Dr. Debra Kissen on Teen Anxiety, Technology, and Letting Go of Control

Dr. Debra Kissen on Teen Anxiety, Technology, and Letting Go of ControlClinical psychologist Dr. Debra Kissen, CEO and founder of Light on Anxiety, discusses her background and how a panic attack in college helped shape her focus on evidence-based treatment for anxiety, panic, OCD, and intrusive thoughts. She describes her earlier perfectionism and people-pleasing, her preference for practical approaches over open-ended psychodynamic therapy, and how working closely with anxious clients has left her inspired by human resilience and transformation. The conversation explores how smartphones, social media, and constant stimulation wire teen brains toward immediacy and reduce tolerance for uncertainty. Dr. Kissen explains how CBT—especially exposure-based therapy—targets core fears and reduces compulsions and safety behaviors (e.g., repeated checking, monitoring children’s locations), including the use of imaginal exposures to help people drop the “illusion of control.” They also discuss teens’ exposure to pornography, the normalization of extreme content, dopamine-seeking tendencies, and the reality of behavioral addictions. For parents, Dr. Kissen emphasizes assessing observable functioning (school, relationships, health, substance use) rather than reacting to feelings, notes the importance of teen intrinsic motivation, and highlights the modern challenges and power struggles around screen time, including parent coaching and reducing accommodation. The episode touches on concerns about mistakes becoming permanently visible online, the mixed promise and risks of AI as a “pseudo therapist” that tends to please users, and the broader loneliness epidemic despite constant connectivity. Dr. Kissen suggests deliberately practicing real-world connection through small interactions and shared experiences. She closes by saying she focuses on continuing with “the next right thing” aligned with her values.00:00 Meet Dr. Deborah Kisen: Anxiety Expert & CBT Founder00:29 Parenting Teens + College Transition: Setting the Stage01:01 Formative Years: Perfectionism, People-Pleasing & Early Anxiety Clues03:08 A Panic Attack That Changed Everything (and Why CBT Felt Different)05:12 What Anxiety Work Teaches About Being Human: Resilience & Transformation07:11 Teens, Tech & the Always-On Brain: How Phones Rewire Expectations11:38 Immediacy, Uncertainty & the Hamster Wheel of Reassurance13:39 How CBT Helps You Let Go: Core Fears, Safety Behaviors & Exposure Therapy18:12 Catastrophizing in Real Time: The Brain’s Ancient Alarm System21:52 Teens, Porn & Shame-Free Education: Dopamine, Addiction & Healthy Intimacy27:43 When Parents Should Worry: Normal Teen Moodiness vs Red Flags28:20 Is It Just Teen Behavior? A Practical Checklist for Parents30:03 When Teens Won’t Engage: Intrinsic Motivation & Getting Help Early31:13 Letting Parents Off the Hook: Genetics, Guilt, and the ‘Teenager’ Diagnosis32:52 Parent Coaching in the Phone Era: Screen-Time Battles & ‘Dropping the Rope’35:21 The Illusion of Control: Tracking Kids, Allowing Mistakes, Building Resilience39:48 Modern Risks: Social Media Makes Every Mistake Public41:45 AI and Mental Health: Productivity Promises vs. ‘Always Pleasing’ Pseudo-Therapy44:43 The Loneliness Epidemic: Relearning Real-World Connection in Small Moments48:00 Closing Reflections: Doing the Next Right Thinghttps://lightonanxiety.com/staff/dr-debra-kissen/https://www.linkedin.com/in/debra-kissen-phd-mhsa-8787066a/