e032 – Permission to Let Go – with Tracy Lynne Keeping

Tracy is a corporate service analyst and solo mama to a spirited four-year-old. She is a certified life coach and the founder and CEO of TLK Empowerment Solutions — life coaching for single mums looking to move past the hurt and trauma of their abusive relationships, to find peace and joy to live their best life. Over the years Tracy found herself attracting "damaged" —emotionally unavailable men who somehow always needed hand-holding and the fixing. It finally dawned on her when she found herself in a verbally abusive relationship with her then-fiance, with whom she also had a newborn baby. The abuse got progressively worse and she knew she needed to find a way out. Somehow. For her and her little boy. It is her soul’s mission to help women understand their worth and teach them how to heal through a combination of practical tools, a ton of compassion, and a touch of ‘woo.’ The comparison trap we often talk about at YGTMama affects mothers in abusive relationships, too. "My abuse isn’t as bad as my neighbors, I’m just weak." But that is not always the best way to heal. Shame is shame, loss is loss, pain is pain. What causes our pain isn’t as important as coming together as a community and sharing their stories to protect and help one another. Talking about it isn’t bad, you need to talk about it to heal and to shine a light on the abusers, even if it doesn’t fix them. One of the most important lessons you can learn in your relationships with other people is that you have to accept that you cannot change another person. You cannot force them to heal or love them into loving themselves enough to grow. What you can change is your reactions to the situation, you can change your path and your decisions. You don’t have to resign yourself to what you have, giving up your dreams of happiness, however, that looks. If that means ending your relationship with the wrong partner, remember that it is better to come from a broken home than be in one. Tracy Lynne is creating a community to give permission to other women that this is okay, and to give validation that stories like this can share that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. She shares her biggest struggle as a solo mom, with all the responsibilities of running her business. It is not for the faint of heart, but the biggest struggle is balancing her time, between work, her child, and her passions. Women have been socialized to put themselves last, and everything else first. But when we don’t take care of ourselves we are not able to be there for our kids. It is essential for us to find a balance between being a mom and taking care of ourselves. The biggest skill to learn is how to let things go. Find permission to give yourself patience and grace and not hold yourself to an unattainable standard. Learning about how generational conditioning can help us heal past traumas based on how our parents’ parented. Our moms gave up their dreams and were conditioned to accept their situations when they weren’t given a choice to live differently. Healing, giving space for our experiences, can help to stop the pain being passed on to future generations. By accepting mom-guilt and what it is, where it comes from and how to stop it. Embracing the emotions, analyzing the triggers and understanding the psychology behind why you feel that way can prevent the guilt from consuming you. Your children will not remember the 20mins you spent answering those emails or shaving your legs. They will remember the quality of the time you do spend with them when you can. Focusing on the minute details can overwhelm the bigger picture of motherhood. Tracy Lynne shares the deeply personal story of her past relationship with the father of her child, and how she learned to take control of her journey and grow into the mother she wanted to be.