Amen, and that's what they say sometimes you see a man some gay fellow say it like that You know he'll kind of they'll use it at to haul at you You know if you got a buddy. It's a home section or a you know Register, you know or not registered, but just you know gay some man is gay and you know That's how it is sometimes you see a man and next thing you know they trying to you know do a piggyback on the front of you and that's You know, that's just that society, bro. That's society in this. I mean they've they legalized It and that's what it is, baby.
So um What else is going on man? Who knows baby boy? Who knows what's up? Hopefully your spirits are hopefully you had a good weekend Got that turkey hopefully everybody got birded out Because that's what they hit you with that bird and a lot of things can happen after Thanksgiving meal You know a lot of time somebody'll steal your wallet right at when you buzzed out on that bird You know you have a little bit of that turkey, bro.
Next thing you know somebody stole your rims off your car They said damn They hit you with that bird that air dope, baby. The Lord's Perka said maybe I'm talking about that Terga Talking about that damn that shit a turkey, bro. I bet if you snuck up on a turkey, but I bet they know what I bet a turkey knows How to use a pillow? That's what I bet if you see a turkey animal in the woods or whatever I bet they I bet they know how to use a pillow cuz that's a damn that needle tire you out You ball us.
I mean that turkey you know, it'll really soften you damn Packer all right. Uh what's going on? We'll see let's get into it right here, man. Thank you guys for being here This is Robert Finley get it while you can Oh, yeah Yeah, man and that's adulthood right there.
That's Robert Finley and that's a beautiful right there beautiful urban gentleman hitting them the high notes and a low notes and In between man damn He just around me that man. He's a real damn Billy Godove of just charisma and Capability man, and he really if you go watch him watch his video on the internet Robert Finley Get it while you can and you got to get it while you can baby Because they ain't always giving it out. You know, they you sometimes you go outside and there's no wind out there Sometimes you run out there with a kite and nothing and you just nothing a squirrel run by flip y'all of bruh And that's you know Something you know God don't always make wind So you got to just get it while you can baby because not every day is Is the world gonna offer you the same stuff? So we got to keep our cup on us man when we go out there and if it's raining you got to get you get your half a cup Get your little quarter quart, you know get your third of a gallon baby And just you know hoard a little save a little fill it up When you get a chance you got to get involved in the world.
I got to I got to stay active I got to you know if I see somebody laughing having a good time I can't just you know go sit out in the van I got sometimes it's hard to stay you know to go over there and chuckle with them and absorb the the joy Sometimes it's hard for me to put my kite into the wind, you know and trust the breeze I But then I but then I am but then if I don't then I then I can't I can't be pouting when I don't have no gusts in me I can't be pouting when I'm thirsty for some kind of happiness because I didn't run my cup out there earlier You know when that breeze is it going when the water is a falling when the sun is a shining You got to take it where you can get it and you got to get it while you can baby that is Robert Finley And you'll enjoy that. I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving. You know, it's interesting. I I Didn't have a big plan really for Thanksgiving and David our cats lives out here now and he's in a new wrestling documentary He was a he came and came on to this podcast and he invited me over And he got to wifey got to offspring males juvenile males and So I went over there and drove out to the country and another buddy invited me over to some four wheeling I went over there And it was nice had a nice time, you know, I had a nice time is getting to see a family and His mother-in-law made some Like a salad the salad had a I was like damn somebody They might have a little bit of Alzheimer's in the recipe.
You know I'm saying I had a couple ingredients in the salad recipe I was like I don't know This thing got a damn pineapple, you know saying it had a little bit of you know this thing a little bit heavy on the Bay leaf You'll see you know it up to you know half a marshmallow and a bay leaf anything But uh, but it was a good time and really enjoyed myself and You know in part of me. I was like I don't want to go. I'm just gonna be at home You know, I don't have a plan. I didn't go home But I'm glad I put a foot forward and say you know I'm just gonna get you know I'm gonna go get out in the system.
I'm gonna go get out in the just into the flow of the world and I ended up having a nice time and I think it makes people feel good when they can When they invite you to do things and you say I think it makes people feel You know I think it makes people feel good you get you know, they invite you come on do it Oh come out here come to the zoo Why don't I go to the zoo? You know I want to smell monkey shit and I get sunburned But you do it and then it's fun and they have fun You know and then now you got a little bit of connection and you got another little anchor in the world I'm not preaching. I'm just saying yeah, just cuz sometimes I struggle. I want to say you know Oh, they're just inviting me because they feel sorry for me.
They're just you know They just they're just offering me that because they You know They feel like they have to a lot of that shit is in my head people want to do nice things because people want to do nice things And the gift that I can give sometimes is just saying yes Is getting and just being involved because if I don't I get isolated? And this past week I've just been saying yes, man. I've been saying yes And I've been getting it while I can this Robert Finley what's going on out here? I watched a Tyson fight last night and it dude.
I was most excited about seeing um Jake Floyd against What's his name? Nate? Nate Robinson? Dude, I thought he was gonna whoop his ass honestly Because I fought black dudes before and they they'll beat jazz And so I thought that was kind of how it was gonna shake out but damn bro Jake Paul He's sitting man.
He seemed legit just it was hard to get a real take on it because Nate was just coming at him Nick kind of had that bulldog Like a bulldog with a arm ear infection you ever see that dog and he trying to bite you but he also he don't aim correctly because his You know his equilibrium is on You know, it's got a bad wheel So he biting but he's you know, he missing the left every time he tried to You know to teeth you down to gum you up and And Jake Paul he really whoo he made that dude pay he made him pay. I mean he put him out son So you got to get props to both those dudes for getting out there. That shit looks scary Then do start throwing them piss man So yeah, I enjoy watching it. I mean the whole I didn't like all the rapping and shit I'm like what is all this shit.
I felt like I was trapped in a night club in Jacksonville, Florida I was like this shit is crazy people are fighting a lot of smoke in the air a lot of dance like a just one dude dancing by himself He definitely had a very Jacksonville vibe to it But so what when watching the Tyson thing go I wasn't excited about it. I watched it on Stream East or whatever where you get the free stream pirated I'm the captain now. I did the pirate and while I'm tired, you know, I sold the shit. I sold it and Yeah, I didn't I just felt like I Don't know if I didn't feel like it was for me.
I Thought the ring looked like a video game. They really went for this video game look like complete black in the background I don't even know if they needed at the Staples Center I wonder what the cost was it at because you got to shell out them duckets You want the Staples Center you could have done that and um You know, you could have done that at the at a Staples at an abandoned Staples, you know One of those staples that got looted out there in Los Angeles or Portland. You could have done that on day mile six on envelopes But I just don't know what the cost was to do it at the actual big Staples Center But I guess it does add a different mystique to it and as viewers Hell we don't even know if they really did it at the Staples Center They could have been showing it from the helicopter and not doing it. They could have done that anywhere Well, so watch it.
What did I feel like I felt like it was exactly what I thought it was gonna be I'm glad I didn't pay for it I Wanted them there was too many rules going into it and there was too much hugging Mostly the thing about the Tyson fight it made me remember to call my grandfather and my grandfather is dead So I just prayed a little and almost we gboarded him But I didn't even honestly know him that well and he was my step-grandfather and he used to take us on a motorcycle And we used to catch fresh catfish and he would have him, you know He put him on that stringer and I put him over my shoulder and I barely had a shoulder I'm probably four years old hell half the fish was older than me I caught you know I have 19 years worth of fish on my back and I'm just strapped them bitches on and He would just let me sit on the back and motorist like I'll hold on to him But one woman just you know shoulder up a little batch of bullheads Spoon River catfish shoulder them or mother shoulder and then get over you know get back to the house, but oh Yeah, what else I remember you know it was Jones junior look scared or just more nervous. He definitely gassed out pretty quick You know and I've seen senior citizens fight you know in my neighborhood when I was growing up this man Mr. Polito got in a fight and uh-uh he got thrown into a ditch fire By Milford King and Milford died But this is when he was um alive and Milford was our school bus driving He was shirtless and a lot of people think oh school bus drivers should have a shirt on well Hell if they should baby boy, you know a lot of school bus drivers. They don't need a shirt You don't need a shirt to drive a bus.
That's a damn myth You know that's a myth ampetta mean, bro. That's people smoking ideas that aren't facts and And Milford was red-headed and he had red chest hair and back hair and he probably weighed about 305 pounds 370 pounds and he spoke I thought he spoke a different language, but he just couldn't talk well You know I think they probably taught him about three quarters of the alphabet and the last quarter It was just I mean he was just damn van a white now there. He's just spending letters, you know what the hell's going on He put a seven in the middle of a sentence. You know, some of them he throw a damn An asterisk in the middle of a damn word.
You know, you know, he didn't know he wasn't fully equipped You know if knowledge was a 18-wheeler this dude probably had about a This dude has seven tires on him. He was that kind of guy But he fist-fought of this old man named mr. Polito and threw him in a ditch fire in our neighborhood When they were both pretty much near senior citizenship and when I saw this fight as the first thing I thought of I said Austin They should put it, you know put a damn fire in the middle and let these dudes fucking get iris, bro Because they were in this week as you know, I mean, that's the thing about when old when old people fight of different cultures They fight differently, you know, oh you got two old brothers out here fighting and they actual fist fighting They got it all gloves and everything you throw two old white dudes out there somebody's ended up in a damn fire So it's cultural, baby. It's cultural But yeah, it's a good time to be a part of Thanksgiving and you know, there's something about that day after Thanksgiving too When you just sitting there and uh Excuse me a little bit of water and it feels like a um The day after Thanksgiving it feels like a Saturday, but it's not it's like oh, this is kind of nice and it's just like oh You can feel the whole world starts to take a sigh of relief It's like oh We're just gonna just kind of lazy our way towards the holidays You know, it's a good time to check in with a friend you start remembering friends.
Oh, I you know, I should check in with them I should send them a text say hey, you know, hey Ronnie, bro. I love you, bro And talk to you in a couple years and then his wife writes back Ronnie's dead Ronnie died a couple You know Ronnie died 18 months ago head on collision like oh damn well But it's just that time, you know, where you just remember to check, you know, you go tickle somebody You haven't you haven't touched her maybe you know, you haven't touched her wife and probably seven months You go tick a little bitch over there. She making a souffle and you sneak up and just finger ribbed that bitch up, you know Surprised and get that jump back in it. It's just that time of year, you know, it's that time of year where Maybe your neighbor got a little pet bird and you run over there and seed that bitch up give him a pumpkin seed or something Give him a corn it's that time of year, you know, maybe you take a little while You take a muffin over to a senior citizen and you got to pour some water on it dampen it up so they could swallow it But you get in that gift you hit him with that fluffy cake little bad boy that muffin treat that old bastards, you know treat him nice That's what time it is man.
That is what time it is get that hit or merchandise is hit the website theo Von store dot com We got the restocks are in so if you want to get something you can get it and that's how that works That's called getting something and you can do that. Oh the episode of man up is up on sticky Rick About this thick boy and he was doing masturbation and everything but he's trying to turn it around and that's on YouTube So You can check that out comedy central past on the show, you know, they were too busy picking up dog shit And they passed on our show so that's why we do this People say why don't you do? Why don't you do because? Because man and I don't really have a I don't have people say you sound real salty about it I'm sugary about it You know it was the gift that I didn't really know was that we were gonna be able to get into do our own stuff But at a certain point you start to realize that some of these places do not want your kind around and you start to wonder why You do start to wonder that What else man what else really oh has been going on with me out of tough day the other day Thanksgiving morning Man, I was crying outside of a but don't not shopping my truck, you know, I wasn't touching myself or anything, but you know So that's how that day kind of started What else is happening?
Oh the we're gonna do I'm doing a lot of long, you know, like you know a little bit of like calendar laundry here We're gonna do the a belated Christmas special talent extravaganza with Tammy with Chelsea Lynn Tammy That will be that's gonna be postponed. I think we're gonna do it after the new years Just have more time and to really make it special or s-special baby, which sounds like a disease, but it's special in Spanish So we're doing that I'm gonna let you know right now though that if you're getting a gift for somebody get them get them get them get them the sounds of the world You know one nice thing about music is that you can hear it Imagine watching somebody just push buttons on a piano and nothing or watching somebody think that they you know Pluck on a guitar, but it don't make any sound you think they had heavy autism or HA well 2020 is throwing us a gift for the holidays This is the go-to gift and what I'm talking about is the silver bullet gift idea of Raycon wireless earbuds I want to get everyone a gift this year. That's gonna make them go. Hey, thanks.
You know what I actually didn't need this I'm actually going to use this and that's Raycon wireless earbuds. You know I've had different earbuds and I didn't like them One of them. I put them in all I could hear was a You know I can hear is my neighbors and they're fist fighting two lesbians over there beating each other about you know something some they did or They hired a shoddy contractor to you know redo a porch and they was Nimmit just was pissed, but with seamless Bluetooth pairing and a comfortable noise isolating fit You can start listening right out of the box and keep listening for hours with Raycon wireless earbuds That's what the game changer is for me is the amount of time that they last for The audio quality is amazing Come comparable to what you get from other premium brands except Raycon's start at half the price Don't pay for that extra pricing. You don't need it Best of all this is something people can use for calls or music for worker play at home or on the go It's the gift that keeps on giving Raycon's being generous for the holidays as well So on top of their everyday great prices.
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H. E. Oh support this past weekend get someone the gift They will use by Raycon dot com slash Theo for 15% off We had a lot of really special calls and and this and that's that came in and And I want to get into a few of them and here's one right off the bat This is Kenny Colin from Portland. Hey Kenny.
Thank you for calling And Portland they say they got a lot of beautiful strippers up there and a lot of rain So if you like that whap that's your territory that a You know if you like a damn girl That's really pale skin but tatted up if you like one of them and Tifobed yet just that's your territory I had an idea here. I have a place in five that I got for my work I'm not really a big gamer, but I would like to offer that for one of your struggling single mom So if you have any ladies out there that are trying to make your kid happy on the holiday I have a PlayStation 5 that I'd be willing to donate only because your show gives me hours of entertainment throughout the week I'm very positive. I love the things that you have to say in game Gang gang man. Thank you Kenny.
Yes, man. That's where it's at. You know, that's where it's at Um, and we would love that if you have you know a single man that could use this gift You can hit the hotline 985 664 9503 You know and and think just think about if you don't don't call don't give us some lady I can't use it don't give us some lady that's gonna sell it and buy the law to out there or buy a couple grams It is or a rock or a crack You know if you have somebody thinking you can use it has some children and don't you get it? Children already dumb they might not need a ps5 get them bastards a ps3 But if you got a woman has got a couple of kids That's very kind of you Kenny.
We'll reach out man And we'll see what we can do. We'll take a couple of suggestions if you can hit the hotline 95 664 9503 That'd be awesome. You know, uh, it's that time of year man. It's that time of year to to extend a little if you can You know the other day I was was I was eating breakfast here out here in the central east which is where I'm adding and I ended up paying for The breakfast there was a couple sitting outside and when I walked in the guy said I said hey and him and his girlfriend We're just visiting town and so before I left I just bought my meal bought their meal And just left, you know and then and I'm just saying that because about two weeks later I'm across the street eating breakfast at a different place with Josh wolf and We'd get up to pay and leave and they said oh somebody bought your meat Didn't know who I don't know who it was You know some day on the spruge McDuck got warm-hearted You know got them a orders just fired, you know, he grilled his own a orders with the Lord With that Lord's trigger or something hit him He got heated in the heart and somebody bought me that damn meal So that's what you know, it's just it's just that's karma rule led and that karma will really this the time of year when karma is out there Karma got on the zoot suit.
Karma's listening to 21 savages. Karma's out there, baby Karma got his nose hairs clipped out. He's out there. He's got a fresh set of tits on Karma's living hard right now This when karma is paying attention It's a great time to extend that olive leaf to somebody How can I help?
What can I do? And when I get up in the morning this week what's been making me feel good is just saying what can I do? What can I do for somebody that's not me? Who can I call that would like to hear my voice today?
And not in like an ego way, but just who can I call that I know could use somebody just they they're looking for anybody in the world to call them and say Hey, how are you? Where's your head at? Where's your heart at? And sometimes that can be you that can be anybody But I have to remember when I get up to ask myself that question first So So anyway, what a small little world how that worked out, but thank you Kenny We'll find some way we'll find someone who can use it.
I think so hit the hotline if he has some suggestions I'm gonna tell you right now also that we got this call that came in right here Hey, this is Selim coming at you from Victoria British Columbia, Canada Salim and man, thank you Canada for being in you You know, so now my fall asleep at night. I think about Canada, bro I'll be honest with you dude. No homo, bro. No snow mo but I think about Canada And I think somehow I just I'll lay in bed I'll just think about damn Canada, bro And I think about a newborn baby just riding naked on a just on a damn reindeers back and just looking for God, bro Both of them the little babies on the back of the reindeer and he just looking for the Lord And there's just something beautiful about that shit, bro And I'll be honest I'll be the first to tell you I didn't think Canada was a real place when I was growing up when I was young somebody said hey a wolf You know a wolf attacked at us drawing at school.
It was a picture of a wolf attacking a boy And he said Canada on it. I said dang boy So I thought Canada was just a place where America where we you know practice safety equipment where we mailed safety equipment to see if it Worked and they mailed it back. I thought it was a company You know kind of a you know probably a three point five star company out of five stars But that's a that's a myth man. I've been smoking myth amphetamines, bro If I'm thinking that I've been getting high on myth amphetamines if I've been thinking that because Canada Canada is amazing If you meet somebody from Canada, bro hug them shake they hang fuck them treat them well, baby Feed them, you know massage Garage on, bro Put them in your garage you feel me?
I'm saying do something for one because they're good people anyway. Thank you. So Lee mama And I have a thing going on every week we met this girl that I really like and issue though if she is very covet conscious, I guess not an issue makes sense and Basically we're going a couple days for hanging out from a distance and like we can't really you know make any physical contact or Kiss each other hug or whatever and that's tough. I feel like for me I don't know what you think about no physical contact in a relationship and also I'm heading back to Ontario outside of Toronto in a couple months.
So I don't know, you know really what I'm doing or why? So you're Canadian. She's afraid of covet. This is like a snow meow and hachoo lee yet You know, she's scared of something you really you know and you from the great dub in maybe you feel me now White North brother block a laptop gang shit on what but the surface hands is point no, but I like her and I like seeing her So love to hear your thoughts blow the podcast or hilarious guy and you taught me a lot.
It's listening to you talk Gang gang, baby. Thank you. So lean And let me tell you I say this first of all man I think you know, this is a beautiful story and this is why I listen to this podcast because sometimes it reminds me that there is There is still a human part of life Sometimes it does some of them. It all or not me anything, but sometimes it reminds me that there's still this element of people there's still this this fabric inside us that that wants to be seen and that fabric a lot of times it's it's like a The text it's like the textile of just the human condition and sometimes it's It's fun and sometimes it's real and sometimes it's tragic and sometimes it's Sometimes it's alive and sometimes it's dead almost but it's it's just Bear and it's nice.
This is something about this does that for me this this call because it just You know not every relationship is come over here and let me look up your booty You know, there's a lot of love out there that still has this old-fashioned wagon wheel kind of environment You know, there's a lot of love out there. That's like hey, I met you and I'm thinking about you And it's not a million text a day and it's not a You know, look I'll be honest I met a girl a couple months ago and we met up in a park And you know, I tried to get to see her tits from about 20 feet away She said no and she drove off and she thought I was probably a piece of shit She was probably right But you're doing something else man. You have a really there's a love thing going on there And you're just kind of contemplating well, what if I'm you know, I could lose this girl I could go on you know, I have to go and that's called extradition when you got to leave the country And I'm glad that not everybody's allowed to stay unfortunately that you know If you run over here with a damn hatchet and shoot up a dollar general They let you stay but you know, you're a decent conuck over here doing, you know, trying to fall in love and they you know But those are the rules, but um What are we talking about just now? But love man, um There's something special about that You know, there used to be something special about when somebody wasn't around just thinking about them Man, I remember I had a big crush on this girl Katie and people called her kind of fat Katie I think but I just called her just Katie and if she was fat man, uh good that meant there was more of her, bro Cuz I was in love with her and uh and I wrote Katie on my pillow and someone would just go lay in my bed and just hug This pillow was hard as a quad And I just hope that somehow she just knew how much I just cared about her and uh And somehow in that little process of me hugging this pillow It was that was the old school like just texting or stalking on Instagram That was the old that was it was a real visceral thing You know back in the day somebody would get a knife and they would just go out to a park bench and just be like I'm gonna fuck bridge it And they would just write that in there and now, you know, it was just that meant something It was putting it out into the world without putting it right into somebody's damn earhole And it gave the world a chance to say okay.
I'ma maybe this will land over by them or maybe it won't We let the world play a role. It used to be you'd put your feelings onto a kite It used to be you put your feelings like you know, you take them you blow them into a balloon of sorts and just let them off into the world And maybe they would land on the person's heart. They were intended for maybe they wouldn't But now it's everything so direct. We just take it and we write it on a arrow, you know Damn it.
I love ya and I'm my pervert and you just now you just fire it right at them And we just the world that we don't let the world work We don't let the world have a say anymore. So I feel you man There's something magical about if you go or if you stay or if there's something magical about being at a distance Because we used to always have to be at a distance. You couldn't permeate someone as immediately as you could now You had to kind of let the world play a role But I um I love where your heads at and I love where your hearts at man And I think one thing you can do this is a great time for some romance whether this works out or not It's a great time, you know to do something like a do a do a a scavenger's hunt, you know, you could do something sweet you could um You know put a message in a bottle and throw it in your yard, you know, you could do something like that Most mow a message in the regress, you know Oh Let me hit that you wrote it over there, but it's a chance man It's a real chance to do something kind of sweet. I think um Yeah, uh, and you could do a do a um a poem use your words.
That's a great idea use your words You know write a letter write a letter about how you feeling sexually do a poem, you know, maybe maybe a sex sex feed away This is for you, baby. This called sex feed away. I want that booty But the air got diseases. I want that kuda, but we got to bleach our creases I want that monkey and I want it on my tonsils, but I don't want you to die, baby.
I'm COVID conscious gang baby Hit it with that hit it with that bam that word hammer dog But yeah, use your words use your feelings and let it ride man mail it to her mail it to her Stand out But thank you for that question man in that call gang shit praise God, man. Oh I'm gonna tell you guys right now about something you already should know your body has a Your body has really a butthole on it. I'm gonna be honest with you and that's straight up and And if your body does have that then this ad is for you It's hard to believe these days that we have to start to wipe our butt when we go to the bathroom Think about that. That's old-fashioned.
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Go to hello Tushy dot com slash T he oh for 10% off Hello Tushy dot com slash Theo clean at BH Take a break from cooking and order food you love with grub hub family friendly you can get anything pick a place yep They service them get the food you love with perks from grub hub now you get the perks and you say you order do that You do two omelets you do two omelets in a um and a fish fry dinner combo six pack Next thing you know bam you got enough to get a waffle bam bitch you waffled up bam get your cousin get Tony a fucking uh Parmesan Get a little Tony's little frickin crippled ass of Parmesan a baby. That's how it works We're talking grub hub perks try something new from all the local restaurants in your area. It's time Grub what you love grub hub perks? All right, let's get into a couple more calls here here we go Hey Theo, this is Luke from Kansas City Luke from KC and we appreciate your brother And I was uh, I was in a burning building once in Kansas City But I just made a sandwich and so I didn't evacuate night that sandwich Over here trying to delete one of these cigarettes that I got burning in my pocket right now I just wanted to call and say I love the show man.
I really appreciate it. Take me last man You're a commentary on Tampa, which I have a good friend and a different underbelly of Tampa was fought on Oh, yeah, Tampa's a good place to get up I mean somebody'll take your organs right out of your body with a knife and in frickin you know sell you a cigar, bro Gang shit on work. Uh, I've had a question about you know, I have fun He's coming up age, you know, not too soon He's nine but I know that you know the time's coming for the birds and the bees and I just wanted to get your take on How do you break that down? You know, I'm not even gonna get you know too much Explaining, you know when I was younger and uh, I want to give him the tools man And I was want to give you know, what are your thoughts on uh, you know, the birds and the bees to a young man?
Hey, man. Thank you so much for that question And he's talking about sex. He's talking about sex. He's not talking about pets or anything like that He's talking about sex for children and um, you know, it's Here's the thing.
I think the thing is with talking about sex with children you want to be the first person to to to to kind of To present it to him You want to be the diving board? He's gonna hear something he'll hear a word you want to be the one to start the to present it to him because I remember when I was young They had a fell in our neighborhood who ended up actually taking his uh grandmother's life and she was our lunch lady in rip Annie and uh And she scooped you out the peas and chick fucking she by the time she got that scoop to you She had half the peas on her she had damn dyslexia and her wrists, you know, she couldn't put together damn scoop of peas, but uh But anyway, um, what was I talking about? Oh, this dude. So he made I mean he didn't make it, but he this dude one time, you know, he masturbated And he jayo jerked out, you know sprayin out they called it locally But he jerked up and uh, he made us kind of watch him He didn't make us watch him, but this was right after football season and right before baseball So kind of that time when there wasn't you know, not a lot going on And so he was you know, it was opportune time if you You know, this is you know, it was just you know, time you don't was trying anything, you know, you try, you know, you know, you eat Laughy taffy's even then you hated him, you know, but anyway, this guy jerked out made us watch him.
Anyway, his dad saw it happen And his dad was not pleased with it So I remember his dad made us sit in their house and he put like stick him on our hands, you know, like uh spray enamel Um And he make they knew put our hand like a sand like a course kind of sand And then he made us look at pornography in their living room And said we're there watching and he told he said you can't touch yourselves, you know, so everybody's just sitting there damn erect And uh, and the dad was making chili the whole time. He's making chili In the kitchen, man. So I can't even drive through sense and atty without just spring and board you feel me but um Anyway, but here's what i'm saying is I didn't know anything about sex and you you want to be the one to introduce him to it You don't want some guy, you know, spraying amylin his hands out there and making him watch pornography So they got you just uh, you know, you gotta be you gotta be a part of his life I remember I heard the word dildo and somebody at school was like, you know what a dildo is I was like Yeah, and I didn't know And they didn't tell me and then I'm on the school bus and I told the school bus driver miss hayes all I told her straight up She had them big ass dildos on her chest and um And she sent me the principal office and this one he still spanked you So lot in my katas man spanked the f out of me But nobody still told me what it meant. No, I just didn't know anything You know, it was just a different time man.
Um My buddy scottie's dad. He came at one time. I was staying with them. He came in the bedroom.
He said look First time at his house. He goes you fellas can sleep pole to pole or hold a hole But don't sleep hold a hole I mean, I didn't know what the hell he was talking about dude. I we tried to figure it out We were laying there and flipping over and doing this and that and Hell, I know I would just slip on the floor. I slept before the bed next to a damn um Uh that a golden retriever But um anyway, you just I'm saying you want to be the one to talk to him You want to be the one to prevent present the information I remember another by the mind his this boy jeff and his daddy did mail and he daddy did uh You know post-manning And he one time he he he he said you want don't want to find a loose woman he said and he put like a uh Look bag over my head from the store a tight bag and he put it on my head kind of taped around my neck a little bit He said you feel that I said yeah, I could barely breathe, you know And then he took that off and then he put his mail bag over my head u.s post on mail said on u.
us mail And he said you feel that you got all this room in that bitch And he said you want the first one And so that's how he was kind of teaching me about women and loose women And he said if she'll smoke she'll poke and I mean if you were a woman was doing a cigarette They was willing to do sex You know just old little limericks and stuff Scottish kind of stuff So anyway, I think you just want to be the person to talk to him You know you want to be the uh You want to be the person to talk to him So maybe just ask him I think a good way could be is there words that you haven't heard before is there are there words you have any questions about or There are terms you've heard um You know do you have any thoughts about your body? You have any thoughts about other people's bodies You know have him draw a titty see where he's at with it You know Have him you know ask him what if he knows anything about a couder see what he said he might not know nothing so But um anyway, but that's a suggestion I have if you have a suggestion on how to teach a child about the birds and the bees You can hit the hotline 9564 9503 Speaking of suggestions, man. We had something came in last week. It was for um This gentleman out of Baton Rouge Luke And he was going to be a best man for his brother and Luke we got a couple of suggestions that came in here for you here we go So what up.
This is evan conna calling you from dammer. I'm fresh off of best man's beach I figured I'd pick up a think your boy Luke. I'm a little nervous for his Uh few pieces of advice. I would say just as far as structure hit him with a joke out the gate And then take like one or two characteristics of your brother that you really admire And then think of a couple stories to illustrate those throwing a couple jokes in between Um, you want to keep around like you know, like he said three to five minutes, but also have like a mic drop line at the end Um, mine was I dressed as his wife I was like if he's as good as a malded brother as he is a husband You guys are gonna be in for a hell of a ride.
Um, so pick a line to leave him on to and also outline that shit right at all Beforehand you do not want to be standing up there with a piece of paper. It's your damn brother You know you got some to say so just outline it fill in the spaces speak from the heart leave him on a banger Um, but love you too Yeah, brother. Thank you. Thank you there evan from denver.
That's information from the mountains denver That's high altitude information You know somebody give you a little swamp back or something fuck all of that. I want that frickin I want the shit that's been at the top. You got to think about where you get your information from some people you get information from somebody You know they live six feet above sea level what? I don't want that ratchet.
That shit's barely uphill, baby. I want to hit you know I want somebody from killing manjara. I want somebody from denver. I want somebody even from damn boyzy I want that up top information.
That's altitude knowledge, baby. You got to think about that Um, I would agree with most of what you said there. I would not agree I would say around two minutes people's attention spans disappear fast I totally agree with you would want to chart it out Have it written out on a van don't be sitting there six minutes before writing that shit on the back of a um parking ticket Uh, and I wouldn't masturbate a couple days before I go into it a little bit of fervor You know, um, you could even eat some uh, liver. I've been eating liver.
Yes, and that could help you. Um But those are good suggestions, man. And uh, but yeah, I would get a little bit closer to two minutes, but I would end on a good note Um You don't want to have to stand back up me like oh and one more thing. That's a that's a L right there.
Let's hear more What's up, you know, this is drink calling from Lafayette, Louisiana and uh, this is calling Um, related to Luke's question about how to do the best man speech for his brother So whenever I heard that, you know, it kind of related to me because I also have my brothers Uh, when I come up in April and I'm also the best man. So okay, well, let's let this is gonna be a good, uh, let's see what you got, baby Thank you. I think you hit it right on the head when you said, you know, leave it something short and sweet But I think it really is like a tough balance getting something that's meaningful and also white So like I think what I'm gonna try to do is really just kind of give some kind of insight on like what it means To uh, what it's like to be his brother, you know, probably making something about you know They missed some events about growing up with white My brother sometimes who leaves me let me dump the basketball and leave me hanging on the rim of cool my pants down I run away or you know, maybe we had a little uh beat my ass with a whole cane and a warm up Brother battery going on and then oh, yeah, my brother beat me one time with a full can of corn onward After that, maybe talk about something how y'all relationship kind of had an impact on your life So that way you had a little bit of humor make it light and then uh Also a little bit of meaning in there and then wrap it up, you know, just got a wish and good luck And uh, you want to tell me what I'm so Luke hope this helps man See you. I'm looking forward to seeing what you guys say about gang, baby.
Uh, yeah, that's what I love man What is it what is it like to be his brother? What is it like to be a younger or older brother? What has it been like to watch them adjust and grow? What does it like to see their bravery heading into a marriage?
What skills have they shown you as a brother? Not skills, but you know abilities capabilities. Um, what are some of their characteristics that you know going into a marriage that's really gonna serve them well? That's really gonna serve the wife.
Well, you know, he's taught me this. He's taught me this He's taught me this and you know, I've watched him do this I've watched him do that and if he takes any of those things and you know and you can always leave it a joke at the end if something ever happens to him You know You've already been with somebody in the family. So I'm you know, sign me up. Just like a funny little You know something chill at the end, but a lot of great suggestions there man And best of luck to you, uh to you Luke and if you get the have somebody video it if you want Luke when you do it and get it right But um, what else do we have man?
Um, we've covered a lot Oh Everything's gonna be okay. Um We've covered a lot. What else is going on right here? Uh, oh, I'll tell you this we have Tony Mandaritch coming in onto the podcast this week and that's gonna be really interesting to hear his story So really really really excited about that.
Um, and if you're not familiar, he he was drafted. Uh, I think second overall by the green bay packers Um, and he really had some struggles and uh, and what his life has been was like then and what it's like now So I'm really looking forward to that. Um Let's hear another call that came in right here. Here we go.
Hey, this is Abby calling from Long Island Hey, Abby. Thank you so much for calling and I used to drink Long Island ice cheese when I was in high school. We would go to this bar Um about 30 miles away. We were 16 years old.
They would let us in We was drinking with Lincoln and you gave him five dollars and they would uh And they gave you like this little like fake emancipation proclamation and every time you went up to the bar they would check off One of the things on and you would get a drink um and But they had a boxing ring in the middle and kids would get wasted and then older kids would come from a nearby college and really pretty much beat the Shittat of you, but um, anyway, homeward Love the show. Um, like we've actually introduced me to you. Um, when we first started dating and it's been a really fun thing for us to bond over Well, thank you. And that's nice of you to say that in a smarting him to share.
Homeward Maybe gift. Um, anyway, the reason I'm calling is to ask you for some advice for my boyfriend. Um, he's been having a really tough time at work lately Just not enjoying it at all And uh, he gets caught in this really negative downward spiral of emotions And sometimes that negativity gets brought back into his personal life with him, you know Just unmotivated to talk to anyone do anything and uh, it makes me sad, you know, because he's such a wonderful person He doesn't deserve to feel like that. So I guess I'm just asking you to give him some advice I know he'll be listening.
Um, how can you stay positive throughout the day or how can he separate his emotions during the workday from His emotions and his personal life. Um, thanks for anything you could offer him I know he'll really respect and appreciate it. Well, that's sweetie to say that and it's nice that you uh, that you care It's nice that you care about how somebody else feels Um You know, I can I you know, I can tell you just what my experience has been because I've really struggled with this this past year I mean, I have been angry I got really angry this year. I also think I do also think I want to say I think I have a pinched nerve in my Back or in my neck.
I'm gonna get checked out because I This whole year I've been having a lot of pain and I cannot it's been very hard to make it go away I just will not and so I think there might be more than like mental stress going on but um You know One thing that's I'll just tell you what's helping me right now is making a gratitude listen the morning You know Uh And getting up and saying what today I get to do this today. I'm thankful that you know that my mother is alive today I'm thankful that I get to eat breakfast today. I'm thankful that There is a world that exists Because otherwise I get up into nothing. There's nothing You know, I'm thankful that I have a towel In my bathroom.
I'm thankful that I can pay my rent this month I'm thankful. I have a girlfriend that cares about how I feel about myself and about others um I make it this would be something that could be on his list and that was about you Um But just things like I'm thankful that I have a job You know sure it sucks to go to a job every day if you're not grateful you have it It sucks You know, I'm going skiing this week. I'm going to Tahoe And some of the other days I go to this week. I was like, oh, I have to go skiing.
I said that I have to go skiing That just shows you where my level of gratitude is that not in a good spot? They said you have to I said well, you know I get to go skiing I get to go, you know, I get to eat breakfast I get to wake up and hit my knees and thank god that I'm alive if I want to I get to put on face moisturizer. I get to smile at somebody. I get you know, it's just the perspective.
It's just the perspective That's what it is. It's the perspective and that's where the choice is mine the choice is mine If I it's easy to choose to get up get immediately on my phone Start judging Start feeling sorry for myself It's easy And it's the sad part is it's become comfortable It's become like our phones and all that the immediacy of all this becomes such an addiction. I need this right now This should be let's you know You know, I don't take time for myself to evaluate where I'm at each day Before I get into my world and the phone or computer and let it all hit me So for me, this is the only thing that's been helping is just gratitude list Having some gratitude because this is life. This is it And it's a great time of year to be thinking about this kind of stuff.
It really is Um, it's a great time of year to be trying And it's nice that you care. It's nice that you care Uh, so thank you that call Abby And thank you. Thank everybody for being here You know, and the best thing then is Abby is in if once he's feeling good, then he can be a part of making somebody else's day That's the thing That's the thing I want out of the world I want somebody to say, man, you made my day, man Hey, when you calling check, hey, nobody was in recognize Hey, and if I'm just thinking about myself, it's hard for me to recognize those things so but um And I'm not preaching on just like I'm not struggling with this all the time I have to go skiing Man, that shook me to the core when somebody brought that to my attention You know, I'm grateful here. I'll I'll read some of mine right now to you Then I made this week today.
I'm thankful that God has a plan for me even when I feel don't feel I have a plan for me You know today and I don't even know if I believe in God sometimes but I'm trying to so I'm trying to just practice it Today, I'm thankful that I'm not responsible for everything. God. Thank God for that Today, I'm grateful I get to meet my friend josh for coffee and I'm sure as hell gonna get a few eggs and sausage patties And I prefer patties to links. I don't like the links that make me feel honestly home or erotic, bro So I ain't doing that no kit Today, I'm thankful I got to watch my favorite christmas movie family man If you haven't seen it sit down with somebody care about and watch it Today, I'm thankful my mom is alive today.
I'm thankful. God trusts me sometimes Today, I'm thankful I can try again today. I'm going skiing next week with my white friend So those are just some things man And I don't get it done every day, but I know this when I do do my gratitude list man I feel better Because when I start to isolate and start thinking everything's bad then I separate myself from my friends from my loved ones And then I'm sitting there sometimes wishing I were doing some like I'll see people having a good time and I'll want to be a part of it But there's this chip on my shoulder inside of me That's I don't know it's like anger It's like it's almost like There's this tether That wants to keep me from having fun And it's usually judgment. I'll judge what's going on Well, man, I know the more that I get out there and get uncomfortable And that's one thing I did take away from that Mike Tyson about He said was doing stuff that's uncomfortable sometimes the most uncomfortable thing for me is to laugh When somebody says something or to be when somebody introduced me to somebody I know that You know, I could tell him something and give him, you know, just to be like, oh, I don't know what you're talking about Tell me about it even though I might already know It's just playing the Playing the game You know, it's always for me to judge the game instead of just fucking Move my piece Just keep moving my piece man Thank you guys man for being a part of my life And I'll miss you I miss going out on the road.
I missed doing some shows and I'm glad we have this And I hope whatever You know, whatever you're looking for your life. I hope that You realize that it's really a lot closer than you think And I don't know if that's true but I hope it is Um All right, man We'll get out of here the same way we came in in here through our mother's vagina Uh You guys be good yourselves. You deserve it and this is robert finley get it while you can Man, you gotta see this video. This is this man's awesome I'm on robin Man that is beautiful.
Robert finley's get it while you can from his album going platinum And you can enjoy his sounds right now. Man, that's uplifter, isn't it? Oh, that is good Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan kite and welcome to kite club A podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events Stand up stories and seven ways to pleasure your partner. The answer may shock you Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head You have three new voice messages A lot of people are talking about kite club I've been talking about kite club for so long Longer than anybody else So great Hi, so we are He's a deal Anyone who does a listen to kite club is a dodgy bloody wanker He's adamatory Sorry, okay, okay, oh, wow, no I think Tom Hanks just butt-diled me Anyway, first rule of the kite club is Tell everyone about kite club Second rule of the kite club is Tell everyone about kite club Don't rule Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts Or watch us on YouTube, yeah? And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better