Dougal Sutherland: Navigating major life changes

I’ve been thinking recently about major life changes that families go through and how these can be at the same time very challenging, yet also an opportunity for amazing growth for individuals and for families. This was sparked by three things: The impending arrival of Jack’s baby. The recent arrival into our family of our first grandchild. Our daughter moving out of home to go to uni in Auckland (which is where we are this weekend), which will make me and my lovely wife officially “empty nesters”. In any family, these types of events are major milestones, and I think for all of them, there’s no real way of fully preparing for them. All the wisdom, guidance, and advice —however well intentioned— from others can properly prepare you for such a step-change in life. A metaphor that springs to mind for me is a ship setting off to sail in unchartered waters. These trips can be exciting, nerve-wracking, anxiety-provoking. There is the potential in these journeys to go wildly off course or become beaten down by the elements and ending up floating untethered in the middle of nowhere. Rest assured there are some good tips to follow to help people navigate these journeys – they won’t ensure smooth sailing but should help weather the storms. Have some good rhythms in your daily life that help provide stability and reassurance. It could be having a daily routine around exercise or a daily practice of prayer/meditation; maybe a general agreement to always come together at a particular time (e.g., for dinner together). Have these as general guidelines rather than rigid rules. As much as possible keep the bookends of your day consistent – have a usual time for getting up and going to bed. Sleep-ins and big nights are okay (and sometimes will be needed!) but try and let these be the exception rather than the rule. Practice forgiveness – when we’re navigating uncharted waters, we can often get stressed and speak or act in a way that we don’t usually (even more if we’re sleep deprived), which can have an effect on those around us. Practice assuming that other people usually act from good intentions (just like you do) and work to actively forgive those who inadvertently do or say the wrong thing. Hopefully that will help navigate times of family change! LISTEN ABOVE See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.