E271: The Real Reason You Can't "Let Go" in Bed

You're finally in bed together, but you can’t stop thinking about tomorrow's to-do list. We've all heard the advice to “just let go”. Stop thinking, stop controlling, lose yourself. But 80% of you tell us that you struggle to actually do that. So we're saying something a little controversial this week: "just let go" might be the worst sex advice out there. Listen in to learn what actually helps you feel present and connected to your partner during sex. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why "just let go" tends to backfire and pull you further into your head The real reasons your brain won't quiet down Why you'll never be perfectly present the whole time, and why that's actually OK The questions to ask yourself mid-distraction to spot what's really in the way A better goal to chase than "letting go” How your nervous system decides whether pleasure feels safe, and how to help it settle If you've ever laid there convinced something's wrong with you for not being able to switch off, nothing is. Your brain is doing exactly what brains do, and there's a kinder, more useful way in. The Spark is our $9/month membership for keeping playfulness, curiosity, and closeness alive when real life keeps getting in the way. If this episode hit home, it's the easiest place to start putting it into practice: Fresh prompts, date ideas, and conversation starters delivered every month Built for real couples with real lives, not just the honeymoon phase Small, doable ways to stay connected and get out of your head together 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark Stay connected Follow us on Instagram at https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander. Get our weekly email at https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe. Loving the show? Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen, and leave a review to help more people find us. ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Quince. Make your summer wardrobe easier. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Made from viscose from bamboo — breathable, soft, and built for summer. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices