So don't look at me like that. So don't look at me like that. Like what? As if, I've got nothing going on.
Good. I just wanted to say, I just wanted to say, I just wanted to say, I didn't know, I was about to say, let's begin. What's our angle in? What's our angle in?
I want to do the intro. Why do you want to do it? You've underperformed. The committee's back.
What fucking committee? The judgement committee. All right, who's on the judgement committee? I don't know the panel of my peers.
I got to try to proceed. Yeah. Number one member. This is where you go for your fucking characters now.
No, no, no, no. That's a different issue. All right. We all know.
Hello, welcome to Cheap Show. This is the Economy Comedy Podcast for your ears. Yeah! Moving over to the bargain bins, the charity shops, and the panel lands.
Oh no! Jumble sales, oh no! I don't believe I asked for your input on this intro. That's what I was going to say.
You didn't let me. What the judgement committee had said. You didn't even listen. Oh, it was too much for the judge.
Before it started. It was tired before it started. It was a tired idea. It was a tired idea.
It was a tired idea. Maybe the committee is tired, Paul. Do you know why they're tired? They're tired of you.
OK. They do exhaust them. This is the judgement committee. Who is it?
It's no one. It's you. Just know this. Just know this.
You make little sock puppets out of your grotty lundercarriage. And they have conversations with you. They do. And they have a pretty shitty committee.
Let's teach them everybody. Hello, everybody. It's good. Hey, you and your fucking mood repossi.
What's up, Luke? What's up, the fat and chips? Look at that. What's up, Luke?
I'm doing all sorts. I'm going on a nozzle. Go on, Paul. Source updates.
Source trough update. It's not a segment. It's not a segment if you give it a jingle. It's not.
It's not all the mathematical jingle. Everything's a segment. No. That's how I live my life.
It's a way of life. Right. Everything's a segment. No, it's a stop.
Look, there's stuff in the source. I'm going to stand up now and get some source items out. You want to make some more noise while you're at it? You're clumbering big fat bass.
Right. Clumbering. Yeah. That's good actually.
The committee approves. Oh, the committee approves. Right. It's a no, it's a second question.
A quick question. It's a scritiability on your shitty committee. I know because they're quite a well respected pop art group. Yes.
Good. They'd be on no one shitty committee. Okay. That's what it's called.
Oh, but it is. You know what? I wish I'd shaved my mouth. Your mouth because the mustache has got to that stent, but it's all curling in.
Like spiders legs into my... Four minutes in. Four minutes in. You've got off about your sources and your hairy mouth.
I haven't gone off about my sources. You haven't allowed me. You're here. Here, come.
The source segment. Here, come. The source. The door.
The barbeque. I hate this is not a segment. I'm not allowing this to be a segment. It's not allowed.
You don't have to allow it. Just grin and bear it. Take it as I pound you with my source. What a horrible thing to say.
I'll pound my sources on you. The source trough delivers. Right. Barbeque dip.
Yeah. That's a McDonald's one. You have to pay extra for those. What do you think of that?
No opinion on it. This is a hind. This is a hind. It's a pines barbecue sauce.
Now, have you saw that sauce back in the back, Paul? Yeah. What would you say? Vinegar.
It's not that. It's barbecue sauce. Yeah, you can kind of take away the surprise from what? This is a new member of the source department.
This is not a segment. What have I got there, Paul? It's a ginger. It's that kind of ginger you get with sushi to clean the palate.
Like tickle ginger. Pickle ginger. That comes in the same. I recently found out that it doesn't like it.
It doesn't? He reviewed it on his recent channel. Just by itself. So pickled ginger.
Yeah. It's all the stuff as well. That was a snake. It was like he did a whole video on pickled ginger.
I wouldn't just eat it by itself. But as a palate cleanser between courses and Japanese meal, very good. Do you know this? I'm going to say it again.
It's not a segment. Okay. Here's the star of this non segment. Right.
Backing Tabasco in a sash eight mate. Branded Tabasco in a sash eight. go in a sausages make everything better. It does.
So if you pull it over your life, we make it better. I do. I mean, I do do that. Hey, if I put it in my mate, what do you think it better?
What about Tabasco Pultis? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Tabasco Pultis. Well, you'd need some kind of, um, gelifying agent to suspend the, you know, I need to be more solidity that has a Pultis. Kind of liquid Pultis. That's just a, that's just a liquid.
That's just like the idea was ridiculous. You know, it's not a pancake. It's your quotes on quotes segments over. No, look, I want the committee demands to bring in the committee.
It demands some kind of reaction about that. It's a pure is my reaction. All right. He's just done a sort of thing with his mouth.
So it's Tabasco and it has the, the iconic Tabasco bottle in a lovely pleasing graphic representation on this nashay and it's Tabasco and a call it a Premonger. So things are getting better in the world. When Tabasco is available in sashay, it's in our country of Britain, Paul, things ain't that bad. There'll be a photo of that on the website everybody.
You're fucking not going to picture that on the website. Why not? Because the Gannon Committee, what does it mean? Because the Gannon Committee's in my committee.
Is it my committee? Is it charge of social media? I've got to control the message. It's no fluff off your crack.
It's a lot fluff off my crack. Yeah, well roll it off. My crack is fluff-tastic. Get one of those mini hair rollers and use that to get the fluff out of your crack.
Oh, one of those sticky-pane rollers. They could be adapted. That idea for wang or nuts. Fucking clingons.
Do you overhear your arse in lots of dangling pieces of shit from it? Wang it out of way. Wang away. Wang away.
It's a abrasive sticky roller that you literally get inside both cheeks with. Win it or win it to be gone. Wang away or win it to be gone. Well, you can win it today by entering our competition.
If you want your own wang away, just answer this question. How many ducks do I have to crack? Come on. How many ducks do I have in my imaginary staircase?
Well, here we go. If you think you know the answer, get in touch with cheap show HQ London. Thank you. So Paul, what have we got coming up on the show today?
Today, we got a trip to the League of Snacks. That's serious. Now we are having a joking. We've been messing around.
There's been a bit messing around at the show. It was the whole sort of you pretending that a segment that is a real thing isn't a real thing. But when it comes to the league of... So I'm just talking to my committee.
Yeah, it's not a thing. You don't have a committee. You don't have a committee. It's not my committee.
The judgement panel. I suppose it's like what you say. The death panel. The judgement panel.
The judgement panel. And I'm entirely independent of the judgement panel. Okay. Well, then good.
I'm actually in my committee fully involved in the process. Yeah. And so therefore I get to say to you, there was no picture of Tabasco on our website. Why?
Not whether they now ever be. There's Tabasco, why ban? Listen, going on in cheap show. As of now.
I had to say that you're fucking behaviour. So listen, I was trying to be nice. If you can't regulate yourself, I have to regulate for you. I was fucking trying to be nice.
Yeah. But if it has to come down to this, I'm going to have to say something right now, Paul. Oh, go on. Everybody loves the sources trough and the source.
People want to know about my source life. You know what? I can't do it. It will always be part of the...
You know what? Right now, I'm going to put a tweet out. Right? I know this isn't live and all this kind of stuff.
But I'm going to put a tweet out, right? And I'm just going to put a tweet out that says. It's got a little poll on. Right?
So let me just put it together. A little poll on. Do you care about Eli's? Oh, I'm going to let me...
The contents that not new. Listen. I'm just talking to you. I'm talking to you.
I'm talking to you. You're asking the wrong question. You're going to buy us the answer with the question. Do you care about Eli's snoiled sauce trough?
Not care. It's not care. Have you got an interest in source? So yes, no, that's it.
All right. I'm going to start the poll now. Okay. So throughout the show, I'll check in on this poll and see what people think.
All right. And by the end of this recording, even if you just get one vote, that's even if you just get one vote, then yeah, we'll find out if people care about your fucking sauce trough. And then the committee will act upon the data. Okay.
Might commit to act upon this data. And then I'll take it to the page of the show. If you don't put a photo on the main website, my Twitter will have the photos. Best believe that.
Oh, great. On your Instagram. And my Instagram. Why not?
Because it's what for your brutalism. To your dirty corners of London where you like to fucking masturbate. It's a sacred place. It's not a sacred place.
Right. Here we go. People are already retweeting it. And so far, I one person says, yeah, you are.
Well, it's going to be up there for another day. So we won't know the full answer until this time tomorrow. All right. But for now, the jury's out.
Okay. All right. If you want to do this, and this is a referendum, if you want to resort to the basket, top of this tactic to back to back exit. Isn't that an essential album?
Brex, that's a sent on. Is it? Is it? So we will act on this.
If you, if the listening public want there to be a source trough section, there will be. You're the one who said it. It wasn't a segment. I didn't insist.
It was a segment. You said news. I said it's source reports is what I said. Right.
Can we report? What's the difference between a report and a segment? We're doing exactly. You haven't thought this record through.
You haven't thought about the wording. You're opening a Pandora's box. What's happening in the show? We've got Lee Knott's and acts.
We'll get into that later. And then, or the finale of today's episode, thanks to the video games basement. We have a second story from Derek, Uncle Derek. And all I know, because I'm not listening to it yet, all I know is it's called the time I bought in Egyptian carpet.
Now, as we discussed earlier, it's loaded. Paul, there's a certain thing judging by the first story that we received. There's a couple of things that come to mind because, let's be honest, when the story of like the Tiger would side came to me. I was like, I was like, interested, nor am I imagination that I ever think it would go to the realms of old man masturbating and scaring a lady tiger to death.
So it's not one of those things that you couldn't, you had an infinite room of monkeys on BBC computers, do you know what I mean? Yeah. But quite apart from the sanitation issue, they probably would never come up with that as a storyline. So, can I just say, two things, leave to mind.
Let's have what it's called again. The time I bought an Egyptian carpet. Now judging by his whole attitude in the first story and his sort of subtextual desires and sort of things that poked out, I'd say this will have some classic World War Two era racism about people from the Middle East. So, Ali Baba's camel, all that kind of stuff.
What they call it, Orientalism was like the, it was an Egyptian sort of, not a Victorian movement, where they like, from the Empire days, they bring back the art from places like China and the Arab world. And then they'd like, Elvis, Elvis did, that's why they called it China, isn't it? That's why they called China, China. Why?
Because it came from China, porcelain came from China. This is interesting. So, there's going to be some casual racism, all sort of ingrained societal sort of racism. But also, Egypt, the Sphinx, the Sphinx, what is the Sphinx?
It's got the body of a cat and it has ladies' breasts. That doesn't have a ladies' face. Oh, he's going to be in much of heaven. He's going to be, there'll be something about how he wants to fuck a Sphinx.
I reckon there's going to be a message. Sorry, it's fuck a Sphinx. There'll be something in the room, like a genie, or it'll be like a magic carpet. And then I flew over the young girls training.
I saw them all doing squats. So, that's coming up on the show. I don't know what's going to be about. I think we will be able to detect a hint of being attracted to the feline.
I think that's the subtext here. Fingers crossed. He likes pussy. And not just, you know, not ladies pussy, but funny.
He's like, no, that's the opposite. When he says he likes pussy, he actually likes cats. He wants to fuck a cat, is what I'm trying to tell you. Let's start the show.
Bomb, bomb, bomb, League of Snacks. I forgot what I was saying. It was music as well. Do that.
That's good. Yeah. What is that music? Music?
Yeah. What is that music? That's Mastermind. Yeah.
Okay. Well, now it's now League of Snacks. League of Snacks. Welcome to League of the League of the League of the League of Snacks.
And not Rhett and Link's Snack fight down. Isn't that a Nick from brand off brand off brand off brand off? No, that's not a knock on knock off. Oh, they do another thing where they taste crisp and legalize them.
No, I don't legalize them. Legalize them. Well, you know what? They should fucking legalize.
But that's me or both. No. Cheese moments. We're back.
Cheese moments. Well, the ongoing. Here's this woman's. We're here.
We're in our bunker and we're ready for cheese moments to make a return to the Christmas Snacks scene of this country. We're here. We're here. We're here.
We're here. We don't like no cheesy moments. Yeah, go on. Pull.
Like the sister. That was bad. Oh, how about pretty bad, but I'm using because it was so bad. All right.
Yes. I'll be back. It's 30 votes. Let's do all of them.
How do you get a grizzly advocate? You've got kind of cheese to use. I don't know. Come on, bear.
That's fucking excellent. No, I don't know that. How do you know that? Oh, no, that's really tickled me.
Like I'm not even laughing. What are the cheese say? What are the cheese say in the mirror? Come on, bear.
Hello, me. Oh, that's not as good. Oh, so far, the poll says in 30 votes, 87% say yes. 13% say no.
OK. And through a democratic process, Paul, a new segment is born on sheep show today. Source report. Do the end of the episode, mate.
And once the full tally's in, that's how I'll make a proper decision on this referendum. OK. All right. Yeah.
Calm down. You've got the gates early. Don't be fucking doing it. Source report.
We go through the branded crisps and we see how they rank on our scale of crisps. Yes. And snacks. What are the categories and categories you have?
Flavor, the flavor of the snack, which is a very important aspect in the crisp world today. And then what's the next most important thing, Paul? It's texture. I mean, it's crisp.
A crisp needs the be crisp. And in fact, the name of a crisp, if you think about it, refers almost entirely to its texture. They're not called a salty. No, they're not called a salty.
They're not called a back of socks, please. Yeah. I want a bag of wets. Yeah.
Some people do ask, yeah, I'll have a bag of wets. I'll have a bag of wets. Come on, darling. I'll give you five pounds for a bag of wets.
Oh, what's that? No, his pant is just fucking serious in my mouth. OK, what it is love, but for five, I want it in my mouth. Oh, fucking.
Right. Texture. What else? It's price value for money.
Yeah, value for money, which is sort of important, but the hardest one for us to really make it. And I thought it was a lot of scientific judgment about. But we don't do the research. No, we don't do the research.
And then nostalgia is our four. And nostalgia, very important. Also very contentious, very subjective. Yes.
But ultimately, this is our show. Oh, yes. And we've got these. We've got committees have both spoken.
And the cultural impact of a crisp is a very important factor in its ongoing success or not success of. Indeed. That is exactly right. Thank you.
So shall we just crack on? Let's crack on. I think we've done some big names already on the show. I think we've done some of the quavers, Googlers, Montes le Munch, Bringles, Pringles.
Today, I thought we'd go for a brand that came off. We did peanuts. We don't. We've done peanuts.
We've got for a non-walkers brand, but still a popular and well-known brand. So I have gone today. I'm sure they're not made by walkers. Let's have a look.
OK. We'll announce it. Announce the crisp. Ladies and gentlemen, we are trying today a range of crisps from the company, McCoy's.
Aha. Now, I think McCoy's just a brand owned by KP. I'm having a look at who makes them. I don't see it.
It looks just like it says McCoy's. Right. What's that? Beef.
You've got beef and I've got KP snacks. Oh, do you think Eli knows this stuff? Did I know that? Eli knows this stuff.
Now, I think KP are not walkers. They're not free so low. No. So you are right.
But didn't KP used to be Smiths? Didn't you be KP Smiths? No, because they used to have their own crisps. KP had like, like your classics, your cheese and onions, salt and vinegars.
Yeah. They were actual crisps if you don't. But they're most famous for nuts. Yeah.
Yeah. KP nuts, which we did. We did the KP. We got dry roasted.
I've got some there, and they're the sauce trough. Half eaten. What the sauce trough? I've got some nuts in the house.
So. You've got nuts in the house, yo. McCoy's. Now, but let's have some opening impressions, Paul.
Who's Betty? What? Come on. No, I mean, that makes me laugh, but come on.
You've got to think of the demographics, mate. I do. And I don't care. You've got to remember.
This is a whole show. All right. I'm just going to look at McCoy's on Wikipedia to do some background research. McCoy's is a brand of crinkled crisps made in the United Kingdom by KP Snacks.
First introduced in 1985. There's a lot of five. I was going to ask that's very important. And it's marked as under the slogan, the real McCoy's, except no imitations.
Man crisps, they were called at first. Back in the days when you could do that. Remember Yorkie? Good corny.
Yeah. I don't think they really thought that. I think they still did that, can't they? But didn't they have campaigns that just a few years back, Yorkie?
Yeah. Where they sort of did it as a ironically. I think it was ironic. They did it as a joke.
Yeah. But no, but no. Yeah. Yeah.
But they were also like the Lady Loves Cream tray. Lady loves a creamy tray. Milk tray. The cream after I'm done with it.
You're going to like dress up in black, break it in the woman's bedroom. I'll curdle it and leave a big tray of your spunk on it bedside table with your phone number on it. Good. The Lady Loves Colts Punk.
Oh. She does so. Oh, she doesn't. Unless you know one specific woman who does.
Can you imagine me trying to do the ninja? What climbing up outside of one building? Or the drain pipe with the tray of spunk? Oh.
Sorry I spilt it down your fucking gutter in. Right. McCoy's is the third biggest brand in the bag, Chris, market with five million packets consumed each week. And nearly a third of all UK households consuming the product.
So there you go. What's the biggest? What's the second biggest brand then? Well, unfortunately it doesn't say here.
Well, so that you think the first walkers we are at lost. It might be some Pringles. Really that sentence again when he says it's bagged, he says bagged products. Chris is the third biggest brand in the bag, Chris, market.
Yeah, no. Well, we make Monster Launch. Smiths. No walkers now.
But Smiths is still distinguished as a brand, isn't it? Oh, look at this. In 2013, McCoy's unveiled a packaging concept in which the Chris bag is open that on the longer side to allow bigger hands to fit in. Mints.
Mints. You've got to get it wide. So there's all kinds of different flavors. Well, I'll do these days.
No, they're made to change back. Oh, I don't know. Maybe they changed back. Maybe I just haven't learned the process.
But yeah, there you go. That's my colleagues. We've got two of the most popular flavors, flame grill steak and salt vinegar to try today. They did have cheese, cheese, flavor, but I just, I can't believe they do have.
They do the classic ones. They do all of the classic ones. And I think at the time in the mid 80s, it's a sort of Americanized branding. Yeah.
And you say, yeah, no, it's always it's a very sort of American like, oh, down homie sort of thing. And I think rustic and earthy and like a lumberjack. We need it. Exactly.
That's a number Jack's name. And I think at the time, you didn't really get rich crisps. No, in our fair oil. And I think they were sort of trying to set it as an exotic Americana.
A little bit. A little bit. The product. Well, 85 came in and all of a sudden, snack should be coming slightly more serious, slightly more, I don't know.
Like, I don't know. Don't say classy, but you know what I mean? Like, it started becoming more adventurous. It wasn't just cheese and beef and whatever.
It was all kind of cheese and chive and all those kind of flavors are coming in. Kind of adult. It's made out of it. So, I'm with things like the coins, I guess.
Here we go. Let's just open them up. Let's just get in there. Oh, at the same time, we'll crack through this.
I'm going to open the bag of salt. Vinegar. What have you got? I've got the flame grill steak.
Right. So I'm going to shake it off and get a puff. And they kind of go for match. Oh, where they can.
They go for match. So, flavor. Salt and vinegar. It's kind of a it's off time.
Oh, it's a nice, taut. Vinegar. He huff. That's a good.
That's a good. It's a good. It's not a good. That's a comforting.
I'm going to go. You know what I mean? It's not too sharp. It's like opening the bag of chips on the chip.
It's got a nice, potatoy, undercurrent. Right. Opener's. Again, Eli's testing to say you flame grill.
What was it? Beef. Steak. Oh, what's wrong?
It's very gaffy. It's very gaffy. It's got a gaffy half full. Oh.
Nice. Oh. Very beefy. Beefy gaff.
It feels like when you've just walked into a room, someone's faulted it. Yes. And they've left it. Someone you love.
Yeah. Oh. I'm not doing such a thing. I'm just going to dive straight in.
Don't touch your chili. Don't mind the ginger. Just drink your drink. Oh.
I'm having ginger. No. No. No.
That really does cleanse the palate, Paul. Right. Good. Now I'll have some salt and vinegar.
Bryce, he's rushing me through the segments today, ladies and gentlemen. Well, we've got a lot to get through. Don't fucking all of you are going to listen to. It's funny.
We can be stopping and start on it. Let's start with flavour. What do you want to go? Start with something bigger.
That's fresh in your mouth. But we're going to have to do them both. Yeah. It's quite a bit too much.
It's not just beef flavor. It's got a little flour, so I have to get into that. It's just a bit of garlic, so it's a bit of garlic. It's just a bit of garlic.
It's sort of artificial beef, like I'm going to eat. And it's not a bit too much. And if I don't eat them, then it's gone. You would have preferred more length on the beef.
Yeah. I wanted to have the beef in my mouth for longer. Before it disappeared. Yeah.
I agree. It's a bit flimsy. Yeah. But the salt and vinegar.
But the beef also has that sort of generic artificial beef. Sort of flavour to it. It's not overpowering because it's gone very quickly. It's felt more bacon-y.
You agree? And sometimes I can be off-putting to have something to get something to really sharp, tangy taste. This one, I'm going to say, Paul, I think it's the texture that helps because the texture delivers that, the sharpness of the sardines of the sardines as it mulches down. It sort of softens it.
Do you know what I mean? The actual potato comes through because it mulches down. It's a good effect. You sort of mean, whereas with the bacon.
So there's a journey, there's a flavour journey in your mouth, is what we're saying. With that, with the sardines, there's a flavour journey in your mouth that is unique to the product, they're in hand. Yeah, I like it. I like it.
Yeah, because green, green, green, or red, or ridge cuts, we first. Yes. There's more surface area. More surface area.
There's a whole flavour. But yes, they're delivering it in a different way to your tongue. Yeah. And this can't be this, you know, you know, and I know.
That, it's a gravity effect for how a sandwich tastes. Oh, this fucking shit. You know what I mean. No, I don't know what you mean about gravity affecting sandwiches.
Well, I'll explain. Imagine, you have a sandwich, yeah? Put some butter on, put some slice of ham on, put some mustard on top of that, put some lettuce on top of that. Yeah.
Take a bite, imagine that. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine, turning that upside down.
What's hitting your tongue first now? That's not gravity, is it's orientation of the snack. Orientation in the context of the gravity well that we live within. The earth.
You're talking fucking... Talking about money makes sense. You're cleaning tray. Right.