You finished listening to that shit now? Stop trying to be the big man just because you're on the fucking recorder, yeah? I am a big man. I am a big man on the recorder.
Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a kind of special episode of Cheap Show. We're in the House of Pickles. Well, what is the kitchen of the House of Pickles? What is this?
It's, as you know, it's the urban, down with the kids, noodle kitchen, but we're not here to make noodles this time, Paul, are we? No, I don't know so much about what we're doing today. You're in charge. Not just kind of special, it's a very special episode of Cheap Show.
This is Pilgrimage the Brain Cross. Let's rock. Hey, you and your fucking mood repossi. People love mood, right?
They're a fan of Cheap Show, we're going out to front of the set. The mood is on. The other side of the door. We can't take a look.
Welcome to Cheap Show. They're not going on a nozzle. So yes, it's a cheap show and we're going on a little adventure. Why?
Because Brain Cross is a spiritually significant place for me. It's a shopping centre, Paul, people don't know, that was erected in 1976, the year after I was born. And I used to visit there as a child. So I thought we'd go have a lovely little jolly up to Brain Cross and do some cheap show stuff there.
This is the plan, right? Yeah, I got it. Whilst we were in Brain Cross Shopping Centre, we'll get a little gift for each other. Me, Casa, Sue, Casa, that's what that segment's called.
Yeah. We will buy an item for not very much money, but we won't tell the other person how much we pay for that item. And then we'll get them to guess. And you'll get one point if you're within 25 feet.
No, one point if you're within 25 feet. Listen, is this basically a price of pride? And then we'll pay the price of pride with one item each. Wow.
And to think of the stakes. We'll get some cheap food. Right. And then I will point out to you, this is the most important thing, where the wood and animals use to be, which the horses ask that you could get into.
This is fucking tragic. So basically what you're doing is what Michael Palin did when he decided I don't want to do comedy no more. I'm going to go around the world and people can follow me on a whimsical fucking spiritual adventure. So this is your Michael Palin's 80 Days Around the World, isn't it?
No. But Eli Silverman's trip to Brain Cross. Yes. Which is a much more toosome and savory sounding proposition.
What does that even mean to savory? It means savory. What does savory proposition? It's another snack, isn't it?
I don't know. Chunky segments, they're next to the chunky segments. You've got the savory propositions. I think, mate, that would be fucking excellent.
Would you not try a savory proposition? Yeah. I would. You're the bar.
You go up to a lady. Hello, love. Can I interest you in a savory proposition? Oh, go on.
It's really flaky and cheap. Yeah. So we're off on a little adventure today to Brain Cross, which is in North London, isn't it? Yes.
It's on the North Circular up there in North London. Bit of brutalist architecture, Paul. It's where the River Brent has been turned into a concrete ditch, which we'll be looking at. Great.
And they also have a space there where they have a sort of fun fair time of the year and like an open beach and stuff. So we can look at the utter degradation and shitness of that. It's a journey of naff. I did some research as it goes as well.
Apparently it was used the Brain Cross shopping centre, which was used in a film. Which one? It was a Bond film. What Bond film do you think it was?
You want guests, but come on, let's just milk this. What Bond film? Can you tell me which of the Bond's who was? It was P.S.
Brosnan. Here's Brosnan. Golden Eye? No.
You've got three more guesses. Tomorrow never knows. That's not a Bond film. Yes, it is.
Tomorrow I forgot it was yesterday. It was a good type of day. What's his one? Tomorrow never dies.
Tomorrow never dies. It's that one. Right. It's a little film film for you there today, Paul as well.
You're a great fan of Brosnan. Not really. You're like Bond. I'm all right with Bond.
I'm not a huge super fan. I'm excited to find out the shopping, no. The car park in Germany. It's actually said in Brent Cross.
There you go. We can recreate that film later on. We can recreate it by making some car noises and pissing some people off. That's the plan for today, Paul.
Have you got anything constructive to say? No, I'm just going on for the ride for this. This is nice. I feel like I'm in your hands.
And we'll be taking a route. Yeah, a very special route. Pilgrimage route. The classic route.
Up through the Kildens. Around by the Cricklewood. Which you like because they were named in a goody side. Goody.
It's Cricklewood. The utter normalness of Cricklewood. Past Cricklewood. Yeah.
Into a frankly a no man's land area between Cricklewood and Brent Cross. The Barse. The Gucci of London. The Gucci of London.
And then we will arrive at Brent Cross. The proper way. Well, this is a... Let's go stop.
Shall we get around your sandwiches? I've got me sandwiches. I've got my flask of hot milk. You have your sassomas which you'll eat the skin of.
Yeah, I'm not bringing them with me though. Because I ate like five tangerines. That's not at my bottom this morning. That's a spicy meat to boil.
Yes, you're bottom to spicy meatball for one reason. Because you eat the peel. How spicy meatball can you get man? I like tasting it.
I like eating the peel tangerines. Equivalent of eating about 12 carrot cakes or something. Oh, I also like carrot cakes. That's really nice.
It's like a carrot cake. We might have to take a split stop. No, I'm all out. I evacuated the area.
And let me tell you, ladies and gentlemen, he's not lying because I had a shower in my asthma. No, let me just put it this way. Someone took a massive dump this morning and it's stuck. So bad that even when I took a shit moments after, you could still smell the shit before.
That's how bad it was. That's a power. Anyway, let's get our coats on. Let's do this.
All what's exciting. Right, so we begin our adventure as we often do. Stop HK on St. Andro waiting for a boss.
What was we waiting for? It's the number 29. Why? Why are we going that way?
Because that is the pilgrims route to Brent Cross's from Kilburn. We have to go to Kilburn first. Okay, well, take us to the long line. I'd say about 45 minutes to get to Kilburn.
Great. And I'm looking at the charity shop here. I was hanging out up as well. The Human Relief Foundation.
So have a little look. Because we've got to the boss. We've got three minutes. We've got three minutes.
Let's have a little look. Cool. Looking for the window. It's nice.
So quick look inside. I've spotted a turntable. Oh yeah. Harry Stone.
Didn't they used to make washing machines? Harry Stone. They did make washing machines. It might have been a different company with a similar name.
Is that any good? Same name. It's £10 working. We'll just say working on it.
It's a success. £10 working. I don't have anything to blow into speakers wise. Let's see what it was.
Why is it saying? This is great. Exciting stuff already. Maybe if we're back in time you can pick it up then.
It's got auxiliary outs. And a plug. I think that one is basic speakers quite easily. Is that what's going to be good though?
It will need. It will need. It has no built in amp. So it will need to go through a...
Oh an amp. I don't have value either then. What you do? I do but I've already got a record player.
Although you go this whole thing's been pointless. Oh, hand-lend. Who would you say that was? Yeah, from behind you think Santa.
I'll give you that. I thought there was an echo there. How many items you'll be looking out for today? Well, probably.
But I don't know. I'm just going to go... I haven't planned it. He lays up a little box.
It's not a box. It's just a block. Just a block with some Victorian drawings on. No, it's got a jack and ease drawings.
That's cooking. Actually, that's not. That's the one you saw the fairies and took photos of. The fairies in the garden.
That wasn't Victorian though, was it? What do you think of this, Paul? It's a little hedgehog reading the book with a lady bird on a bench. And it opens up to be a little keepsake.
What would you keep in there? Regret. I keep our little friend's jaggers in there. We've got a checker still.
What do we have? We've still got shaggers. It's got our family. I don't care.
I don't care. I don't care. I don't care about shaggers. We're getting on the bus.
I'm not having any of this. It's got the bus. It's a no watch. We've just spotted a no.
I actually knew it was going to happen. But actually seeing no. But in his... I was deliberately getting me out of here.
Get up in this morning's edition of the Metro here on the bus on the way to the Glen Cross. In the 29th. In the 29th. It has actually shocked me somewhat.
I will say this. He looks happy and healthy and he's got a nice colour to his beard. It's not as aggressive as the other die users. Someone has talked to him about the firmfulness of his beard.
You know what I reckon that is? He's gone for a more ready orange or almost ginger. It's probably blonde. Depending on how long he's in the jungle, we'll see it all or the colour come out.
He'll go grey. No, they'll be... The beast shall be revealed. They'll be airlifting in packets of dye.
So he's earning a blob or two. Nice gag. But no, we'll quit TV if he wins. He'll quit TV if he wins.
That's literally what the article's saying. That's all I've read. That's just horseshit. Someone might ask this.
Someone might ask this. He'd literally revert to his prehistoric form of a sort of shakeless, mayasmic vampire of the soul, wouldn't it? Yeah. Then what would he do?
Then he could never influence people. Well, he couldn't get back at Lloyd's. He'll become an elder god. I think this is all about.
Basically, the story behind this is all about null sublimation to becoming one of the elder gods. So he's a Cthulhu type? I don't know what you want to call it. Monster.
Well, beyond a monster. He's a being beyond knowledge and time. On a imaginable god of terror. He's a faceless void where meaning is sucked from our very souls.
he's sucked from our very souls. Mill 69 appears at the end of tonight's show. No 69. So it's Wednesday today when we're recording this.
So speculation is that he's being paid half a mill for his stunt in the rainforest. Fucking half a mill. That's all right, isn't it? Is it all right?
What does he have to do? Chomp on some... Some... No, kangaroo artist.
He's got the fight, Chomp Barraman for that. He looks like he's after it. He looks happy. But he said basically he's going to go out on a high and never do TV again.
If he wins it. So what he's saying is winning this bullshit reality TV show in the jungle before it'd be immediately himself. He seems like a man who can't rest on his laurels. He doesn't just celebrate the fact that he was big before.
He seems to... I think, you know what, I think, he's hurting. Or from cheap cheap cheap. He's hurting from cheap cheap cheap.
There's a deal I'm striking with, very British public. They make me king of the jungle and I retire and never appear again. The public will enjoy me seeing Mike Mopman's. I know what they're going to do.
They're going to give me a hard time. He's right, you know. What a shit threat they'll go. If you really want me rid of me.
Let me win. That's a really pathetic. Yeah. Gumbo.
Yeah. He won't win. He won't win. How long is the whole run?
A couple of weeks. The whole thing is a couple of weeks. Yeah. Well anyway, let's uh...
Let's not watch. That's no watch today. It's a Raspberry Park now. Which way are you going?
Right, we just got off the 29. Oh. I will say this. It's a lovely brisk.
Slightly, it's a lovely brisk shop. Cold day, but not unpleasant. It's not unpleasant. It's uh...
Yeah, it's brisk. But you know what, isn't brisk. That bus. You know what made it not brisk.
Here we go. You can't sign it, Paul. The fucking can't. First off we get off.
On. There's some yeezy. He's got a fucking blue tooth speaker around his neck playing shit hip hop music. I don't want to hear.
That was annoying, but it wasn't as loud as it can usually be. Oh, he's off. He's not doing the thing. And then...
Yeah, I'm going, wait. You need to be by the way. Then the guy behind us, did you notice, started doing a fucking Bobby McPheron impression with his mouth, playing along with his wet mouth to the fucking song he had in his earphones. As if I don't want to hear your wet mouth percussion.
Yeah. I was getting to the breaking point where I wanted to take a picture. I just wanted to take a picture. I just wanted to take a picture.
I was getting to the breaking point where I wanted to take a picture. No, no, no, no. I just wanted to take a picture. I just wanted to take a picture.
I'm going on. I'm going on. It's a cross the road. Safely red light.
Green man. Here we go. Anyway, I just wanted to say that. Did you not see the guy over the way from me who was looking over at us muttering to himself this name for this.
Yes, and then a lady sat down next to him. Then in short order decided to move because he was manspreading and he probably sank a whole cunt. It was weird. Plus this weird now.
Here. We're walking past Camden's favourite famous underworld venue. It's known for metal and punk. That guy who fooled everyone into booking him for a European tour.
I read about that. I saw the poster here for that. Oh, it's that. Isn't it that bad?
No. I thought that was down. He came in and said that 200 people come to see him. No one came to see him.
He faked all his stats. What was he called? Bobby Blanck Blaff. He literally put the whole European tour by just faking up some crowd shots on his facebook.
Then paid for a backing band. Yeah. When we get money, where are these gigs? What are they happening?
I'm going to go there now. I'm never seeing strange. I remember walking past the underworld here in Camden and seeing that poster thing. Who's that?
That's not a band I recognise. No, there you go. It's a neat fiction. Coming up here.
Right, yeah. So we're in Camden now. On a lovely crisp, bright winter's afternoon. Oh, we're crossing the road.
We're crossing the road. It's exciting stuff. But we're heading from Camden to where? To Kilburn.
And from Kilburn we'll be getting the Pilgrim by Schblass to Brent Cross. This is exciting, Green Man. We're making good time, good travel. So let's head to the next bus stop now, shall we?
The 31 now. Let's get the 31 now. There's no one making a noise with their mouths or anything else. Oh, so you know, it's a man spreading their legs.
Something like that. Ah, the sights and sounds of cover. It's June. It's June.
Probably that one just there. No. Oh. 31.
If you want to know around Camden Town's bus stop, X, if you want to follow the Pilgrim by yourself, at a further date. Good. Right, Ron, what thought we know? On the 31.
This is my old favourite. I once waited for the night 31 just there, Paul. All night, one came along. It was too forward.
It just drove past me. Then I walked down. I'll be putting these in my new book of memoirs. Stuff that happened to me several years ago by Eli Silverman.
It's a beautiful story. Now, touching. Let's get down to business. It's got a brass tax.
Now, on this show in the passport, you've besperched me and you've suggested that morally I'm an upstanding member of the Society, Maurelie. Now, I just want you to tell all the listeners what I just did. Oh, yeah. He pushed the lady on the wheelchair onto the bus because she asked them directly and he felt guilty.
He said, no. Well, let's just let that lie. Let's sit there. Let that fester.
Now, also, Paul, as is his once, has been to Greg's. I like Greg's. Nice cheap food, plasticity rolls, cakes, coffees. While Paul was in Greg's, I looked at their festive offering.
They have a festive bake. Yeah. And I thought, that looks like someone's taking a bread roll and yoft into it. And then Paul walked out and I said, look, that looks like a bread roll, someone's yoft into it.
And he said, well, guess what? I've got it. So we're going to have a little cheap eats. Paul's going to taste his festive square, whatever it's called.
Fested bake. Not that hard. We're going to have a little report on that. All right.
Let me just take a bite. All right. Let's take a bite. Now it's got a nice littice.
It's like, you know, it's a bake. It's got a, yeah, they've got a little bit of rustic sprinkle on the top. It does smell like Christmassy. It's nice and warm.
It's not smell Christmasy. It smells like they're baked. It smells exactly like any other bake. I'm going to have the bite.
Mm. It tastes like Christmasy. It's not taste like Christmasy. It tastes like Christmas.
What, like bacon and chicken? Yeah, but, you know, gravy and potatoes and a bit of stuff in. So what would you give it out of five? Oh, well, two point seven five.
And it was cheap? Yeah, it's like a quid 20. Quid 20. Enjoy, Paul.
I'll sit on the cold bus on a Christmas day with me festive bake. It's all very festive. It's very, very, very Christmas-y mood right now. We're going through Camden.
Yeah. Don't sell drugs here anymore, do they? No, but even when they did it was, you took your life in Canada. We discussed it on previous episodes, Paul.
I used to buy my C2-cauli fili from the guy here. I wish they still sold C2-cauli fili. See the cauli fili yet? You know, you won't, exactly.
Yeah. Right, can I stop this? I can enjoy this and then I cream a clear that I ordered. We'll be back with another report.
So when we get to Kilburn. Yeah. Two. White City.
So when we're 31, I've eaten me a festive bake. It's nice. Very Christmasy. We'll just pass through.
White, no. Swiss cottage. Again, this is where you're old stomping ground out before you move to the house of pickles. You're in the Pro-Hauzer pickles.
I've lived two spaces around here. Yeah. And you said that the Swiss cottage pub itself was a bit roper though. And it'll be a musty old man.
And I quite liked it there for those very reasons. I don't like it. All right. Well, it's very good.
See them, I was very good. Great, great, great. Great content. So, oh, this is where you used to go to this little shop up here, didn't you?
I'd get stuff and buy it. That would mean Joe would come back to your place at night after a gig. And we'd stop off at this little corner shop here. It's gone.
Yeah. It's gone. Yeah. It's going to be Mickey's food and wine.
Yeah, that's what they keep saying. But we still live on this one in the corner. Yeah, this one. Yeah, this one.
Yeah, we can just run the corner. Well, I lived on that one just there. Well, just there. Yeah.
Did you know me there? No. That's fascinating. You lived on that little plate.
It was quite nice, that building. It was very nice. Yeah, so I lived with my stepsister. And it didn't get on very well with anyone.
Well, things don't change. I just did the dishes once I didn't do the dishes. I thought she was going to actually kill me. You never did the dishes once?
No, I did do the dishes. There was one bit of dishes that I had left maybe for a day. You know, how you do? Not me.
No, I drink with myself almost instantly. Well, I have very clean genocels. Yeah, but don't watch those in your kitchen sink. I do, yeah.
You need your balls out. I slap on a bit of fairy. Yeah. Yeah.
Get a good lather. For glands that do dishes that are soft, there's your face. My or green? Oh, look, liquid.
Right. So we pass all that. It's one of the Abbey Road, but this is not the Abbey Road, is it? Is this the Abbey Road?
Of course, the Abbey Road, yes. It's just the bottom end at the very, very far end as well, the Beatles. Yeah, I put that far down. Down that way towards John's Wood, yeah.
John's Wood, as they call it now. Dude, this place Hintstock is brutalist. And I believe it's endangered. They're going to pull it down.
And I don't think they should because it really is a very nice piece of architecture. Well, you said as we come out of Camden towards the Scottish Ocean, it's a lot different from having all their cladding taken down, a result of the whole Glenfell thing. Glenfell. Yes.
Absolutely right, Paul. That's right. And it's obviously a massive indictment of the practices in the first place that they just thought all just in case were taken down. Otherwise, they'd be confident they were safe.
Yeah, they're obviously not confident in their sake. But the other thing is, they do need to start updating the buildings. I mean, I can understand that because they are one thing about concrete and brutalist architecture in general. Very energy unofficial.
They're today by today's standards. Well, I hope you're learning as you go about the ever changing landscape of London town. It's in stock. And it is literally one of my favourite buildings in London.
Really? Yeah. It's not out with me, attractive, but you just grew up with this building. And I just love it.
It's very brutalist. Look at the big brutalist water tower on top of it. Exciting content. Where's that building?
Where's all the houses where they filmed Kingsman? That's just there. You can see it through the Alexandra Road Estate, which now is listed and protected. Can you see it?
No. I'll show you. Anyway, if you've watched Kingsman, where Eggsy lives with his family. That's a weird city.
It is his name's Eggsy. Is it? Yeah. The tar on Eggerton is Eggsy.
Yeah. Right. Didn't he play Elton John? And he's playing Robin Hood now as well.
That does not look good. The Robin Hood one, does it? I have no interest. Paul.
Just saying I have no interest about everything doesn't make for good content. Or anything. It's like, I have an opinion. Brutalist architecture that's now been listed.
Yeah. Which I have an opinion about. It's not, I have no interest. Or you.
I have no, if we did what you should. Or all you want, you saying the word cock. Or fuck. So let's just give him more of that.
None of this factual shit. Cock. Fuck. There we go.
Gotta give it balance. Give people an hand take with the other. One for the studio. One for yourself.
Red light. Anyway, we're heading into what's killed. I want to show you this building. How long is this fucking red light going to be?
This red light has gone on for my whole life. We finished the podcast. WWW. It comes into a, into a rest play.
But two men out of us all. It's gone for about five minutes. It's gone for about five minutes. It's been a while.
I'm sorry they're a bit changing over. It's there. There's no sign of it changing. Cock again.
Cock. No, I say cock. Oh, here we go. Over there.
Right. Oh, yeah. You see the back end of it. Yeah, great.
You saw a little bit of it. A tiny corner of it. As we now go through Kilbin towards Kilbin High Road Station. Yeah, you've made that apparently.
So it looks like Pebble Dash. But in fact, that's a rough agal gate. Cock. It's got walkway there, but it doesn't go anywhere.
Because you call it mugging bridge probably. Looking at it. It doesn't like a particularly safe area. Well, definitely not on Bell-sized Road, Paul.
And we're going to go past the shop that my father used to own as a health food store called Abundance Health Foods. Well, that's fascinating. How long did it last for? A few years.
It's this, er, what's dry cleaners here? Mums, dry cleaners. Next to the Priory Tavern. So there you go, little bit of history.
Oh, and now we're coming up to it. We're getting off here. This is our stop, Kilbin High Road Station. I'm in the buying truck to me with you once.
Hey! Right, we're off the 31. And now I'm Kilbin High Road. We're just literally seconds away.
Paul from our next bus stop. We'll be going all the way up, north on the Kilbin High Road. Through Kecorwood. It's a break cross.
Now, out of it, oh, I'm on. There's lots of fucking traffic. How are we dressed like? Why are we going this route?
This is because this is my classic childhood route to Brent Cross. I grew up around here in Kilbin. So when we went to Brent Cross, we always would drive this way. And I'm just trying to give you a little flavour.
A little bit nostalgic taste of the life you want to live. Yes. When you had innocence and joy in your heart. And as I explained to you, we could have gone directly to Brent Cross from where I live now in Harringay.
But it is long. No, there's a car. Don't get run over Eli. That would affect the podcast adversely.
It was very long. He's crossing anyway. We're going. And very boring.
Just on the north circular. And this is er, look. Colour and flavour. I like it.
I like the fact that we're walking a path of your forefathers. Yes. That's indeed what we're doing. Or rather you.
For you. For yourself. I'll get into this one. No, hang on.
Let me just check. Wait a little walk. It's a catch out you shot. No.
Rush is the darling. After the end of 16. Let's check them out. Cricker word.
Cricker word. I don't think any of these buses are going to... There's one thing to say. I'm going to...
One eight nine. He says. That's not from this bus stop. Is this the right bus stop?
No. This is not. Let's have a little stroll up Kilmer Road. See what we can see.
Hey, there's another Greg's Ball. Try to have a one. Do you want some more? No.
Do you want some more pastries? When you attack me for going to Greg's, it's really shit. It's like a really shit. Ah, fucking eight cunts on bike.
So I just say that now. Oh, that's a sally noisy two wheeled cunts. I agree. Right, so we're going to have a little look for the one eight nine, you say it was.