Dr. Drew: The Doctor's Back For A Check-In with Jason Ellis

I'm on the roll, but it's sweetheart. Sweetheart. Welcome to the show, everybody. Tully is on holiday.

He's on holiday. And the show must go on because we've got to guess Dr. Drew Penske is here. Everybody.

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

I'm going to carry this. Well, I missed Tully. You and I can carry it. Yeah.

Yeah. He knows. And he needs a break. He's on holiday, as Australians would say.

We say on vacation. Well, I'm pretty American, so I said vacation. I saw you on something the other day. You were going, what the f**k's matter with me?

I've been here for 30 years. You're cussing on YouTube. You just really stream it. Are we streaming?

Both. Both. This is like, if you remember the Patreon, Patreon.com slash. You can watch us record this exclusive podcast.

And then you can actually text us and call us with live questions that will then be on the podcast that you can get on where all podcasts are available. This is the greatest commercial I've ever done. Well done. You said where the f is wrong.

I've been here for 30 years. I still have this heavy. I was really an accident. I thought that is interesting.

It is, right? Yeah. I don't talk to a lot of Australians. It's not a mild accent.

It's like you know it right away. Yeah, it is. It has modified. It's funny.

And they are the hardest to understand out of all accents because I'm tuning into Australian and then you warp one word and you lose me. And they were saying the same thing. I was like, they were hell of a few of you in here. It was like 33 years and then I had a long evening.

It's like 10 years. And I'm like, I don't know what's happening. I think you might be lying. It throws people off.

But you have to, it's really an interesting thing about accents. You have to like, you're going to have to get like a teacher and train it away. They don't go away by themselves. No, I can only do it if I pretend I'm Tony Hawk.

And it's so funny. I wanted to, it's weird to me how so many Australian actresses can do American accents so freaking well. I really think so though because to me I catch it. I have trouble catching it and I'm always shocked when I hear how they speak when they're when they're speaking their native.

Yeah, yeah. You are right. They can do that all the time. They live here.

I have a Danish friend that has an American accent, a Danish accent and he lived in England for a long time. Before he moved to America and he can do an English accent. So I know all in English. There are people on, I guess it's TikTok now that imitate all kinds of accents.

They're like accent experts now. Very interesting. I think the easiest way to learn to do an accent is to copy somebody's movie stuff. Probably.

I think I learned American accent from Metallica. Okay, that's interesting. That's interesting. Yeah.

So, that's that. Well, the part R sound you can do it. Do it more. Okay.

I'll do it. But I was going to call. It's weird, Drew. Weird.

It's not like feels weird. It sounds weird to him. You speak that way. I don't like it.

See. That's why I go back to make people get awkward. It's good. It's your own thing.

Relax homies. So I was going to call, I'm going to do on the way home. Remember Bert de Bro? My producer over at H.L.A.

Lin? Yeah. I was just going to tell him I just saw Jason. He brings you up once in a while.

That's weird. Or Bert. Yeah, Bert. Bert.

Bert. It sounds, you guys, you go to five, you know, because he's a Bert and you're a Bert. American Dragon. We've been the back of our throw people don't know.

And cheese. You know, cheese. Oh yeah, the front. Damn, it's just cheese.

I just remember, I was thinking back in the drive in here back to those days when we would stick you in a window to comment with us. Oh. Never on the HLN show. Oh wow, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but that's always great. You just go look at me and you smack your head.

Look at what's on my head. We're like, yeah, that's why you were here, Jason. You want to hear what you have to say? That was some really nice people there.

I still, I love Sam Shaka. There's a bunch of people that I thought were really good people from the show. She should get her to come to the next, Elismania. So she can do the Shaka thing that she did.

Yeah, I don't know about Elismania. What? You can't fight anymore or what? That and I just, I need time.

I need time to. I mean, you couldn't do it once a year? I could, but it, I got tied in with somebody else that wanted to do it and then they did like a rush job of one and they were really mad at the way I handled it. And I think it was like, we had like a month to sell tickets and I would never do an Elismania in 30 days and not enough time.

I think people would really miss it. And it didn't do that well and he blamed it all on me and my depression and I was going through it and instead of arguing, I just said sorry. Yeah. And I, I wasn't sure if it was all my fault.

So I just said sorry and then, you know, he's like, you weren't nice to people at the event. Right. Well, because it was half his fan base. It was mainly his fan base.

My fans didn't go because they know that it's got a different name. And not a huge fan of the other guy. But also my event was, I got into fighting and I wanted people to experience it, but I wanted people to experience it and not get really hurt. I was willing to put my life on the line, but I didn't advise anybody else to do so.

Listen, the last one you were on people that were hitting the head. Right. So, so this one, there were a few people there that were just looking to hurt people and not get hurt. That's not good.

And I, I found that to be, I took it offensively. Like I was not happy with those people. And then a few people were hitting people after I said stop. That's not good.

And then they made some comments afterwards like, yeah, you know, screw your event. I was just there to smash people. And, and he was always sort of telling people one side of the story. And to me, Ellis Mania was, and still is, it's my fans.

We're family. And if you want to have a fight where, you know, it's very nerve-wracking. You can make weight. You can get in the best shape you can.

You train for a month or two, maybe three, depending on. But the amateur quality is what makes it fun. I never put anybody that was, it was an even match up. Right.

And if anybody got stung, I stopped it. And it wasn't, it just seemed like there were people last minute people. And I never allowed that at prior events because last minute people could be intoxicated. Right.

Which they were. And I had a lot of events that I did at his thing. I would say 80% of them were intoxicated and lied to me. And then after the event, I was like, yeah, I've been on acid all day.

Oh my God. I'm like, I can't, this is no longer enjoyable to me. I'm scared for everybody. And it made it, it was such a bad taste that I need time to redo.

And I need to reboot. Like, this is, it hasn't been a glorious ride since Sirius ended. And of course, the, the, the COVID thing made, you know, I mean, the hard rock went under. And at one point, the Virgin offered me a deal and the person I was going to fight couldn't make it.

And then they just dropped me. So then these other places that wanted to do the event, they didn't know the event. You know, they didn't have enough seating or it was just like, I'm trying to convince people again that Alice mania is successful after it had been successful for 20 years. And I was like, I don't really have it in me.

So I feel like that's your depression. Divorce and financial stuff. And it was like, how are you and Katie doing? I'm happy for her.

And it's been, it was hard. I wouldn't have probably admitted that maybe three weeks ago, but I'm happy for her. And these things happen for a reason. And I made a lot of mistakes.

I'm not blaming myself 100%. But I don't really care who's to blame anymore. I just want her to be happy and I want me to be happy and I'm working really hard on my sobriety, which means falling in love with somebody is just a part of my addiction. Because now I don't have marijuana.

I don't have creative medical alcohol, ketamine or anything else. And again, I have no idea. Right. So now I have no dating apps.

I don't do people, random people anymore. I know a lot of people are trying to call me right now to ask through a question. Just give me like 15 minutes. Okay.

So we can chat. I've just been cleaning up my life. I'm learning how to take care of five dogs, a cat and a dragon by myself. You know, I'm really trying to be around my children as much as I can.

I've seen more than my Instagram. I think I've let that go. I think they're fine. Like if they don't want to come over, then no harm, no foul.

And now realizing, you know, I mean, the disease that I have and the traits that come with it, the damage that I've done to so many people and all the people that I care about. You know, and I think I've been really sad about that. But now I'm now I'm being active about changing that. And I know I've got a long way to go.

I know it's not going to turn around. I know that everyone's like, oh man, you're sober, 28 days. Let's hang out. Like I know that that's not what's going to happen and I'm okay with that.

But I really am working every day to be clearly who I am. And I know that I'm full of love and I want to love people and I know I can help a lot of people and I want to be in a stable position to do so. So mainly it's just work on myself every day, try to understand like when I react to things, the reasons why and I'm not going to lie, it's been the hardest month of my life and I've had some hard times in my life. But this has been the hardest because I have to face who I am and the mistakes that I've made.

And some of them are you did some of these people are never going to come back, you know, and I have to live with that. These were people you cared a lot about. And because of things you did in your illness. My addiction.

If I can't do this and I'm going to do something else and it's like if marijuana could walk up and drop its pants, I'd smoke it. You know what I mean? And that came to me several times with pants on if you know what I'm saying. And I couldn't say no to it because of my addiction's not even understanding how much hurt I'm going to put on somebody else for these actions because my addiction would not allow that thought to run through my mind.

If it ran through my mind, I wouldn't have acted on it. But I was just like, it's there. I can have it. I'll take it and I'll deal with it.

I'll deal with the drama and the hell that I caused somebody after the fact. And you know, that's why Katie left. And also from being numbed from this creative stuff, I agreed and thought it was a good idea that she left because I didn't have it in me to want to continue a relationship. I was on the couch.

The most energy I could do was this show then switch off again. That's all I had for anybody. I do stand up. You know, I had to be high before, high after, high on the way there.

High with the cannabis or the both. So it just got to the point where none of it was doing its job anymore. And you can you can you can blank it out as much as you want. But when you're sitting in the damage, there was no I don't have money to go on vacation and pretend it's not happening.

I don't have money to go buy a car or go buy something shiny or you know, go take take a bunch of girls somewhere and have sex with them all. Right. But this is what I'm saying. It's good that this happened because I have I can't hide.

I have nothing left to hide with except marijuana and credit and then it got to the point where they weren't doing their job anymore. They were just making it more apparent that I'm getting out of shape. I'm I'm I'm short fused. I'm living in self pity and my ego is making me hate myself more and more every.

So what do we do those two things? What do we do with that? Self pity self pity and ego hating you. I work very hard every morning instead of looking at my phone.

I I check this quote thing for the a thing and then I I pray and I meditate. Do you call somebody? Answer your phone number? I have a sponsor.

We talk every day. Okay. And do you call anybody else when you feel in that space? Have I have I felt sorry for myself and not reached out to anybody for 24 hours?

Yes, I have. But then the next day I realized that what I did and it will not even that no by the end of the day, I will reach out to my sponsor and go, sorry, I've been having a bad day and I was kind of ducking it. You sort of remind me of somebody with an eating disorder the way you use your self-loathing. It's like a deprivation like the deprivation replaces the high.

I think the biggest thing for me was Thanksgiving. I was by myself. I've done a lot of time in this house by myself in the backyard. Real duck like to the point where it reminded me I've hit my head a few times where instead of being out out, I've hit my head where I can feel like I'm going into unconsciousness and I'll start doing some deep breaths and I feel the panic of going into unconsciousness again.

And there was a couple of times like one time I went to hospital getting knocked out. I felt like something was suffocating me and I felt like death was coming and I was in an out of consciousness all day and I woke up in a hospital. I got ambulance there like it was a real hard one. I had seizures and stuff.

Who did that? I jumped off a wall into my hand. Nobody hit me with the depression and just running the scenario in my head like I think the biggest thing for me, I don't mind admitting it, she's moved on. And what have you done?

You're still here. I'm in the sorrow of her when it's completely done. It's over. You haven't moved on.

So I instead of running, I sat with it and did I make it worse because of myself pretty hell yeah, I made it way worse than what it actually is. Like I'm sure she still cares for me but I made it like nobody does anymore. Well I remember I ended your first marriage how you that the world there was no possibility you'd get over it as you were concerned and yet you ended up in a better place. That was one thing that I was clinging to because I remember no offense to her.

We were not compatible in any way. No, that was not good. So much better off with her guy. I'm so much better off.

But maybe the same thing with Katie in terms of who you're going to be as a sober person. Well that's the thing that I'm starting to realize which is making me feel a hell of a lot better but I'm also very happy that I lived in the sorrow for those 20 or so days where I thought I was like if this gets any lower I'm going to go insane. Well you have to have the grief right? It's grief.

It's grief. And you have to. I got it out true that that's the other without the marijuana it wouldn't have come out. Like it came pouring out to the point where it was scaring me that I'm like how can you cry this much in such a way that you are hysterical.

Like you're you're in you there's a camera right now you're insane. You've got like somebody needs to put you in an hospital because you have lost it but it needed to come out. I needed to get it all out. I know this more but the main this real pain of like my childhood and all these things are all things that I've covered up by masking it with like even even doing cool stuff.

Yeah showing off of course having people pay attention to me. It's another way of masking what what the pain it like I won't face it. So sitting with it and then getting used to it. It's kind of like at first it like if you get in the water with a shark and you're like whoa it's a shark but then if you hang out for a while you start to get used to it.

So I'm like here comes the pain here comes the sorrow and all this stuff and I'm like well what is it what is it exactly what is the bit that is bothering you so much. Analyze it you know like okay it happened now what are you going to do like if you keep living here because it's not even a reality anymore which is something I think I took a long time to realize this is me bringing me down. So wake up you know and start like seeing the sun you know it's like living in the dark. And it will come over you in waves periodically.

Oh yeah that's what grief is it just calms then it goes. Now I let it happen if I cry it's that's oh you're a put yeah maybe I am a pussy. I don't care what you think I only care about being healthy and being happy. So if I need to cry I'm going to cry and if I have to cry like real crazy like well then that means I really needed to get it out.

So I'm going to get it out. And like I said going to meetings talking to people here and other people talk you know I do the audio book is reading I can barely make sense of it because I'm such a terrible reader but it just keeps making things easier and making me appreciate little things. I have little bumps in the day just like I used to but I also have moments of like God like feelings where I feel like I want to cry because I'm happy because I'm so lucky to be here right now I don't care about tomorrow I feel like God is shining on me and I never felt like that ever and I don't need any cool I don't need to do a trick I don't need everybody to download this if you want to that'd be great but if you don't I'm okay. Do you do you get to appreciate all you've done and brought to other people and stuff you get a sense of gratitude for that stuff.

It's funny when you say that I feel all I'm thinking about lately is the position I'm in and the more clarity I get how many people I can help but I haven't really thought about the people that I've already helped. The one thing I worry about with you is one thing. Yes really just one thing really well I'm not used to you wearing black fingernail polish and that's always a start purple. Okay it's different the black.

I'm not I'm not dark okay because I say I catch that stuff and stylish and a little bit gay okay. That's your half my hand. Yeah I don't know why I don't want these two fingers paying anymore this is like some weird thing that I got from this nobody guy on John Wick I really like John Wick but I don't you're right I don't want to get evil tattoos anymore I'm not attracted to evil like I want to get an upside down cross right I saw some really cool upside down cross earrings the other day and I was like man if they were upright I would have got it even though don't get it I don't if you believe in Jesus that's cool man I believe in Jesus too he seemed like a pretty cool guy but I don't I'm not a Bible guy to me I went to one meeting and in the church it said on the back it said God is love and I don't each to their own but to me God is love I it's not a person there's no beard for me it's just my higher power is love whatever works for you is fine I don't care but for me that's that's my religion is love it's where I get to experience something I call spirituals with other people it's when I start to feel like a transcendent something yeah yeah being around that kind of communion you can have with other human yeah I just want to love people and be loved and I want to see everybody love each other but I haven't yet expressed what I was worried about yeah so what you do tend to complain about depression more than I'm comfortable with like it makes me feel a little bit like oh I worry about CTE with you in depression yeah that's what I'm about so so I think the important thing is if this goes on two months let's just agree to maybe look into that no no I'm not taking any of the present all right then at least what about some more kind of like aerobic exercise that kind of thing I'm doing I'm doing really good okay good I'm talking about I still detoxing it was a lot of time by myself detoxing that's bad instead of going to rehab I sat here and took it and I know that when you go to rehab they'll give you some stuff to take the edge off but I don't want to I didn't want to look at this apart there's nothing the bothers me I would have gone dude I would have gone I should have we talked about it but the other thing is how you punish yourself that's the other thing I almost like I said it feels like an eating disorder almost where you deprivation and self-loathing becomes the new way of dealing you know getting high I thought I was pretty happy okay good I'm just talking about the I'm not I'm not today all good I'm doing pretty good I woke up and I was in my house and I told to my cat and I got crickets for my dragon and good I told to him and cool we're all hanging out I know girl she painted my nails she's super hot okay I'm not like oh my god I'm like this is very new and nobody needs to be jumping into anything crazy that's for sure I enjoy your company and she enjoys mine and I'm not on dating apps I'm not doing any stuff there's a reason we want you not that relationship that first year yeah I know you grow a lot I've heard you grow a lot and the relationship holds you in a certain I kind of like it I kind of like driving in my car by myself and I kind of like sleeping in my bed in the middle okay there I got in my mind every now and then if someone's there but I also kind of like it when they leave I said that but I'm really enjoying I can't wait to get the right I'm trying to be smart and not train as soon as I'm not I don't have the cold anymore I want to wait a couple days but I'm going to the Hollywood gold some sign up there cuz Venice is too far good and I'm gonna get jacked good and I've already lost like 15 pounds oh my gosh great and then I'm going to Muy Tye Saxons Muy Tye which is so punishing that I couldn't walk for a week the first time I went there so I'm like okay baby step that bad boy and I'm going to my boxing coach and then I also go to my old boxing coach who now trains my son so I train with him so I'm hanging out with my son as well so I'm things are good it's good yeah you're doing really good I mean and you know then in terms of sobriety generally it's never it's rarely and they've had a straight road to sobriety it's usually in and out in and out in and out of the fine like you get serious a certain point that's I believe where I'm at it seems like yeah yeah my son said to me after two weeks that he was proud of me and that one is if I ever feel like there's a tough moment and my addiction says you know what it fixes I hear that and I have no I actually had a bunch of you would have definitely been mad at me I had tons of marijuana in the house all different kinds of edibles and all that stuff and I gave it to all I cleaned it all up yesterday and put it all in it was giant box I had no I didn't get mad anyway for any of you know it's not a good idea I had a good idea I'm sorry yeah the creative was gone like a month ago but the weed it was so hard because it was so much money and I'm like I can't pull the weed in the trash I've got to give it to somebody that doesn't have a problem with it and then they can do what they want with it so it went when my daughter got so much it was Christmas Eve and she went to a meeting that night and I thought wow she is serious and the next day went to a meeting and didn't mean for a year and I was like oh that's that's the deal that's the real deal the first time I went to me was that when I was late now I go like if I miss a day it's rare but I'll do a zoom one if I have to but I'm definitely in I'm doing work from the book every day it's good yeah step work step work I'm doing the work it's like how did you get good escape going Jason did the work the ramp once a week no dude you didn't so true yeah it's do the step no steps no no no sponsor no recovery really sort of well if you're not doing the step work with somebody it's not really right I want to bring up because I did tweet something about the cratum and I got a lot of reactions some positive but mainly negative and I know it's Twitter a lot of people like to troll and all that kind of stuff but it seemed like a lot of people don't know that much about it just it's very simple cradam is a weak opiate and if you don't understand that what opiates are what they do to people let me introduce you to Matthew Perry and all the prints and all the people that have died of opiate and you have a used disorder and that's cradam because yes you can maintain for quite a little while and then it progresses yeah so I know that you know some people out there can have a beer and they seem to be fine so I'm not saying like you know for everybody on the planet don't ever do it I know that there's people that are in chronic pain and there's that's a different situation right yeah that requires careful management but even that these days buprenorphine is so much better medicine for chronic pain what was that buprenorphine sub-text oh okay right so good for chronic pain somebody tell me that they were going to do sub-text to get off-credam because they weren't sure if they were going to make it as a person that got off it I can tell you I'm not lying you guys like it was it was one of the hardest most embarrassing because I'm older and I've been through addiction and to be that tweaked out on something that you get at the weed store or the gas station it was really hard for me to take like I got all these people that look up to me and I'm like shaking and like uncontrollable sweats not to mention like mind games my mind is attacking me and because of this stuff and that's the part people don't get the desperation yeah after thinking the thinking is the problem yeah leave you do it I'm with you it's happening so what is this so I don't know why you keep all of that because we were talking about Ellis mania you know what it's for people that say f-bombs on the frickin job I have to bend over yeah all right speak yourself because I'm not doing it so thank you so I just remembered the new edition of Ellis mania where you have people smack at each other and I thought oh maybe there's something with that no I think that might have been what it was for I need I had a mistress for a little bit and maybe I was getting a little into the biggest thing I see I saw that at this at this next door I'm gonna I'm gonna hit somebody in the booty with it leave some marks yeah but I don't know that's interesting that's interesting yeah what that is I might be a phase but I think it's I don't know here's what I I'm pretty sure what it is I think I did a lot of sex because it's a part of my addiction to run like whenever I'm having sex I'm not thinking about the pains of my existence yeah and now that I'm facing them all and and dealing with them that kind of sex no longer interests me I'm not saying I'm straight by any means I'm just yeah but you were getting high from it somehow and yeah and now you're gonna consolidate right you're gonna be yourself since yourself is gonna get more consolidated integrated and that may include you know but male and male women I don't know but it's gonna be more stable and you're gonna be better able to be present and to have real intimacy yeah and real intimacy may not include some of the stuff because it's right it could be fine it would take away from you you want to do it but it can get in the way of intimacy sometimes it definitely doesn't like to say that it might be there or might not be there I think old me would find that to be annoying so don't say that it's gonna go it's just there now it's like if it's there later in life great if it's not great okay so what you're saying this is really important because what you're saying this is this is a really important key experience of of real growth in mental health treatment you have to be willing to become whoever you're supposed to be yeah and it's and there'll be a certain amount of grief with that too because you leave your old self behind it goes away and you become whatever it is you're meant to be that's will and you become that that's all and that may include leaving marks on someone's ass I don't know and it may I know it's gonna be what's gonna be you know and you'll be open to that if it is over for that it's not like I didn't have a good run right you know that's right well this is that is to me that's kind of intriguing which is you know how do you how do you integrate your addictive years into your current sense of yourself in sobriety which is which is when you said the the food addiction yeah that's the thing that I think I relate that a lot with my sex addiction yeah because that you know like do I have to smoke weed or some kind of THC no I don't I don't have to that can stay out and so can alcohol so can create them and all the other stuff but sex like I want to love somebody and they're gonna love me and I want to have sexual relations with them it's just like what's what scaled to me so far it's very obvious which one is good and which one isn't yeah and I think depending on my partner later on down the road if my partner is by and they want to do something with somebody else it's gonna put it it's not gonna be yeah let's do it right it's gonna be like we got to really sit down right we got to we're gonna have to write this down what I think the goods and the bad and the reasons why I would want to do this and why I would not want to do this before I can cosign you bring another person into an intimate relationship and you diminish the primary intimacy and it destabilizes it to me hard enough to have it to people to have a relationship that I figured out is that relationship was always you can have other people yeah so that meant that I could always run when and when needed yeah but that was why it was so attractive to me right I'm like well if I get to it's like you know I when I broke up with the kids mom yeah she was not gonna let me drink it smoke wheat one of the first things my baby mama said she saw a photo that I posted and there was smoke in the background and she was like daddy are you okay I was like why yeah why like I saw smoke in the background I just want to make sure you're okay there I know and I know now yeah like so many years later yeah that she was like he's not gonna be there for the kids if he goes down that road not not as good as he could be you know she knew yeah she's a really smart person and I was like you know know what you're talking about you know me like I got this under control and the show got bigger and bigger and I was like there's your proof like if I'm so bad how come I'm I'm the number two show on serious exam and I make millions of dollars smoke so bullshit like it was it was a curse which is why this is a gift that's why like the show emptying out people going whoa easy on the gay or easy on this and me losing fans and people being mad at me and money going away and like oh my god this is all disappearing it was a gift because it was like you gotta you gotta take a look at yourself man like you're not Mr. Magic everything you touched is not turned to gold you're wrong you're making mistakes this is your fault like how do you rectify all this stuff be careful again now you get you get into this not all of it yeah I don't care if everybody else I know that there's a lot of people that made that had their did a lot of things that they made a lot of mistakes that made my life very difficult but I if they want to come to me and apologize down the road great I would look forward to it but for me to get better I don't care about that I only care about what my part was yeah and how can I rectify that and how can I not repeat it yeah the main thing yeah the time for amends is down the road yeah I know it's it's you gotta go slow with I know I'm I know I'm only I know any of them I mean I have been reading I call my talk I call my sponsor after the step four on audio book oh my god I'm so screwed why because I just know the traits that you have and they were just slapping me in the face in the car I was like oh that was you I'm so like that I do that ah and then I thought of like an actual like in a scenario where I screwed it all and I was like that's your that wasn't you and you and you backed yourself so hard on you like moron I know you stupid and it's like no I do that was all you so the way I think about this is you're you're not responsible for your recovery okay yeah yeah and if you don't you know it takes what it takes to get to the recovery part but if you don't take that seriously then it's on you whatever happens right you got you get more will happen well here we are once you really understand that yeah yeah so yeah here we are yeah it's good yeah I see you you've always been there for me even when I was blurry I knew you were there for me I try to understand what is in our relationship you know it is because you're you're because we're sexually attracted to each other no it isn't that it isn't that what did you say that I know it's not true I know it's so quite what you did it that's what you know it is it's your your everything or a lot of things not me you're you're not me in so many ways I find it tricky and yet I feel like at our core there's some weird little similarity in our in our tenders sort selves because we we want to help people we'll find out is you get better I do but you do too but it's one right we're both hot we're both older men yeah dig us really like older man shut up see you need to learn to love yourself a little I hate to say it true but you need to like look at the mirror every day I think my thing I think listen my thing is if some woman really interested me I'm like honey something's wrong with a young woman like a young woman I'd be like no no no I think that's wrong with you not for your own good not because I don't want to do this it's just be wrong good this is not something's wrong yeah I think for a minute there because you're right of the self-deprecation thing where somebody like that would like me I'd be like what's wrong with you and what's wrong with me that makes you see that that would work and it's like do I have a broken beaker going on for sure you but but but I also but I also feel like you have a responsibility to somebody like that not to gratify that impulse yeah you'll respond to me great thank you new yeah like a teacher or something I had a lot of like bad traits but I'm very lucky to not have that one I've never been attracted to younger people lucky me and even if it's like this is it's interesting topic because I actually find our peer age very attractive and they all feel women tend to feel diminished as they age and I don't I don't see it I don't it's a shame to me because I find them very attractive at all ages when I was on those dating sites they never took me serious because I look like such a young maniac you know which is understandable young but I was into them I mean like I mean I would swipe on girls my age and they'd be like what are we gonna do like like do be at the battalion like no thank you hey so hey I did something like this I got a cold too this kind of whatever this is everybody yeah I had stem cells harvested from my bone marrow and my fat yeah stuck in my shoulders yeah and it was a serious procedure I feel after it hurts it hurts I'm cool with pain pain does not bother me like you that was a good another similarity but but yeah that's for sure just the tissue damage and stuff and the amount of time and the season things I just missed up for two we're they tend I'm like still like in molasses really but I can't use it in the stem cells from the umbilical cord I don't need it you because this is the most stem cells in the umbilical cord from your own body my zinc almost themselves right I'm not trying the bone meh bone now you've lost so there's three kinds of stem cells the ones that goes to bone and cartilage in your fat and your bone marrow it's not depleted from your age no you'll also yeah and PRP that appear on top of it yeah I've done that to I got P.R.P.

in the groin once the hip leg yeah and the body went into the groin yeah yeah like a long needle yeah I asked my penis and I was like dude are you crossing the streams right now like I'm like how far does my penis go in true well I can feel it down my taint and it disappears on my but then it goes up between up through the urethra goes all right you just missed it so you know the things that swell up go all the way to the back you're either a curves up and goes through the prostate goes up to the bladder son of a bitch yeah I got it a little anatomy here I messed up I'm kind of I can't do much I'm just feeling it's gonna get better this is this is amazing I couldn't do this oh wow you that oh this is it on this side okay yeah that's bad so does that mean you weren't working out I'm not working on now I was working on that so I did this forever man and I just was an idiot I just you know we were pretty jack so I want to get I want to get it back somehow keep it going so that means once this heals and hopefully you're also be looking at more surgery or something who knows I just do so badly with surgery I just I'm just every time I've ever had a surgery like my part I know I just I'm one of those people that you tissue damage anesthesia F's me up what I had my prostate out I was sick I wasn't right for six months six months is that a long time to recover from process that's ridiculous is it I thought process it was pretty serious it's a big operation but you know I was just I felt like this like always just like I'm in molasses all the time oh good exercise intolerance is like long covid feels like long covid then you got over it yeah yeah yeah back yeah I'll get back when you get back we should work at the gold yeah and then we'll like tell the young ladies no but all those other ones hell yeah you want to go to the gun show the gun show yeah we can go on the parking lot and inflict pain on each other and tell them how much it doesn't hurt just like a taser to hit each other look at us man you bring yours up bring mine all those questions coming in yeah they're flying right if anybody wants to call well the point mentioning it hey welcome to the Jason I'll show you run with dr. Drew Penske Jason dr. Drew how's it going who's this what's your name guys my name is Jack I'm from Boston big fan right yeah we're part of Boston I'm so sure actually nice beautiful what can we do for you I jumped up to the to the all access today just to catch the show hell yeah I wanted to say Jason like obviously like you've helped so many people you've helped me to dr. Drew I'm a mega love line fan I actually I listen to back episodes on YouTube every day wow that's me is amazing that the classic love lines yeah they have a like they're legendary it's wild the Jason Ellis show would have had a back I got a little serious exam weren't maybe there's somebody that was collecting them you never know fan has had them so I think they're on YouTube but not like in store like storage like you have a lot we got him Giovanni cataloged air and he goes out and finds ones that are missing and stuff crazy man I really interested he want a job maybe anyway what's your question you guys are still doing it man you're still helping people I'm Drew I got a question for you I'm 35 years old I was wondering like I'm in pretty good shape but I've always wanted to see if I could get much bigger like I can start picking up heavier weights and working out a little bit harder is it too late for that or am I still okay you think oh no you're fine you fine be careful I you know I messed up my shoulders doing that I loved lifting heavy weights I love that feel like I heard Arnold talking about I could relate really strongly but he of course is on all kinds of serious stuff but I'm not working out I just never really switched it on and I'm like I'm a blue belt you just like I train I work out but I was wanting to get bigger big big as easy lift it's I try a million different things and if it's getting big is your goal lift heavy weights very simple heavy weights do full motion watch the joints that's my new injunction against it yeah if you're a jujitsu blue belt you don't care about your joints right well plus you can let me show you your motion it could screw up your jujitsu I think if you're not careful right would you recommend like any sort of stretches or physiotherapy or or like I mean certain kind of physiotherapist that makes me do kinds of workouts with like a straight bar for my because I have terrible shoulders from all the broken and dislocated and separated shoulders of my feet straight over your head yeah and all these different twists and what was all good they should have straightened my body out like I had a lower shoulder and she helped me bring it level to this even to the other one yeah I mean to do it properly she had an evaluation get some proper oh yeah she definitely yeah but again he does he's still very on your fine go exercise have a good time with it make sure you hit everybody part every motion you know just be careful over your head that's where you're getting in real trouble watch your back I follow a lot of catholic advice from his podcast very good I got going on over here with you guys really really pumped I drew I got to say man love I'm in recovery I'm in a healthy relationship you know I got some time I'm doing well Jay you've helped me so much I suck a girl's dick and I like it Wow this is my contribution to you know I get to go through this like dude I got to force listen into your show like my son was born listen to the show like I'm watching you man and I love you and I really I see you doing better than I'm on that's not yeah I feel the same way I feel same way it's funny yeah thanks dude but you guys go by people do love you they do I know what that is I mean there's a lot of you it's up but I think I was talking about that tender something I know what they're talking about I feel it anyway you know so it's something we'll see more of it as you get on to recovery that's what I'm saying that's what I feel to you know Jason I'll show you I'm a doctor Drew Penske Dr.

Drew Jason I was how you doing okay man where you going from happy all holidays I'm from Connecticut hell yeah nice London we went today it's good well one I want to say this patreon is awesome proud to be a fan all the time so I know Dr. Drew addiction knowledge is right how you say it yeah all right so I'm 18 months sober no drinking I'm working to hospital you know so I see a lot of other trauma and stuff I'm grateful wearing it's being close to dying anyway I have my close family members my father and my mother both were drinking for a long time growing up they stopped and then two weeks ago they decided to pick back up okay yeah so where we got from Christmas and I think this is the first time I'm really thinking you know there's gonna be no family involvement it's tough it's jarring hold on a second so so you're thinking you're not gonna join your family this Christmas because they're using and drinking yeah okay yeah they're also not gonna go yes it's disastrous they basically yeah okay and it shows alcohol gross do they have you made you have a lot it's alcohols it's then that cutting baffling powerful you know so have you made it clear to because you can actually help them by making it clear to them that they have chosen alcohol over their family and are they get that are they cool with that I did because I did because I'm 18 months sober from drinking I'm 26 I'm going chronic seizures I talked to my mother last week I said look you could pick this one thing and lose everything else or you could let go that one thing you know I did it you know that's your choice I try to be myself up over and so here's that and then she lost okay and so this is who left his mother and so so so you have to decide what you can what you need to do to protect yourself you just got to make that decision you got to do it now one thing you can do you know most alcoholic addicts do need to do some alanon because you most alcoholic raise around alcoholic addicts it's a genetic thing so now I would be a very good thing right now for you you're gonna need to do it someday probably anyway and really discuss it with the recovering codependency peers and see if they agree with you the best thing for you is cold turkey with the family versus you go in for a little strike and say hi Merry Christmas and go back out to the recovering the codependency recovering community to get your support that's another way of doing this yeah okay I actually I have a sponsor I go to AA I go to a great community of course older wise people and they're telling you just to fail out you know they give me spiritual advice and they say you know pray and you know it's meaningful what they say but it just seems like when I ask these questions they don't understand that you know what I don't I don't have intentions to drink but there's never been definitive answers as to what to do in the circle because they shouldn't be to a team I said right they shouldn't be making the decisions for you I mean usually they should be setting up the circumstance for you to do the right thing for your recovery I agree I agree with them just being very supportive so while you make the right choice I know first things first is you I mean I hate to say that but like you stay in sober is the number one thing that is to think about you know so if you go and you think that's not gonna help then don't go yeah certainly not without a bunch of codependency support if you think you can handle like true said going for a little bit and going hey guys I gotta cut out obviously because I'm you know I'm sober and this is making me uncomfortable as hell then then then you can choose that to but just make sure 18 months you you got to take care yourself you're still pretty pretty early believe it or not yeah yeah I swear it is you know not worried about the drinking or anything it's just it's too decades of trauma you know I'm not leaving a six year old and this is not there you go under a Christmas tree my family no knowing my chosen I'm looking around gone what are all these kissing presents mean it's you know I know it's the other day you guys chose you know to pick back up and kind of just repeat the cycle but helping me right now dude yeah and shows to pick back up I mean it's crazy it's crazy on this they chose not to focus on their recovery and then they will naturally pick up there was a girl that she'd been sober for 30 years and she was saying this is the first time that I've ever spoken I've been on several zerams obviously but not in a face-to-face meeting and she said like 30 years sobriety I know and she's pointed at me because I had spoken before saying how much it meant what I said but I was going through she's like I know what I'm supposed to interact but I just want to say it meant a lot but she still says she's like she's heard her own voice teller 30 years like at this point are you really even an alcoholic anymore and I caught what that voice is and obviously no that I need to go to a meeting but just hearing her say because when she said that I was like 30 years wait and you didn't even talk like you my addiction said you probably aren't even an alcoholic and that's what her addiction said to right that's not worth all saying the same thing yeah but I'm sorry man that is tough I'm not looking you know I'm building character you know what I mean yeah I'm 26 I had a doctor told me because you see again I can't tell you if you're gonna live or die you know I don't have that work in the road to say I can maybe drink again no everything I got yeah yeah sir but I agree I don't hold the line up you guys happy holidays thank you and I'll keep listening rock on good things to have you my friend man that is and I get to see the miracles of sobriety that that could will flourish in his program it's just amazing to see it that's the thing that is that one of the things that I'm so attracted to is when people speak and and talk about this the miracles yeah pretty excited because I've always been such a you know I grew up with such a my parents were so my father was so against religion or a miracle or luck or I mean to the point where now looking back it's that's what my other point I was an atheist and then I realized you're an atheist because you're kind of religious like you say you hate him so much because of the things that happened in your childhood where my angle is if God's real how did he let those people do that to me when I was a little kid you know because if that like I know what happened to me now and there's no God that allows that but it's not it's not a dude watching that like pull strings and goes oh that's bad that guy will be saying like it doesn't work like that and I think when religion twisted into you know cartoon this guy can make this happen and the reason he didn't make it as like no man it's it's not a it's not a guy mid-political can switch each of their own but you're fair though I mean the Catholics have a whole field of studies how why bad things happen called the Odyssey why why does God love bad things that the people philosophers you know Thomas Aquinas thought about that stuff Neil Grace Tyson the other guys Tyson saying that he's a he's a old powerful old seeing that whole thing and he's like if he is then he's either bad or not all single powerful right that's the world again I'm not agnostic on this stuff but but the the the Odyssey world would say it's it's a path towards something that he in his infinite wisdom he understands that we don't yeah I know yeah whatever I'm not angry anymore I'm like that's cool man that's if that's what you're talking about you go ahead and talk about that I gotta do me and I have the more I pray the more I feel like something's listening and that I am not a crazy person talking to this guy for interesting thing shows me that the more I do this the more you know because to me I've been really good at something I've been on the cutting edge of the best human in the world at this particular thing what did it take for me to get there there was a lot of where even if I didn't believe it I faked it till I made it like I was like I'm just gonna believe it until it became true and real and and it's not a book it's not a like I lived it there was a time they were I know deep down I do not have talent I don't have it like when I started there were two kids they were like chubby one was obese and they were way better than me for the first three years but I lived with it in my head all day when I wasn't doing it because I had to go to school or something I was skating in my mind and then when I was at the ramp I was just just so in love with it that it took over me and my body changed into an athletic body and I became one of the best guys on the planet doing it I'm fascinated by that kind of thing that humans do that the you want me to get the Elon Musk biography of part of your audiobook but he he's that he just relentless relentless it just that's fascinating I had some I don't know that I have that anymore but I had that for a while do you want to hang out with me let me get it back yeah you got it believe did you want to most talented people on the planet but you did you you got the truth maybe that's because of the relentless that's devastating you're you're you're sorry YouTube you're an animal you're based you are you mean that good way I'm still relentless I'm not as aware of it well then wake up okay because you are we are we're so hot chicks want to stop at no we won't marry you but still maybe I will and about a year not right now about a year Ellis Dr. Drew I'm starting to feel some pain in the outside of my knee when I squat down I have to stand up pushing oh man with my right leg or yeah I'm a lot of or if I had to climb a lot of say that's suggestions for physical therapy type exercises I can do to avoid a trip to the doctors let's look up lateral compartments and I think that's what he's got I am not an expert I actually was gonna be an orthopedist for two seconds and gave that up lateral compartments I've had that yeah I went to bio accelerator and I got stem cells pain and grinding look like a lateral aspect of the knee patellofemoral syndrome so when you hear when you go down the stairs and things how do you treat it unloading bracing okay so breast and then brace keep it I think that one of the key things that make sure that he tracks properly they really keep it right over the yeah I will say walk some people walk poorly and I've noticed like from because I've broken things or torn things and limped in a certain way where it started to make my whole body crooked and then doing physical therapy and then making a mental note every time I walk it's which is great like people don't realize still do it where I walk and make sure that my toes are pointing straight and when I step I lift my heel off the ground like from boxing when I first started training I realized I was a flat footed fighter so I just always was on my toes all the time not in the gym I'm on my toes walking in the kitchen I always try to remember it all the time because here's what they say avoid activity that causes it that's what I was doing when I had it using anti-inflammatory physical therapy course use inserts for your shoes if you need adjustment oh wow yeah that's a good idea how do you feel about Advils and all that because I saw I am not a fan stomach it's bad for your causes ulcer but I really would have to the kidney I've seen kidney failure from anti-inflammatory always worries me particularly use it regularly I get worried about that I much better use tylenol unless you're not calling entirely dangerous but but if you're just on all different alcoholic because it's metabolized by the liver and you get bad liver stuff go on so is there one that doesn't do something to you live up all here's what everybody needs to know all medications so my top my dad was a family practitioner I was raised with this notion all medication are dangerous everything it's dangerous I don't care what it is but there's time on aspen dangerous the trick with medication is trying to adjust physiology you're you're really giving us a powerful chemical agent it's got to be worth the risk the reward has to be worth the risk but we during COVID we just completely abandoned that it's a bizarre thing I've ever seen but it's always risk reward risk or anything you put in your mouth or shoot your body drew looking us through about anal fishes I had one of these I got to be on what's the next drug after morphine she started yeah that was sorry that was awesome sorry it was a highlight couple seconds yeah anal fishes my doctor says I have them and I just want to know how serious it is where I have to have will I have to have surgery not usually for it off if it's a you know take the pain well take the treatment usually treat them and it might be a fish to learn that's a bigger problem a what fish to learn which is like a life done that you've had fish to learn okay now it's a that's fist that's just fisting this is fish to learn so it's so it's a much of a one time you did what I did I did what I did okay easy so it is a it's a sort of a burrowing like it's like something comes out of the colon burrows into the soft tissue comes out like out of your butt cheek or near the anus you know it's a it's a like a good horn like a canal like a like a like a gopher's digging through yeah tiny little infected canal and it can be something from Crohn's disease very commonly has that day yeah it's not fun I got a question about but holes I got a hemorrhoids right and I had some internal ones cut the other day wow yeah yeah as a strange feeling but then I got outer one scar scars and the doctor said because I was like I don't like my but hole it's probably the ugliest part of my body and I do show my but hole to people being I show my but hole to girls too I mix it up but I wanted to get him cut off and he said that it's a very painful procedure yes yes for two weeks you're gonna be like I've seen people go crazy from it it's so painful right if I'm an addict I can't do pain medicine that's really not you want to don't I usually advise people you know people have to take pain medication at the surgery sometimes but you don't want to do it early in your sobriety it'll trigger you and stuff just let a year so go by before you readdress this yeah okay I'm okay with that because I don't really need to like that's the other good thing about my first years I'm not looking to really do a lot with my butthole lately good yeah I think that's good policy for recovery I'm going to hugs good right I like hugging people and trying to put my heart with their hearties okay no no it's making sure trying to think what your fans would say right would be a little bit but in a in a non-care way like yeah why would that be caring so well we have a question in the chat go ahead miles hey doctor I've had two double lung transplants last six years oh my goodness last three years ago I'm relatively young 59 and fairly fit considering the extensive recovery Wow I still feel a lot of pain in my sternum nothing seems to work I was on two ECMOs at the same time she was in a damn you know two week coma oh my god this has lungs trans full lung transplant I didn't know they can do that so we had a dead person's lungs putting his lung I don't know could average I suppose yeah it's probably recently dead yeah wow can you get synthetic lungs no no way but he was on essentially what we had the best closest thing we have to a synthetic lung was called ECMO that the machine it's not in you it's out of you right extra poor so yes to be in a bed well that was when he was in a coma and is failing before he got the lungs he wants some insight into the pain all right so the I have I'm not an expert in this area but I've had you never your sternum gets split yeah and he said it's but a couple of times right what happens is sometimes first of all you get infected I've had people actually get fungal infections in their sternum so make sure you might want to get some called gallium scanner some sort of bone scan to see if there's any info infection in their number one number two you know they tie the certain together with wires yeah metal yeah and so and it's sometimes it can not feel and keep rubbing and it's just as constant source of pain I don't you're not like fully attached correct so every breath like that's like a boat almost yeah yeah and so I would get get back to the surgeon just go hey we there's got to be some sort of solution where there's re securing the sternum or something making sure it's not infected make sure it's maybe there's you know there's things you can do to help own heal yeah but they should have some expectation that this you know what they can do and what they can do to help you so that's rough man I'm glad you have a long time it's amazing and he's here and talking about what yeah it's amazing yeah that's science man oh oh that is so impressive like you are still here also self-pity really diminished after this story good could help you what the hell am I bitching about right I mean I do want that scar but not that bad look I'm just thinking that somebody I'll tell you who later related to friend of ours had to have a long transplant from covid and didn't go well and he was complaining I always remember this it felt like breathing through a straw when he had the new lungs oh oh can you imagine that no oh my god it's like in that movie nobody where he hits him in the neck with the pipe and then he cuts his neck open puts a little milkshake straw in there oh keeps the guy alive and I'm like I don't know if that's really that alive straw breathing doesn't seem that cool no sometimes I try to put a straw in my mouth and go in the cold plunge and just have the straw out and breathe through the straw you had a sucker of your nose right now I put my hand in my nose but the cold makes it hard to breathe in deep it's quite a challenge looks good for a video thanks for being on the show Drew it's good to see a man congratulations you're doing it I just I love where you're at and I love you and I just I just see good things it just kind of got to keep keep keep it going keep on keeping on I'm working I'm working real hard and I'm very grateful for all my friends and family that are supporting me I worry about it would have been more grateful about all those people because I feel like now I actually see and feel it for the first time you know I don't know how you feel it and I know you guys too and I worry about relationships taking you out in that first year so be really careful about that that's a common thing hey man you don't know what it's like you don't know I had a lot of dating apps they were my favorite thing to do like when I'm sitting down I go on there and I talked to everybody you know why I told everybody because there's a little bit of satisfaction in every single one of them that wanted to do something with me and I know that that is the addiction you don't know I do not do any of it I don't look at any of it you don't need it I know I don't need it you're getting nourished in a much richer way I am and I get every day I get a little bit better with without any extra highs or any of that stuff I can't wait to start skating again I could do a 540 at 52 and I did two shots of creative that morning and smoke two jobs and I'm thinking I'm what you could do straight so yeah I might do a 900 probably not but shut up miles I could do he's probably right I got it thanks to be on check out after dark it's the way we're after dark is gonna wrap up we're yeah what are you gonna do oh well I'm focusing on the show we're doing the stream show my wife produces it's called ask dr. druids at dr.

TV still doing yeah I'm glad you're doing and we're sort of wrapping up after I can February so yeah it's okay it was a great experience I in fact weirdly ran into Christina Tom yesterday in Lagoon it's right right into them they're here yeah should be on here anyway love you guys see you next week yeah don't die safer Ontario means more police and prosecutors making sure my card doesn't get stolen it means building new jails the key criminals behind bars and it means there's no need to worry when I play at the park we're making every corner of Ontario safer to make all of Ontario safer that's how we protect Ontario for all of us learn how it Ontario dot C a slash safer Ontario pay for by the government of Ontario