Embracing Loneliness:

(00:00:18): Do you long for hope amid life struggles and challenges? (00:00:22): Then join author and life coach Tammy Kennington on From Hardship to Hope, (00:00:27): the podcast for Christian women navigating life through a faith-based lens. (00:00:32): If you need biblical support, encouragement, and actionable tips, this show is for you. (00:00:37): Welcome. (00:00:38): I'm your host, Tammy Kennington. (00:00:40): I'm so glad you've joined me for the first episode of season two. (00:00:45): Today, (00:00:45): and for the next several episodes, (00:00:48): we're going to discuss a topic that is often not one we grapple with regularly, (00:00:55): at least in public. (00:00:58): That is the topic of loneliness. (00:01:01): While it's not something we may always talk about, (00:01:03): it is something we'll all experience at some point in our lives. (00:01:07): And I would guess that most, if not all of us, have experienced it before. (00:01:12): Whether we are going through a tough season, (00:01:16): we're recently divorced or single, (00:01:19): or maybe just feeling disconnected from those around us, (00:01:22): loneliness can sneak up in unexpected ways. (00:01:26): But here's the good news. (00:01:27): Loneliness doesn't have to be something that we fear or avoid. (00:01:31): In fact, (00:01:32): it's something we can learn to navigate through faith, (00:01:35): just like many of the women and men we read about in the Bible and whose lives (00:01:40): we'll discuss throughout this series. (00:01:43): Let's first begin by defining what loneliness is, (00:01:47): understanding some of its characteristics, (00:01:49): and then exploring how we as Christian women can walk through loneliness with hope. (00:01:57): So what is loneliness? (00:01:58): Loneliness. (00:02:01): It's defined as an unpleasant emotional response to perceived isolation. (00:02:07): Loneliness is also described as a social pain, (00:02:10): a psychological mechanism that motivates individuals to seek social connections. (00:02:17): In that way, loneliness can be a good thing, right? (00:02:21): Because we are recognizing there's something we need from someone else. (00:02:26): We know in and within ourselves that we are not enough. (00:02:31): People are made for connection. (00:02:34): But loneliness is often associated with a perceived lack of connection with intimacy. (00:02:43): Many researchers, however, do make a distinction between loneliness and isolation or solitude. (00:02:51): Solitude is really just the act of being apart from others, but not everyone who is (00:03:00): Experiencing solitude feels lonely. (00:03:03): As an emotion, loneliness can often be felt even when we're surrounded by other people. (00:03:12): So loneliness is sometimes misunderstood. (00:03:15): It's not just a single aspect of one's life. (00:03:20): It's not just about being physically alone. (00:03:24): it can be a deep emotional feeling of disconnection. (00:03:28): It's when we have that deep ache in our hearts and feel like no one else (00:03:32): understands us, (00:03:33): or when we long for connection with someone, (00:03:36): but it just seems out of reach. (00:03:40): Research indicates there are several different types of loneliness. (00:03:44): These are emotional loneliness, (00:03:46): which is an absence of meaningful relationship, (00:03:51): social loneliness, (00:03:52): which is a perceived deficit of (00:03:54): and the quality of contacts or the number of people involved in our lives or (00:04:00): quality of those relationships. (00:04:03): And then there's existential loneliness, (00:04:05): which is a feeling of being separate from others and the world at large. (00:04:12): Now, these feelings of loneliness often overlap. (00:04:17): If you imagine a Venn diagram, (00:04:19): emotional, (00:04:20): social, (00:04:20): and existential, (00:04:21): they'll often overlap with one another. (00:04:25): They are experienced for different durations of time and different intensities. (00:04:30): They can be transient, meaning they come and go. (00:04:33): They might be situational. (00:04:36): So some of us may have struggled with feeling lonely during the Christmas season, (00:04:43): for example, (00:04:44): or on certain dates, (00:04:45): maybe our birthday or a Father's Day or a Mother's Day. (00:04:49): And loneliness can also be chronic. (00:04:54): So for some of us, (00:04:55): loneliness can manifest as a feeling of emptiness, (00:04:58): like something might be missing, (00:05:00): while others may experience it as profound sadness or even, (00:05:04): again, (00:05:04): that isolation from others. (00:05:07): And it's really important for us to recognize that loneliness can affect anyone, (00:05:12): whether we're in that room that's crowded again or we're sitting alone at home. (00:05:19): Loneliness does not play favorites, and it doesn't have a favorite role. (00:05:24): place to call home. (00:05:27): So what else do we know and why should we address loneliness? (00:05:33): Well, the U.S. (00:05:34): News and World Report recently had an article entitled, Loneliness is Plaguing Americans. (00:05:43): And for that article, they surveyed 2,200 adults. (00:05:48): One third of those adults reported feeling lonely at least once a week (00:05:53): Well, one in 10 said that they experienced loneliness every day. (00:06:01): So I wanted to dig a little more into this because the U.S. (00:06:07): World News Report survey seemed to indicate something very significant. (00:06:13): And it's backed up by information proposed by the American Psychological Association. (00:06:21): In 2023, (00:06:21): the APA conducted a survey of their own, (00:06:26): which confirmed that 30% of 18 to 34-year-olds are lonely every day or several (00:06:34): times a week, (00:06:35): while 43% of American adults, (00:06:38): adults across the board, (00:06:40): experience loneliness in the same way that they did during COVID. (00:06:45): In other words, loneliness has not changed forever. (00:06:49): for most American adults. (00:06:52): And interestingly, loneliness seems rampant across cultures. (00:06:57): There was research that I found about the UK and that society is experiencing very (00:07:06): similar or the same sorts of loneliness. (00:07:09): Those people in that culture are also navigating the same struggles that Americans (00:07:16): are with loneliness. (00:07:19): So what else do we know? (00:07:21): Research indicates that loneliness equates to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. (00:07:28): What happens in the body is that it increases the prevalence of norepinephrine, (00:07:36): which is associated with the fight, (00:07:39): flight and freeze reaction that people tend to have. (00:07:42): And it leads to accelerated aging. (00:07:47): and health struggles, really significant health struggles. (00:07:53): In fact, it is a predictor, sadly, of early mortality, in particular when loneliness is chronic. (00:08:01): Now, (00:08:01): chronic loneliness, (00:08:02): as I mentioned, (00:08:03): is linked to health struggles, (00:08:05): and these include increased blood pressure, (00:08:07): a weakened immune system, (00:08:10): anxiety, (00:08:10): depression, (00:08:11): obesity, (00:08:13): high cholesterol, (00:08:14): heart disease, (00:08:16): an increase of blood sugars and even Alzheimer's disease. (00:08:21): It's a pretty startling list, isn't it? (00:08:25): Very concerning when we consider that so many of our young adults, (00:08:29): 18 to 34, (00:08:30): and then our older Americans, (00:08:33): our older seniors, (00:08:35): elderly in the elderly population struggle with loneliness. (00:08:41): So how do people ease their loneliness? (00:08:45): There are several different ways. (00:08:47): 50% of people distract themselves with a television show, (00:08:51): with a podcast, (00:08:53): or by engaging in social media. (00:08:56): 41% take a walk. (00:08:58): And this differs according to this particular study that I was listening to with (00:09:05): 31% who utilize exercise. (00:09:05): 38% engage with family and friends. (00:09:07): Another 31% with their pets. (00:09:16): 26% eat more than usual, and 13% utilize drugs or alcohol. (00:09:24): The causes of loneliness are varied depending on our life situations. (00:09:32): Loneliness might be a result of a genetic inheritance, an (00:09:38): And, (00:09:38): um, (00:09:39): based on twin studies, (00:09:40): it seems that approximately 15 to 20% of people are more predisposed to loneliness (00:09:47): than others. (00:09:49): Cultural factors within family situations can affect loneliness. (00:09:54): Those people with adverse childhood experiences, (00:09:57): for example, (00:09:58): are more prone to struggle with loneliness as adults. (00:10:02): It could be just a lack of meaningful relationships, (00:10:05): a loss, (00:10:06): a significant loss, (00:10:08): or even incredibly excessive reliance on technologies. (00:10:15): So we do know, as I mentioned, that loneliness is found throughout society. (00:10:21): And it's even among people in marriages or in others, (00:10:27): strong relationships, (00:10:28): those who have other strong relationships, (00:10:30): those people who have successful careers. (00:10:33): This is a human experience. (00:10:38): There are a couple of times in my life that when I reflect, (00:10:41): I can think about experiencing a deep sense of loneliness. (00:10:48): One was as a little girl. (00:10:51): As a little girl growing up in a home rife with violence and abuse, I felt very alone. (00:10:58): And in fact, one of my favorite stories was the little match girl. (00:11:03): And I imagine myself being the little match girl and taken and (00:11:08): up into heaven and experiencing freedom from that pain and that loneliness. (00:11:17): At another point in my life, (00:11:20): I would be sitting amongst a full crowd of young women at church during Bible study (00:11:27): or during a church service. (00:11:30): And Sunday after Sunday, I just felt alone in the midst of (00:11:36): of all of those people just alone and misunderstood. (00:11:40): And I really think it was my perception. (00:11:43): It wasn't anything anyone else had done, but I felt so alone and I couldn't understand it. (00:11:50): And then more recently with my children all launching into their careers and early (00:11:57): marriage and college, (00:11:59): I found myself navigating a new arena of aloneness and (00:12:06): feeling quite alone. (00:12:09): I wonder too, (00:12:10): if you have been in that same position, (00:12:13): maybe you've been there feeling like you're missing a deep connection, (00:12:16): wondering if anyone truly sees you. (00:12:19): Loneliness can be really confusing and painful, but it's also something we can bring to God. (00:12:26): He is the one who promises to meet us where we are, even in our loneliness moments. (00:12:34): So what does loneliness look like? (00:12:36): Let's unpack a few of its characteristics. (00:12:40): One, there's emotional pain. (00:12:42): Loneliness often feels like an ache in the heart. (00:12:44): As I mentioned previously, (00:12:46): it's that empty space when you feel you long for connection, (00:12:50): but you can't seem to find it. (00:12:53): There's social discomfort. (00:12:55): Even if we're surrounded by people, loneliness often makes us feel isolated. (00:13:00): It isn't about being physically alone. (00:13:02): It's about that emotional (00:13:04): feeling of distance even from those who care about us and and from those who we (00:13:10): care about three there's a sense of being unseen or unheard oftentimes sometimes (00:13:17): loneliness can make us feel like our voices don't matter or our needs are going (00:13:22): unnoticed like we're invisible four there's just that longing for belonging (00:13:30): Really at its core, loneliness is a yearning for deep connection. (00:13:33): And that might be connection with the Lord, with family, friends, or a broader community. (00:13:40): But it's the desire to be known and loved just as we truly are. (00:13:45): And five, there's spiritual struggle. (00:13:48): For Christian women, loneliness can also bring a sense of spiritual distance. (00:13:53): We may perceive or feel as if God is far away or that our prayers are going unanswered. (00:14:00): Again, (00:14:00): it's just important for us to remember loneliness does not equate to abandonment, (00:14:06): not by God, (00:14:07): never by God. (00:14:12): I wonder if you recognize yourself in any of these statistics mentioned previously (00:14:18): or these characteristics of emotional pain, (00:14:21): a sense of being unseen or that deep longing for connection. (00:14:27): It's natural for us to feel this way at times. (00:14:29): I want to encourage you. (00:14:31): This feeling of loneliness does not define who you are. (00:14:35): You are beloved. (00:14:37): You are treasured. (00:14:38): You are seen. (00:14:40): God hears you and he promises to be near. (00:14:43): So let's look to scripture for a couple of examples of women who wrestled with (00:14:50): loneliness and then how God met them in their most isolated moments. (00:14:54): This is a quick overview of (00:14:56): of the stories of two women, Hagar and Ruth. (00:15:00): Hagar's story of isolation begins in Genesis 16. (00:15:06): She was mistreated by Sarah, (00:15:10): Abraham's wife, (00:15:12): and found herself fleeing into the wilderness, (00:15:15): pregnant and abandoned. (00:15:18): In that dark moment, though, God met her. (00:15:21): He spoke to her and he called her by name, (00:15:24): And he reminded her that she was seen and loved and wasn't forgotten. (00:15:32): And Hagar said to him, you are the God who sees me. (00:15:37): This story is such a beautiful reminder that even in our loneliness, (00:15:42): loneliest times, (00:15:43): God sees us and he meets us where we are. (00:15:49): Another story I find incredibly encouraging is Ruth's story. (00:15:53): Ruth had a story of both grief and hope. (00:15:56): See, she'd lost her husband and her community. (00:16:00): And she could have chosen to return to her community, to her own people who were Moabites. (00:16:07): But she chose to stay with her mother-in-law, (00:16:10): Naomi, (00:16:11): and embrace Naomi's God, (00:16:13): the Lord of the Bible. (00:16:17): And through that experience, Ruth's loneliness was met with divine provision. (00:16:22): And through her faithfulness, (00:16:23): and that of God's. (00:16:25): She found new purpose. (00:16:26): God used Ruth's season of grief to bring about something beautiful. (00:16:31): It was a story of redemption and restoration that leads directly to the lineage of Jesus Christ. (00:16:40): These women, (00:16:41): Hagar and Ruth, (00:16:43): remind us that loneliness doesn't have to be a permanent state of being. (00:16:48): God can meet us in that isolation. (00:16:51): He can heal our wounds. (00:16:53): He can use our experiences for something greater. (00:16:56): Whether you're going through a season of grief, (00:16:59): waiting, (00:17:00): or wondering where God is in your loneliness, (00:17:04): remind yourself of the truth that he is with you, (00:17:07): just as he was with these women of faith. (00:17:13): In our world, (00:17:13): loneliness can feel perhaps even more intense, (00:17:17): especially with the pressures of social media, (00:17:20): FOMO, (00:17:21): busyness, (00:17:22): comparison. (00:17:24): But here's the truth. (00:17:26): You are not alone. (00:17:28): Even in your most difficult, loneliest moment, God is with you. (00:17:35): You are seen, you are heard, and you are loved. (00:17:42): So here are a few ways we can begin to embrace loneliness through faith. (00:17:48): We can acknowledge the feelings (00:17:51): That's the first step in dealing with loneliness, recognizing it. (00:17:56): Don't suppress or ignore our feelings. (00:17:59): It's not a healthy way to manage life. (00:18:01): God can handle our honest emotions. (00:18:03): He wants to meet us in those places of vulnerability. (00:18:08): Two, we can draw near to God. (00:18:11): In our loneliness, (00:18:12): we might feel like withdrawing even from the Lord, (00:18:16): but what we need to do is press into him, (00:18:19): to draw close to him through prayer, (00:18:21): and worship and the word. (00:18:24): He promises to be near to us when we call on him. (00:18:27): He promises not to leave us as orphans. (00:18:31): So my encouragement for each of us is to let him comfort us just as he did for Hagar. (00:18:39): Three, we want to seek community. (00:18:43): This can be a real challenge. (00:18:44): It's a challenge for me. (00:18:45): And (00:18:48): Loneliness can lead us to retreat from people as well, but God calls us to community. (00:18:53): He made man for woman and woman for man and people for one another. (00:19:00): So we need to find ways to connect with others, (00:19:02): whether that's through church attendance, (00:19:05): maybe a new Bible study, (00:19:07): reaching out to a friend we haven't talked to for a long time, (00:19:11): maybe engaging in a new club or a hobby. (00:19:15): We just aren't meant to walk life alone. (00:19:19): Four, we need to grow our resilience. (00:19:22): And I addressed this in season one, episode three, Moving Beyond Trauma's Wasteland. (00:19:29): I'll put a link there. (00:19:30): I talk extensively about how we can grow our resilience and develop skills that (00:19:39): promote our health, (00:19:41): whether that's mental, (00:19:42): physical, (00:19:43): and beyond. (00:19:45): And five, we want to address God's purpose in our seasons. (00:19:49): So if we're walking in a place of loneliness right now, (00:19:53): let's look at it through the lens of it being an opportunity for God to do a deeper (00:19:59): work in us, (00:20:00): for us to trust him to use this time for growth and healing, (00:20:05): or maybe preparing us for something more, (00:20:08): just like he did with Ruth. (00:20:13): Friend, you are never alone in your loneliness. (00:20:15): God sees you. (00:20:17): He promises to be with you. (00:20:20): As you walk through this season and join me as we journey through the lives of (00:20:26): several different men and women from scripture and consider the impact of (00:20:31): loneliness in their lives, (00:20:33): let's remember that God is working in us. (00:20:38): May I pray for you? (00:20:41): Lord, you tell us in John 14, 18, I will not leave you as orphans. (00:20:46): I will come to you. (00:20:48): So today I lift up the woman struggling with loneliness. (00:20:51): Father, help her recognize she is your beloved daughter. (00:20:54): Word off any arrows the enemy may send her way. (00:20:58): Lead her into meaningful relationships with those who will see her value as she (00:21:04): seeks you to meet her needs and leans into relationship with others as she builds community, (00:21:14): Father God. (00:21:18): in your powerful and precious name. (00:21:20): Amen. (00:21:22): Thank you for joining me today on From Hardship to Hope. (00:21:27): I hope you've been encouraged and that you're reminded loneliness is a place where (00:21:32): we can meet God in powerful ways. (00:21:36): Two weeks from now, we're going to learn about (00:21:40): the loneliness of Hagar, as we explore both Genesis 16 and 21. (00:21:44): We'll consider God's presence and care during times of isolation, (00:21:50): how to seek God's comfort, (00:21:52): and then some insights that research has to share with us. (00:21:58): If this episode blessed you, (00:21:59): please share it with a friend or subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode. (00:22:05): I'm praying for you as you navigate life's challenges with hope (00:22:09): And I look forward to being with you again in our next episode. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tammykennington.substack.com/subscribe