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Everybody knows there's not a better time of year. Live from Dan and Pete's apartment, it's Bad At Movies! Hey guys, my name's Renee, and I am Bad At Movies! That's why I ask my friends to make me watch their favorite movies that I've never seen before. So on today's episode, we have a very special live episode, as you can hear, and we are in the month of December, so we're watching Christmas movies, and tonight we are talking about Christmas Vacation. Yes!
We have our very special guest, Scott Montgomery, over here. Hey, Scott. What's going on? Not a lot. Enjoying this live podcasting. Yes. It's very, very fun. Yeah, so we can just go ahead and do our movie in a minute with Scott Montgomery here. And now, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation in 60 seconds or less. All right, time to get a tree. Oh, did you bring a saw, Dad? No. That one looks too big, Dad. Here, let's cut the rope and see if it fits in the house. Nope. Broken window. Oh, our families are here. Hi, hi, hi. Hi, boo, boo, boo. I'm going to spend the whole Christmas outside doing the lights. Oh, look at that house.
Hey, Eddie? Eddie? Yeah, I'm here. Surprise. I'm a bitch. I guess we have room for you too, Eddie. Oh, we'll stay in the RV, but you can take the tykes. All right, guys, I'm going to turn the lights on. Doesn't work. Nope. I'm going to turn the lights on. Doesn't work. Oh, they're on. Ah! Ah!
I didn't get my Christmas bonus. What? Fucking dick. Fucking shit. All I want for Christmas is my boss here. Tie it up. Hey, it's your boss. Tie it up. Oh, my God. I didn't actually want that. All right. Are you being held hostage? Yeah, but it's totally cool. I didn't get Christmas bonuses. But I had a change of heart. Look, it's the North Star. I did it. Merry Christmas. Credits. How long was that? Thanks for keeping track. Good job, Dan.
Cool. Did it. I forgot to do my blind judgment. I didn't want to say it, but I was like, oh, you didn't do your, like, what you think the movie's about. Screw it, you can go out of order. What do you think it's about? Oh, besides the synopsis. So, um, I've never seen Christmas Vacation before, but based on the title alone, I'm going to go ahead and do a blind judgment right here, right now. So, uh, Christmas Vacation.
That's got to be about Christmas and a vacation, right? So this family of people that are like really good at what they do probably just go to the beach and Santa comes and everything is good and happy and everyone has enough money to buy presents and the lights turn on and they don't burn the turkey or the tree. The end. Nailed it. You guys, I usually prepare. I'm so sorry. Hey, so Scott, thank you so much for suggesting this wonderful movie. It's my favorite Christmas movie of all time. I can't believe neither Pete and I have seen it before. Yeah, I'm very shocked. I don't know why I haven't seen it either. It seems like a classic. It seems like something my father would have shown me but didn't for some reason. There's nothing sexual or anything in it. There's the store clerk and then he's imagining. That's what I liked about this movie so much. Maybe I didn't as a kid. Because as a kid I could watch it and enjoy the slapstick humor of him getting hit and all that. But as an adult, it's one of those...
you don't find many PG-13 Christmas family classics. They're all like Die Hard is a classic people say or Bad Santa is a rated R holiday movie but they're not like family classics. You can watch with the whole family regardless of what's going on. You wouldn't sit down with your kids and watch Bad Santa. But this movie you can't and there's cussing and there are some jokes that are a little more adult. That's what I liked about it. But like Ghostbusters has a scene where he gets a blowjob from a ghost. What? I don't remember that.
I don't remember that. 100%. It's in there. The ghost unbuckles his pants and pulls it down and then, who is it, Dan Aykroyd just goes, ew. Ew. That's way more sexual than anything that happened in Christmas Vacation. My parents showed me Ghostbusters, so it's just weird. I know why my parents didn't let me watch Christmas Vacation. It's because my mom, my mom hates Chevy Chase. What? She hates him. She thinks he's an asshole, which he kind of is. I've heard that. Yeah, yeah. A little fun fact about this movie, Christopher Columbus, who did.
Dan is now showing a clip from Ghostbusters, the blowjob scene. Yeah, Dan would like to show the clip of the blowjob scene, which will really translate into... It's going to go great on a podcast. Podcast. So while that's going on, Christopher Columbus, who I think directed Jingle All the Way, he was supposed to direct Christmas Vacation, but he couldn't work with Chevy Chase, so...
he in turn decided to do Home Alone. That's why he directed Home Alone instead of like, Chevy Chase is kind of a doucher. He's an awful person. I thought it was in his like older years but I guess it's always been that way. Oh yeah, I read Live from New York and that talks about Chevy Chase being a dickhead. You don't want to hear about your heroes. I know, but you know, you can kind of let it go in this movie because he's so charming. Like the character of Clark Griswold is so relatable that you kind of just have to forget about him being a dick in real life. Now have you seen the other like Vacation or European or Vegas? I've only seen Vegas and that was one of my favorite movies as a kid. Yeah? I loved it. I was just talking about Vegas Vacation. I saw it in the movie theater. I remember that.
But other than that, I don't remember much. I don't remember, like, who's the guy? I always forget the name of the guy. Randy. No, that his wife, like, loves. Oh, Wayne Newton. Yeah. And it's like, I remember that and then him losing a lot of money. But, like, I don't remember. I remember being funny, though. Yeah, it was funny. And Rusty gets a fake ID, Mr. Papa Giorgio or something like that. Oh, I'm just curious. Who in the audience has seen Christmas Vacation? By clapping. Who has not seen it? I see a couple of hands. There's two people in the audience who have not seen Christmas Vacation before.
Yeah, you guys should watch it. It's a classic. Yes, did you like it? Did you enjoy it? I loved it. Yeah, I thought it was great. It was great. It's very quotable. Like, there's already a lot of lines from it. I've only seen it for, like, the first time, and I still just want to quote every line from it. Oh, yeah? I already knew about Shitter Was Full. Shitter, yeah, it's a famous one. Which, okay, Dan, can we pull up a clip of Shitter Was Full? I think it's the second tab. It's the second tab. Yeah, so just play that for everyone. Oh, yeah, it's a classic scene. He's coming down the stairs. Yeah. Black Ops Jersey, by the way. Yeah. Chicago movie. Almost. Aren't you having breakfast?
What are you looking at? Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn, the clean, cool chill of the holiday air, and an asshole in his bathrobe emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer. You checked our shitters, honey? You checked our shitters, honey? He doesn't know any better. You ought to know it's illegal. It's a storm sewer that fills with gas. I pity the person who likes a mat for within 10 yards.
Yay. Shitter was full. Shitter was full. Before seeing the movie, I thought it was shitter's full, not was. Shitter was full. That's why he's emptying it, because it was full. Yeah, it's very quotable. I re-watched it before coming here, just doing some research, of course. I try to watch it every Christmas. It's just my tradition, I guess, my own personal tradition. And, I mean, just out the gate, like right at the beginning where they're singing, and they're like, take it, Russ, and he just doesn't go, and they still do the la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Yeah. I mean, from that, and then just his excitement. I mean, the opening's five minutes.
nails it. That's what I liked about this movie is I know this is the third vacation movie but this is the only one I've seen and it just right out the gate starts with bits. There is no set up at all. It's just like here's a family and it's already funny which is great. Kicking off their good old fashioned family Christmas is what he keeps saying throughout the whole movie. Yeah. Oh yeah. I loved how his wife I think you know I don't know how many minutes into the movie but still within the first act just came out.
straight with it and said, Clark, you always set us to the higher standards for anything, and then you always get disappointed by whatever goes on. And that's exactly what happens in the movie. He goes, when do I do that? And she just starts, that's probably one of my favorite scenes, just because the tree just broke, or they just cut the tree. He presents it. And by the way, I noticed in the movie, every time he's about to do something stupid, they always show Rusty. They zoom up on Rusty, and he gives this look, just kind of like, watch what's about to happen. Anyway, so he cuts the tree, breaks the windows, and he's stuck in, he's like, a lot of sap.
A lot of sap. So it cuts to that bed scene where she's like talking like you always, and he just has the sappy fingers. Yeah. I love that scene because it's just ripping, and it's quiet. He's ripping in his Time magazine while he's reading it. And then while she's naming the things that he does over the graduations, vacations, like all these things, he's like, goodnight, honey. Kisses her, her hair gets pulled, turns off the lamp, and the whole lamp comes into the bed. Yeah. And it's just, I don't know why that bit gets me every time, but just the lamp coming into bed with him, it's awesome. There's so many good bits in the movie. It's so good.
Can we talk about the Neighbors? Oh, yeah, absolutely, yeah. They were awesome. Julia Louis-Driven, I did not know she was in this movie. It's very, very cool. They were always doing something so fancy and weird. Would it be hipster back then? Yeah, I think so. It was just like, they had their track suits that matched, and they had the Evian bottle, and they were sweating, and their apartment, or their apartment, their house looked super put together. Everything was symmetry and trendy. Almost like a 70s house or something.
Maybe 80s. Are those two in other movies? No. They're rarely at home in the other movies. Right. They're going to Wally World, they're going to Europe, and then they're in Vegas. So this is the only one that takes place at their house. Because we were watching the movie, and the first time those neighbors come out, they're like, ugh, it's Clark. And Renee was like, what did he do to them? Why are they so fucking pissed already? Yeah, why did I hate him so much? Because he's like, yeah, he's just like a dad. He's like a family man. He's just like a lame dad, yeah. And they're late 80s stuck-up hipster people. Oh, yeah. And suits all the time are super fancy. Yeah, and they had like those sweatsuits too. Oh, yeah. Like those made of tinfoil fills with sweat exercise suits. Oh, yeah.
specifically so that you would sweat your ass off and lose a lot of weight. Do you think those two ever had sex? Oh, they were about to until you got the lights lit. Right? You got to sit here in the PJs and her bra and like the lights got lit and they were dropping wine and cheese everywhere. That's amazing. That's what you do. That's how I usually set up my sexual exploration. I have wine and cheese before. Bring out the wine, bring out the cheese. In the bedroom? Yeah. Yeah. Duh. I just think the response would be like, what if it spills? I have one of those memory phone mattresses that you can actually bounce on and the wine glass doesn't spill.
Yeah, but if it does spill, then memory foam. I get my money back. Okay. All right. Hey, let's watch another clip from the movie. Yes. Let's watch. Wait, the first test. A bit nipply. Let's watch this one. This whole speech is amazing. This is great. Can I show you something? I was just smelling. Smiling. I was just browsing. Your wife or your girlfriend? What happened? I guess it wouldn't be any.
Wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they are. Hotter than they are. It is warm in here. Well, you have your coat on. Oh, do I? How did that happen? Because it's cold out? Yes, yes. It is. It's a bit nipply out. I mean nippy out. What did I say? Nipple? There is a nip in the air, though. Can I take something out for you?
I was just looking at something for my wife. God, rest her soul. God, I'm so sorry. Oh, no, no, she's not dead. We're just divorced. She's history. She's history. And obviously she doesn't wear underwear. There are plenty of shopping days left until adultery's adulthood. Adultery. As in you'll log. Not a log, I don't have a log, but I mean, you know, if I had a log. Not in the sense that you think I said I did. Good golly. Tis the season to be merry. Well, that's my name. Oh, shit. A little rusty. Later to be in Roseanne.
What? Nice. There's always, if you've seen Vacation, there's always a woman that he's... I was going to say that. It seems to be like a formula. There's always a hot woman that he kind of fucks it up with. Flirts with, yeah. He doesn't ever go all the way, obviously, because he's in a loving marriage and loves his wife. But he still kind of wants to be that guy that can do it, I guess. Yeah, yeah. I'm glad his son is familiar enough with his flirtatious ways that he's just like, oh, there goes Dad, potentially cheating on my mother. Classic Dad. I'll just go see what's up.
So can anyone relate to, that's what I like about this movie too, it mentions the family coming, how annoying that can be at some points. Can you relate to this movie at all? Oh, absolutely. Yeah? I just think that there's always, with my family specifically, there's always just a lot of stress when family comes around. And my parents, I mean, my relatives probably listen to this, but whenever there's any sort of family celebration, there's always people who want to stay at our house, and that's always a big thing of stress for my dad and my mom. They just never really want to have people in their space, which I totally understand. Being an adult and having people want to sleep on your couch or whatever, it's always invading your personal space, and it's just that kind of thing. That's something that I didn't, I guess you'd call it a hole in a movie.
the parents come, both sets, so you have four parents, and in a scene they show, they're all like trying to sleep, and the two parents are right beside each other, which is hilarious, I think it's Clark's parents, where his mom's asleep, and his dad's like reading Sass magazine, because they're obviously in the daughter's room, to like girl it out and stuff, and then they cut to the children, the two, the brother and sister, Rusty and, I can't remember her name, makes high life. And they are Audrey. Audrey. Rusty and Audrey. And they're sharing a bed. I don't know where they are, but they're sharing a bed. And that's really weird, but it's Christmas. They're showing that weirdness that they have to make accommodations. But then in the very next scene, the other two parents are in bunk beds. Bunk beds. I thought about that too. Why didn't they stay in the bunk beds? Right. And then the dad's looking at the poster. Yeah. And the dad's looking at that poster of the sexy lady or whatever. And he's like, yeah, why didn't they stay wherever they were? Unless it was like a couch. Who knows? Like a pullout couch and they just wouldn't do it or something. Yeah. I don't know. I thought that was maybe one thing in the movie. I was like, I thought about that too. And I was like, maybe I just missed something. Maybe I just missed something. And you know. Yeah.
I never once had both sets of grandparents in my house for any holiday. Really? That would have been a nightmare disaster. Wow. The only time I ever remember...
Both my grandparents being in the same room together is when one of my grandfathers passed away. There was I didn't mean to bring the room down at all I'm just saying that like Whenever I see that in a movie, I'm like I can't even believe that they live in the same area Oh, yeah, maybe it was like travel or something. No, we all lived in the Rochester area But it was never maybe that's like the other own place to sleep in I guess so maybe all my grandparents were homeless They'd be over at my house more often Maybe. Did you have a favorite character? Oh, I was about to say that. Besides, I mean, Clark is a great, obviously. Yeah, I know. I don't want to say it's obvious, but did you have a favorite character? Oh, my God. Okay, so I don't know his name, but he's like the great uncle who comes in and he's wearing the very obvious toupee. Uncle Eddie, I think. Uncle Eddie? Or no, it's Cousin Eddie. Cousin Eddie. It's Uncle, I don't know. Yeah, the uncle who has the toupee on and he's married to the woman who's like going through dementia or whatever. Oh, yeah. And he... Hysterically, by the way, in this movie. Yes! They make dementia seem hilarious. Oh, man, I wish... Okay, so we don't have the clip pulled up, but there's a part where they tell his wife to say grace.
And so... Grace, she died 30 years ago. And then he points to his mouth and goes, the blessing! Say the blessing! And it's just, I wanted to keep... And he burns the tree down and he's like, what's the matter with you? Right, right. Yeah, he's just so like... I liked him a lot. He's old and doesn't give a shit. Yeah, I just wanted to keep impersonating him throughout. What about you, Pete? Did you have a favorite character? That guy cracked me up. I still can't get past that scene where he... Why is he pointing at his teeth? Because it's like, read his lips, I guess. Yeah, read my mouth. The blessing. That's what I thought. It's just so funny, but the way he did it was so funny. You have a clip of it? Yes. Great. All right. Let's pull it up.
Cousin Eddie's outfit. Amazing. So happy. Gotta have crystal stemware at a Christmas party. Before we begin, since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of grace. What, dear? Grace! Grace! She passed away 30 years ago. They want you to say grace. The blessing! Look at him just like...
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands. One nation, liberty and justice for all. Amen. Amen. I would say one of my favorite characters is Ellen's dad, his father-in-law. Yeah. You can tell he just is not impressed with Clark at all the whole movie. One big one is when the lights don't work, and Audrey's like, he worked real hard on it, granddad. And he's like, so do washing machines. He has all these quotes, and then when he gets the lights to work, he's going around saying like, Dan loves the ghost blowjobs.
They're going around once the lights are all lit. And he's like, Mom, I love you. Dad, you taught me everything I knew about exterior illumination. Hugging everybody and he gets to him. And then he calls him whatever his name is. He's like, whatever. Let's say his name was, I don't remember his name. But it's like, Raymond. Ray. Dad. He's like, thanks for being here. And he just, the little lights aren't twinkling. Thanks for pointing that out. Not impressed at all. Oh, I love it. He's just never going to be pleased. He's never going to be satisfied with the man who married his daughter. His precious daughter. Can we talk about the words he uses to describe things in this movie? Yeah.
Like, he, there's phrases I've never heard, like when the truck's on their ass at the very beginning of the scene, and he's like passing them, and he's all like, eat my road. He's like, he says grit lip eater, or like grit, he's like, some slang term I've never heard, like grit lip eater or something. I'm like, what did he just say? And then like you did in the opening thing, it's like the 30 word, like, that no good, snot licking, heartless, hopeless, dickless. Like, he just goes on and just says these like lizard licking. He had a much better array of curse terms than I did. Yeah.
holy shit where's the Tylenol yeah I love the end of that whole speech where's the Tylenol where's the Tylenol you know when we were talking about Polar Express on the last episode we were talking about there's a scene have you seen Polar Express I have not I've read the book as we all have but it's like a relatively straightforward nice movie about a train ride but then there's what Dan we're not talking about we're not talking about he did pull up the he did do the freaks out scene Dan I hate you so much Scott, have you seen Polar Express? No, but I've read the book. Yeah, as we all have. But we were talking about Polar Express, and there was one scene that was super spooky compared to the rest of the movie, where he goes into the broken toy room. And we were like, it seems like every Christmas movie just sticks in one scary scene to freak kids out. I don't think this movie had one, did it? There was no scary scene. Oh, I'm seeing nodding. Was there one scary scene? Was it under the truck? Yeah. It was hilarious.
Okay, so when he gets trapped in the attic, that might be... When he gets trapped in the attic, that might be seen as a little fear. I guess for scary as an adult is when he said he didn't have enough money to cover the deposit. Then he got Jelly of the Month Club. That's some real fear right there. That's the gift that keeps on giving all year round, Clark. Yeah, you're right about quotable. I love this movie because of the quotes. Or just the certain scenes. I mean, Cousin Eddie obviously is phenomenal.
And I didn't realize how much Chicago was represented in this movie until I moved here. I was like, man, like bear's hat. Which he wears, I read, he does wear that same hat every movie. Oh, that's good. Yeah, he wears that same bear's hat. And yeah, the Blackhawks, I never picked up on as a kid because I didn't care about hockey. I didn't live here, yeah. Well, we want the moose glasses. I was at a party last year that had that. You can buy them online. Yeah, he got them for Christmas and it was the Wally. They're Wally World glasses, right? Yeah, the eggnob. And there's things that I noticed watching it this last time around that I actually use in my real life. Like what? Well, there's a scene where he's really pissed that the lights don't come on. And he's kicking things around and he's like, you know.
screwing reindeer it up. And then he finally, for one last, he's going to plug it in. He's like, kick, kick, kick. It says that noise. And I took that as a kid. Whenever I used to work out, if I ever pick up something heavy, I just go, kick, kick, kick. I just say it just because, from that movie. That's great. It's like, oh, wow, I do that probably because of this movie. It just stuck with me. That's really similar to a story Dan told us about. Yeah. That's your dancer. Exactly. It's so funny. I feel like everybody picks up weird things from movies they watched when they were a little kid, and they don't remember why they do it. And another one is the eggnog when he finds out he eats Jelly of the Month.
He doesn't get his Christmas bonus. So he goes right over to the eggnog. He just dips this thing and he's like, it's good. It's good. It's real good. And I do that sometimes. Like if I drink something, I go, it's good. It's good. It's real good. And I never really noticed why I do that. Like I forget. I forgot like why, where that came from or anything. And then watching this movie because of this. I was like, oh, that's why I do that. Things just stick with you. Oh, it's the Jilly of the Month. Let's watch the Jilly of the Month clip real quick. Sure. You got a pool. Couldn't afford it. Clark, what's wrong? Honey. It's bigger than you expected? Smaller? What is it?
How do you replace the tree?
with a big ribbon on his head. And I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lip, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol? Where's the Tylenol? Nice. Classic. Oh, so good. Such a good movie. Love it. It's just a movie you can watch every Christmas. Still laugh, doesn't get old.
Hell yeah. I don't think I've ever watched it outside of Christmas though. That's weird about Christmas movies. Yeah, right? I wonder if it would hold up like in July. Like if you watch a movie. I might give that a try. Yeah? I watch it again in July and I'll let you know. Sweet. Seems like the only month that Christmas also works. Yeah, Christmas in July. Oh, that's right. That's kind of a thing. Try it in October. All right. I'll definitely do that. So, um...
there's one last clip I want to play and it's my favorite scene of the movie because it's so silly and it's so dated. If you watch it, the special effects, no, you can just leave it right there, Dan. So the effects on this are just so ridiculous over the top. And yeah, that's another thing I kind of want to bring up, this is perfect, is of all the slapstick jokes, like some are maybe a tad over the top, but they're not. Like, you know, you can get hit by like when he's in the attic and he keeps getting hit by the board. That's hilarious. That can happen. Maybe getting stuck between the truck was a little much at the beginning. But there's a lot of things that happen. Falling off the roof, stapling his like...
sleeve everything that happens to him is real it seems like it's a real thing that can happen maybe a little over the top of this scene is just like okay that's yeah it's like it just kind of takes you out of it but still funny but like yeah it does kind of take you out of that whole realism but oh it's hilarious and okay so uh the music it's very uh poignant to the whole being dated thing and uh the green screen effect so let's just watch later dudes you notice his sled uh was smooth if you look right here he has a boom I've never seen such a steep hill in Illinois. The music sounds like a training video from Wendy's or something. Yeah. They say he ran out of gas money outside of Gurney. It's definitely a suburb. Oh, speaking of Wally World. They can do his click.
it. Bingo. My favorite part about that clip is that he's going and going and going and goes down the street and then into a parking lot and then it cuts back to Eddie and they're all watching like they can see where he is. They can still see him. Like, ugh, Walmart. I think they were just hearing like, okay. Yeah, that's. Oh boy. Well, I think unfortunately we have to wrap up this wonderful episode that we've had. I know, I'm so sorry guys. I really am. So, let me just go ahead and say one more time, this movie was fantastic. You loved it? I loved it. I'm so glad you introduced me to it. It's great. I love having the excuse to watch movies that I end up falling in love with, which is the case with it. Did your friends like it too?
How'd you like it, Pete? I loved it. I 100% loved it. I didn't know. I was just honestly surprised that it held up as well as it did. Yeah. I mean, it's not super old, but it's old enough that it could. 89, I believe. Yeah, 89. It could be like, yikes. But it was awesome. It was just really clever and funny.
Great. So we'll go ahead and have, we'll have our very special guests, Morty and Ava, come on and talk about. I don't know if the audience knows for sure who that is. Well, we'll let them know in a second. Dan's parents, right? Before we get to that, why don't we ask Scott, is there anything that you want to plug? I mean, CSI podcast I'm a part of, Chicago Style Improv. I am 50% of the hosts along with my buddy Matt Patton. You can find that on secondwindcollective.com along with this podcast. So yeah, definitely want to plug that.
Yes. And I have a rap album coming out soon. I don't know when, but it's called Role Models. R-O-L-L. Oh, boy. What? Play on words. Oh, my God. That's all I know. I'm looking forward to that. All right. Well, thank you so much, Scott, for being our guest. And we'll go ahead. So we're going to have our guests, Morty and Ava, come in. It's Morty and Ava Rosenblum. They are famous film critics. They're very, if I may say, a little crotchety. This is later than they usually stay up for these kind of things. So they might be a little grumpier than usual. Crap. But they love each other very much. They don't like movies all too much from what we can tell. And why don't we go ahead and have them?
Come in. Yeah, where are they going to sit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Move over. Thank you. My God, what a deep seat this is. Right? I was sitting in that earlier. I will never get out of this chair. This is the first time I've seen Dan's apartment. Daniel. There's a lot of creaky spots in the floor of your house, Daniel.
Shut up. Stop talking. That is the only time you're allowed to talk on our podcast. Turn your microphone off, young boy. We thought that we were going to a live recording of a podcast in some sort of theater or studio. Look at this ragtime group of folks over here. People on their phones, people on couches, people on, what is it, kitchen chairs. Somebody has a hole in the sock. Thanks for coming, everyone. I saw a sign on the door that said ugly sweaters, but all I can see are very beautiful sweaters like the one that I am wearing. Yeah, I was going to compliment you on your sweater. Take it easy. Did you put the lights in?
Sorry, Morty. I was just wondering if she put the... He's allowed to compliment me. Are the lights... Did you put the light-ups in there as well? Yes, I sure did. Yes, they're very, very... It took me a very long time to put it together. I don't care for the placement of the snowflakes on that sweater. Right. It's a little too provocative. Because they're right on my narples? Is that why? And they're flashing. They're definitely right flashing. Ding dong, those are my boobies. Tis the season. Am I right, Morty? Am I right? For a lot of women, Halloween is the time to show off your body. But forever, it's Christmas.
That is what I like. You shouldn't have two Rudolphs on your sweater. Because there's only one Rudolph. Not in my book. Ding dong. So what did you guys think of the movie? Oh my God, Morty hated it. It was one of the worst Christmas films I've ever seen. Are you serious? I go to watch a movie to escape from my everyday life. I don't go to the movies to just see a mirror image of my own son being upset with me for losing my mind.
I'm so sorry that I didn't think of it that way. It's so real that you just couldn't connect with it. You just thought it was a documentary. It's just about another flawed family like mine. You know what? You know what? I actually like the movie except for that little scoundrel, Eddie. He's the one. He reminds me so much of my cousin. My cousin, Fredward. Fredward? Fredward!
Fredward is the character that would come to my place unannounced and say, may I sleep on your couch, Ava? And I am only obligated to say, sure, of course, you're family. I had never met Fredward. Fredward clogs my turlet every time he comes to visit me. We had been married. She must have related with that a lot. Yes. Oh, shit, it was full. Yes, I don't like to use that word. Oh, I'm sorry. Yes, the turlet was full. We'd been married for 20 years. At the time. And I had never met Fredward. Then we invested in HBO. And guess who comes to the door? Ding dong, Fredward is here. Oh, man. He wanted to watch Eddie Murphy in his red leather jacket. Raw. Raw.
Can I just say that those were the best weeks of my life? Shut up! How does that feel for me to say that to you? You said it to us, Daniel. I remember you had the greatest week of your life because Fredward let you try a milk beverage and you thought he was Jesus. Oh, he's so cool. Uncle Fredward came to visit. He's not even your uncle. He's not his cousin. He's his second cousin, yeah. Which I've noticed in this movie, I don't know if you picked that up, but the little kids would call him uncle and they're not really uncles. But I did that growing up. I had an Uncle Tim that was actually a cousin, but it's just better to say uncle. When you're an adult, you can just turn friends into uncles and aunts because kids have small brains.
That's true. That's true. They don't know why somebody's an aunt or an uncle. They're not. I've had to explain to my nephew many times why his mom is my sister, and I can't get it across to him. It goes right over the head. Yes. Like a sled over a heap of snow, you know, like the movie. Yes. And trying really hard. But it's just so real life. I guess you guys can really relate to it as a movie because you're used to just families not getting along and Christmas being miserable. But you don't seem like someone that would overcook a turkey.
So that had to be hilarious for you. Easy? What the hell is that supposed to mean? She seems like she's very gifted in the kitchen. Yes. She's a motherly type. Thank you so much. Why don't you just take her on a date if you're going to hit on her so far? Well, why not, Morty? You can't just say something about a woman's turkey. All right, Morty, how about you? He's grumpy. Go ahead, say something about my turkey. I want to say something. You seem like someone that loved putting up decorations outside. You look like a hands-on kind of man when you were younger. You probably love... Excuse me? Are you trying to hit on my husband? No. You're calling him hands-on? Well, that's... I do love to stick my hand in a deep...
cloud together and take out some leaf gardens. What? What? I don't know. Go on. Yeah, you keep talking. That was it. Okay. I don't know. I thought we were going to have a three-way. Okay, let's get this over with. Not a damn house. No, no, no. No. I forgot my son is here. This is what happens.
He's hurt. He's hurt. You guys forget I'm here every episode. I'm just trying to compete with Fredward for the cool factor. Good luck. What's on the screen right now? So what about your neighbor? What was your neighbor's name? It's Ghostbusters. Our neighbor? Yeah, the annoying neighbor that would always come over. Conrad McLewis. Oh, Conrad McLewis. Did you guys ever have competitions putting up Christmas lights or was it ever a thing in the neighborhood? He threw rocks at his house. How effective was it? He would hang up lights and I would break a window. Oh, he learned his lesson. I won the competition. I didn't have to put up lights and he had to pay for it.
Now, something that bothered me, and I think maybe it bothered you guys, I don't know why, I assume that, but in this movie, a lot of things broke. The ceiling, the windows, I mean, a lot of windows. There's so many damages to the house. Did that bother you in your head? You were trying to factor in, oh, this is going to cost way more than the pool. I knew they'd have to take out a second mortgage on that home, for sure. There was so much damage to the house that bothered me the whole time. That's a huge deal. The china got broke. They don't show any of that because it's not entertaining for a movie, but you know.
That's why they took a long break before they made Vegas vacations. They were trying to pay off their home. They couldn't take another vacation. They couldn't take another vacation for another ten years because they were trying to pay off the damages. It's very special to go to Las Vegas when you have a hole in your ceiling and a burnt cat in your carpet. It smells. Every window because of the SWAT team.
Maybe the police force paid for those broken movies. You're right. There's a lot of plot holes in this movie. There were a lot of costs that weren't addressed. I just thought it was sloppy filmmaking. So what do you rate it then? Yeah, what do you give it? I give it one out of seven Walmart receipts. Oh my goodness. That is maybe the lowest score you've ever given a movie. That's crap. This is perhaps the worst Christmas film I've ever seen. And I saw, I was going to say I saw Cat in the Hat, but that's not a Christmas movie. That's not a Christmas movie. Not at all. No.
Not at all. You could watch it on Christmas. But I do think Cat in the Head is a better Christmas film than this movie. Oh, man. Oh, dear. I see. Okay. I certainly like the movie a little bit more than Morty. I gave it three out of five dry turkeys. Oh, I like that. Yes, yes. The only two stars or turkeys I took away were because it reminded me too much of my family. And I thought, oh, dear, this is hard to watch. Yeah, especially around Christmas, too. Yes, yes. It's coming out. God forbid you think about your family. Oh, there's Dan. Jesus Christ. Why don't you play your stupid Ghostbusters blowjob clip again? I got news for you, Daniel. Sam is not real. You guys are cranky after eight.
aren't you yes it is my bedtime quickly Scott what do you rate this movie I've got to give it 10 out of 10 broken Christmas lights he really likes it I love it well great is this your favorite Christmas movie favorite Christmas of all time favorite Christmas movie of all time good luck in life you just have to appreciate that this man has standards that he sticks by just like you have a son and see where your standards go yes I hope he's just like Rusty impregnate some woman and then we'll talk I hope he's wearing a Christmas sweater that lights up Two snowflakes. Jesus Christ. Ding dong! Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, bing-bong, has a very shiny nose like my nipples. And if you ever saw them, saw them, you would even say they're pookie for an old lady. Good night, everyone.