Oh fuck, I'm just doing it on purpose. Prick. Hello, welcome to Chief Show. It's the economy comedy podcast.
I am Paul Ganon. And I'm the Ice Silverman of the Divine! Hahahaha! Hey you and your fucking mood repossi- Fucking bad mood.
What a fatter Chief Show, look at that. Fucking set. My mood looks like a f***ing goin' on a nozzle. Yeah, okay.
What you doin'? How you doin'? How you doin'? How you doin'?
I'm a lasso. I've got to talk about this without a shell. Alright, yeah, I can do it. So, how you?
How's it been since the last episode? I feel like, yeah. Yeah. Great.
So, what do you feel about Brexit? I feel it's a gurus opportunity. Hahaha. It was a glorious opportunity.
Yeah. If, wow, this is hot political talk on Chief Show. Or it's fiery hot. I did each love, yeah.
Yeah. And everybody's Chief Show is loving coming from the other. Oh! Anyone listening to this?
What kind of impression is that? When people listen. It's not any question. It's not any question.
That's stupid. No, not your impression. That's not the impression. I'm not talking about that impression.
I'm not talking about that impression. And yeah, this fucking muck coming out of your mouth. Apologise! I'm sorry!
I hate you. Yeah. I hate you. You know what?
I saw you saying something on the Twitter. Oh, yes. Not at all. That was seen in the Metro.
Daily Mirror, sorry. I do apologise. Shall I read the title to you? Please.
Accept cookies. No, no, no. Always accept cookies when you're offered them. Accept cookies.
That's a terrible. Accept cookies. You can accept cookies. Accept cookies.
Hahaha. Oh dear. Right, the article actually is called Teenagers of Boiledalive. Oh no.
Sure. Teenagers are boiling youth sanitary pads and mappings to get high. What? Dang, dang, dang.
It's not a shocking moment. It's a Jenkins thing. Because you know Jenkins is real. Oh, hang on.
Young people in Indonesia. Oh dear. Claim the resulting liquid makes them feel like they're flying. What?
Wow. Teenagers in Indonesia are boiling youth sanitary pads and drinking the resulting liquid in attempts to get high. It today emerged. The Pazanu craze has reportedly gripped youth looking for a cheap and legal way to get high.
The Indonesian... Indonesian. The Indonesian. National Drug Agency.
BNN. The chemicals in the sanitary pads give those who drink the concoction, a feeling of flying and hallucination. Ah, so there's some basis. There's a real basis.
Well, I'm going to get to end this and then I'm going to go to Snopes. Look at what I mean. You always got to double check your stories like this because it's bullshit. Young people are also boiling nappy some dirty in the process that they're being asked.
No, it doesn't have to be used. It's actually, yes. So what's the chemicals in the... Yeah, the absorbing.
That absorbs the blue stuff. If you pour the blue stuff on it. Obviously... Don't do that.
If you listen in there, don't do that. I'd like to drink the blue stuff. No, you won't. That's a bad example to pour out.
They use it as poo. No. What about those blue balls? Those blue balls are using nappy ads.
What do you mean blue balls? It's some blue balls that represents your baby's fecal. And they roll around. Oh, they're little balls.
I tell you they don't come out. No, that's poo. No, it's poo. The balls are poo.
They'll liquidate this podcast sometimes. I would. I'd pull. I'd pull.
I'd pull. I'd pull. I'd pull. I'd pull.
I'd pull. I'd pull. I'd pull. I'd pull.
I'd pull. I'd pull. I'd pull. I'd pull.
But I get addicted. I got the last stories to tell. I got along a distinguished career in the military. What you used to have to do?
Go on. Eight each of us genitals to stay alive. But the Hing SIMHtinga genitals thing, you can do that last time. Anyone else?
Anyway, it's my own accent, Storytime Grandad. A bit Dorset, a bit Irish. That's exactly where I'm from. What a brilliant portrayal.
D- Irish. I'm Irish. Ah, ah, ah, is it? What Irish and Dorset?
I'm sorry, time Grandad. Just- just- just stop till we talk about the boring story time Grandad. I'm bored of my whole life. Right, police on the island have in recent weeks arrested teenagers said to be high from the sanitary pad formula.
Oh, children's and girls 14 have been detained. This is, uh, sad. They believe users bought the sanitary pad, yes, you've said that for an hour. Well, yeah, lovely.
C- beverage is on this one to be bitter. Ah, tell you what, now that you're having a sneeze, I just have a little, a little things to add a Storytime Grandad here. Do you know what we- No, we're- You know what we used to do to get high? Shut up.
You know what we used to do to get high? We used to eat each other's. Right, right. I'm sorry, time Grandad.
Drink is bitter. Right, I don't know about this story. I'm gonna snobes it. I think that could be true.
You know, and also- Yeah, because on the internet- I mean it's fucking true. They do. People take a bit of time back on the internet with you on. We're like, all the facts you saw online, you thought were true.
You just trusted the internet more. I never did. Yeah, you did. No, I did.
Yes, you did. You go- I never did. I never did. I never did.
I never did. That thing on the internet. I never did. And then it all changed.
We started second guessing it, and then we started just lying out right, and then fake news. And it all dark. Do you know what I did when I was at boarding school? We collected because we were desperate to get high.
Yeah. And we had no access. Okay. So drugs, drugs.
Yeah. Uh, bananas. We got- Does it work? No.
But I had a whole- we used to live in sheds. And- This is true. Lagged bananas skins. And then we went out and did this huge joint with bananas skins.
Dried. Because we'd heard somewhere- That was very bad. You can't smoke bananas skins. I can't get them dry enough.
Yeah, but you know, you physically can, but you shouldn't. There's no benefit. You shouldn't. Instead- Don't smoke bananas skins.
Also, they used to say you swag to cigarette through an apple. What did that do? Get your eye. Tea.
We used to smoke tea. What? Didn't you smoke to try and get high? But you did all the herbal high stuff that used to get in shops.
The hippie shops. Well, I did. Just to get all that stuff. A lot of that cedar cordophilia did work.
Really? Yeah. I used to do all the take. It hit a little bit.
Or find that. You take it and I'm doing a Broadway song. All right. How'd it go?
What's the word called again? See the call of failure. See the call of failure. You know it's going to get- Yeah.
You're going to take a drop. Yeah. And go flying the Lord. I'll see you call of failure.
I love it when it gets to my. And it goes my wingy. Great. Go to your wing wingy.
Paul, I'm not very good at anything. You've confessed this at last? What have you got there? You're checking out, sir.
Well, so far there's no articles online that says this is not true. This is not true. This is not true. See, I thought it was a Jacob thing at first.
Well, I mean, Genkum is also disgusting. But Jacob is real, right? Yeah. You put a load of piss and shit in the bottle in the sun.
You have to- You have to- We talked about this in a very, very early. Cheaps your unclean clecables. And does that work? Or is it just that you're sort of- I don't know.
Starring your brain of oxygen. No, no, no, no, no. Just sniffing. Toxic decayed arse rot.
Yeah. You know? Wow. Welcome to Cheaps!
Well, we've got a couple of them coming up on the show. Well, we've got to tell us from the shop for a very special one coming up. Who's going to read it? Me or you?
Well, I think I should read. OK. All right. We've also got- Storytime granddads.
You come up. Well, we've actually got- Storytime uncle. And I'll explain more about that. Hitting you through our- OK.
And, but in the middle up, we've got- You're going to go for your hot sauces. I'm going to make just a little introduction to the hot sauces of my life. And yeah. I might fully support this.
I like the noodles. I support the hot sauce experience on this show. And- I'd like to call this segment the hot sauce experience. OK.
Hot sauce experience. The first episode of that. Here we go. We do have one of them I'll just mention is- Yeah.
One that was given to us by one of our- Oh, people at Cheapskakes at the show. Cheapskakes at the show. The same guy who gave us the- Ghost Pickles. The Ghost Pickles.
Which played a role in the- In the- In the previous Halloween specials. And they were very- Very hard. They were very hard. I've been- I've been nibbling those on the off chance.
Just for some thrill. Good. So, are you excited about the show? Shall we start?
Yeah. Give us a scifi. I don't want to- Give me a high fis- I'll put your hand at the right angle. How is that?
Not satisfying. You missed it. Alright. There's more side.
There we go. That's a high five. I'm happy to have to continue. Let's do this.
I'm excited. Are you excited? Really? Let's do this.
You sick hobbit. Toot-toot-toot-tail. Tails on the shop shop floor. Tails on the shop shop floor.
Shop floor. Shop floor. So, again, at that part of the show where you- The Cheapskakes are a listener. If you don't want to be too- You don't have to be too- You don't have to be too scared.
Yeah. You can just be casual. We like them casual. We like them casual.
We like them casual. We like them casual. We like them. I like them.
I like them. Do you know what I really like? It's the casual listener. I'm cheating.
There's a character. Storytime glad. Shut up. Stop bringing in by the back door.
So, we have a part of the show called Tales from the Shop floor where you get in. So, can you tell us about story where- When you've been working in a shop. Something's happened. Of a musical.
Wow. That was well explained. Mosey. Yeah, let me try.
Go on. Tails on the shop floor. It's a lovely, very popular section of our show, Cheap Show Pool where our listeners will write it with a tail from when they worked in a charity shop or other type of shop. Or any kind of shop.
Or any kind of shop. Or a particular. Providing the storey's true. We just want a story.
We just want a lovely story. We've got one today. It's from someone very familiar with the show. It's from Mr.
Stuart Ashen. I've written in. We are. Thank you, sir.
Our Lord. Stuart. Say thank you to Stuart. Thank you, Stuart.
I'm not one of those cherry gummies. Oh, do you know what I had the other day? Have you had a collabear? No.
Cold beer. Beer made from- No. I think they sell it in Africa. Yeah.
K-O-L-E. OK. In a brown can. It's made by Coca-Cola.
Sorry. What? It made Coca-Cola. OK.
I wasn't quite sure. I just wanted to cook. It's made by Coca-Cola. And I gave it a little taste.
Where'd you get from? They're not hippie shop. Yeah. Hips-ner.
OK. You're right. Where they got vidge. Oh, my god.
Oh, my god. And records. Right. It's like, come on, guys.
Get a focus. Focus, mate. Right. You got that.
You tried it. What do you think? It was interesting. You know what?
It was most like- Go on. Vimto. Fizzy-Vimto. What was that?
It was like a combination of Vimto in the cream soda. If you can imagine that. So slightly cream but also a little bit mediciney. Yes.
We should have to return this at the frost shop. Is that the frost shop? Is that the umbrella that it falls on? I do believe so.
I think so does count. I'd like to also, I mean, into this cherryade. It's locally made cherryade. Great.
Which I'd like you to taste as well. We'll do all of this. Right. So here's some steward.
He writes a story to us. And it goes exactly like this. Hello loves. Long time listener, first time correspondent.
Though I have been on the show a few times. Yeah. Really? Yes.
That was him. Yeah. I wanted TomSka. Mmm.
YouTube in Joe. Oh, I don't know him. Right. I wanted to share with you my own little tales from the shop floor.
Sadly, it's not at all any form of effluent. Although it is a bit perverse. I hope this suffices. Listen, it doesn't have to be shit.
I'd rather it wasn't all the time. That makes the shit stories that a little bit more special. When it all pops out, when a little turn pops out, it's more of a surprise with a light. But it all shit.
It just washes over you in the end, doesn't it? It's a big tide of shit washing over you. So here we go. Many years ago, I worked on the technical desk of PC World, which was a UK chain of shops which sold computers and accessories.
People would bring in their broken computers, and we would try our best to fix them, despite the management just wanting us to tell everyone to call a helpline. Professional. Mrs. Megan's has got this computer.
Mrs. Megan's got this laptop. Oh, hello. I've got a laptop.
And she's having problems with it. We think we've got to do a problem with it. We've got to change the memory. I think something's wrong with the memory.
We could do this right now. Could you do it now? What's that? Hi, Mrs.
Megan. Tell us a call a helpline. Call a helpline love. Oh, what a helpline.
I don't like that. I won't repeat it. What's my name? Where am I?
Fuck off, bye. And my Mrs. Megan's. Oh, I'm outside.
It's cold. What's happened to me? What's happened to my life? I really like that little playlet.
Anyway, the one of the worst aspects of the job was the health check, which had two people who had bought PCs using a finance package. It was sold as being some marvelous boon, which would keep your computer running as a quality where they'd check up on it. You buy it, you know, I'll wire you, mate, you want this, because you know, it's like PPI. It's something that sells you.
It, because it's H-A-P-P-I or H-A-P-P-I. I know I had. I did have that. I did have that.
I did have that. I did have that. I ripped me off. You can't seem to sell to me.
I know I had on a credit card. I've had PPI. Great stuff. So it was there to keep your computer running as quickly as the date was born.
But it's mostly a hollow promise used to convince people to take out the necessary buy-now pay-later financial products. Which Jack got the price of the computer because, of course, there isn't actually much you could do with the PC to speed up without fundamentally changing the way the person uses it. It's very enough you use a lot of programs, a lot of windows open. So you know, you're really telling them to give it a clean book, change your habits.
Stop downloading a huge porn file. Yeah, stop it. You, listening. You know you're doing it.
You're there hours and hours. No downloads, porn. No, you're doing it. YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, you porn.
Red line and hamster.cess. That's Fanny Chud. Great. I bet you're not a free though.
You're a bit more kind of surreal with it. You're a Fanny Chud. Are you really happy with that? I'm not happy about anything at the moment.
Right. I'm just wondering. Okay. We were essentially disabled on this series of programs installed by Printer, etc.
on a virus check. Although it must be said that one time out of 10 a computer was absolutely riddled with viruses and it did actually help. So far this story is dry, but it's informative all the same. Did he write that or you're just on it?
No, no, no, I wrote. I said that. You said that. I'm making a comment.
Are we here? Yeah, this is character. This is here. You are here.
We are here. We are here now. God, it is dry. That story.
Yeah. Every day multiple people would drop off computers or health checks sometimes and then he has 10 a day. In a stunning movement of incompetence, the help lines told them that it would take approximately 30 minutes, and extremely unrealistic forecasts as an average of hours, about two hours, and a lot longer than that, if the people was actually infected. And angry customers waiting around for hours.
Terrible. Sounds like a nightmarish. Anyway, that's the scene setting and local colour. Okay.
Now, good. It's done. This is Norwich. This is, I believe, so Norwich.
Let's just continue to the horror. So when do you think there's always going right now, based on the information in the background? Like a Colombo episode, what do you think? If I'm mocking, is it to do with...
Something being found on a computer that shouldn't be there? Maybe. Or maybe it's like War Games. Or maybe someone gets really angry because they've had to wait too long.
Shit, on the help desk. No, there's no shit. No, there's no shit. Good point.
I'm not sure that there's been more than one shot detective, but Paul is here to solve it in a crime of poop. See, there's been no poop here. I must go home now. Bye bye.
Wow. He's a lovely little cameo from a character I think was the red name, but not entirely sure. Bye bye. Bye bye.
What a lovely character. What colourful character we have on this fucking show. We managed to do a whole episode last episode with no characters coming. No, we did.
I'm sure we did. You had that voice. No, that was this episode. Oh, there's one.
Right, okay, here we go. Anyway, that's the colour of the scene we can do. Right, good. A slightly wild-eyed older lady with Mad Hair brought in a fairly standard pack of Belmaging.
For one of our older important health checks, actually kind of the over. She warned us that the screen saver was a little rude. Oh. What do you think?
Donkey coming. Hey, yeah. Don't be weak. It's like, it's a flute.
Don't keep a horse's... Dog's red rocket popping out. Yeah, don't get a rocket. Yeah, don't get a rocket.
Don't get a rocket. Don't get a rocket. Don't get a rocket. Don't get a rocket.
Don't get a rocket. He's a wet wet red rocket. Don't get a rocket. That's a fucking...
It's a mouthful. Yeah. I hope not. Fuck it over.
God. God. Sacking dogs off. God.
Hey, this podcast. All right. Paul. Get it together.
I am. Right. She thought you'd better warn us as some people don't like that kind of thing. Yeah, I don't know.
She's like, you know. All right. Okay. Careful.
Softcore screensavers weren't unheard of. So we just made a note to disable the screensaver as soon as we boot the computer. Depending where the PC was set up in the workshop, it could be possible for customers to see the monitor. Okay.
So we had to be very careful about the kind of thing. So little Johnny didn't spot a titty pic while his mum was shopping for frighteningly overpriced ink cartridges. Absolutely fair enough. Yeah.
No, I'll expose little children to that. It's that kind of titty. No. They must be protected and in many respects, you know, told all sex is bad and it will fuck them up completely.
Therefore, they all live a really unhealthy and dangerous mental, you know, speak to yourself for... I've got secrets. I've got dark secrets. Yeah.
Oh, it's kind of out. It's all kind of out his mouth. It's like a little... It's like a little lizard man coming out his mouth.
Oh, hello. It's going back in now. Oh, right. Okay.
We'll move on. Right. So about half an hour after the lady left, one of the workshop guys set to the computer up and was called away at the front desk as it booted. Not having spoken to the lady and not having seen the note yet, the computer was set up with the monitor facing out towards the public.
This turned out to be something of a problem by the quotes on quote screensaver. The lady actually meant desktop background. Oh. We've all been there, though, Paul.
I've got a lot of sympathy for this woman until I get to see what she's going to put there. Well, my sympathy might go. Stuart goes on to write. And by...
She's pretty more than... Yeah. She did say... She's got confused about what's the screen saver and what's background.
Either way, she's more than the adult content they make come across. Yeah. If they went on. I thought we'd skip that.
Right. So Stuart writes, and by a little rude, she meant a photograph of a lady opening her vagina up to an astonishing height using some kind of small carjack. My word. I'm never saying you like Softface.
It's a vice... Aviced open fanny. Yeah. Yeah.
Wow. Wow. Like a... Yeah.
Fortunately, one of the sales guys spotted it almost immediately in leapt into the workshop turning the monitor off of the speed that would start a lit cheater on Steril's. As it was a slow time of day, no kip customer saw it, which was a huge blessing, not only for their own piece of mind, but we were doubtless have gotten the blame for our failure to communicate the potential horrors of a rude computer. But we bore the lady noir will ever action seem more absent minded and odd than malicious. And the story of a mad hair on the statement lady turned into a minor legend, which was told as a caution retailed to new people joyously.
But I'll tell you who we did hate. A guy in his late 50s who brought in a PC for a health check and had plastered the desktop background with a frequently revolving slideshow of low quality digital photographs. All of a naked young Southeast Asian lady posing in a living room. Wow.
He then sent that lady in to pick up the computer. Oh wow. What an asshole. Pugs and kisses.
Stuart. That was good. That was good. I like that.
You know what my favourite bit. Did you do? My favourite bit of the story is... What?
The fanny has been out of it. Well that was your tales from the shop floor. Ladies and gentlemen. You've got Asbestos Pants.
Time to put him on. It's going to get hot in here because it's time we enter the hot sauce experience. Boca chica bao wao wao wao. Don't do that.
That's when the... Chica bao wao wao wao. That's when the link said that. Yes it is.
Don't you remember he's like... He puts lips on and then he goes... That's not unique to that fucking advert. This is fucking is.
Chica chica wao wao is the universal sound of porn. Boca chica wao wao. Boca chica wao wao wao. Boca chica wao wao.
Boca chica wao wao. Boca chica wao wao. Boca chica wao. Yeah fine.
If you had that music playing it and you were the Lady making and you were both in the mood. You'd be like... Time to get it on the music so. Boca chica wao wao.
Oh God. Nice and now Foises. Boca chica wao. Bye all.
Bye all. Bye all. Boca chica bao. Boca chica boca.
Ooh. Ahhh. Poor. Pplays.
That's sexy. Ay, honestly. I don't understand how this podcast is getting worse or worse. It's worse.
It means we know it. We lean into it. Right. Yeah.
Right. So what is the hot sauce experience? Well, Paul, you know, everyone knows about, I think, with noodles. Yeah?
Oh, we know you're noodle. I've got an itch in for noodles. Only a noodle can scratch. Exactly.
And as much as I love them, I do also love hot sauce as well. He's telling the truth, ladies and gentlemen, he's a hot sauce, not ever since I was a child. I've loved spicy food. Do you remember your first spicy meal?
Would have been at the, what was it called? The Bangladesh. It was called the Bangladesh. He's coming in now.
It's called the Bangladesh something. It was my first curry restaurant and it was up on Western London. Okay. And did you get it hot then or did, like, your parents, I know have a mind.
No, I, I, we went for like hot. Oh, okay. That was where I go. Oh, you again?
Sorry. I was probably about six, seven, seven. Oh, you developed young and I did develop so many tastebuds. It was, but I loved it.
I always loved it. You know, it's a matter of sort of personal taste, isn't it? Yeah. I like spicy food.
I didn't really discover it until much later. Like 20s. My first hot sauce would be a classic Tabasco. Yeah, which is, we don't have any today, Paul, but it is a good hot sauce.
It's a classic. It's like a classic. It's like a ketchup, it's a BETCH-UP, in any respects, of hot sauces. It's dependable.