Right, so what's your fucking problem? Ah, several. So I come in to Soho Radio. We're recording this week's edition of Cheap Show, right?
It's exciting. I feel weird. Yeah, good, because here's my one of those. Why have pickles?
I'm not looking at my own pants. You just need my pants. I don't know. I want to look at my pants.
Shut up, I'm talking. You just need to your radio show, right? And you're having a big, hissy fit, because only one needle broke whilst we were doing it. I think a hissy fit is deserved.
Is it? Because here's my point. You were so desperate to fill in the gaps between your first song and your next. You're going, oh, what's Paul doing?
Oh, he's having a big shit in the toilet. You heard that. No, I wasn't having a big shit. I went for a reason.
I felt it. And no, there was no log time. Anyone, point is how desperate and unprofessional must you be. Log time.
You only fill out time. It's like, oh, Paul's granting his mass out. Disney Land Log Flix. It's not slash mountain.
Right? It's actually not slash mountain. Right? So yes, be more professional.
I feel it. I feel like you and you are a bad couple. You're both swearing on the air. We weren't complaining about the tech.
Anyway, welcome to Cheap Show. This is an economy coming podcast. For your ears, we go through the barking bins, the charity shops and power lands of Great Britain. Double sales.
Jump. And jumbo sales of Great Britain. Welcome to Cheap Show. Hey, you and your fucking mood repossi.
What's up, move? What about the present? I'm moving to the fucking Cheap Show. They're not going on, no one.
Pure magic for Paul Magic. And joining us. Let's get straight to it. Joining us on today's episode of Cheap Show, it's been a while since you've had a guest on.
But I couldn't be more happier to introduce the world to Octavia's kitten. Hi! Hello. Now if you don't know Octavia, this is what you should.
She's a co-host on Digitiser, has a YouTube channel. And as far as I'm aware, she's a great guy. Aspire. What's the name of the YouTube channel?
Octavia's kitten. Well, it's Octavia's. I'm trying to be aware from the kitten things. It's the sex thing.
Oh, I have the things. I think of kittens and I think of sex. I mean, you get out of the way. I'm on to the tensions.
Yes, I do. Yeah. No, not quite. It's like, not really.
Usually when people give me that kind of attention, it's literally just here's a picture of my cock. Oh, I do. I didn't get that. I do not get that.
I don't want pictures of my cock to exist. Do you want me to? I can forward them to you, guys. Yes, it's a smorgasbord of cock.
Because after a live show, the number of people was that really Eli's penis? It wasn't. It wasn't. For the record, Eli's is more nuanced.
You have a grain of salt, a top of ping pong ball. Yeah, there we go. Anyway, thank you for joining us now. That's right.
You want to say love on to them. They're fine. Don't worry. Because what we like to do is we have activities.
We have activities. It's going to be structured. Yeah, you know what the show's like. It's just two men arguing over shit.
They find in places. Oh, shit. Or literally shit. There was too much shit in recent episodes.
How pooey is the whole thing got there? It's because it's because the tells from the dance floor tells them a shot for a thing. It turned into shit. It turned into tales of shit.
I still get people on Reddit messaging me. Say, have you seen this? And there's a picture of a bathroom with a word, sorry, written shit on the wall. You're saying, is that what this podcast be gone?
Can I just mention whilst we are on the subject? It's toilet. It matters. We're here in the Soho Radio in the studio.
In the studio. It makes it all I feel all the way. It's because we're not house pickles. Yeah, you feel unsettled.
I feel weird. But they've got toilet down here. That made you feel better. That has one of those little signs saying, don't fucking mess up the toilet, mate.
What's this? If you do this, if you dribble, wipe it up, if it's floating, flush it, if it smells spray it, you know, when these sort of holidays. Oh, yeah. I hate those.
Well, do you have your later purpose, if you're in shooting a lady, you should like this. I just hate it when people say, you know, you smell me bastard. What have you done? What have you done?
You've done something. There was this really sarcastic one in this call center I worked in. Someone had put up like a photocopied notice. Go, no one's interested in your artwork.
Please scrub it, you know me, like this. Ooh! You know, please scrub it away. No one wants to, are we a not your maid?
What fascinating act, don't. There was a couple of things I want to bring back. First of all, because you are guests, there's a few things that you get as part of the team. So first of all, it's not like syphilis or something, is it?
No, there's an arrangement. I can be made for that. I'd be lucky to catch syphilis. LAUGHTER You know what I mean?
You know what I mean? Risker awards, you know. LAUGHTER Oh, there's a... She gets chocolate.
No, that's for me. I'm having a pocket. I've got something for her. I've got a little something for you.
Here you go. It's your very own plupeeta. Your very own cheap show badge. Wow, amazing!
Here you go. Look at that. And not only that, we do a thing on this show called Me Cat a Suicasa. When we go to a charity shop, we find something that maybe will bring delight to one another.
Since you're our guest, I got you something as well which I thought would be good for you. OK. She's worried, but actually I got my way to get nice things for Me Cat a Suicasa. You do.
But part of that time, we're one of the early ones, Paul. You got me sort of like a mental health book. Yeah. And you thought that was funny.
A road to happiness. That's not fun. It was. That's like giving someone a pack of pros back and a bottle of vodka and cheer up.
I would like a pack of pros back and a bottle of vodka. Well, if you're listening and you can arrange that, please do get in touch. I'm not written from the game, the gate side of things. No, I'm sure it isn't a book saying no girls in games, boo.
Yeah. They really don't call a duty. You don't know. You don't know.
But apparently it's a book all about the positive things. Fantastic. I don't know. I think she looks impressed.
I'm very. She's just looking through it all confused. I mean, the first thing, the first thing I was hoping was how to do fingering properly. Oh, I think that's the wrong kind of book.
Oh, this is, you know, this is going to happen. I didn't know. Is it in a controller? You know, a controller.
You've got to call it. Well, I mean. Well, they call it when you play the piano, it's called fingering as well. Finga work.
Yeah. Fingering the ivory is like tingling. I don't know. It's the same difference, isn't it?
But you know, I haven't gotten sort of moved away from sort of pure button bashing. Sort of dynamic. Oh, no. No.
So I remember there used to be those sport games, which were literally just about. Yes, wank it. Yes, wank it. Yes.
I used to wank on my old Atari. You know, I wank into the fucking slot. Yeah. And then I put the cartridge in.
Yes. And that's when I really got off. Yeah. Yeah.
Anyway, OK. That's your answer. It's a book. Thank you.
Thank you. Right. Well, last thing. I've got to get this.
No, you should have got to have a full book. By the way, Paul, a bit of a tech sound device. What? Clear.
It's said to me, if you, if it's a bit reverberable, you can always put the blind sound and then it helps. Oh, the blind sound. I mean, we'll do that. But I like the way the windows open.
People can see your city bit like this morning. You know, people can go past the wave. Who could go past? It's a little closed courtyard.
Produced by. I'd love it if some tramp came out there. And vomits it. Sorry.
Well, I love it. How about, like, you said the first word and you knew that it was going to be a bad thing to say, but you kept going. He's happening to me, man. I had no idea for that.
So here's the update that I think we've all been waiting for. I've had a couple of episodes. I don't know if you've been listening, but we discovered something called Winky. Yes.
So you were a while winky. You're aware of winky. You're aware of winky. I got an email from a guy called Chris Schmidt, who speaks German and French.
Ah. And he listened to the song Winky because it was in French. And obviously, our question was why was a badge released in America released as a song to promote it in France? They never actually released the actual product of badge in France.
Not as far as I know. So here it is. Now, he says at the top of this, it's a rough translation. Some of the words he couldn't make out.
And when you translate it directly, it kind of doesn't make sense. Translation is a very difficult process. You know, I can. Yeah.
So I'm giving him an absolutely way. He's going to get a smidgeon of meaning out of this. Shall we find out what the song Winky was all about? Yes.
Here's how the lyrics goes, right? So forget about the tune for now. It's going to be the lyrics. You can imagine it yourself.
Red and green had arrived on Earth. Don't panic. It's the Winky. This is better than I could have possibly managed to make.
What else? What else? OK, so coming from somewhere else of your humor, if your eyes rain, the music warms your heart. It's the Winky.
So we're getting the idea. It will show up if you made it. Then refrain. Get on the doing.
Iron. It has to move. Music, feeling. Don't stay red.
The new inspiration for a electronic future. It's the Winky. So you know, it's pushing its whole. It does chores.
It's the ironing. Isn't it? Then the breakdown. It's passionate and energetic.
Nice love, your dream of a smile. Relative color, the smile of my life. Relative color. That's the color.
The smile of my life. It's the Winky. And then the best bit. Paris, Tokyo, New York, universal language, contact.
Contact. You won't be scared anymore. With Winky. Wow, it's a worldwide Winky.
It's a worldwide. They were going to do a whole worldwide campaign, obviously. But it never was released in France. But that's just an advert for the device.
Yeah, get close to the mic. It's an advert for the device. Yeah, last bit of the song. Winky, it's easy.
Red, you're not well. Get on edge. You'll see everything becomes clear with Winky. And then it just repeats the same.
Yeah. It's kind of saying response to your emotions. So when the red winker comes on, when the winky's red, then it's like, oh, it's good times. Is it?
Oh, I think it's like, oh, bad times. But then when the winky's green. Ah, good times. Good time.
It's stuff and go, isn't it? So now that we've got the lyrics, right, I'm going to adapt them. I make them scan. I'm meeting you.
I'm going to do a version of Winky. I need to call it. I've got five now. This is it.
Yeah. It's my class has taken me places I never thought I'd go. We're going to be really Winky. And what's more, I'm going to enter it for next year's your vision.
He and you on the stage in Hamburg or whatever. It's a winky. Oh, winky. Yeah.
I'm calling response. And we have a man dressed in black with a winky bag. Yeah, a winky mask. And he's doing all this.
Do you see the world of possibilities? I am so deeply inspired. Now, I'm going to invite you cordially to join the Winky band. You will be on stage with us performing Winky.
You may be dressed as the badge. I can't. I'm just going to put an invite to you to join our band. Sure.
I know. God, I wish I'm more passionate. Well, you know, anyway, can you, I'd like, you know what you should wear? Well, that thing I've digitized, but you've got a big nutsack thing.
No, I'm not wearing that. I said to before this season, can I wear not wear things that show my fat bits and my lumps? I saw myself yesterday in the mirror with my belly out. Sobering, sobering times.
And then I cough so hard. I hurt my back. Yeah. You need to.
Yeah. Anyway, this isn't Dr. Eli Silverman's half hour chat. I wish you what was it?
I would greatly. No, it's the fact that you've got your medical degree from somewhere quite illegal. Yeah. Where'd you get it from?
How's it pickles? Hello, city. Hello, city. It's not up to medicine.
It's made up medicine, which is more powerful. Yeah. I got that hippie shit you grew up leaving. I didn't.
Oh, wow. Right. Good. We're moving on.
It is time to start the show. So let's start. Are you ready? Yeah.
Are you ready? Yeah. Whoa. Come on.
Let's start Cheapshop. I've got a patch show for you today coming up on the show today. Cheaps. Oh, we've also got price of shite.
Oh, and finally we're going to do a Gannon's Golden Games. Gannon's Golden Games. Gannon's going back to a bit of a classic. We're doing a family fortune.
I just wanted to bring something up with family fortunes because we played the card game. Yeah. And it was a bit of right wing in its sort of viewpoint. Yes, it was.
You're like name the top. You know, we asked 100 people who the most evil person type of person is if you're a good Christian. Number one homosexual. So it was like that.
Also, though, it was literally was like that. Like, people from Japan, it's like, I fucked up. I was not saying that. It was like that.
It was not saying that. You've made this awkward already. You remember it was very dodgy because you know, there's that guy who presents family fortune. That's Dennis.
No, in America. Black guy over bald head. Oh, um, him. He's famous.
He's a big presenter, but he is extremely kind of religious right wing. Is he? Yeah, he's a creationist and stuff. He's heard him in interviews denying evolution existence.
So like top ten on the board, we asked the 100 people. Great universe. Yeah. Number one, the big bang.
You're wrong. Yeah, exactly. You're wrong. Number one, answer is God.
That's it. There's no other answers. Yeah, you know. So anyway, I'm just saying that I'll just be interested to see, because there is in the form of the questions take.
Yeah. There is, you know, there's bias and there's sort of political stuff that kind of comes in. You can't help it. Are you saying family fortunes is some kind of insidious political interest?
I'm saying it reveals a nature of the questions by the fact that their questions, that they ask a bunch of people, reveal things about the underlying agenda of the people asking the questions. Can I just say something? I was ready to stop. We've done the woo let's go.
And then you kind of, I don't know your fault. Don't it at the end. You lifted your off so you can you bough it on my outro. Say something about coming or something.
Yeah, go on. Oh, OK. Oh, my God. Is that how you actually react to me with a lady?
You can't imagine that. OK. I'm sorry, though. No, no, I'm not like that.
That's because you never have sex with ladies. Oh, fuck you. Right. That's my out.
It's cheap. Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep. I've had a long day, man. Oh, have you boo the fuck?
It's cheap, it's small. It's cheap, it's small. Oh, now cheap, it's a bit special today. It's a bit special today because I've not sourced them.
We've had them sourced them. A good friend of the show, alleged comedian, Joseph Wilson. Ha ha. Joseph Wilson recently went to Columbia.
And while he was out there, he bought a few cheap pizza and snacks and sweets. You're not allergic to anything, are you? No. All right, just checking.
I'm not saying there's any fishy things or anything. OK, there isn't any fishy things. I don't know. No, because you know that.
Because I'm funny. Oh, witty man. Is there any cocaine? No.
Oh. It's a shame, man. I don't think we got back into the country. There's some hard popping candy in there.
Well, I know. I might do a line just in case. Of popping candy. Imagine the pain of that.
I actually did that when I was in secondary school. Because it was a school disco and obviously we couldn't get alcohol in it. So I kind of know what we'll do. We'll snot some sugar and some popping candy.
Whatever we can find in it's fucking agony. Don't do that. All right, kids, don't. You can imagine it going off.
Yeah, it's horrible. I just sound like something I want to do now. Please do not tell me. But at that point, isn't it?
I don't know about you, Paul. But when you before drugs actually are available in early teenager hoods. You just do anything. We can all have different kinds of teas.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Big, horrible joints of tea.
They did nothing. What was my amazing thing about those legal highs from a trippy hippie store in our university tonight? And it always makes you all drowsy. It just smells like you're smoking nettles.
Yeah. That's lamb's lettuce. Something like that. You have to smoke a great deal to have a mild sedative effect.
But that was back when legal highs used to have herbal products before it all went crazy about 15 years ago when they had the synthetic ones, which were led to a huge crisis. They sold you the drugs. They sold you the drugs. Spice was one of these herbal highs or legal highs.
And that's true. And then it went mental. It's based on it. Not a lot.
I mean, it's my time. Yeah. No, yeah. Before it all kicked off, I ended up a couple of times and I was like, yeah.
It's just as best now. You're OK. Yeah. But some people get addicted to that and it's not like having a pot habit where you can just run out of pot, you're not going to have to smash it.
You're not going to smash it. You're going to get the rattles. Yeah. Yeah.
And then it's easier when you withdraw from it. Great. Even though I've gone cheap shows. Even here with me.
Even here with me. Just do the just do popping candy. Don't do anything else. Just if you take nothing away from this show, just not popping.
Oh, God. I feel so bad if now a lot of people are going to try snoring popping candy. Yeah. There's been kids being interneted.
It's going to be an internet meme. It's going to be about photos. People with the biggest line of popping candy. Get out their nose.
Me and my mother should be popping. They're popping. The popping candy challenge. They call it no popping.
Oh, it's no popping last night. Oh, stay good. And then you see these kids dead on the ground with pho. Right.
So let's start with one of the weirdest ones we've got here. So Eli, I'll tell you this. Here is a. This is bizarre.
Tell me what it is. It's a product called Alpha Jour Casarito. And it's by a company called Las Casaritas. Which means they probably do different types of Casaritas, don't they?
I don't know what a Casarito is. We're going to find out. It seems to be some kind of ice to cake. It is good thing.
The weird thing is that it's not a stick. It's stuck a stick to the back of it. And it's not like a good stick. It's like a twig.
It's like a garden. It's very rustic. The stick on the back here. Yeah.
It's a normal packet with a rustic twig which has been sort of stapled and glued crudely to the back of it. Look at all that glue on it. That can't be healthy. No, but don't eat that bit.
Look at that. Yeah. I think it's for display purposes. I think they put it in a bucket and it's a crumbly.
I do apologise to the crumble. So it's a biscuit. It's a two-way stick for. I think it's for display.
I think when they sold it, it was like on sticks in boxes. Oh, okay. That's what it is. It's a setting some form of that.
It's smell. The big one here. Oh my God. They just glued sticks to everything.
I thought it was special for this. It's crazy. It's a big bag of jelly rings. Perhaps that's how they like it.
It's cultural. I like a stick on my things. Go have an idiot. It smells very sort of a vanilla-y sort of custard cream.
Yeah. I have had this already. That's why I'm not eating one now. You don't eat it.
You get well fed on this show. I mean not no. It's very sweet. It's like a shortbread, isn't it?
It tastes like a shortbread with some caramel chewy crunchy centre in between two biscuit halves. Yes, it is. You can describe it accurately. What I'm going to be bloody doing.
It's a texture nice and it's crumbly. It's nice. It's crumbly. The sandwich, the bread of the sandwich, you can tell it's very soft and nice.
And then there's a texture going on as well. I can't know. I can't know. I can't know.
I can't even know. What do you think? What's your opinion? It's quite nice.
Just do it into the microphone. Sorry. I'm busy. I'm trying to have a non-and you're a good girl.
Do you want to just get a little show of the mackerels? I'm a fucking stomps right now. You too. It's fucking out too.
This stuff right now. I can see little gangs for. I'm not a fucking fan of the mackerels. It's because you're an asshole about talking to the mic.
Simple thing. Don't be an asshole about it. Right. Good.
Sarah, your opinion. Okay, Vish. I'll take it. No, I don't care.
I'm just taking a piss. Please. We don't have alter egos. I think we should.
Or do you also make me Vectron. I don't like you but I love it. You're a bit more of Vectron. All right.
So you enjoy it. It's nice. Would you have more? Yeah, I probably would.
I'm not a fan of the sugar. It's quite like sugar. Yeah. I'll clean that up.
You're always one. Oh good. Oh great. Thank you.
Right. Let's do this. It's a little glass jar. Oh no.
Let's describe this one. Say what you see. Well, it's a glass jar with M&M's in it. That's essentially.
It looks like one of those jars from Lesley and Miss Elder. They have the milk in. Yeah. The cow's milk.
Yeah. They don't play a lot of them. They treat milk like booze in the series. They always go in there.
There's always one guy who drinks so much cow's milk. Well, I think there are drinks that are alcoholic milk drinks in the world. Is that true? I've never had one myself.
My God, that sounds disgusting. But there's no weed ones. It was like honey beer. It's pretty intense, isn't it?
It's pretty intense, isn't it? It's like a damn. Yeah. But yeah, the meat was bad.
It was like farm made meat and it wasn't in the proper bottle. It was in an old milk. Oh, sure. So it's in a glass jar.
Smarties. You pop the cork. You're only popping the smarties. Well, they're M&M's.
Oh, oh. Oh, they taste fun with that fake chocolatey thing. Yeah. They're supposed to be M&M's.
They are. But they are laced with M&M's. And it says too. Oh, they're not made sure.
Oh, they're not made sure. They are. But they are laced with M&M's. Oh, I'm not made sure.
Which probably means I like you. It's maybe a gift, isn't it? It's got a little tab on the neck of the bottle. Yeah.
It's a card that you fill in for a man. Oh, we have a bit of parchment around the side as well. The heart's on. Have a smartie.
I haven't had these. I don't know what they're like. Oh, what's the huff? I'd say they're more like smarties.
But they are M&M's, aren't they? They're not. They're made this point, mate. Whoa.
Just fucking it out. Right. I'm gonna have a smartie. Oh, no.
Yeah. Come on. I'm gonna have a higher cocoa content. Is that what you think is weird?
Yeah, maybe. They actually... They taste a bit funny, but they don't take the bad chocolate we often had on this show. No.
They've actually got quite a bit of cocoa in, I think. That's nice, isn't it? I like those. Yeah.
Well, there we go. Outfire, then what would you rate the knock-off? I mean, they might be real M&M's. I just don't know.
I'll go for three and a half. Yeah, I'll go for three and a half. Three and a half. And I'll go for a two for the...
I've gone off the shortcake crunch. Oh. Do you share the shortcake casa-retus? No, no, no, no, no.
It's all sweet. It's all sweet. It's all sweet. It's all sweet.
You only got sweets. No. Right. What else is good?
I want to end with those. I'll give you another biscuit. Here's a biscuit. Now, Joe likes these biscuits a lot.
Coppelia. Yeah. Eli, say what you see. It is, again, a little sashay.
Ooh. And it's called Coppelia. C-O-P-E-L-I-A. Copp-P-E-L-A.
Copp-P-P-E-L-A. Not Copp-P-P-E-L-A. No, Copp-P-E-L-A. Is that clowns or shit?