E139: What a Real Apology Actually Looks Like and What to Do When You Get a Fake One

Have you ever received an apology that somehow made you feel worse? Or found yourself apologizing in a way that had more to do with ending the tension than actually taking responsibility? This midweek reframe breaks down what a real apology actually looks like, what makes a fake one, and how to offer one yourself even when nobody ever modeled it for you.Drawing from Harriet Lerner's Why Won't You Apologize, this episode gives you a clear, practical framework for both giving and receiving apologies, including the one rule that changes everything: a real apology never contains the word but.You'll leave with a concrete understanding of what genuine accountability looks and sounds like, and a framework for offering a clean apology yourself the next time you need to.If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you.RESOURCES MENTIONED• Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner• Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerootedConnect with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.