Drew Sewell on State Shifting, Why High Performers Break Down at Home

What happens when a trauma therapist trained in EMDR, interpersonal neurobiology, and dialectical behavior therapy decides that the most important work he can do is not in a clinical setting but in a coaching practice built around a single observation — that the most capable, dependable, highest-functioning people around us are quietly carrying more strain than anyone can see, and that the maintenance tasks required to sustain a human being are the first things to go when performance becomes the only priority? In this episode of the Trustcast Show, Zane Myers speaks with Drew Sewell, founder of Avora Coaching, about what invisible strain actually feels like from the inside — hollowness, irritability, disconnection, no patience, and eventually the darker versions that show up as substance use or thrill-seeking — and why telling a high performer to back off is exactly the wrong framing. Drew explains state shifting, the nervous system reset technique he developed from his EMDR and trauma therapy background that can be installed in a single session and accessed with one word, and why the goal is never to stop building but to stop burning through the fuel that makes building sustainable. He also explains why the people who are functioning perfectly on the outside and feel empty on the inside are exactly who he built this for. They also discuss why vacation does not fix the problem — and why going on vacation with kids is not actually a vacation — what happens in the body and brain when someone has been carrying high pressure for too long and starts borrowing from relational and emotional functioning to keep cognitive performance going, how this work translates to legal proceedings where a witness or client whose nervous system blows a circuit at the wrong moment can tank a case that took years to build, the concept of the mind as a house and what it means to actually build usable capacity rather than outsourcing stress to alcohol or affairs or hobbies that just create more demands, and why nobody wants to work anymore is almost always a red flag that someone is building a skyscraper on a foundation meant for a house. Drew Sewell is the founder of Avora Coaching, a performance and wellness coaching practice based in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, serving high performers virtually nationwide. Connect with Drew Sewell: avoracoaching.com Phone: 338-629-5044 Email: [email protected] Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Drew Sewell 00:41 Restoring what success has cost them — what that phrase actually means 01:26 What invisible strain feels like from the inside — hollowness, irritability, and the darker versions 02:04 High performers who are always exhausted — is sleep really the answer 02:48 The cross-country road trip analogy — stopping for gas is not backing off 03:20 State shifting explained — accessing a nervous system state with more energy and clarity in minutes 04:39 What a neural loop is and why high performers get stuck in them 05:58 How the state-shifting install actually works — the walking technique from EMDR adapted for coaching 07:08 Building the magic room — what memory-based state activation looks like in practice 08:11 How many times you have to do this to lock in the link — one time 08:44 When to rehearse it and how to strengthen the neural pathway with 30 seconds a day 09:40 Does state shifting come at the beginning of the coaching program 10:06 Virtual versus in-person, and what happens administratively before you start 11:01 The first session — installing the state, walking through future stress scenarios, and designing the system 12:26 How this impacts family life — coming home without resenting it 13:52 A story from practice — the high performer who starts fighting at home and drinking to take the edge off 16:39 Building usable capacity versus just feeling better — the difference 17:47 Going outside the house — affairs, alcohol, and hobbies that create more stress instead of solving any 18:28 If everything looks great on the outside but feels hollow on the inside — is that enough reason to reach out 19:28 The three-month program — six sessions, every other week, and why you have to build it yourself 20:16 Rapid fire — what Drew does to actually recover, one book that changed how he sees people, the question that always means something deeper 21:55 The red flag phrase — nobody wants to work anymore 22:47 State-based functioning explained for a non-clinician 23:30 What happens in the body and brain after carrying high pressure for too long 24:48 Why vacation does not fix it — and why changing your oil once a year is not a maintenance plan 25:50 What success actually looks like at the end of working with Drew #DrewSewell #AvoraCoaching #TrustcastShow #HighPerformerBurnout #StateShifting #ExecutiveWellness #PerformanceCoaching #TraumaInformedCoaching #NervousSystemReset #BurnoutRecovery