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Oct 21, 2025 1 hr 38 min

Elf on the Shelf Is A Cop

from It‘s Probably (not) Aliens!

Ancient Aliens claims that myths about divine "Watchers" from the Anunnaki to the Eye of Horus are actually cultural memories of extraterrestrial surveillance systems. But what if the truth is far more terrestrial and much more insidious? Tristan argues that these stories aren't about alien technology, but a very human one: the invention of divine surveillance as a tool for social control. Join us as we unpack the 5,000-year-old con of the panopticon, a psychological prison designed to make you regulate your own behaviour. From Mesopotamian statues watching over grain silos to Jeremy Bentham's famously preserved head, they explore how ancient priests perfected a system of control so effective that modern governments and tech companies basically just copied it. So the next time you feel a pang of anxiety about that little green light on your laptop, thank an ancient priest for programming your brain to accept it. Oh, and they also redesign Catholicism to include nachos and Buzz Balls. Stuff mentioned in the episode: Get new episodes early and support the show on Patreon and Nebula! Jeremy Bentham's Auto-icon at UCL Caitlin Doughty's YouTube channel, Ask a Mortician David Graeber Peter Kropotkin Elf on the Shelf The Panopticon The Benjamin Franklin Effect System 1 & System 2 Thinking Dimension 20 Debt: The First 5,000 Years The Conquest of Bread Home Assistant Pi-hole Signal The ACLU The CCLA M&M Food Market "Shaming the Meat" Subscribe to It's Probably (not) Aliens for weekly episodes about cool ancient history! And give us a 5-star review if you have the time. It really helps us out! Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube Scott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube Follow the show on Bluesky or Twitter for more updates! Ask us questions and send us topics to talk about at ProbsNotAliens.com Music by Rod Kim | Cover art by Skutch

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The hosts argue that myths about divine 'watchers' aren't proof of alien visitors, but evidence of an ancient social technology designed for mass surveillance; a technology now perfected by Silicon Valley.

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Elf on the Shelf Is A Cop

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This episode is 1 hour and 38 minutes long.

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This episode was published on October 21, 2025.

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