Right, can we start the podcast? Yep. Have we? No, we can start now.
I don't think that wasn't really an intro. I just... I don't mean that wasn't an intro. And I know, intros.
No, you don't. Hello everybody. See, nice gentleman here. It's episode 110.
Did I say you could start? I'm making some notes. Did I say you could start doing the intro? I don't care.
Here I am. I mean, nice gentleman. And this is another... I don't believe I've allowed you to start.
You do the intro when I tell you to. Right? Go. Just start again.
Do your intro. Do a clap. No! Don't even think you would film.
Just do a fucking intro. Hi Paul. Do you want me to do an intro? Do you want me to do an intro?
Yeah, please go for it. Munkie. Oh! What?
Don't do the clappy monkey. Your clappy monkey help you out. Your clappy monkey help. He helps you do the intro.
Where's the second of the clappy monkey song from? From... Africa. No, Paris.
Is it monkey like... Oh, it's now like... The monkey will help you out. He'll make you dance that thing.
Is it monkey? Is it monkey? Hello everybody. Nice monkey.
He stole my monkey. Hello everybody. It's a nice gentleman here. It's an episode of CheapShow with myself and Paul Ganon.
We're all galing you and titillating you. Exciting your never regions with all spiffy, smuffy bits of bit and butter. I've got a bit of butter on my knife. I'll never get a bit of bit of bit and butter.
Welcome to CheapShow. Hey you. And your fucking mood retossive. What a lot of mood.
What a factor, Chito. Look at that. A bit of acceptance. Look at that.
Look at that. Gee, likes it. Cho. Oh no, no, no, no, no.
Welcome to CheapShow, the economy comedy podcast. We go for the bargain bin. Shout out to Frisk Hall's the boot, so great Britain and beyond. And you'll never get a bit of that running knife.
You know I fucking stop it. I know I want you to have a engine that monkey now. You shouldn't pick the monkey up from out of the sauce trough. The re-imagined sauce trough.
Like rebooted sauce trough. It's sauce trough 2.0. Yeah, it's got chili sauce in it. Yeah, got all kind of kick out on it as well still.
Yeah, got some chiwits. Got some absinthe. You know what? If you literally talk about desk as it stands and put it in the Tate, I put money on you winning the Turner Prize for what?
For that. What amount? My bamel. I call it my bamel.
I call it my Tracy Emmyn calling it. She'd call it desk which I've chatted on or something. What would you call it then? This was art.
Your mound. What would you call it? What was it expressing? Sadness of the splodgers.
Mm. Hello and welcome to art. On art podcast today, we're speaking to revolutionary artist Eli Silverman. Now Eli, we've fallen your work for some time.
No, sorry can I interrupt before this? Yeah, sorry. So hello to the monkey. Monkey angry.
Hello. Hello to monkey. I will be speaking through monkeys. OK, well can you maybe tell us about how you first started working in a modern art?
What's your inspiration? Monkey says I shouldn't talk about that. So what? The monkey knows what you're thinking and they tell you what to say back to me.
That was a fucking sense. You meant to like just say nothing. You didn't like your tone. Well, that's a good one.
I think that's the monkey's fucking opinion. Monkey says this interview is over. I hate you. Hate you.
Maybe yes, I'm with Bloody Inlet. Unless you want some air. What? Oh.
And yes. And... Oh, what have you got? I'm fucking taking a monkey.
You're so childish. Coming up on the show today. What is it Mr Monkey? He doesn't speak to you.
He doesn't speak to you. I'm looking forward to that. I'm looking forward to that. I'm looking forward to that.
No. Really? What else is coming up? You have to translate what the monkey saying?
If you can't understand the monkey then you can't listen to the cheap show. So we've got... Coming up, yeah, you said that. And...
Yeah, and we've got that. And then finally what we're ending with. I can't believe it. Mr Monkey.
He's just nicked my gag. He's nicked the monkey from me and he's doing my... He worked it. No, it really worked nothing.
It's a monkey kind of speak to me. Oh, tell him. What? Don't do it.
Don't do it. You're literally doing an impression of me. Yeah, this is content for you. Yeah.
Copy it. Eli. It's got a really bad cough. I don't pick it up too much on the podcast but it literally sounds like...
Rogan is really acting the scene from Polyguys II with the whiskey maggot. Oh, that's good. Put the monkey away. Bye-bye monkey.
Bye-bye. That's what's coming up on the show today. So let's get started. Cast your mind back to October 2018.
We did a show, a live show. We were given many lovely things by the audience while we were there. Remember? Yes.
We got lovely sweets and noodle. Yes, we had all kinds of fun things given to us. A few things. A bag of robbers.
A bag of robbers. No. A prawn sandwich. If you know what I mean.
It seems copying my stuff now. Oh, maybe. I do my stuff, Paul. And you just do shit.
I'll start you off. I'll start you off. So you don't have an original song. You just want to cover.
You don't do original songs. Who sang that? Aaron Butterfly. Aaron Butterfly.
I'm the Simpsons, isn't it? They call it. When Bart makes the church organist play in the Garden of Eden. He says it was in the Garden of Eden by Aaron Butterfly.
That back when the Simpsons was good. Hot take. Hot take. But is the Simpsons still exist?
Yeah, it's still going to be just not... It doesn't know sort of influence on anything. I mean, look, I think it exists simply to be known as the longest-running animated sitcom of all time. You know what I mean?
I think that's the only reason it's still going right now. I think that Fox still probably makes a shit ton of money. And soon Disney will be making that money because Fox is buying Disney. And if you listen to the first one...
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm sure when Disney said what Fox got, they went all those Marvel characters we don't have. Oh, and Disney. Oh, and Avatar.
They probably went... Yeah, well, have that. Simpsons. Yeah, and Avatar.
Yeah, they're going to make a bit of money. And will they still be racist? Do they're racist news programs? Disney.
Fox. No, it's not... I don't believe Fox News is part of the deal. I don't believe it.
I don't want to talk about that. I don't know what I'm going to talk about what I was giving at the live show. Of course. It says froth.
Even with an oom-lout. You know, that does to the lesser o, in pronunciation terms. It doesn't go... It makes a...
And what about you? It makes it an off-ruth. Fruth. Fruth.
So, yeah, I'll give you a little box. It's a little white box. Fruth. With the words froth written on it in black.
Fruth. No. Hello. Hello.
Is it a character? Can we back and coax it out? Come on. There's no character here.
There we go. He's there. Come on. Come on, mate.
Come on, mate. Come on. It's a little bit better than it's a fruit. My bad is good fruit.
Who is it? It's a gentleman. It's something Coneyhole. It's not Johnny Coneyhole.
Who is it? It'll be coming back. Yeah. At some point.
Who's that? It's a new guy. Who sounds exactly the same? No, he doesn't say I like Johnny Coneyhole.
No, he does. I make today everybody does. Okay, it's not Johnny Coneyhole. Oh, Johnny Coneyhole.
Oh. I've got a new fruit flavoured drink. It's very serious bit. It's got the froth.
It's got the froth. Right, so let's just crack over the show. So, got a little box. It's coming over here.
Oh, look at the box. There's a little couple of things. Hey, he's got his paw. He has a talking to the mic.
This is something... Oh. This is like an actual box, I think. I don't know if he's made this himself.
He's printed out a little thing. But I think what he's done is he's tried to effect like an Ikea flat pack situation. So, you open up and look at an Allen key and there's a little I could have done with that on a bike ride the other day. Well, you might not have fit.
You don't know. You don't have to stand it out. That's for good old cupboards and drawers out. No, that's the right box seat.
Is it? I mean, you use them for flat pack shit together though. You do. Who was Allen?
He called it Allen key. Well, he wasn't called. He was actually called John Allen. Really?
Is this a fact now he's making it up? I suppose. He's called John Allen. He's got seven daughters.
And he split the Allen key. He wants this grumbly noise. He has seven daughters. Daughters.
What are you slowly becoming fucking schmiegel? The preciousus. He had sevens. Daughters.
One was called Anne. One was called Anne two. I'm just going to kick back ladies and gentlemen and see where he's like. And then with Anne three.
Yeah. Jenny. Jenny won. Right.
So there's Jenny then Jenny bought. Right. He's called Anne two. Anne two.
It's a woman. She wouldn't be called and. No, but I don't. Oh, here it is.
My wife. No, I was saying. No, it's a name. Were you saying?
Well, I'm not. You fat mouth prick. Why can't you fucking just fat mouth prick? Yeah.
And then I'm at two daughters. We're just called the average. All right. And so that's the back of.
And he lived in a kingdom. Yeah. And he had a big castle shaped like a key. Allen key.
Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen. I believe we're all disappointed with the way that turned out. Oh, no.
I don't know. I don't know. I'm not going to move to check the internet today. So if you want to know and you do know, you said it or Twitter.
And did you see I was right about sod? No, sod being a shortening of sodomite. But what do you mean? Did you hear I was right?
He's right. He lies right. He lies sexist. No, he's a bit of a state.
I don't think we should record a show today. No, I think we should. Now we're doing it. Okay.
We're doing it. So he's given us a little piece of paper on the top which looks like the flat pack directions. Yes. Again, I don't know.
I don't know if this looks like he's printed it out. Well, this also could be. A little great sort of thing. Yes.
That's what it looks like to me. But it happens to be called Ruth. So there are four things in here. There's little man.
He's explaining what the four things we're going to look for here. I'll just tell you in advance, shall we? So that's what I'm saying. Read out the list of things to me.
Don't look at me. I'm trying to give a bit more fucking explanation to this. There's a piece of paper in a box, everyone. And it's been printed.
It's like an Ikea instructions. Right. The first thing in the box is called Turkish Peber, Turkish Pepper. It's finished.
It's a spicy licorice boiled sweet. Oh. The next one is salticatin. Salty cat.
It's finished. Is there anything that isn't licorice in this? No, that was the actual licorice. The next one is called kex, a biscuit.
It's Swedish and a chocolate wafer. Okay. And finally plop. Plop, Swedish chocolate with toffee filling.
So with that. I've had special toffee filling. Mate. I had three distinct types of shit in one of those out of the states, Paul.
At the same time? Yeah. Great. So solid liquid and gas.
No. It meant solid. Then in between slurry and then finishing with liquid. All in one pan.
Can you imagine that? In the middle of the night, I was simultaneously disturbing and impressed with myself. It was really hard. What's going on with this podcast?
What's happened to this podcast? What's happened to this podcast? What's happened? It's always been about shit.
Everything's about shit. We can't catch it. What else is there? We're never going to get mainstream success.
Are we never going to get Richard Herring on this podcast? He might. He doesn't talk about shit. He might.
He doesn't talk about spuffing quietly on people's heads. No. It's funny. It's Richard Herring.
Talking of characters, Paul. Right. Do you know Leaky Kenya? Yeah.
Yeah. Well, they've got a... that's what you do, but switch to someone else. It's a bit like Santa.
You know, he's helped. And he gave all the children his presence, all of my nights. He has else to help him. Well, Leaky Ken has to help him.
Pre-Calm John. Oh, fuck it, Al! Pre-Calm John! That's right.
What does pre-Calm John sound like? I just, er, I just help out Leaky. So ... Leaky John?
Like Leaky Ken is my friend. I open my pre-calm John. I'm very professional. What do you do?
I deposit... perly of globules of translucent pre-calm or two people's heads. And nose is, or so sleep, especially, you know? I've done a lot of work on you.
We'll ever get a knock stolen on this podcast, Al. Who is the name of Ken? Ken goes.... That's my name.
Michael McIntyre. That's my name. You guys come around here. I've got a cannon.
I've got a cannon. He says, I've got a cannon. Well, he says, I know. I fill my box with feeds of pre-calm.
I take a jingle jangle. Shingle, shingle, shangle. Quickly whiff. I'm over there.
Surely you'll listen to this and hate this podcast. I'm pre-calm John. I'll sprinkle in caramel over your mouth. All those comedy judges best podcast of the year.
They'll listen to this and they're fucking nothing. I'm off there and I'm pre-calm John. Right. Good.
Right. We've got the next bit of the show. Let's eat stuff. Right.
Let's eat. I let you feast upon. Now it's got a kind of warning. Do not pass.
Warning. Do not come here. Hazard. Hazard.
Do not pass. It's Turkish pepper. It's going to burn your arse. It'll burn your eyes out.
You'll be burning all over you. Especially in the never-urgent. Right. You don't fight today, Silvers.
I'll tell you what's on fire. Yeah. Right. Good.
I'm opening it. Right. It's made by Phaser. But I won't be phased.
Fuck it out. Come on. Now, what are you feeling about licorice as a category of food stuff? I like licorice.
I like red licorice. I like red licorice. It's not licorice, really. I like licorice.
I like red licorice for exactly the same reason. It's not licorice. It's not licorice. It's just strawberry gamut, isn't it?
It's not licorice. It's not licorice. It's not licorice. It's not licorice.
I like all sorts, depending on my mood. Licorice all sorts. They're quite nice. But ultimately, yeah.
Honestly, I can deal with. Yeah, I like honesty balls. But licorice is a step too far. It's got very deep licorice flavor.
You like that smell. I do. I do like that smell. And it's going in me gob.
I'll go for it when it is on. Oh, it's very licorice. Eli is not happy with the outcome. Dip it in your fizzy toilet.
I don't go dip it in your a-fizzy toilet. Oh, maybe dip it in the fizzy toilet. It looks like a fizzy toilet. It's all clotted.
It's all clammy in there. Someone who suggested what a fizzy toilet would be. And it's when a lady puts sherbet on her vagina and pisses on your chest. Oh, that matty right there.
No, he's fucking mental. That's quite nice. It's all right. I'll go buy it into it.
See if there's something on your chest. Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
I'm all the fuck going on that. Ah, ah, ah, ah. I'm just going to eat it. You're just going to eat it.
I got it. I got it. I've got to vomit, vomit. Just get it down.
Get it down. What was that? Now, let's describe to listeners what happened when we bid it into it. It's full of salty, nasty gut.
Salty fizzy, fiery fizz. It's like a pepperine. It was very strange. It was very intense for a hot minute.
And then it's literally going to appear. It's literally going to be a licorice again. But it was a shock. Yeah, very nasty.
do you not like that at all? I don't like that type of, it's a very deep, deep, licorice flavor. That's intense licorice flavor. Oh, I'm chewing it now, it's very strong.
I mean, I suppose if you like that, it's too much licorice for me. I mean, I don't like it anyway, that's way too much. I don't like that. Let's have a break.
Let's break the licorice, man. What's in chocolate? Pop or Cex? I'd like to pop in my Cex.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. What do you want? I'd like a Cex, please. Cex, all right, here you go.
Have a look at Cex. Cex is a visage. You just break it off like that. You want to save the other Cex?
Yeah. This is a little bit. Are you OK? Yeah.
I'm just taking my time with it. Cex. Yeah, made by Cloechka. Cloecheta.
Is it made by a pigeon combined sexual and legal organs? Coacal channel. Yeah. It looks like a pretty standard milk chocolate snack.
Way for a biscuit thing. Fair enough. Fair enough. Fair enough.
It smells like. It smells like. It's segmented. So you can use it.
Oh, snap a bit. In a similar way to a KitKat maybe? Or a plop. There you go.
Snacks quite nicely. Snacks cleanly off. There you go. Every I weigh unremarkable.
Yeah, but not unpleasant. Not unpleasant. If you're imagining what this takes like in your brain, you're probably right. Way for a bit of chocolate.
It takes fine. I've got a little bit of liquid in my mouth. So it's still maybe being taken by the boss. Watch it away because I gave the liquid an old spitty.
Spitty out of it. OK, so first item. Out of five. I'm giving it two.
I like licorice. I think they're pretty much the same. I just thought they're just horrible. Horrible.
Horrible. Hey, that would be good, kids. 80s, kids. TV, cartoon, toy, crossover.
Horrible. You like scary, your sister. Wait, shall we come and see your room and see your horrible? Mad balls.
What do you mean? Is that what they were? Mad balls. I think they just have an extreme.
Mad balls, extreme. Horrible. Two I saw, two horrible. I was watching that last podcast on the Left Life show.
Yeah. At the end of every live show they do a video thing where they go. One from us, one for you. So like a really horrible video, followed by a really lovely one.
It takes away. You know, so it's like something horrible. And then a puppy dancing. The very last image they showed, I will never unsee.
It was a penis and balls riddled with puss and maggots. Swarming over it. His penis looked like a magic eye poster full of maggots. And you were calling out, no.
They were calling in and out there. Don't I? You might have been very poor, homeless, maybe it was just a thing. Who knows?
Either way. Were they coming actually out of the flesh? Out of the flesh, burrowing in, coming out, hanging out. Like literally, I can only look at a beard of bees on a face.
It was like a beard of maggots. Imagine a beard of maggots on someone's balls and dick. I'm truly, I'm wondering. I don't want to ever see that.
Anyway, they are horrible. They are horrible. Next one, we're going back to salty licorice. And this is just salty cat, which is licorice.
Now these are smaller, are they? Oh, much smaller. I think I like them all gummy. They are gummies, aren't they?
They're a bit more gummy. They are gummies, aren't they? They're shaped like little bums. They're all little fish.
Cats. Because there's a cat on there. Yeah, but where's the body cat? Oh, there's a little body cat.
No, no, no. Oh, my asshole tastes like licorice. When I look at it, which I do. I look at my own as well.
What do you mean? How many characters have you had this show? I'm not doing any. I'm boiling them down.
Exactly. You've got none. I've got loads of people that are towering of such characters. Anyways, the next fucking one, ain't it?
I wasn't doing a carrot. Nice simple salty licorice. No, I don't like licorice too much, but that's nice. Ooh, I like that.
Yeah, because the texture helps it. The ball's sweet element. First one. Just a donut.
I'd give that a three. I've spat it out. Once again, you've spat it out. I'm giving that a three.
I'll give it half a point. Oh, and first of the ball's sweet. You gave that a one. I'll give that a half of this one.
All right, well finally, Eli, I'd like to pop in your mouth. I want to unwrap my gift to you. Have you up your mouth and put a big plop in your job. Is that all right?
No. Eat my plop. No, eat my plop. This is also a black two piece.
No, it's a plucker. It is made by chickens combined, bummer and vagina. Yeah, you don't know which you had one. They had penises though.
But no, no, we come out there, penis, does it? No, no, that's what it is. All right, birds, neither shit nor piss. Now this is a stronger huff.
Yeah, this is a... It's another little segmented bar however. Toffee would... Toffee would...
Toffee would go in. I can see the toffee has formed a sort of gooey sheet as I snapped a segment off the top of this plop. Yeah. And I'm going to hand it to you.
I'm going to snap off some plop now. Snap off a segment of plop there. Here we go. It's not made toffee like flavour, is it?
I don't like it. It's like marzipan almost flavour to the toffee, isn't it? Oh, he's put it in the spit bowl. Yeah, I like that.
Why? Because of the marzipanness. It's like, yeah, very marzipan-y. I quite like it.
That's not what I was expecting. That's not what I was expecting. That doesn't have a sort of burnt caramel flavour. No, I wouldn't even call that toffee.
I wouldn't call that toffee. What a kind of caramel? It's like a watery marzipan. You know what I mean?
Yeah, two. Or modern plazin' but I'll give it to you. I'll give it to you. You're funny.
Funnily enough, plot was another tool. Hey! So there you go, that was a froth box. Thank you very much for saying hello.
It's just in. Alright. It's just in. Hold the press.
Wait. Come back down the tunnel. Miss Egan and Mr. Schulman.