Hello, good evening. I'm E. Nice, I'm outside the Bill Murray pub in London's Islington district and there's a lot of classy dressers High steppers major big-time hustlers round here and here is Paul here to witness the live show the opening of the live show with me Poor Gaiman, here he is. How you doing today?
I'm doing well. Thank you for joining me on this. No, I'm joining You're joining me. No, you're joining me for this.
I've just started the thing. You're joining me. Let's not quitable, but I'm right Thanks for joining me at this very special 100 and 1th edition of Chief Show. It's the second live show that took place in the E.
101 the 101 that is not proper speak. We hit anyway. It's 101st. Yeah, just not that one.
The first one The first I told them that why are you repeating first off? You're joining me. Yeah, I'm not joining you I told the way we are we're outside the bill. No, everyone look people arriving now.
Just do a fucking job of comment rating it Yes, I'm trying to 101 you absolute knob You know and the second show is about to start before is wait swerving in and out of the crowd He looks very drunk and angry and that's extremely angry Was caught shouting at people earlier today between shows saying the F work and the C word old ladies He seems to have all that sort of nasty whites dried spittle at the sides of his mouth He looks very volatile. Maybe we shouldn't allow him in but he's pushing his way through He's gone. We've nothing we can do now. He's a chop down on the lady's shoulder.
He looks very feral So he's in this room now. Oh, and look it's Stuart Ashton He is returned for the second show. He's had an argument with Paul and Eli in the interval saying he was the mean And he didn't want to come back, but you had words with him. I believe I told him, you know, yeah where my bread was butters Yeah, what did he said?
He said that's very interesting. Yeah, you know, I just said my listen I'll tell you where my bread is butters Stuart. Yeah, it's butted in the pantry I go in there and I leave it there overnight to soften up outside the fridge, right? And then I batter it.
Yeah, that's what's on it for Britain And it's just a normal side and how did that give them to come back into the second show? He said Eli you've convinced me with that story about where you bought your bread back into the second show and then I gave him a handshoe Okay, so I think the handshoe was the thing that sealed the deal. So your diplomacy skills are really really good All here he comes. He's striding along look at him.
The wall He thinks he's flicking his hair in a little queer gesture Queer meaning or neutral or strange in this context. Well, it's speaking yourself Right, so what else who is it? It's Ashans? No, we've been to do Steve.
Oh behind Ashans lumbering along I can see it's our one time fair weather when he feels like it can't be bothered most of the time host has his own podcast I ask you I ask you fucking Ash for it fucking Waddling getting waddling along pushing people aside fuck off Did you remember when he made us eat that thing that he said was his favorite thing? It was a fucking demonic concoction of crisps and fucking cheese The show and now the audience are I don't know if I can express the the war fresh freshness the soapy fucking fish wall like a big wall cloud of loveliness It's enveloping us here and it's all in the venue. It's riggling my ear drums. Yes, it's very exciting times So they're ready we head into the venue now You have to get under my coz I know I have a come yet But you will sneak in don't want to be recognized.
I'll don't this mask you get under my jacket and we'll just You'll jack it off whilst you're down there. I'm Not panstopper. He's called joke stopper gag stopper. Just either way stop it.
All right hit your name right, mate So let's sneak into the venue now. Okay, they like to come down the music is just coming in and let's get paid for 100 for once the rum cheese show She's just 101st here we go Crap Awful awful audience you were bad you do it was awful. He was a bit both their anti-symmetric stuff Well, this is again. It's just a good about that.
I'm not doing a second show make this is bullshit. No, I'm not good That first was awful. I'm not involved good. You're gonna fake walk out before we've even said I got Well, I I think well Paul if you doing that I would like to say I've shot myself Oh I've shot a bit and I've got a frothy cock you've got a slob on Let's just get this over with once this shows on and go and I go for a big fucking wanker big fucking wanker I believe I'm gonna go for a big fucking one and the shit goes all the alley oh Eli oh my god all down for me like Ladies and gentlemen hello, it's you've put me off It's pretty progress me to childhood do it hello.
This is Eli oh and Welcome to cheap show. It's our hundredth episode. We are glad to see the live audience in there You're out there will smell money if you make it Paul gallon everybody welcome to cheap show It's the second show Now what did you miss the first show? There's a lot of stuff about wanking all the wank and stuff there was Chris there was no Chris there was what the no one missions the elephant in the room.
That's a flask a sex blast Why is that a sex flask? Just get that out of the way it smells of curry now It's not I've got the evidence why why is it yours? Winky wait, it's meant to be anyway. It looks alright.
It looks fine Weird camera. Yeah, we need to try it We're striations on it Right Okay, now before we go anywhere we have noodle business we have noodle business shut your mouth Yeah There's a new link change. There's a whole there's a whole culture of us Paul. You can't oppress anymore.
Yeah, right? My friend Mark and rightly It's a sex blast and you can shut your mouth. I've had enough honestly just catch your breath. Yeah, mr.
Weezer Oh, I look like buddy Harley fuck you I did a shitty pun how about that then you hairy little hoppy you fuck off you come right I Just stand there and witness culture. Yeah, okay Right mark my good friend mark. He writes the noodle reviews that go on the red already page. He's a proper connoisseur He's given me this which is unbelievably a five-sash eight bomb Do not that three in one sash The dry one and then you've got the vegetables.
It's all in there. It's a fucking magnificent now You have set up an exchange of rare noodles at this very venue at this very time is that right? Now who is he called king smack a man five or something? We've got a noodle to exchange 25 Changing a noodle and half the guys are here to exchange You come up come up you see this is a new looks change and it's the first history you're making here I've got your noodle.
I've got your noodle. This is both the most confusing and depressing thing I've been part of in a while now. This is one This is one that you've wanted to get hold of for a long time quite soon. Yeah, and why are you interested in it?
Veggie ramion The mild ones and have you tried this new yourself yes We're looking at Lisa for all right I Never mention noodle you want to mention do this one. Yeah, no fucking take your time whatever Not my penis not my penis curiously like a noodle. It's got weird striations. I don't want to go to So You got yours Tell you what because you've been such a good sport.
I'm throwing this in one of my favorites at a classic It is this on cotton isn't on cotton black guy. Hello. That's for you now this one here Sounds interesting. Well, this is quite because it's too spicy This is my favorite So if anyone wants to try this is the hallowed mania noodle I See your hands I I Do you fucking do any shit like that?
I'll fucking rip your prick off with my teeth And then feed you it back like a bird in an ant I mean it's noodle shit stops. Yeah I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I We need to stop bantering with them. Just not help us. But then they're not, well, yeah, we're a bit sad if you're doing this in the comfort of your living room without any kind of experiment.
That's what we do. That's what we do. Oh, yeah, but if you're having a car. It's just us sitting in this filthy nest.
LAUGHTER Talk to the mini hands. Talk to the hands. Can I ask where the succulums from? Where's the succulums from?
The succulums from? The succulums from the audience, then, sorry. Stop fishing at the audience, everybody! It's out of reverse, punk gig.
LAUGHTER Sorry, where'd you get those from? British Hot Foundation. Oh! Those items I bought, I should say, are new.
Oh, and fifth element I'm guessing isn't you? That's going to be... That's a name, isn't you? Let's have a look at this.
That's advertised on TV. That's a height of them, their fame. Rabbit? Rabbit?
Stop doing that. Rabbit! Rabbit! Get it fast!
Rabbit! Rabbit! I just know I can sleep. I'm going to be happy.
There's some heart-hitting songs on it. Does it have curtruing? No, well, not according to the front. It's got somebody stole my gal, which is a song about adduction, presumably.
Who were you with last night? That's a bit paranoid. That's like the whole album's about paranoid jealous ex lover. Where did you get that hat?
Right, isn't it? It is, it is hat. Paul Rold, Mr. Wougie.
Right, OK. So Eli's the cheapest. So what did an old effort time start? No.
Don't do that, I'm not good at the pressure. I'll lash out. Is that it? Is that it?
Right. We've got the other person on the floor. I'll be honest. I thought that's what I had to do.
No, we did not ask you to build a dam featuring all the things you just did. You feel that my items are the same prices. I thought I had to do. No, we did not ask you to build a dam featuring all the things you just did.
You feel that my items are the same prices. I actually hadn't thought of that through there. Video. Oh, he's going through.
And then, and then, no, suck them. Dave, Dave. OK, you ready? Right.
So, wait, wait, wait. The monkey, the clapping monkey, and the snapping gator. One item. No.
As you can clearly see, they are two. Sorry, that's a good relationship. And they both got the same price. So we're looking for the single item price.
I just wanted to. Right, well that's fine. Someone's there in the same area. Right, so let's find out.
How well you did. Right? So, I got to write this down now. Fuck.
So, how much was Eli your monkey crocodile sex aid? They were 99p each. So, 99p, I'm going to put down for that. 99p.
Now, who brought the fulfillment in? Which is sexist. Sexist. I like it.
Sexism. OK, how much was the video? I found my formula. Oh!
Inflated by the cheap show rules. So I've touched that. That's been the property of some poor traffic. He's going to go back to that bin tonight.
Go, where's my fit, then? Why haven't went on Miller's face yet? It's not the sad part. Right.
OK. How much was the plant? Oh, 99, so far. The cup, Josh, how much it cost?
49p. Oh, dear man. That's crazy for it. I'm you.
Trey Bar-Game. You can shut your fucking face now. Your soul's worth nothing. Get out.
Right. At least he didn't have some woman. He was like, oh, I've just been born. I don't know what to do.
My sexuality. Put a bandage on my tits. I'm Bruce. I'm Bruce Willis and I'm here to see this.
He's really about who I am and how to love. Oh, Ambrose, well, it's following me for a cat-ticks in the sky. I'm glad, because you took a lot of agreeing or something. Normally you don't have to nap and I can sigh with one or the other.
All right. How much was Chaz and Dave? A quit. You are completely wrong on every count.
Sorry. Sorry. Was I? You were.
I mean, I would go on to say it was disastrous for you. But thanks for playing the game. Ladies and gentlemen, Paul Rose. Oh, thank you very much.
Give it a good one. It's cheap, it's time. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh. Oh, shit. Right, can we try my crisps? That's part of this, because I think they're nice.
You want to try your crisps? Yeah. Go for it. All right.
Now, it's part of this, actually. Yeah. Yes. OK.
Well, we have to introduce our guest for this. No, no, no. Ladies and gentlemen, you may know he's actually his real name is, and all it has been. Stuart, actually!
Laugh. So, we have a lot to get through. We're not going to get through it all and for each other, so we're going to do our very best to try and get some of the things you brought in today. Ethan, and we've got a few things of our own.
I live. Great answer. You brought in the musk sticks from the first idea. They were so unconfectioned.
Together at last. You have a habit of bringing soapy treats on to our show. I think it was done on a read-mommy own. You bought Sponge.
Was that right? No. You bought Sponge. You don't know the show you're in half the time.
No, I know. We had a bit. It affects the mind. Ooh!
Okay. Sponge wasn't the Sponge though. Is that come? Oh, I kind of...
Sponge is way very, very early shows. Yes. I know. We know that.
It's a Canadian... It's just cajun. And it says it on the packet. Don't worry.
Don't worry. Don't worry. This product's still shit. It didn't taste...
What? And sleep. Fuck you. It works.
But it tastes too hard. No, there's musk sticks. Anyway, we had got some deluxe for you to help us enjoy. Or not enjoy.
It'll be the latter. What have you got for us? I've got those crisps. These are the other day and I thought, bloody, oh, they're lovely.
And these are made by farmers. What he says? Pipers made by farmers. Right.
Farmers make pipers? Farmers make a farm. They'd have to take Christmas work. What?
You'd hope someone would actually have had more or more qualified to sort of cook would make them. You know, with their big, muddy boots coming into the factory and they got all... like, kout-it on their hand. They're making my crisps with their nasty, kout-ity hands.
I've never thought I'd keep complaining about a man with kout-ity hands. But now I've heard everything. Delicious, you asked, how have you known and deal crisps? These are very, very good.
But they're not cheap, are they? Have you noticed that the cost of a gourmet kettle style crisps has come right down over recent years and it's basically on a level with something like Walkers now. Two o'clock sports, when you say that? Some hit in Votainment.
Very little info, barely entertainment. Move on. No, I'd like to see you. See what you thought of those.
Alright, we'll get crack into it. We're going to do it. So we eat them on the show. I'm sorry, I'll let you eat them.
Now, listen to the half on this. Listen to the smell. Listen to the... It was that day we found out he has some things.
Actually, the half is not great. I haven't said that. Very poor half. That's disappointing.
Oh, it's quite bam-it. It smells like a flippant. It's a flippant. Yeah.
That. It's very fecal. Great. Well, you're going to try them.
So you said how great they are and then they smell the most. I liked them. I liked them. What do you think, shit?
Oh, they're loving them. They're like a slightly spicy wood. I don't know. There's somebody else.
Oh, they're loving them. They're like a slightly spicy wood. I don't know. There's somebody who's had near an old nappy.
You've got to say. You're in the same. They've got a real bite. The jalapeno.
An petuit. I mean, I've eaten worse, but only because it's my job. Yeah, they're not awful. I'm just not a huge fan of that particular flavour.
OK, so we need a mark from you're out of time. I'm going to give it to you, because it's personal complaint, but they're good products. What would you say? Do you want to go a bit better?
Two and half. I'm going to go heavy. Oh! You bevel.
Yeah. Oh, you're getting sweet up now. Nice. The aftertaste is nice.
She doesn't like it. I'll also do that. Who's spicy? OK.
Spicy in the mouth. No, don't. He'll save that crisp now forever and sleep with it. Oh, lady licked it.
I can't blame it. Fuck off. I like you and ladies lick my pickle crisp. Don't you do it.
Oh, you do it. You don't really know. Yeah. Well, you lick the...
What are we going to taste now? This comes from Stacey. Is that right? Yeah.
Yeah. She gave us. Why did this become a golf tournament? That was a...
She and Stacey vary very kindly today. It's a whole bag of Japanese... What's Japanese going to do? Yeah.
We're going to use those in the pop calculator on, but we did pull this up. Don't worry. If you have the donated food today, we don't need it now. We will be doing it on the build.
Yeah, because we need the content. Sorry. All this stuff here is another year of cheap shows. Thank you very much.
So these... And you're excited about this, aren't you? Oh. I thought it said Squid Jenny.
I thought it said Squid Jenny as well. Squid Jerky, which is more understandable. It's fine. I want to know who Squid Jenny is now.
Why did you kill her in this memorour? Things like a really low-key, babe station lady. I'm Squid Jenny. You can see my clamp for fire.
Come on. You're running back round. I know we're not a high-brow podcast. At this point, I'm just involved.
I'm just in it. So this is Squid Jerky. I can't have it because I'm allergic. You're like, you're happy with her.
So I will give her one to you, sir. Well, thank you. I'm allergic. I'm allergic.
I'm allergic. I'm allergic. I'm allergic. It's like, well, I'm allergic to the lead psychologically, sort of, scared on a really deep subconscious level of vagina.
I-I-I'm anything. It's the opposite with me with vaginas, just so you know. Good. So they've got power ranges on them?
Ooh, they've got... Have you got power ranges on them. No. They've got power little mini-power ranges on them.
Mine's Radios Blue, what does that mean? Pat's a different flavour. Chili and raspberry. No idea.
Now, this is a very... Because I've had dried squid, and stuff like that, and dried squid rings. That's a fishy smell. It's fishy.
This is all like a concentrated... It's more like a concentrated, Patches got a mover concert shop. Fishing, let's do it. Oh!
That really... Ah, do it's worth coming. Did you get one more? Yes, it smells like a pit shop.
It does, the aquarium area, yes. It really, really does. Right, you can do this. Yeah, let's do it.
Everybody carved out! Oh, it's ready. Very plasticy. Like, I'm getting to think I should have unwrapped it more.
How is that a thing? It's like... It's nowhere near as hardy flavour as it smells. It's just a little rubberish squid.
It's a little rubberish strip of joyless fish jelly. Also the review is my first album. That's really bad. Oh!
What do you think Mark? Have you had somebody? Yeah, it did. Everything does, though.
Everything does. Oh, he's right, he's right, because you chew it. It starts to release the fish and stale essence. You didn't like it?
No, Sam. It's true. That's truly, I mean, truly disgusting. I've never seen this disappointed with fish food.
Oh, man, it's enveloping my whole fucking being. I think your money's worth it. It's like I'm on an industrial shipping boat, and I'm scraping. I don't know about you, but I would hear more, right?
You say it's true? Yeah, I say it's true. I'm going to go one. You'd have to be really interested.
What do you think, two for this show, how much? One. A very unpopular, you've ruined the show, Stacy. You liked it.
You want a badge? You want a medal? You want a certificate? I like squid.
I like squid. You want a bit of metal? Yes. That says I like squid.
All right, great. Have you brought one? No, I'll make it. Great.
I'm looking forward to that. Fantastic. Right. There'll be a great thing to have on a blind date.
If you didn't like the other person, you could just quickly slip out and chew it. Then when you kiss them at the end, I'll put them right on. Well, something to take home with you, a lovely fact. If you want to get rid of a partner, put something fishy in your garb.
What if they liked it? What if they liked it? Then it's true love. That's the way they find that's the way they find that's the way they find that's the way they find princesses and things.
Right, what else have we got? So who's got something for us? Oh, oh. Make us out of the way.
Oh, I like make us out of the way. Didn't we do them on Martians and we took all the skin off Octavus Kid's tongue? Yes. With the sweets and we didn't hold it down with like a scrape-o.
This is not like a tall chip. This is not like a tall chip. Wouldn't come back. Yeah.
It's got what the fuck's going on? Oh, he's got, oh, we'll save that. Save that. This one.
Oh, we got combos. Black off. Do we do those last? No.
You just keep those. Chicks, micks. Chicks, micks. I've got squid, squid vibration in my mouth.
Oh, these are really hot though. Listen, I should just do one of these shows and we can all want to buy food. Candy corn. Right, let's do these quickly then.
Go, go, go. Let's have a candy corn first. Oh, man. My sister's so happy.
These sugar up in America. And they're such things. They look like corn. They look like corn.
Like people have shipped them out in this all the same shape. Very sweet. No, you're an American, aren't you? Sorry.
Are these traditional flavour? Like this is what you expect going years back and it takes like this. You've handled flavoring. No, it's good to know.
I want to make sure this is not some new version for the kids. That's perfectly edible. I tried to add some from her sister once and it takes a different to this. She was disappointed.
Clearly this is what we need. Mmm. That's what we got here. Puts.
Puts. Puts with a hint of sugar. Yeah, like sweet rot. It's extremely sweet.
What do you think of sugar I'd say? There's a vanilla flavour to it. Yeah, a vanilla coffee. Something like that.
What would you give that out of five then? Or caramel maybe? Yeah. I would give that three and four.
Two and a half. Two and a half. I'll go for a two. I'll go for a two and a half.
And this is a... Oh, it's a really funny joke about that. That's a really pure art. Yeah, I did.
I did. That was a surprise. What would a two and a half be then? It could be a big poo and then a little doggone drops off afterwards.
Little Monteza poo. Yeah, a little rabbit poo. It's Mrs Lady Madam Lady Blocks. Oh, hello.
I'm Madam Lady Blocks. And I'm squishy seed. And I'm about to have a solid two and a half. Don't worry, my lady.
I will scratch that into the ground so hard you won't be able to get it out of the ground because I will tread it in. I'm squishy Jim. Sorry, not Sid. Squishy squishy Jim.
Oh, here we go, Madam Lady Blocks. I love you, lad, madam Lady Blocks. I love you, squishy Jim. Oh.
Now, this is... You should work on the archers. This is Candy Popcorn. Oh.
Takari. And I believe this is Japanese. It seems to be a two-toned thing going in. There's a...
A desalator. No, it's not what they're called. It's a... It's still a gel desicant.
A desicant. Don't get the desicant down here. Oh. I'll try it now.
We'll try it now. I'm going for one of each pellet. I'm going for one of each pellet. I'm not racist like some.
Why are they racist? It's not what I'm saying. Thank you. That's not coffee.
There's two cheese and the browns coffee. That was cheese. What the fuck is going on in Japan? What we need, ladies?
It's a bag of food. What are flavor cheese? What are flavor coffees? What are flavor coffees?
What can they make it? There's something else in cream in their coffee. The cream and the cheese. I've got the coffee.
That's bizarre. That's all right. I think the cheese one's all right by itself. It's when you get the carbonate.
Do a combination there. I know the combination there. I know the coffee. I'm going to have another coffee.
That was a good idea. I need a score for this. I've got a bad coffee. The most classiest of combinations.
That's thought-all-able. I'm genuinely nasty. I need a score for that. On their own three together.
One. Outstanding by Stuart. I'm now all mirror that. You want to do those quick?
How much time we got? I'm aware of the time. You're all right. Come down, dogs.
These are Czechs mix. We're going to pop in the plant. Brand in America. Just lay the layer of the plant.
I'm blowing the googles already. I'm like, so. And these are snack mix. They're spicy.
It's just danger. Really freaking hot. I'm Jimmy Biscuits. I'm this guy.
And I am proud to bring to you my latest invention. It's a spicy hat. I love the spice. The gentleman loves the spicy lady.
I bring it the spicy lady together. And I put it in the bag. And I call this a sexy bean. Okay, Jimmy.
Jimmy Biscuits is going to go wank in a bag. All right. Here we go. I was going to have some of these.
They're all nicks of different kind of bread. They're all nicks of different kind of bread. They're all nicks of different kind of bread. We love the crusty things.
She doesn't want Jimmy Biscuits. She doesn't like... She's a... Then don't come back.
Cause Jimmy Biscuits ain't going nowhere. Wait. No, I'm staining. There are shreddies in here.
Hox shreddies! Ooh! A pretzel mix. Let's see if they're nicks of freaking hot.
Aren't they freaking hot? Yeah. What's shredding for? They're not hot.
Oh! They have them? Oh, they haven't. Ooh.
It's a nicks of da... Shit. That was a little cough, wasn't it? Bloody hell.
When you get that dry coffee they go. Yeah. Ah shit. That's really hot.
That's fucking kick man. Yeah they're not lying. Bloody hell. Well not having any more of those.
I should not have done that. You're not making an error. I like that. No.
No nice. They're nice. They're a little bit hot for me. I think if I was to have like two mouthfuls that would do for me.
And then really cold beer. Oh. E like these by the way combos are Cheddar cheese pretzel flavour just so you know. You've had those before.
You've had those before. You've had those before. You've had those before. You've had those before.
You've had those before. I've had them. I've been a bit of all over my sexy hairy body. I don't want them now.
But now I'm doing a score for the extra extra hot checks mix. Three and a half of me I can enjoy those with my likes beverage. Sure. Bloody things give me hiccups.
They only get two and a half of that. Okay. We've given Stuart hiccups. I like them.
The most adorable complaint you can give to someone. It's like a little rabbit. You've got little hiccups. You've got little hiccups.
You've got little hiccups. You've got little hiccups. You've got little hiccups. You've got little hiccups.
You've got little hiccups. You've got little hiccups. They've turned into goo. Just as soon as air touch them.
So if you go on collars. Oh, these are big. This is a big suck. Everyone else.
The sandwich is popular. Sorry. He's at the back but we're fucking lazy. You might not get what you want.
Right? So have you put it in? Yeah, but haven't eaten this yet. Why are we here?