Embracing Loneliness:

(00:00:18):Do you long for hope amid life struggles and challenges?(00:00:22):Then join author and life coach Tammy Kennington on From Hardship to Hope,(00:00:27):the podcast for Christian women navigating life through a faith-based lens.(00:00:32):If you need biblical support, encouragement, and actionable tips, this show is for you.(00:00:37):Welcome.(00:00:38):I'm your host, Tammy Kennington.(00:00:40):I'm so glad you've joined me for the first episode of season two.(00:00:45):Today,(00:00:45):and for the next several episodes,(00:00:48):we're going to discuss a topic that is often not one we grapple with regularly,(00:00:55):at least in public.(00:00:58):That is the topic of loneliness.(00:01:01):While it's not something we may always talk about,(00:01:03):it is something we'll all experience at some point in our lives.(00:01:07):And I would guess that most, if not all of us, have experienced it before.(00:01:12):Whether we are going through a tough season,(00:01:16):we're recently divorced or single,(00:01:19):or maybe just feeling disconnected from those around us,(00:01:22):loneliness can sneak up in unexpected ways.(00:01:26):But here's the good news.(00:01:27):Loneliness doesn't have to be something that we fear or avoid.(00:01:31):In fact,(00:01:32):it's something we can learn to navigate through faith,(00:01:35):just like many of the women and men we read about in the Bible and whose lives(00:01:40):we'll discuss throughout this series.(00:01:43):Let's first begin by defining what loneliness is,(00:01:47):understanding some of its characteristics,(00:01:49):and then exploring how we as Christian women can walk through loneliness with hope.(00:01:57):So what is loneliness?(00:01:58):Loneliness.(00:02:01):It's defined as an unpleasant emotional response to perceived isolation.(00:02:07):Loneliness is also described as a social pain,(00:02:10):a psychological mechanism that motivates individuals to seek social connections.(00:02:17):In that way, loneliness can be a good thing, right?(00:02:21):Because we are recognizing there's something we need from someone else.(00:02:26):We know in and within ourselves that we are not enough.(00:02:31):People are made for connection.(00:02:34):But loneliness is often associated with a perceived lack of connection with intimacy.(00:02:43):Many researchers, however, do make a distinction between loneliness and isolation or solitude.(00:02:51):Solitude is really just the act of being apart from others, but not everyone who is(00:03:00):Experiencing solitude feels lonely.(00:03:03):As an emotion, loneliness can often be felt even when we're surrounded by other people.(00:03:12):So loneliness is sometimes misunderstood.(00:03:15):It's not just a single aspect of one's life.(00:03:20):It's not just about being physically alone.(00:03:24):it can be a deep emotional feeling of disconnection.(00:03:28):It's when we have that deep ache in our hearts and feel like no one else(00:03:32):understands us,(00:03:33):or when we long for connection with someone,(00:03:36):but it just seems out of reach.(00:03:40):Research indicates there are several different types of loneliness.(00:03:44):These are emotional loneliness,(00:03:46):which is an absence of meaningful relationship,(00:03:51):social loneliness,(00:03:52):which is a perceived deficit of(00:03:54):and the quality of contacts or the number of people involved in our lives or(00:04:00):quality of those relationships.(00:04:03):And then there's existential loneliness,(00:04:05):which is a feeling of being separate from others and the world at large.(00:04:12):Now, these feelings of loneliness often overlap.(00:04:17):If you imagine a Venn diagram,(00:04:19):emotional,(00:04:20):social,(00:04:20):and existential,(00:04:21):they'll often overlap with one another.(00:04:25):They are experienced for different durations of time and different intensities.(00:04:30):They can be transient, meaning they come and go.(00:04:33):They might be situational.(00:04:36):So some of us may have struggled with feeling lonely during the Christmas season,(00:04:43):for example,(00:04:44):or on certain dates,(00:04:45):maybe our birthday or a Father's Day or a Mother's Day.(00:04:49):And loneliness can also be chronic.(00:04:54):So for some of us,(00:04:55):loneliness can manifest as a feeling of emptiness,(00:04:58):like something might be missing,(00:05:00):while others may experience it as profound sadness or even,(00:05:04):again,(00:05:04):that isolation from others.(00:05:07):And it's really important for us to recognize that loneliness can affect anyone,(00:05:12):whether we're in that room that's crowded again or we're sitting alone at home.(00:05:19):Loneliness does not play favorites, and it doesn't have a favorite role.(00:05:24):place to call home.(00:05:27):So what else do we know and why should we address loneliness?(00:05:33):Well, the U.S.(00:05:34):News and World Report recently had an article entitled, Loneliness is Plaguing Americans.(00:05:43):And for that article, they surveyed 2,200 adults.(00:05:48):One third of those adults reported feeling lonely at least once a week(00:05:53):Well, one in 10 said that they experienced loneliness every day.(00:06:01):So I wanted to dig a little more into this because the U.S.(00:06:07):World News Report survey seemed to indicate something very significant.(00:06:13):And it's backed up by information proposed by the American Psychological Association.(00:06:21):In 2023,(00:06:21):the APA conducted a survey of their own,(00:06:26):which confirmed that 30% of 18 to 34-year-olds are lonely every day or several(00:06:34):times a week,(00:06:35):while 43% of American adults,(00:06:38):adults across the board,(00:06:40):experience loneliness in the same way that they did during COVID.(00:06:45):In other words, loneliness has not changed forever.(00:06:49):for most American adults.(00:06:52):And interestingly, loneliness seems rampant across cultures.(00:06:57):There was research that I found about the UK and that society is experiencing very(00:07:06):similar or the same sorts of loneliness.(00:07:09):Those people in that culture are also navigating the same struggles that Americans(00:07:16):are with loneliness.(00:07:19):So what else do we know?(00:07:21):Research indicates that loneliness equates to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.(00:07:28):What happens in the body is that it increases the prevalence of norepinephrine,(00:07:36):which is associated with the fight,(00:07:39):flight and freeze reaction that people tend to have.(00:07:42):And it leads to accelerated aging.(00:07:47):and health struggles, really significant health struggles.(00:07:53):In fact, it is a predictor, sadly, of early mortality, in particular when loneliness is chronic.(00:08:01):Now,(00:08:01):chronic loneliness,(00:08:02):as I mentioned,(00:08:03):is linked to health struggles,(00:08:05):and these include increased blood pressure,(00:08:07):a weakened immune system,(00:08:10):anxiety,(00:08:10):depression,(00:08:11):obesity,(00:08:13):high cholesterol,(00:08:14):heart disease,(00:08:16):an increase of blood sugars and even Alzheimer's disease.(00:08:21):It's a pretty startling list, isn't it?(00:08:25):Very concerning when we consider that so many of our young adults,(00:08:29):18 to 34,(00:08:30):and then our older Americans,(00:08:33):our older seniors,(00:08:35):elderly in the elderly population struggle with loneliness.(00:08:41):So how do people ease their loneliness?(00:08:45):There are several different ways.(00:08:47):50% of people distract themselves with a television show,(00:08:51):with a podcast,(00:08:53):or by engaging in social media.(00:08:56):41% take a walk.(00:08:58):And this differs according to this particular study that I was listening to with(00:09:05):31% who utilize exercise.(00:09:05):38% engage with family and friends.(00:09:07):Another 31% with their pets.(00:09:16):26% eat more than usual, and 13% utilize drugs or alcohol.(00:09:24):The causes of loneliness are varied depending on our life situations.(00:09:32):Loneliness might be a result of a genetic inheritance, an(00:09:38):And,(00:09:38):um,(00:09:39):based on twin studies,(00:09:40):it seems that approximately 15 to 20% of people are more predisposed to loneliness(00:09:47):than others.(00:09:49):Cultural factors within family situations can affect loneliness.(00:09:54):Those people with adverse childhood experiences,(00:09:57):for example,(00:09:58):are more prone to struggle with loneliness as adults.(00:10:02):It could be just a lack of meaningful relationships,(00:10:05):a loss,(00:10:06):a significant loss,(00:10:08):or even incredibly excessive reliance on technologies.(00:10:15):So we do know, as I mentioned, that loneliness is found throughout society.(00:10:21):And it's even among people in marriages or in others,(00:10:27):strong relationships,(00:10:28):those who have other strong relationships,(00:10:30):those people who have successful careers.(00:10:33):This is a human experience.(00:10:38):There are a couple of times in my life that when I reflect,(00:10:41):I can think about experiencing a deep sense of loneliness.(00:10:48):One was as a little girl.(00:10:51):As a little girl growing up in a home rife with violence and abuse, I felt very alone.(00:10:58):And in fact, one of my favorite stories was the little match girl.(00:11:03):And I imagine myself being the little match girl and taken and(00:11:08):up into heaven and experiencing freedom from that pain and that loneliness.(00:11:17):At another point in my life,(00:11:20):I would be sitting amongst a full crowd of young women at church during Bible study(00:11:27):or during a church service.(00:11:30):And Sunday after Sunday, I just felt alone in the midst of(00:11:36):of all of those people just alone and misunderstood.(00:11:40):And I really think it was my perception.(00:11:43):It wasn't anything anyone else had done, but I felt so alone and I couldn't understand it.(00:11:50):And then more recently with my children all launching into their careers and early(00:11:57):marriage and college,(00:11:59):I found myself navigating a new arena of aloneness and(00:12:06):feeling quite alone.(00:12:09):I wonder too,(00:12:10):if you have been in that same position,(00:12:13):maybe you've been there feeling like you're missing a deep connection,(00:12:16):wondering if anyone truly sees you.(00:12:19):Loneliness can be really confusing and painful, but it's also something we can bring to God.(00:12:26):He is the one who promises to meet us where we are, even in our loneliness moments.(00:12:34):So what does loneliness look like?(00:12:36):Let's unpack a few of its characteristics.(00:12:40):One, there's emotional pain.(00:12:42):Loneliness often feels like an ache in the heart.(00:12:44):As I mentioned previously,(00:12:46):it's that empty space when you feel you long for connection,(00:12:50):but you can't seem to find it.(00:12:53):There's social discomfort.(00:12:55):Even if we're surrounded by people, loneliness often makes us feel isolated.(00:13:00):It isn't about being physically alone.(00:13:02):It's about that emotional(00:13:04):feeling of distance even from those who care about us and and from those who we(00:13:10):care about three there's a sense of being unseen or unheard oftentimes sometimes(00:13:17):loneliness can make us feel like our voices don't matter or our needs are going(00:13:22):unnoticed like we're invisible four there's just that longing for belonging(00:13:30):Really at its core, loneliness is a yearning for deep connection.(00:13:33):And that might be connection with the Lord, with family, friends, or a broader community.(00:13:40):But it's the desire to be known and loved just as we truly are.(00:13:45):And five, there's spiritual struggle.(00:13:48):For Christian women, loneliness can also bring a sense of spiritual distance.(00:13:53):We may perceive or feel as if God is far away or that our prayers are going unanswered.(00:14:00):Again,(00:14:00):it's just important for us to remember loneliness does not equate to abandonment,(00:14:06):not by God,(00:14:07):never by God.(00:14:12):I wonder if you recognize yourself in any of these statistics mentioned previously(00:14:18):or these characteristics of emotional pain,(00:14:21):a sense of being unseen or that deep longing for connection.(00:14:27):It's natural for us to feel this way at times.(00:14:29):I want to encourage you.(00:14:31):This feeling of loneliness does not define who you are.(00:14:35):You are beloved.(00:14:37):You are treasured.(00:14:38):You are seen.(00:14:40):God hears you and he promises to be near.(00:14:43):So let's look to scripture for a couple of examples of women who wrestled with(00:14:50):loneliness and then how God met them in their most isolated moments.(00:14:54):This is a quick overview of(00:14:56):of the stories of two women, Hagar and Ruth.(00:15:00):Hagar's story of isolation begins in Genesis 16.(00:15:06):She was mistreated by Sarah,(00:15:10):Abraham's wife,(00:15:12):and found herself fleeing into the wilderness,(00:15:15):pregnant and abandoned.(00:15:18):In that dark moment, though, God met her.(00:15:21):He spoke to her and he called her by name,(00:15:24):And he reminded her that she was seen and loved and wasn't forgotten.(00:15:32):And Hagar said to him, you are the God who sees me.(00:15:37):This story is such a beautiful reminder that even in our loneliness,(00:15:42):loneliest times,(00:15:43):God sees us and he meets us where we are.(00:15:49):Another story I find incredibly encouraging is Ruth's story.(00:15:53):Ruth had a story of both grief and hope.(00:15:56):See, she'd lost her husband and her community.(00:16:00):And she could have chosen to return to her community, to her own people who were Moabites.(00:16:07):But she chose to stay with her mother-in-law,(00:16:10):Naomi,(00:16:11):and embrace Naomi's God,(00:16:13):the Lord of the Bible.(00:16:17):And through that experience, Ruth's loneliness was met with divine provision.(00:16:22):And through her faithfulness,(00:16:23):and that of God's.(00:16:25):She found new purpose.(00:16:26):God used Ruth's season of grief to bring about something beautiful.(00:16:31):It was a story of redemption and restoration that leads directly to the lineage of Jesus Christ.(00:16:40):These women,(00:16:41):Hagar and Ruth,(00:16:43):remind us that loneliness doesn't have to be a permanent state of being.(00:16:48):God can meet us in that isolation.(00:16:51):He can heal our wounds.(00:16:53):He can use our experiences for something greater.(00:16:56):Whether you're going through a season of grief,(00:16:59):waiting,(00:17:00):or wondering where God is in your loneliness,(00:17:04):remind yourself of the truth that he is with you,(00:17:07):just as he was with these women of faith.(00:17:13):In our world,(00:17:13):loneliness can feel perhaps even more intense,(00:17:17):especially with the pressures of social media,(00:17:20):FOMO,(00:17:21):busyness,(00:17:22):comparison.(00:17:24):But here's the truth.(00:17:26):You are not alone.(00:17:28):Even in your most difficult, loneliest moment, God is with you.(00:17:35):You are seen, you are heard, and you are loved.(00:17:42):So here are a few ways we can begin to embrace loneliness through faith.(00:17:48):We can acknowledge the feelings(00:17:51):That's the first step in dealing with loneliness, recognizing it.(00:17:56):Don't suppress or ignore our feelings.(00:17:59):It's not a healthy way to manage life.(00:18:01):God can handle our honest emotions.(00:18:03):He wants to meet us in those places of vulnerability.(00:18:08):Two, we can draw near to God.(00:18:11):In our loneliness,(00:18:12):we might feel like withdrawing even from the Lord,(00:18:16):but what we need to do is press into him,(00:18:19):to draw close to him through prayer,(00:18:21):and worship and the word.(00:18:24):He promises to be near to us when we call on him.(00:18:27):He promises not to leave us as orphans.(00:18:31):So my encouragement for each of us is to let him comfort us just as he did for Hagar.(00:18:39):Three, we want to seek community.(00:18:43):This can be a real challenge.(00:18:44):It's a challenge for me.(00:18:45):And(00:18:48):Loneliness can lead us to retreat from people as well, but God calls us to community.(00:18:53):He made man for woman and woman for man and people for one another.(00:19:00):So we need to find ways to connect with others,(00:19:02):whether that's through church attendance,(00:19:05):maybe a new Bible study,(00:19:07):reaching out to a friend we haven't talked to for a long time,(00:19:11):maybe engaging in a new club or a hobby.(00:19:15):We just aren't meant to walk life alone.(00:19:19):Four, we need to grow our resilience.(00:19:22):And I addressed this in season one, episode three, Moving Beyond Trauma's Wasteland.(00:19:29):I'll put a link there.(00:19:30):I talk extensively about how we can grow our resilience and develop skills that(00:19:39):promote our health,(00:19:41):whether that's mental,(00:19:42):physical,(00:19:43):and beyond.(00:19:45):And five, we want to address God's purpose in our seasons.(00:19:49):So if we're walking in a place of loneliness right now,(00:19:53):let's look at it through the lens of it being an opportunity for God to do a deeper(00:19:59):work in us,(00:20:00):for us to trust him to use this time for growth and healing,(00:20:05):or maybe preparing us for something more,(00:20:08):just like he did with Ruth.(00:20:13):Friend, you are never alone in your loneliness.(00:20:15):God sees you.(00:20:17):He promises to be with you.(00:20:20):As you walk through this season and join me as we journey through the lives of(00:20:26):several different men and women from scripture and consider the impact of(00:20:31):loneliness in their lives,(00:20:33):let's remember that God is working in us.(00:20:38):May I pray for you?(00:20:41):Lord, you tell us in John 14, 18, I will not leave you as orphans.(00:20:46):I will come to you.(00:20:48):So today I lift up the woman struggling with loneliness.(00:20:51):Father, help her recognize she is your beloved daughter.(00:20:54):Word off any arrows the enemy may send her way.(00:20:58):Lead her into meaningful relationships with those who will see her value as she(00:21:04):seeks you to meet her needs and leans into relationship with others as she builds community,(00:21:14):Father God.(00:21:18):in your powerful and precious name.(00:21:20):Amen.(00:21:22):Thank you for joining me today on From Hardship to Hope.(00:21:27):I hope you've been encouraged and that you're reminded loneliness is a place where(00:21:32):we can meet God in powerful ways.(00:21:36):Two weeks from now, we're going to learn about(00:21:40):the loneliness of Hagar, as we explore both Genesis 16 and 21.(00:21:44):We'll consider God's presence and care during times of isolation,(00:21:50):how to seek God's comfort,(00:21:52):and then some insights that research has to share with us.(00:21:58):If this episode blessed you,(00:21:59):please share it with a friend or subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode.(00:22:05):I'm praying for you as you navigate life's challenges with hope(00:22:09):And I look forward to being with you again in our next episode. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tammykennington.substack.com/subscribe