Dr. Frieda Birnbaum - Coping with Codependency

Copingwith Codependency this Holiday Season Under most circumstances, people would consider having a closerelationship with their family to be a good thing, but is there such a thing astoo close? According to the popular Time Magazine article entitled Is Your Family Codependent? 8 Signs to Look Out for. publishedin November 2023, there is, and it’s called codependency. In fact, codependency within families is more common than most peoplewould care to admit. It can take place between parents and their children,siblings, extended family members, and across multiple generations as well. Thesigns can range from a compulsive tendency towards people pleasing, a lack ofphysical or emotional boundaries, excessive control, perfectionism, criticism,and even abuse in the home environment. The holidays can be an incredibly difficult season for those whocome from codependent families, so it’s important to keep an eye out for thewarning signs and educate ourselves on the best ways to cope with/support thosewho may struggle with their familial relationships. A close-up of a person Description automatically generated Interview Op: Dr. Frieda Birnbaum—research psychologist, psychoanalytictherapist, seasoned media commentator, and author Media Clips: WPIX-TV New York │ Daily Flash- National TV Talk Points: How does codependency function in families? Difficulty setting boundaries: There can be fear of saying no to their family members even if it means sacrificing their own needs and desires out of fear of guilt or retaliation. Difficulty expressing emotions: There can be fearing of communicating one’s emotions. Oftentimes, emotional expression is met with gaslighting, guilt tripping, or violence. An unhealthy sense of responsibility: many codependent dynamics make victims feel responsible for the happiness or stability of their loved ones. They’re made to feel that if they leave or prioritize themselves, their loved ones will suffer and it will be their fault. What are the ramifications of codependency within families? A lack of self-esteem and sense of self Chronic anxiety People pleasing, conflict avoidance, and denial A compulsive need to “fix” other people or situations Fear of abandonment and rejection Difficulty enforcing boundaries Repeating the unhealthy behavior from the home in romantic and platonic relationships How to Cope with Codependent Family: Therapy: Finding a licensed professional can help you to develop necessary skills you may not have learned in the home (i.e. setting healthy boundaries, overcoming people pleasing tendencies, skills to manage anxiety/depression/feelings of guilt. If the situation allows for it, going to group therapy sessions can be a healthy and productive way to mend your relationships under the guise and care of an objective and professional mediator Chosen Family: non biological kinship bonds, whether legally recognized or not, that are deliberately chosen for the purpose of mutual support and love. Provides access to healthy relationship bonds that you might not be able to find in your own family. About: Frieda Birnbaum, PhD, is a research psychologist andpsychoanalytic therapist in Saddle River, New Jersey and the award-winningauthor of LIFE BEGINS AT 60: A New View of Motherhood, Marriage, andReinventing Ourselves and WHAT PRICE POWER: An In-Depth Studyof the Professional Woman in a Relationship.