Embracing Suffering, with Ian Nelson

How are you struggling today? Rhys and Ian muse over the struggles inherent to life, to work, to recovery, to marriage and family, to spirituality. We talk about the weight of life, and the importance of margins. Being present with our families and important people is vitally important, but the whole world seems bent on keeping us away from presence. What do we do about the ongoing struggle before us? Do we try to escape or alleviate it? Maybe. And there are healthy and connective ways of doing this…and destructive and chaotic ways of doing this. As an alternative, which we say is better, we can embrace our suffering. We can lean into what we can learn and how we can be made better through struggle and suffering. One important question is when is it good to reduce suffering and when is suffering good? One crucial component in answering this question is having relationships with trusted others. Turns out, suffering and struggle are better done when in a relationship where you can know and be fully known by the other. Also we must remember that we can only embrace suffering for ourselves; we can never set expectations of others as to what they can or must or should not embrace. With one’s self, be strict, but with others, be only gentle and merciful. Finally, one must not embrace struggle and suffering just for struggle and suffering’s sake. The benefit comes from knowing the reasons why you struggle. There has to be a clear understanding of what is the prize and benefit from embracing the struggle. If there is not sense of purpose and prize, then there is no purpose to be strict on yourself. But when you know what is the “joy set before us,” then your suffering becomes your salvation. Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.newpatterncounseling.com, and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions! Ian Nelson can be found on Instagram at @iansonofwe (Note, in the episode, he says Iansonofnel, but he has changed his handle since the recording of this episode.)