. You are a cancer survivor yourself and you have a tied to donation as well. And you are also an author and the founder of the Don't Wait Project.
So where should we even start? Well, I think from a patient point of view, most definitely being diagnosed with cancer 24 years old was kind of the worst thing I thought would ever happen to me in my lifetime. We were newly married, Wesley and I, and we kind of figured we got in that sickness and health out of the way once I got well, and we were young and I was healthy again and we had a healthy baby despite the risk of infertility. So that was a big pivotal time in my life, but I also felt like I wrote a book at that time.
I kept a journal. I helped other people face their own cancer diagnosis and I found that balance and was ready to move forward in my life and just didn't see all the other things coming. I couldn't possibly have seen everything else that was coming. No, I can't imagine.
But when you were sharing your story in California, you actually shared a story about a moment in your childhood that I think you said kind of put things into perspective. Do you mind sharing that with our audience? Sure. Back to most definitely, you know, you can have experiences in your past and then it's not until your future catches up with you that you look back and see what the meaning was behind it.
But I was eight years old and I remember climbing to the top of a tree in our neighbor's yard and just studying myself on a branch and none of the other kids were around. I don't know where they were that day, but we were one of those neighborhoods that everyone played until our parents called us in when it got dark. But I was alone that day and I had recently started following my neighbor's to church and I was just curious about life and my purpose and a pretty deep kid that way and just got this sense of knowing that I had a purpose in my life and that my life would be arduous but it would be equally rewarding. And I didn't know what that meant, but I started to see that when I was diagnosed with cancer.
As I mentioned, I wrote a book. I helped other people with their diagnosis. That was the balance that made sense to me, the arduousness, but the lesson. And so eight years after cancer, my late husband cleaned out an old cabinet in our garage and it was a very normal Saturday.
We were actually preparing for my person's fourth birthday party with him in the following weekend and just doing our usual light Texas spring cleaning. And he switched short abreast from Miss Cabinet that had mold and droppings in a bag of fertilizer. And by that evening he was worse and within a month he was hospitalized and had an open up biopsy that was inconclusive and ate more hospital stays that year and that's what led to our transplant story exactly a year after he cleaned the garage, he received a double transplant, he was 35 years old. And to that time in the tree and the balance that I had been promised, this arduous life that would be rewarding and I just really struggled for a very long time with that lesson.
And I would say that no matter what I came to learn or however far I came out of that experience and maybe a stronger person, maybe a better person, but I still am the mother of a fatherless son and our son is 21 now. He's going to struggle to really find the lesson in it because there's just so much and cancer I survived. I mean, it sounds like you've had so much adversity in your life and at times it could be you feel so weighted down by it all by the pain of it. It sounds like you're working towards resilience and surviving.
What are some things you did that got you there to a place as hard as it was to realize that there was that balance as you mentioned? Well, motherhood, that and you had to do and our son was fought when Wesley died. He died six weeks after his transplant and it was just I had this real sense right away, right in a couple of days that there had to be a really huge reason. I mean, I met Wesley when I was eight years old.
I saw him on the front porch and he was playing football in front yard of my brother and neighborhood boys and he just moved from Texas and lived down the street and I just looked at him and I knew he'd be important to my life. I didn't know we would get married. I didn't know a healthy baby or that I would seem to them in his life. There has to be an enormous reason for him to not be on the planet and it's my job as Hunter's mother to help bring to fruition whatever greatness can come from not in spite of losing him but because of losing.
And that became I started my day with that in mind and I think that that that's what led me to founding the Don't Wait Project when I wrote my second book Big Shoes, which was largely based on Wesley's year-long illness and then the seven years after cancer. I was really searching for a gift to give to the reader, dedicating 382 pages of their time, energy and empathy to my family's story. What could I give to them when they're done with whatever emotion they felt? And about five thirty in the morning, one day, a couple of weeks before I finished the book, I had the idea for the project.
I didn't know what it would become quite yet. I just knew I needed to give people the idea of not waiting to do the things that we give up on sometimes. And that's I think also over the last year I found it in 2011. So we're nine years old now and that has been my focus for a very long time.
And the storytelling of other people, when I started hosting my radio show, I think shifting the focus from myself, my heartache, my sadness and really empathizing with the plight of others started to feel the healing for myself is just through that exchange of storytelling. And I think more than anything else, I'm a writer, I'm a television host but, and that has been besides being a mother, one of the greatest healing factors in my life. Yeah, that's amazing. You know, we talk on the podcast a lot about how helping others and making other people feel heard is really cathartic and it's really amazing for yourself.
So thank you so much for validating that and for sharing that story with us. We're so sorry for your loss and everything that you've been through. But you're doing amazing work and thank you. Well, I appreciate that.
You know, when I really started to feel like I had a sense of the work, the actual work that I need to be doing in the world was really, my mom was misdiagnosed five years ago with an in-stage liver disease that was incorrect. And that's a whole other story. But it was the advocacy that I learned through Wesley's illness and even my own that helped save her life. We literally, our family got her moved to a different hospital within probably two days of her death, what would have been her death.
And sitting with my father in the ICU that night with my mom one day, she was fine and the next day she wasn't. It was those familiar sounds of the ICU and the smells, everything just took me right back to being with Wesley. And I told my dad, you know, this isn't what mom wants for me. She does not want me here, day after day, night after night.
She wants me to hunt her and this is your insignisant health. This is your for better for worse. I can't do it for you. I've already done it.
And my dad, this is your lesson to learn. You'll miss the lesson if I do it for you. But I'll teach you everything I know. And that's what I did.
I taught him how to advocate for her. And I thought, you know, if I can teach my dad how to advocate, then I can pro-fate to anyone because he's, you know, my dad and dad's not working with his kids. But he listened to me and I changed our relationship. And that's when I really started to decide, you know, I'm going to get on a plane and I'm going to stand in front of people as I did at the conference a couple of months ago and the things I've done throughout the last couple of years.
Now that my sense of college, I really feel like that's more of what I need to be doing. Lisa, I want to hop back into that. Don't wait project. It's don'twaitproject.org for those of you who are listening, but I love your descriptions.
You're living the nouns despite the obstacles and your second chance takers may time as I'm giving I love it. So I said it was started in 2011. Talk about some of the successes and where you think this is going or where you'd like it to go. Well, today I was actually supposed to leave on a month long tour, traveling from St.
Louis to Boston. And I've done the three years now and the town tour to the dealership where I live sponsors this whole trip. The first year I went with a camera by myself to seven western states and then last year I did 10 southern states and we were able to take a cinematographer that time and pull a couple of campers and a campers sponsor and then this year was set to travel to northern eastern states. And what I do is I go and search and don't wait stories and they'll either arrange some of them ahead of time in each state and then we find stories along the way and they air on my television show.
But the tours have been really just a dream come true for me to get to travel the country and find people who are living the nouns in their lives. That's what I say to people, places, things and ideas that we do give up on along the way sometimes because we get too tired, too broke, too sad, too busy or too comfortable even. And we also have an anti-bullying program that we've done in schools for eight years now. I partnered with a gentleman named Mike Seerstein in upstate New York.
He did his program in one school at the time and we partnered with him under the umbrella of the Don't Wait Project and now we're in schools throughout the school year. And he works with the students to educate them about health and wellness and anti-bullying and character development and they write direct, produce their own PSA that he helps guide, he has film and education experience. And that's been just tremendously rewarding. And most of the schools that were in, unless it's about a good issue, they've been with us for the whole seven or eight years that we've been doing this.
I also get to do exhibits when it was my 20-year campter anniversary. I saw campers, survivors in our community and did an exhibit with, I asked all the campers, survivors the same four questions and it's interesting how many different answers you get. And that content was through our hospitals and clinics and toured for several weeks. So just a lot of storytelling in different forms.
And when I started the Don't Wait Project I thought, well, we're going to find a way to raise money to help people live their don't wait and it became something very different than that. I'm really grateful that I wasn't married to any one idea. Just kind of let it evolve into what it is now. So more storytelling, hopefully, bigger audience, hopefully, the more people who know about the project, the more people who can be touched by the stories we talk.
So Lisa, when you said you're a second chance taker, we love that. I'm out in the community. Lots of volunteers and a lot of our recipients say getting that second chance, that gift of life, that is scary and some are afraid to take that step. What pushes you?
What motivates you and what advice do you have for those who may be listening? Well, first of all, I remember Wesley was asked what scared him most about getting a transplant and his answer was bought on. He said I'm most afraid of not getting one at all. You know, there was a time when I felt like the transplant donor family might not want to know about Wesley's outcome because he did have several complications and he did die six weeks after transplant.
But it took time for me to understand, even in my own story and my family story, you know, we had to try. And our son, I mentioned, is 21 years old now. And I think the transplant like life is about the trying. And I get to look him in the face every day for the rest of my life.
And he grew up knowing how hard we knew long transplant. I don't know that time they told us Wesley might have five to seven, possibly 10. And that would have at least given us some time to start preparing hunters in my life that Wesley or another season of Wesley coaching with the league or teaching him how, you know, Wesley was the one who was going to teach him how to ride his bike, high issues and tell time because I wasn't any good at that as a kid. That was where hard things for me to learn.
And he died before teaching hunter any of those things. And Wesley wasn't there two weeks after he died. He missed hunter learning to ride his bike. Time hunter rode his bike by himself.
And it's a chapter in my book called training wheels. And it's about hunter learning how to ride his bike on his own. But it was really about kind of training me, you know, filling in these big shoes of Wesley to be, try to be all things to hunter, but also to know that there were things I couldn't do. So I feel like when transplant patients, families sign up for it, I don't think you really know what you're signed up for.
How can you possibly know? It's like, yes, I'll do chemo and radiation for six months and that'll save my life. Did I have any idea what that involves? No.
But once you're in it and you've done it and you get to learn your own lessons, then you do discover that as long as you try, as long as you take that stamp as many times as you're given, then that's what transplant is about for me. And that's what it was about for our family. And I just don't think there's anything else you can do to describe the magnitude and how it can influence you going forward in your life, no matter the outcome, you know you did your best. I love that.
And in California, Lisa and Laurie and I have worked with a lot of the transplant recipients through our work with the transplant games. And I'm always amazed to hear that, you know, how afraid they were to even get listed and how several of them really, you know, thought about not trying because of the fears of not knowing the unknown. And so I think it's just such an important message that you're sharing with our audience and I love that you continue to just share your story, share a Wesley story and so many others. You know, you mentioned that you want to continue the storytelling.
Now can people that may want to try to share their story get in touch with you and contribute to the Don't We Project? Well, we mentioned Don't We Project.org. We also are active on Facebook and Instagram. We're always looking for stories.
I have a television show and it's interesting because I usually go in a studio and film it and no one's in the studio right now, obviously. And we're taking this social distancing very seriously here. And so I've been doing it via Zoom and what it kind of opens up the opportunity to talk to people just like a podcast throughout the country and the world. And so we are about to launch a podcast later this summer to kind of fill in those gaps of stories that I don't do locally, but stories that I can help tell.
Because a lot of times what happens perhaps even during the tour, people hear about it as if they're already gone and we miss that story or there's only so much we can do when we're on the road and in a town for two days at a time. But they're already stories that I still want to help tell. So if people reach out to us and they have a story they want to share between one of those platforms we'll find a way to help share it. I love it.
I'm scrolling through now and it looks so easy to do that. But it looks like you've surrounded yourself with people who want to inspire and form just like you. Like how did you attract these people and say this is what I want to do and everybody started moving in the right direction. I just love it.
I think people want to live an inspired life. I think people in general want to help other people. And what I have discovered is sometimes for example, I'll interview someone and they don't really think they have much of a story. Then you spend time with them and they start to realize the magnitude of their own story and the impact of their own story.
And you don't have your car and travel 10 states to be part of storytelling, just living your life. You're sharing your story. And that's what I want people to understand. It's not in print or you stand on a stage in front of 400 people and share your story or you are just taking care of your life in your own corner of the world.
It's all storytelling. Yeah. And I think especially with storytelling, you know, everybody's experiences are different and we all experience in our own way and it's all our own journey. But hearing other people's stories a lot of times that can resonate within yourself and can heal and help.
So definitely go out there and tell your stories and you never know what you're going to hear and you never know who you're going to impact. So don't be afraid. Most of the part is it's not really up to you what people get from your story. I shared that at the conference a couple of months ago.
And you know, is it comfortable for me to get on a plane and fly across the country and stand in front of people and share the story over and over and over again? It is not. It's hard. But sometimes just like transplant, I think that there's a lot of loss around these stories.
But there's a lot of wins too. And that's what I try to focus on is I don't know who will be impacted by my story. And it's not really up to me what their lesson is what they take away from it. It's just up to me to share it and do the best I can for the people who might need to hear that story.
I love it. I love the boldly live your own. Don't wait story by helping patients, caregivers, providers, better, maneuver a healthcare crisis, inspiring people to live their best lives and to live the nouns. Miss Lisa, we love having you on the gift of life.
We know the Don't Wait Project is out there. We mentioned that but you talked about a book. You talked about a TV show, a possible podcast. So we want to follow you.
We want you back on the gift of life. Our listeners, where do we go? What do we do? Well, my book is titled Big Shoes and it's available on my website, which is Lisa-Bredshaw.com.
There's also Don't Wait Project.org. You can follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, all of that. And then my television show is called Like with Lisa Bredshaw. And it airs here in the community where I live in Washington state, but it also airs online the week after it's on television.
So if you go to Lisa-Bredshaw.com, there are links to the show as well. So you can take a look at that anytime you want. The shows are archived on the website and available to watch from anywhere in the world. I love it.
live your life and I love how you help people live theirs. Don't be afraid, go out and try. I just wrote that across my paper, try, T-R-Y. I love it, Miss Lisa.
Thank you. Thank you so much. I'm going to go stay. And now it's time to take a moment for mental health here on The Gifted Life.
What are we talking about today, sir? All right, guys. So today we're going to talk about the lessons we've all learned while social distancing during the COVID-19 pandemic. I know that there have been a lot of conversations actually on social media about how is everybody coping, how is everybody doing?
So I just wanted to talk to you all and see how everybody is doing. I know for me, there's been a couple of days. And one of the things I want to talk about is distancing ourselves from the media, too. I've had a couple of days where I've been on Twitter, non-stop, or I've had the news on in the background, and I walked away feeling super heavy, because this is a serious time.
And we don't want to take that lightly. But I think it's important, too, to kind of disconnect from that. And the couple of times that I disconnected from reading the media or from watching the news, I went and did something creative, like I cooked a meal for my family. And that has been really helpful for me.
So I've kind of learned that doing something creative and helpful for others has been probably the most important coping scale I've had so far. Yeah, sir. I'd have to say I'm having a hard time with the media overload, too. I'm trying to stay informed and be responsible, but sometimes it's just too much.
And I just need to turn it off for a little while. I've been finding myself doing a lot more walking. My dogs are excited about that. But I've been looking around the neighborhood.
And some of the things that I love to see, that there have been so many kids that are putting pictures up in the windows or doing chalk art. And it's really interesting to think about how this time is impacting them. Laurie, how are you and your family doing with it? Yeah, that's my number one main thing.
When we come out of this, I don't want my kids to think that it was a bad time or a scary time. But I want them to know that no matter what, the family's here for them, that we are safe in our home. We have enough food to eat. We have activities, and we have each other.
So we have been doing the chalk art. In our little neighborhood, it's kind of great technology, the neighborhood app. So they had a bear hunt. So they have bears in the windows.
And when you take a walk with just your group of folks, you can go and find that scavenger hunt, so everybody hides something and you have to go through the neighborhood to find. So I like that. I feel like I'm talking via technology with folks in our neighborhood that I never would have talked to before, just because life gets so busy, right? And then I kind of was seeing you guys.
I'm liking the technology. The group meets a big mean person. So hopefully we'll make a new laugh. Yeah, absolutely.
You know, it's when we're social distancing, it's difficult to, you can feel isolated and alone. So it's so important to connect, which, every way there is. I had a Zoom hangout with my friends the other day from all across the country. And I walked away feeling so much lighter and so much more at ease.
So I want to encourage everyone, connect, text your friends, text your family, call them, do anything you need to, FaceTime too, because you miss that interaction. We miss seeing each other. And so try your hardest, especially with all the technology that we have in our hands. I think connection and creativity are going to be the biggest things that I've learned from this.
Yeah. One of our community leaders, sorry, Kirsten, I didn't mean to talk over you there, but one of our community leaders said, we need to connect during this disconnect. And I was like, yeah. So they said, people you haven't talked to family members that you're just too busy to talk to now is the time.
So I've been trying to be really mindful every day, like how are you? And just checking in on those folks. Thinking about you. And no to that doctors, therapists, counselors, they're all using telehealth now.
So if you need to check in on your physical needs and your mental health needs, reach out. Don't feel like you can't. All great points. Maybe you have something you'd like for Sarah to cover on the gift of life.
Just email us info at the gift life dot org. In every episode of the gift of life podcast, we honor a hero, today's hero Kelsey Bagwell. And we learn about Kelsey from his wife. My husband Kelsey was a lot of things, but an organ donor wasn't one of them.
Not that he was opposed to the idea. He just never applied it to himself. But of all the things he was, being a helper was the one that meant the most to him. So I know he would have jumped at the chance to help others.
Let me explain. Kelsey never wanted to do anything other than teach. He came from a long line of teachers. And he finally achieved his dream about six years before his death.
He taught English, speech, and drama. But his passion was encouraging his students to think critically. He coached debate teams, relishing in his students ability to develop and articulate good arguments on a variety of subjects. A lifelong animal lover, he enjoyed working with the local humane society and training dogs, which he realized was also about training dog owners.
He got a lot of joy from working with animals with behavior issues, turning them into loving companions. Kelsey was diagnosed later in life with Asperger syndrome. And he welcomed the diagnosis and threw himself into learning all about it. He considered it a superpower and love speaking to groups about the autism spectrum.
Kelsey was a lover of all things beautiful. He liked flowers, music, color, and clothing. He was a sharp dresser, always smelled nice, and always had an encouraging word for everyone he met. He was free and sincere with compliments and sought the good in everyone.
Knowing all of this and missing all of this about him, organ donation was the natural choice. Kelsey would have wanted to help anyone he could and I want to share him with everyone. I wish anyone reading this had gotten to meet him. You would have left the interaction with a smile.
And now we pause and say thank you to Kelsey for the gift of life. In our question and answer segment today, a special treat we hear from our friend and former host. Yes, Sally Gentry gave us a call. Check it out.
Hi, podcast friends. Guess who? Sally Gentry here. You know, I just read the latest news release from local today and it made me want to reach out to you.
It made me joke. Wanted me to reach out to you just to see how you all are doing to your taking care of yourselves. Both physically and psychologically because I can only imagine how trying this must be for you all trying to get the word out, talk to families, educate the community, your medical partners. I just can't imagine how tough it must be.
But I did want to let you know too that I've recently counseled with a number of individuals and that includes some donor families and recipients. And they're extremely anxious, fearful. But not only about their well-being, but the lives of their loved ones, friends, neighbors, coworkers, medical staff. Well, pretty much most everyone in general they're concerned about.
And it signs the addition of ongoing stress that's annoying economic and social anxieties or just abounding around us. I try to give them simple suggestions to help in their day-to-day routine. So I think I'm going to try this with you all too. We talk about current events and how they can best utilize what they have to call them their fears.
And one of the most important things to search out are the facts. Just don't blindly believe what's seen or discussed on TV. And maybe for that matter, limit the amount of TV or news that one's watching. And you know too what works for me may or may not work for you.
I focus on the positive in life and I do find humor whenever possible and it's kind of tough these days. But I do refrain from using negative self-talk and find things and experiences in my life that I'm grateful for. I'm grateful to know you all. That's one of the things that I've thought about over the past years since I've retired.
How much I enjoyed working with you all. So I want to let you know that. I also speak with loved ones on a weekly basis and share pictures. And as you know, Laura, I like to communicate via social media.
Most of all, I spend a lot of time outside. So anyway, to wrap this up, as our lives are being restructured about COVID-19, please be kind to yourselves and immediate family or check in on family not living with you. Contact others you may not have been in touch with recently and catch up on their lives. And find time no matter how difficult to please focus on the good in your life.
Go outside and use nature as part of your daily therapy. I do hope you all are doing well. Take care and I'll be talking with you soon, I hope. Bye.
So great to hear from Sally, especially with her words of wisdom about cooping. And we just want to remind you all, if you all have a question or a comment, you can always give us a call. Your number is 5046483477. And that'll do it for episode 134 of The Gifted Life.
Thank you for listening. And remember, you can always register to be an organ tissue and eye donor at registerme.org. And special thanks to Lisa Bradshaw. Every time I hear her, she inspires me even more.
Love to her positive episode, love it. And the best place to find us guys and more interviews just like that is our website, thegiftedlife.org. You can listen to the podcast there or anywhere you listen to your podcasts, whether it's Apple, Google, iHeartRadio. If you do listen on Apple Podcast, please leave us a five star reading and subscribe so that others can find the podcasts.
And on social media, you can like our page on Facebook, the Gifted Life Podcast, and you can follow us on both Twitter and Instagram at Gifted LifePod. Remember guys, we're a team, we're making life happen together. Now go out and do something you would normally do to help us make life happen. Be creative, you can do it.
We'll talk to you next time. This is a production of Loba, or the Louisiana Organ Procurement Agency. The Gifted Life is hosted by Lori Steele, Joey Boudreau and Sarah Blakemore, our executive producer is Kirsten Heis, producer Isha Long Caraway. Intern is Rebecca Rannamam, and we are recorded, engineered and mixed in our Covington, Louisiana studio by Troy Perez.