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The sole purpose of this podcast is to get you from where you are now to where you want to be. Yes, it's time to break chains and to get unstuck. Thanks again for joining in. Let's begin.
Hello, hello, hello. Thank you guys for joining in to yet again another week of the Real Women Chronicles podcast. I am your host, your virtual certified life and relationship coach. I go by the name of coach T.
Now, listen guys, I've been telling you for probably a few months now I have a new website and that website is the RWCPocast.com. On that website, you can listen to all of my podcasts. You can also leave me comments, requests to be a guest on the show and most of all, order my interactive break up to breakthrough journal. So I just want to put that out there before I jump in to this week's topic.
So as I was going through the week, God placed the topic of normalizing disrespect on my mind. And what I mean by normalizing disrespect is being in a predicament, being in a relationship and you begin to believe that the harsh treatment that a person is giving to you is okay. And the reason why you begin to believe that is because you have deemed this to be normal. And many of us that have passed trauma in our lives have somewhat of a distorted way of looking at disrespect at times, depending on what we've gone through, depending on what boundaries were crossed when we were growing up, depending on what we seen our mother or father go through.
So what happens is what one may deem as disrespectful, you may deem as normal. Although the act is in fact disrespectful, but your brain has been conditioned to believe that this treatment is normal. Listen, I too myself have come through a childhood involved in a lot of trauma and watching disrespect. So much so that it was easily accepted because I witnessed it as if it was normal.
So when I became a woman, I didn't first know how to demand it because I seen people close to me not demanded. And secondly, I didn't know how to withhold my standards and my boundaries with people. So even when I felt that it was in fact disrespectful, I didn't know how to cut ties. And I don't know about you.
But one thing that I can say is whenever we don't know how to cut ties from being from from people who constantly disrespect us, the disrespect only gets worse for somehow we believe that dealing with the disrespect is somehow better than losing that person and letting go of that person. That's how we sacrifice and we normalize toxic behaviors in an attempt to feel avoid for some that void is wanting to be loved, for some that void is wanting to be in a relationship, for some that void is not wanting to be alone. And in running from the healing process that many times has to take place between you and God, you latch on to people who only bring more injury to the wounds that have yet to heal. They come into your life and they only throw salt on those wounds that have yet to heal.
And instead of you saying to yourself, you know what, maybe I need to take a step back and heal these wounds so that the next person who throws salt, it won't affect me. But see, a lot of times we won't take time to take a step back and heal. So instead we normalize the intentional pain, the intentional disrespect that this person is inflicting upon your life. Listen, this podcast is not to make you feel bad.
It's not to beat you up because I utterly can relate. I mean, to the fullest extent, this is a form of trauma bonding. And it's easy when you've gone through trauma to recreate that same trauma in your relationships as you get older, especially when you go through trauma and you haven't quite dealt with what you saw, you haven't quite come to the realization that your mom being cheated on habitually was not normal, that your father being cheated on habitually was not normal. That someone that doesn't respect your thoughts and your feelings is not normal.
Someone who disrespects you puts their hands on you. That's not normal. And many times your spirit will tell you when it's not normal because it doesn't feel good. Even those of us who have learned to normalize disrespect can still feel the pain behind the disrespect.
That pain is God's signal to you telling you that this isn't right. You can try to make it right. You can try to hold on. You can self-sacrifice yourself and your dignity for the love of someone else, but it still won't make it right.
And most of all, it won't make it better. So the question is, how do we stop normalizing disrespect? How do we stop allowing someone who we care about disrespect us like we're nothing? And I'm going to tell you this, okay, from my personal journey, and I'm still going through a healing journey, okay?
Is that, because I often, let me just say this, I often feel that we're constantly healing from something, right? We're constantly healing when we're taking one thing at a time. It doesn't happen overnight, guys. But I encourage you, if you are ready to break the chain and to break the demonic spirit of normalizing disrespect, I would encourage you to start giving yourself the love and respect that you give to other people.
Because whenever we normalize disrespect, that means we're loving that other person clearly more than we're loving ourselves, right? So this is why I say it's time to get someone that love back and start giving that same amount of love to yourself. I had to come to a point in time in my life where I honestly had to ask myself, what decision, and imagine, let me just give you a little history, I had to ask myself while dealing with a person who constantly disrespect, devalued, and didn't care about my opinion. And didn't care that what the acts that they were doing and the things that they were saying was, I mean, disrespectful is the only word that I could really come up with.
And I had to finally ask myself, what would you do if you loved yourself the way that you loved that person? And when I say, ask yourself what I'm implying is, if you sit back and you say, you know what, if I truly loved myself, would I be here? If I truly loved myself, would I accept break rooms? Would I accept verbal disrespect?
Would I accept someone who makes me feel less than, or would I go for what I know I deserve? And when I say go for what you know you deserve, sometimes it's not always another relationship, man or woman, sometimes what you deserve is healing, what you deserve is self-gratification. What you deserve is a moment alone so that you can see clear and you can breathe and you can not feel tangled and weighed down by individuals who can hear less about how they hurt you. See, the thing about that is, the thing about normalizing, disrespect is many of the people that disrespect us, they have issues themselves.
And many of the people in the opposing and getting disrespected often try to overlook it and be the fixer and say, you know what, this person doesn't understand, they have issues. They disrespect me last week, but this week they apologize, let's move on. Oh, they disrespect me again, but this week they apologize, let's move on. And the cycle continues and continues because you're focusing on the fact that you believe this person can be better.
You believe in your heart of hearts that this person knows better and can do better, but you can't love a person into being what you think they should or could be. Sometimes it takes your absence for a person to really, really see themselves and see that they push people out of their lives from the way that they don't appreciate them. Sometimes it takes that. I encourage whoever's listening and whoever is relating to this topic today, I encourage you to make a decision for you and don't make a decision hoping to get that reaction.
And what I mean is sometimes us people, us as individuals will say, you know what, I'm tired of this person disrespecting me. So I'm going to stop talking to this person. And my hope is that once I stop talking to this person or stop dating this person, they're going to turn around and they're going to apologize and they're going to feel it. That's what goes.
If that's why you do it, don't do it because you may not get the reaction from that other person that you're looking for. And whenever you do something hoping that it causes someone to or assuming that it causes someone, it will cause someone else to act a certain way you lose, you make a decision to set boundaries to demand respect for you and you only not to get a reaction out of someone, not to make them have a pivoting, not to make them fear that they lost you and break down and cry. No, because one thing I can tell you from experience is it may work for a second, but if a person has not willfully changed for themselves, they will only come into your life yet again, love bomb you, tell you everything you want to hear and then eventually disrespect you again. Because now they see how to get you back.
Now they see that you're willing to accept it and you can beat your chest and rant and rave about how you're not dealing with it anymore. But sometimes some people see forgiveness as a weakness and I'm not saying everybody does, but some depending on how often you have to do this, some people see forgiveness as a weakness. Some people take advantage of that. Some people assume that you will always, always be there to deal with that disrespect because you've always been there.
So the question is, are you going to choose you? Like I said, we all have to make that tough decision. It is not easy, but if you know you deserve better, it's time to give yourself better. Start with giving yourself the love and the validation that you've been looking for in that other person.
Okay. So that is my skill for today, guys. I hope that this message touched somebody out there. Okay.
And the podcast and pray, oh, Father God, I just thank you for allowing us to come together. Yet again, another week, Father God, I pray that you strengthen each and every one of us, Father God, any demonic soul ties, Father God, any people that are in our lives that do not deserve to be there, do not deserve our presence, that are only holding us back from our destiny, Father God, I pray that you give us the strength to let them go in love and embrace ourselves with that same love that we were given to them. Father God, we praise you. We glorify your holy name and the name of Jesus Christ, I pray, Amen.
My website is theRWCPodcast.com. Until next week, I love y'all. Bye.