Do you think there's any gangs that listen to our podcast? I don't know if the whole gang gets together, but surprise, I'm gang members that have listened for sure. Yeah, I think so and see if these white boys up today. Yeah, I feel like that.
Yeah. I've told this dude's story so many times. One of my favorite comedy stories and he just hit me up. He's like, just giving you a heads up.
I'm the guy you're talking about in the story. His name is Adam Bloom. He's a comedian from the UK. And I got it.
I was told this by a bunch of Brit British comics because I was I'm obsessed with stand-up. I was talking about stand-up. I was talking about stand-up. They're like, yeah, they're like, Adam Bloom's like that.
So Adam Bloom had a girlfriend who wanted to break up with him. And she said, I'm just all you talk about stand-up. Can you go to dinner one night for 30 minutes and not talk about stand-up? And he goes, of course I can do that.
She goes, you can do 30 minutes without talking about stand-up. He goes, yeah, give me the light of 28. Fucking love that. And he just hit me up on Twitter.
He goes, you know, I'm the guy that you guys, I tell the story all the time. And I always go, I don't know who the fuck it is. It's Adam Bloom. Adam Bloom.
Adam Bloom. I just kind of a bunch of UK comics. Like the UK comedy scenes fucking cool as fuck because they all do coke. They're all like, they're fucking real, you know, our comedy scene.
Fuck man. How does those two weeks go? I'm out of trick right now. Yeah, you want to get me a drink, please it off.
Yeah. I fuck it, dude. Fuck it. Fucking just someone who acknowledge how great my arms look.
My arms look, look at this. I mean, that's like fucking legit arm, dude. Look at that. It's very legit.
Do you tremble when you fuck your muscles out? My baby arm. Not looking too bad. Not too bad.
It looks fucking nice, dude. Yeah. How do you feel about getting recognized? Because you know people were recognizing you at dinner?
Well, I was facing the wall. Oh, because I was looking at everyone looking at us. Oh, yeah. I don't know.
I'm not good at it. You're better at it, for sure. Yeah. I think I always wanted it.
I think you really like we're going to be very candid. I think that I think that this is going to sound like, what is this neutral? Real-fock assault reduces. How about like a couple of ice?
Let's really take this to the next level. We're going to be honest about it. Yeah. I really think when I was in, when I really think that there is a thing that I say fame for lack of better words, but getting recognized that it does to certain people.
And I bet the majority of people that got in this business, it fixed them. So, look, I'm a steam, but how does that fix it? I'll tell you, I'm going to, so like, I, this is, well, this is probably way too revealing. Here's a problem with me is I tell, I say things on this show that I'm saying to you and don't realize I'm saying it to them also.
That's my biggest fucking fault. No, I have my biggest fault. Wow, let's do a list, first biggest flaws. Oh, boy.
How fucking long? Give me a number of how many flaws you think I could just rattle off right now. Not my head. You can probably do 10 pretty well.
10 is my number. That was my number and accuracy. It's not one of my flaws. So, no, but like, so we went to, when George was a baby, you'll never experience this, interestingly enough.
You'll never get this. When George was a baby, we went to a very popular preschool for like celebrities went there. Who played Steve Prefontaine? Who's Billy Crudup went there?
Yeah. Nardalos, Villanardalos, Nia Vardalos, her husband, Iain Gomez, Fred Savage, like a bunch of people. I was who I am today then, but I, I felt like a failure. So, I didn't have any money.
Like, I felt like a phony, you know, like, and I remember. Like, I'm an entertainment too. Yeah, and I remember making a joke and it didn't go over well and I was embarrassed for who I was, right? Like, I didn't have confidence to just stand on the joke, good joke.
Fred Savage was playing with a bunch of kids and all these moms were like, he's really great dad. He's really, really great dad. I was like, I'm in my head, I was like, we're all fucking great dads. It's just like, I'm on over, he's not, that's why he's down on the floor and I'm on the floor.
And so, and so then they were like, no, he is a great dad. And, but you knew that. Like knowing, cause we know him his whole life, like, watched him on TV. Like, we knew he'd be a great dad.
I'm like, that's different. And I just said, what's kind of shocking considering who his father was and they're like, wait, who's his father? We've been serious. I'm like, yeah, I go, Randy the macho man Savage.
And they're like, what? And I said, yeah, his mom's beautiful is with that. You didn't know that. And then they're like, oh my God, that would make sense Hollywood kid.
And then someone came up to me like, hey, man, they're like, don't do that. You can't talk shit about celebrity people or whatever. And I was so embarrassed. There's my sense of humor.
And I'd stand by it today. I was so embarrassed that I was this loser that, you know, like that, and then when I got success in comedy, it made me feel, I was, I didn't overthink things. Like I'm like, not even success. Like I think travel channel was like, that's all the level of success I needed.
But like, I remember not feeling like a loser. Like I felt like such a fucking loser dad. And then success makes you feel like, especially when someone goes, hey man, I watched your show last night. You're like, I don't have to sit there and over talk and be like, oh, I have these things going on.
I'm gonna do that, and then I fucking face fuck my clean black. Yeah. Man, that was like. On the table.
On the table. And then I had to go to drop off. I'm thinking of by the way, how I definitely have and like, if I were in that situation where you're joking, go over and don't do that, I would probably get banned from the school because I would just become completely anti-social personality disorder psycho, you know? Like being told, don't do that.
Oh, it would make me so crazy. Oh, it made me crazy. You wanna know how it made me crazy because I was being, I don't know. Like I just had a flashback to being crazy.
Let me hear it. At this dog park, in LA. Yeah. This is not, the origin of it is not telling a joke, but it is like a lady was in this park.
And they have the, in the dog parks, there are lots of separated small dogs and big dogs. And this lady had her big dog in the small dog park. So I go, hey, a little big to be on this side, don't you think? Yeah.
And she's like, oh, well, he, he's not dangerous. And I go, yeah, it's not a dangerous separation. It's small dogs and big dog. She had a big fucking dog.
Yeah, what's her name, Leanne? A hundred pound dog. Because Leanne used to do that with Priscilla. Oh, she brings Priscilla into the little dog.
She goes, well, she thinks she's a little dog. I go, but she's not. And that's, but she's not. Yes, but she's not.
Now I'm going to argue that this is because they were winning, that they were doing it. They were breaking the rules. They were breaking the, wow, wow, Belly. Yeah.
They were breaking the rules because they did it. Yeah. And she was, and she was breaking the rules because nobody calls her out and she did the same thing. She goes like, she's like, harmless.
And she thinks she's a small dog. I go, oh, do you think that my small dog knows that your dog thinks that it's small? Yeah. I go, it looks like a fucking rhino next to this dog.
Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. And, and then she's like, she's like, and she started, she started like, sitting under her breath. And then I don't know, I called her an asshole.
And then she called over another man, like, like, he was going to, I don't know, come to save her or something. And then I was just like, fuck you and fuck you two. The parks were placed where we're crazy and it's going to break down. Yeah, I lost my shit.
When we were at the school, because I had to fucking, by the way, take my dog out of there because I could tell he was scared of the big dog. So I was like, you're fucking up this park for everybody. You entitled cunt. When we were at that school, we had a big closing day picnic and Billy Crudup had broken up with his wife or his girlfriend, the one that they had a child with and was dating, I don't know, a new actress, and someone at our, we had a big closing day parade, or like a picnic, and someone took pictures of them at that picnic and sold it to like Star Magazine at our school.
And of course they all thought it was me. Did those you? Yeah. And I had a fucking, I mean, I had a kid, so I had a camera, it was when cameras were like a thing.
So I had a big lens on it. And so I looked like it showed up to me. Like someone was like, you did have a photo. And then you show up with like new shit, the next weekend, they're like, hey, but they thought it was me and I, and I have that, whatever the thing is, where is, I behave guilty, even if I'm innocent, I behave guilty.
So, and I, I mean, I fucking was like, Billy Crunup didn't think it was me. He didn't, but all the other parents did. And I was like, and I started behaving guilty, and fucking everywhere, so I wanted to make sure they know that I was at the camera. You equipment all the time.
Put like a thing over your head. Hey, how long did Bonnie and Clyde date before they were, where they killed? Why did they not? I was curious about Bonnie and Clyde.
I haven't done even in love. It's great. Well, and I've fallen a lot easier. I believe that, but then looking back, don't you also go, oh, I thought I was in love, and then you know you were in love.
Like they're different, right? That's it, then it's just once, because it was, it's Leanne. I couldn't ever, I always found flaws in all the women. Well, fighting flaws is normal.
Yeah, I would be disgusted by them. Like, just be like, I cheated. And so like, I just, I was never, I don't think I was ever in love, love, love. Like I was like, like eighth grade, I was in love with, and eighth grade, I probably could have, that was like the first time I ever experienced love.
And that was like hard fucking core. Yeah, it's overwhelming at that age. Overwhelming, I remember she broke up with me and I cried, and I was like, what the fuck is this? And I was, I was like, whoa, this fucking sucks.
And then, and then eighth grade, probably, I mean, I love like, I have, I feel like one of the chicks that I dated in high school, I genuinely love her to this day, but she's more like a sister. Like we were, she's my sister's age. And we dated her. Yeah, I dated her and so she, but I feel like she's a sister.
Like I feel like we'll always have a connection of like, I think we were kind of like first loves, you know? Sure. But we were so young, we didn't have whenever I had sex or anything. And then, and then I was safe.
I was definitely in love with my college girlfriend. And then the one, next one, so maybe four, four, five. If I ever look at it, one of your ex-girlfriends now, and there's a check I did in ninth grade, and I saw her on Instagram, she looks fucking better than she did in ninth grade. Really?
I know, I pull her up. Oh man. Pull her up. Just edit that out.
I saw her last night on taking a shit on my Instagram. Let's go Instagram. Yep, that's right, I saw her 236 followers. Doesn't give a fuck about anything.
That's right there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She looked better than she did in ninth grade. Nice getting over.
Maybe that's all a picture of her. Okay, no mind nor past. Whatever, this is just fucking spiraled into shit. Yeah, for me, times we've been in love.
I think that's the thing is like, I was making the point where I look back and I was like, on that time I thought I was, but I wasn't. It was just like an infatuation. I think the two of those two of those, you can probably take them off my list. Yeah, I think it's three total for me.
Yeah, I'm gonna go with solid three. Solid three. Would I cover up a murder for them? Okay, at the time, one, two, yeah, all three, yeah.
I mean, now I'd have to let the one take the fucking rap for sure, I'd probably be like, no, it was her. Oh, if the end killed someone, I'd be like, I'm so sorry, I love you. I love you. You call immediately?
You're like, okay, just go take a shower. Okay, hold on, let's take a shower. Hold on, let's take a shower. Yeah, but would you cover up a murder for Christina?
Because here's the thing. I'm like, Leanne murder someone, right? Right. And like, our neighbor comes over, right?
Yeah. And says something, you just don't like our bitch. I'll fuck you up and start talking shit and then Leanne pulls out a gun and shoots him. And then she goes, oh my God, I thought he had a gun.
Bird helped me. I would have, part of me goes, I would definitely help her. But then the other part of me goes, I'd be like, hey, we're not gonna cover this up. Well, we're gonna get caught.
Why don't you just do the time? Yeah. And let me do the girls. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm not gonna, like, I'm not gonna cover up the murder. Great. Like there's gonna be something, we're gonna leave something out.
Yeah. It's tough too. And also that's an impulse murder. You know, you didn't like pre-med it.
You gotta like play it out. There's so many loose ends on that. Of course, yeah. And also, I mean, the first thing right away is you're like, oh, did somebody in the immediate vicinity hear that gunshot?
And you know, someone to come right now. And then you gotta like- I didn't hear that body through the house. So then when the cops do show up, they're like, did you hear a gunshot? You gotta play dumb, huh?
I didn't hear anything. I couldn't, how many of these women could you cut up and dispose of a body with? With? With?
I mean, I can't even put a fucking desk for my kid together with me. Well, yeah, it's a good point. I mean, I think one. Who?
The fucking hardcore one? Really? Yeah, I think she would be, like, Christina would be like, you know, feel it. But, God damn it, I'm doing all the fucking work.
I'm so sorry. I'm gonna, yeah. Yeah, I feel like the- Oh, I don't think I could cut up a body. The Spanish-making one would do it.
I couldn't cut up a body. I couldn't cut up a body. I mean, no, I think it'd be really hard to cut up a body. How would you cut up a body?
I mean, if you had to do it, you'd definitely want an electrical, you know, like a chainsaw or something. To do it, like, manually, it would be fucking crazy. So, I mean, you gotta break the bones. You gotta have, like, a hammer with you.
Hold on, hold on. Hold on a second. Just a second. How do I dismember a body?
Well, yeah, but I'm telling you. You definitely have to break those bones. Okay, how many pieces do you cut in? Well, you'd want, you'd want, like, to cut the hands off, cut the arms, like, at the elbow, cut them at the shoulder, and then you'd cut the head off.
So, you just had a torso? Yeah, the torso was part of me. You cut the feet off, cut them at the knees. You're trying to, like, you know, make it a lot easier to dispose of.
Could you do that, you think? No. You'd be fucking absolutely sick out of your mind. Remember, we just tried to process an emu when we were gagging?
Oh, man. A human being. Oh, my God. But the chainsaw did help a lot.
I mean, if you had to do it. A chainsaw is the way to go. You gotta have a chainsaw. Chainsaw would be the fucking...
It'd be the shit. Yeah. If you killed that guy and then you had a chainsaw, yeah. Fuck man.
You know, you gotta have a room designated for that kind of shit. Jeffrey Dahmer, Jeffrey Dahmer had people in his, that's Isla's favorite fucking podcast, is this thing about, like, murder. And why did women, like, murder so much? I don't know, maybe because they feel like they're so vulnerable.
They're so close to getting murdered. Well, it can, you realize that, like, we do this thing, your brain does it automatically for you as a man. Whenever you meet a man or you walk into a room, without you even thinking about it, your brain calculates, can that guy kill me? Right?
Your brain just tells you all the time. You're like, I can take that guy, that guy can kill me. I walk into the fucking producing room, I go, I just look around, I go, lollipops. Lollipops.
I can lick everyone over. Yeah. So, but I think a woman walks through a lot of society, going, like, all these people can kill me if they want. So that, like, you become, like, a potential victim all the time.
It's amazing that a woman, whatever, like, challenged you in this dog park knowing full well, that's like crazy that she could, you could be a psycho and just lose your fucking shit. Yeah. And beat her to death. And the truth is, I want to do it.
I want to do it, I fucking, man. It's entitlement, I think, makes me rage so fucking hard. Like, real genuine, you know, we do, like, jokey stuff. We joke about, like, when someone really is like that, I just want to, I don't know, my blood just boils, you know?
She's like, well, I decided to be over here. I was like, what? You know that this is designated for a reason, right? Yeah, but not to me.
It doesn't mean it's not a planet yet. Yeah, that makes me fucking crazy. I was in an elevator in Canada one time. And the girls, these two girls were talking French.
And I said, I heard the word, etage, which means floor, but it's also the same word in Russian. I said, what language are you guys talking? And this girl goes, French, no way the fuck you are stupid. And I wanted to go, oh, you know, I could just fucking make this whole elevator red right now.
I can make this whole, I wanted to paint this red with your blood I can't move your blood. I'll beat you. And then, but I just stand there and just stand there and go, cool. Yeah.
And there's like, etage floor, please. There's like, por favor, you know, 1300 men in the world who would have just beat their heads into the wall. Oh, there's more, there's more, there's countries, all of them. There are countries where that conversation does not happen that way.
There are countries. What? Yeah, they go, what fucking? Yeah.
We put a tire around you and like, you want fire. I know it's fucking it's crazy. I just fucking, I remember shaking. I was so angry.
Yeah. Learn what country you are stupid. You were in. I wasn't fucking fucking Montreal or whatever.
And so like, I guess I should have been paying it. I mean, I just was like, I saw I wasn't, I was in Edmonton. And I was like, and I just, I forget that the fucking Canadians speak French. Yeah.
They're slippery like that. I forget. The fucking you can't trust them. And you can trust Canadians.
No, no, no, no. Or the quickest to fucking switch it on you. Switch it on you. And then all of a sudden, it's a revolution.
Yep. They start talking in French to each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I go here, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to do this.
I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to do this. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm going to do this. This is my impression.
Let's do some impressions today. You're born the audience. You're really good at this. This is my impression.
Isn't it cool when like, were we talking about chefs recently? I don't know. I think we were. OK.
Were we talking about, did you have good evening experiences with chefs? Yes. And OK. So many holy shit.
You know what fucking happened to us? We were in Rochester, New York. And I didn't think anything of what that would be like, like, I think there's there's there's when you tour as heavily as we do you're in a lot of cities You know and then your cities you're like, I guess we're just gonna pass through right right just by the way It looks a lot like Serbia keep going. Ha ha ha so Rochester by the way, it's it's a fascinating story about How a city be you know really thrived at one point.
I mean did it well like you know vouchnamo Xerox Kodak what we're all there Kodak give me pull up the history of How many employees Kodak at one point at in Rochester 60,000 wait? That's like processing film. I mean it was an absolutely enormous wait come to the story on Rochester But then here's a thing is that the state capital no Syracuse, right? No Albany.
Oh, it's Albany so did you know though that Kodak is one of those cautionary tales in business because you go this company is a fortune 500 company yeah enormous It means 60,000 employees in right? It's like a city within a city you see like their headquarters and you're like holy shit Like just it's enormous, right? Yeah, so you spin Kodak Xerox, Posholom, Wegmans, Gannett, paychecks, Western Union Wow, Raghu. So these were all Raghu.
Yeah, Raghu. Mm-hmm. So Why what what happened here's the story of here's one of the stories of Kodak. Why is everyone laughing?
Because you do Raghu. Raghu. I love Raghu. Raghu.
Raghu is in this spaghetti sauce. Raghu. I love Raghu Raghu and hot sauce are the best. Raghu.
I can fucking go for some spaghetti. Yes. Yes, so Here's that here you want to hear this this is crazy. Can I make an assessment real quick?
These are all things that these are all kind of brands that definitely appeal to you. No, no No, but like Western Union now with like the cash app. Yeah, there you go. You're you're exactly like and so Kodak Obviously, I mean this is it's all these are all businesses that but you're gonna destroy it.
You're gonna shit it with this detail. Okay Kodak develops the digital camera in like the 70s and goes we can't let this get out it'll it'll kill our Business no and they don't patent it. Oh my god. Are you serious?
Yeah, so digital cameras Obviously, so they invent it and don't even get to capitalize on it film becomes obviously less popular as digital Photography grows the company just shrinks and now they have two thousand employees and they you know regularly have been selling off parts of the company for Years now. So it had like an incredible decline. Oh, look at that Kodak symbol. Yeah Do you think what are the odds that Kodak Black knows what Kodak is?
It's a good question. He's got shot. You know that again and no you got shot at the Super Bowl. He did yeah I got shot in the leg at the Super Bowl.
Yeah, and no not at the right. Yeah in LA. There was a big It's a you can see the video of him getting shot. Really?
Yeah, it was I think it was on Melrose Kodak Black shot What there's footage of it. It's right there Kodak Black shooting. No way. Yeah What it's so funny if you said 1972 a Kodak shooting you just like chillin No way.
No fight breaks out I bet fights follow his ass. Okay Speed it up. You get to the fucking if you said Kodak shooting it means something totally different He's totally drinking outside the club really enjoy Kodak Black You really enjoy him. There's a part of him that is so un that door just opened backwards.
Yeah Oh, there we go. Boom. You got gun. Who has the gun?
I think I there. Yeah, and then he shoots Kodak back in the leg. Oh fuck. Oh my god, dude And then is that person dead right there?
No. Oh my god. Dropped it about a long um Holy shit, man Yeah, LA is wild bro. Who's this guy?
That's who's filming He's he was he's a helmet pop razzi or something, man Those guys are always on their bikes. Oh, yeah, it is pop razzi. Yeah, um That is wild. Yeah, and right now he's like man.
This video is awesome Yeah, this guy this guy's like how I lived you know so funny is uh Kodak talked about the shooting and he's like yeah They got me like I think that's what he said. I started watching it this morning but like there's a part of Kodak Black that is really untethered to um to the idea that like Him and boozy are like they say what they say. Yeah, and I I don't agree with him quite often But I get a kick out. I get a kick out of it.
I get like excited. Yeah Kodak Black to the day said Uh, he's gotten this woman pregnant and he said Uh if this woman has a boy, I'm gonna let her be my girlfriend if she's a girl. It's just a baby mama Hey, in essence. Yeah, it's a daughter.
I'll give you shit about it. It's not really gonna fire my women It's such a funny but it's like He's he is taking what men think to the level that we think it but don't say it sometimes and he's just saying it Like have you ever seen the uh the the parties with the gender reveal parties? You ever see a new pink and the guys are like fuck That's Kodak Black, but he's just being very upfront about his feelings. Yeah, I really like I mean, he's you know, the reason he got shot is because he said about Lauren London.
That's why I got shot That's what I mean. That's what I'm assuming. What did he say? I don't even want to say it, but he said uh, he said Something to the effect that I'm paraphrasing Kodak Black is his words are often more accurate to what he feels But he basically said he'll give her a year to get over the death of nipsey hustle.
Uh, and then she can get it like like I don't see about she's fitting to be a whole widow out here Yeah, and basically he's like he's like she's hot man. I'll give her like a year. I'm paraphrasing Okay, but um and then yeah, I think you had apologize, but but nipsey hustles gang is the biggest gang in los angeles That is the most from what I understand. I don't know I'm not being offensive.
I don't know if nipsey hustle was a gang, but I know you know affiliated or something Sure, but that gang exclusively is like the biggest like toughest gang And that's why they went out there to shoot and they were like and that's what uh iced tea said He was like you just so you know, they don't fuck around like the fucking gang's in LA are fucking next level. They do not fuck around Yeah I'm scy I'm fucking So so so far. Yeah. Yeah I'm happy that gangs are back, you know, there was like that there was that real week period for a while there Where everyone's like do you remember gang violence and you're like and now it's like it's fucking It's on again respect respect guys salute Do you think there's any gangs that listen to our podcast?
I don't know if the whole gang gets together, but uh Surprise some gang members that have listened for sure. Yeah, I think so Let's see what these white boys up to today. Yeah, I feel like that. Yeah, uh potter Yeah, it's interesting it's interesting that like how that How that gang culture lent it itself to hip-hop Like it's interesting that that is the that is the thing that is the permeation that it's gang culture Maybe not sports, you know, wait, what do you like hip-hop and gangs are like are like hand-in-hand But there's so many aspects of of of a black culture that like basketball Yeah, like there's so many aspects of hip-hop and black culture that could have messed but gangs became the one thing that was like Was dominant does that make sense like that?
Gang members became rappers. Yeah. Yeah, sure. The snoop was a gang banger.
Yeah, uh, the game The game's a big fucking dude. Remember when I challenged him to a fight. Yep He's a big fucking dude. I probably wouldn't be a good idea I would love to be friends with him Obviously the gang member and the professional boxer fighting in the casino.
Yes, is it interesting you never want to Trade hands with a fucking actual fighter. It is it's just a whole different thing man They don't they just they're they know so much more about how their body should well It's like a it's instinct stuff, you know, like they like just the way they like slip hunches and the combos and the speed of it All some dude who's just big and tough and throwing haymakers It's you know, you're gonna get you can fight another regular civilian have that go your way But if you're fighting a guy who's really box you're fucked dude. I That's the one thing I wish my dad had taught me to do is learn how to fight Yeah, my dad's like just walk away from every fight That's just all you need to know is never get into a fight I got a one fight in like eighth grade and I won and I didn't feel like I won Like I felt like a piece of shit and my dad made sure to make me feel like a piece of shit for giving Oh, yeah, he's like oh, so he's like do you feel like a man now? You feel like tough do you think that makes you tough?
He's like the guy wasn't that tough and I punched and he's like so what are you gonna like be a fighter now? I mean he like kind of humiliated me for getting into a fight in the first place As opposed to I thought I'd come home and he'd be like you want nice, you know, yeah, fuck yes my boy Yeah, I mean give him a bigger piece of steak today extra rare. Yeah, you deserve it If he's just put me on the lead But no he humiliated me Like he was there like if you ever said the f-word, you know, yeah, if I ever said they're on my dad He would like me up really? Oh, yeah, he didn't like that My dad was like my dad was like my dad's progressive in a weird way Yeah, like but not like uh like he just I remember saying it because it was like the war I learned it when I moved in this new neighborhood.
All the boys when I was 10 That's when that's the one I first heard that word for the first time Summer party of someone's house and then they were they called one of the kids a bundle of sticks. Mm-hmm And uh, and uh, and I and I remember coming came home and I said I call my sister that She's eight. Yeah I called my sister all the day Everything So fucking bad And so I I remember my dad It's uh, he fucking let me up. He's like, what are you?
What are you afraid for your gay? You're like boys? Is that what it is? Why are you saying that?
Why are you saying that? You're the only homophobe people say that people that are afraid they're gay they're gay Look, I love you if you're gay. I'm 10 years old. I'm like, I fucking just heard it.
Okay. Yeah, he's like don't say that word Don't say that don't fucking say that word in this house. Really? Yeah, I mean like that my dad's like He's like he's very very I'm I'm sure he's okay with me saying this very anti-Trump very anti-Trump Like like I can't argue I can't argue from the center with my dad because he hears He's like he's like all the fucking ult comics like you can't just alter Are you from the center because they get all the here is you're all right Yeah, and so that I can't even do that to my dad and then my dad knows I have voted democrat my whole entire life.
Never wants voted with all the good ones My dad is that far like he's like very very liberal like he is all friends over it I didn't realize that but yeah, but he's also I mean he's a regular person So like there's I see the I see like the I see the things that he doesn't know that he's doing that is not super progressive You know like I see certain things but he had some blind spots, but he definitely you couldn't you couldn't say the fucking He just was he didn't like those words. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's probably good, man No, we couldn't yeah, we didn't really we're gonna let it curse We could say racial slurs, but we couldn't like say any cursing You know, that's amazing how prevalent racial slurs were growing up like just in this way it should be man But like Florida is wild Like it's so crazy because like now that I live in LA like and you and obviously everyone we're surrounded with is very progressive-minded To even explain your childhood sounds horrific. You're like now.
It's just a kid. I was just hanging out Like I didn't I was I was the fucking kid. I had a different perspective than you because You grew up there. Yeah, I moved there and I moved there at 14 So yeah, you're you're like a some worldview already.
I didn't have any worldview, but I'm saying like of like other cultures and places in the way and the just casual nature of people's racism in Florida is eye-opening if you just like arrive you're like a 14 Yeah, you're like what's going on and people are like what yeah, and you're like You guys just talk like this and they're like, yeah, oh and dudes grandmas I one of the wildest things I ever heard was someone's grandma at a party at her house And and she just fucking man. I can't even repeat it and it was and I was just like that's your grandmother And they're like yeah, she's old like oh my god I remember being in someone's grandmother's car. We were freshman in high school. She pulled up to the gas station full serve and she yelled out the window Uh, fill her up on unleaded and send out her To do my windows and I would and I remember being the car going and no one questioned her Yeah, no one's anything that's the part that gets you though It's that it's not just that somebody says something wild like and that that's at 14 where I was like, huh?
It's everybody else is like yeah Yeah, you know something to drink and you're like um crazy and by the way, what's crazy is like and the racial slurs that I heard most growing up Were usually anti-Hispanic because I grew up with all hispanic kids And so that like I mean anything anything to like When I found out that I was because you know, I'm yeah fair skin and blue eyes and then like whether like are you a spic and I was like Yes, and they're like, did you know, Tom's a spic and I'm like hi guys And they would like bring the oranges and shit and they'd be like, yeah Did your family pick this today and I was like cool. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah Oh, it's uh, there was a and there was a big the big one for us was Cuban versus Puerto Rican Uh, like if the Cuban kids we had one Puerto Rican kid in our high school We have more than one but they didn't like one guy was like was definitely Puerto Rican I think about him a lot oddly enough because he got to an accident when we were in high school when we were 16 And he got to an accident. He came to school that day after in the morning.
He came to school and he had this weird-looking space I said you okay, and he goes yeah You know, it's crazy. It's right before I got to that accident. I kept thinking driving is a little bit like a video game I was like really is like I kept thinking this is like a little bit like a video game and he goes like yes I just I just like lost control and I almost like almost I think and he was like I think about him saying that's me a lot. Yeah, but like But uh, there was I'm gonna I'm gonna avoid all the things they would say but it was that was like the fucking That was and but they were always had kids that were park Cuban that looked like you 20 kind of talk about them before their mom's mom's Yeah, yeah, like that so Yeah, I The n-word wasn't something that kids my age said Uh, like that wasn't that wasn't a big thing.
It was also like what part of Tampa you lived in Whereas where that work I said oddly enough if you live in the very wealthy areas of Tampa or in the very poor areas of Tampa Those are white people. Yeah, that's the white people said it in carowat in like the middle class I don't think it wasn't I don't think it was very prevalent. It was uh, it was uh, it was uh conjoined with uh other words like you know like uh Like uh knocking Like that was that was where you heard it, you know, I live in a very poor white neighborhood Uh very poor now, but I look back it is when you drive when I drive to it today. Yeah, I go shut up here Like now I drive to my kids do it.
We were in Tampa. I drove my kids do it So that's my first house and they're like you live here. I was like, yeah, it's great. We're looking on fire over there I was fucking Yeah You know as crazy as there were Asian people all around us.
Yeah, yeah, there's next door to us where Asians Right across the street where Asians down the street race like there was a big Asian community in this poor white neighborhood. Yeah Yeah, what was this going? What was it? Hold on.
Did you have a perspective with your mom being Despic no, but no, but your mom was your mom was did she feel like she fit in when she got to South Florida? No, really she never felt like she fit in anywhere here in America. No, really. Yeah, dude I mean she's like, you know, she's a different person when she's around Latin people totally you see her personality change completely really Yeah, I think she always had like, you know some level of insecurity, which I understand.
I mean imagine you come over here You go to another country when you're 30. She came over here when she was 30. Yeah, and like wait. How would we shoot?
She went she had you when she had me? Sorry when she sorry she came over here when she was 32 Hold on. You just get older. How'd she get older?
No, how'd we were you born in Cincinnati? Okay, but she had you in Cincinnati, right? She had me in Cincinnati when she was probably 35 holy shit. You're not kids in her forties now.
She had our last one at Jane at 39 So so yeah, it's like you come over to imagine if you move to another country at 32 And you don't speak a language. You know speaking English. No, she knew like 20 words. I speak Spanish.
None He spoke no Vietnamese, right? Why don't I feel like you're not supposed to be in the means because he killed a bunch of them. I don't know Uh He uh, no, he did not speak Vietnamese He would casually use that word a lot So your mom came here not speaking language and they get sound of south Florida where everyone speak Spanish But we weren't in property. We obviously weren't properly in south Florida Which would have been a different experience.
Yeah, you know, we were still a little bit above that You know, we were in our north of Palm Beach So we're kind of like kind of central but not central state like central coast. I think your mom's a smoke show in her 30s Very pretty. She's very pretty. Um, but yeah, I do I'll send you some like a huge tits Uh Do you think you fall in love with Christina because you guys are both children of immigrants?
Um, no, but I'm sure it plays a I'm sure it plays a part Like, you know, there's a reason like you align with somebody and I'm sure like that are Parental experiences like she has two immigrant parents. You know, I'm having one There's definitely things that you connect on like you bond over that. Yeah, you're like, I'm fucking parents at this today Um, and that's you know, that's like I think all kids of immigrants are always like kind of nodding at that kind of stuff, you know That's interesting. Yeah, do your sisters identify like are you like never mind I don't think I'm gonna make this isn't gonna come out right.
Am I the spiciest of my siblings? That's what I meant to say Um, do they speak Spanish? So Maria speaks okay She doesn't use it enough. I mean either do I to be honest.
Um, Jane understands a lot like refuses to speak Refuses like I've never heard her say a word really understands a lot because you just hear it so much, you know, yeah So there you can get that a lot in in Children of immigrant parents of all backgrounds when there's people watching a listener now They have Persian parents French parents Arabic whatever that you go. Yeah, of course I understand because that's all I hear But you have to actually speak to get good at speaking So I probably speak the best of my siblings because I've spoken the most yeah I've actually I spent more time and be one here. We have to say exactly Uh, no, I was you know, I spent time in South America. I studied abroad.
Where's South America, Peru? Yeah, Lima I spent time in Lima. Yeah, a lot of time. Here.
We got a bunch of p2 three times. No. Yeah for real Yeah, only a bunch of p2. It's really worth it.
Pull it up. I want to see much p2 Maybe you know about the train for it. No, no It's fucking rad. It's you know, it's up in the mountains and your mom went to high school match p2 That's where she went to school right there.
Yeah. Is your mom in a much of p2? Yes. Have you been back to prove with your mom?
Yes, that's a fucking badass city. That's pretty cool. You know, it's crazy about Peru which I learned I was listening to a podcast maybe it's called the conquerors and it was That uh the the soldiers when they went what they were like always just go fuck up real real quick And like the Spaniards and they're like, let's go get them. Yeah, and they're like, okay Okay, I can't fucking breathe and they're like Jesus Christ.
How the fuck and so then there are a lot of places that were safe because people couldn't get to them It's the way up there. I mean you will have a headache when you first arrive in Cusco So you fly you don't go you don't land in Machu Picchu you land you go to Cusco, right? Which is like an old city in the Andes and you the elevation is up there and it usually it fucks with people the first day What's the elevation about your p2? Um, let me see I fucking hate elevation.
Yeah That's up there. That's up there. That's pretty bad. Sorry.
I can do that though You can do it. Um, so cusco is not that high, but that's where you first go to see what the elevation of Matterhorn is What is the highest elevation of ever been at? Matterhorn what's that matterhorn? It's in uh, it's in yeah, how's it 12,000 feet?
Oh, yeah, no, I can maybe 10,000 feet So we climbed we went skiing right adjacent to Matterhorn Okay, and uh, and you could see the peak of Matterhorn from where we were standing and and it was it's higher than where we were But that we went hella skiing one time and motherfucker. I that's probably the the most difficult I've ever had getting catching my breath It was like insane. Yeah, those when you first arrive. I mean, I'm sure it's like that there But like you remember having headaches.
Oh, I had bad headaches and they give you like coca tea like tea leaves, you know You know, then they it's like a tea that you drink and it actually kind of alleviates the headache and the nausea really Yeah, no, I I fucking I think it's because I party too I can feel it when we're on a bus and we're going through the fucking Rockies and I feel where I'd elevation I'm just like what the fuck and I have it on my phone. That's how much elevation fucked with me. Yeah, when we went hella skiing I could not we were like I'll say four feet of powder because that's what it felt like probably two feet of powder Like you could not put your snowboard on because it was sunk everything would sunk into the snow Yeah, and it was I mean it was non-joyable super exhausting fucking terrifying I don't know who could do it. I wasn't I wasn't my favorite experience of skiing and then and then just in Switzerland you're in elevation Yeah, fucking elevation socks.
Yeah, you gotta adjust what's our elevation here in Austin? Do you think I don't think it's weird? There's sneaky cities that you don't know where elevated like uh, yeah, Albuquerque's at 5000 feet. Really?
Yeah, I think Albuquerque's at 5000 feet What's Austin's elevation? I don't know. I'm pretty I can't imagine it's much I don't know. I got an altimeter on my fucking phone and 656 feet.
Okay So that's much at all um Yeah, also elevation foxy I won't do one of those uh not deprivation tanks. What are the ones where they put you in the thing the bell and they take you down below The fathoms, I don't know and then you they fill you with oxygen and it refixes you it refixes it when repunters I was gonna say repunters in the it's not repunting. What is it called? Uh, is what does something know the word of that thing?
Is it hyperbaric hyperbaric chambers? Yeah, type in a hyperbaric chamber. They just it's full of oxygen, right? Hyperbaric therapy.
Austin. Yeah, you just found it. You said it Um, I care to you. Who has got one But they take you in they're roving to this.
Yeah, they take you in they put you yeah like four fathoms below in this this fucking what is the fathom? Is it like a hundred feet or something or ten feet twenty feet lower? You're at you they lower you really yeah They basically they take you below sea level. I thought they just closed the fucking no no no they close it But then they pressurize it so that you're in minutes being that what it mimics it mimics it's how you get rid of the bends also but uh They take you in I think they do it for a lot of people with uh going through cancer I think what it does is it allows more oxygen to get into your cells because you're doing you're getting pure oxygen and Your cells are open to it.
Yeah, like they're like expanded or whatever. So it fixes you. I don't know. Okay I'd love to do it except I think I get claustrophobic.
I think they'd have to drug me do it do drugs I don't know if you can do drugs and then do that. I'm sure you can I remember one time I did uh Stiving lessons. Yeah, like scuba diving lessons and I was having panic attacks and so I took his annex and I was like I was like this you're not supposed to scuba on Xanax like you definitely want to have your wits about you I think for scuba diving, it's probably a good idea. Yeah, I know but yeah sitting in a hyperbaric chamber You can probably be high.
I would love to be. Oh, I didn't even finish saying this earlier. But that I was in racha. Yes.
Yes. Yes, and God damn it. I'm fucking bad. Yeah, I uh We ended up with you know a lot of times they say you was going to talk so cold.
What were we talking about? Yeah, uh you go like what's the best place to eat, right? Like we're what's awesome here. And so I found out that Rochester has like a bunch of good restaurants So the first night we go to a place called red when the chef there Worked at Michelin star places in like Napa, Napa, California Like so he like really is a top tier chef and then he's from Rochester moves back there and basically opened a place That is that level of cuisine.
So it was phenomenal Am I in Rochester soon? Nadav, do you know? And then the next thing I'm going I think I'm doing pukepsy and that whole run. I bet.
You got to go You got to go the next night. We went to vern in Rochester, which was also Candy keep going. I want to go to these restaurants if you went there, bro. I got Worcestershire Worcestershire, Worcestershire.
Yeah, I'm not Rochester Albany. I'm not Rochester. You fucking kidding me. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you know It's all the good.
I see that grand junction columbus Nashville, Baltimore University park Portland scroll the way down to the bottom The Greek May 5th vancouver hollywood the fuck am I doing hollywood? You're doing the improv When why wait, wait, hang on. How was that on my fucking calendar? I don't know in July.
Who am I doing that? Why am I doing that? Wait, why am I hold on? Why am I why am I what does that say with who how the fuck is they have they booked the hollywood improv that's from last year?
Oh, that's from last year. That's like how the fuck did they know that so so are those all last year? Uh, well, but I mean oh, I bet they all are all those July dates. Yeah Probably right college energy.
Yeah. Yeah. Good job. You need to tell them to know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah Like I pay someone thing up job crew. Yeah, so here's the interesting thing. I think about chefs, right? Yeah I feel candy chefs when because we are delivering a product that tries to enrich your life.
Yeah, when we do stand up Our only goal is to make sure you have a better time. Yeah, because of us. Yeah chefs do that However, chefs do it in much more intimate way because they go inside your mouth. Yeah, so like they they they get to but here's a crazy thing I was trying to think of because sometimes we miss a target Yeah, and we're like and people like get the exact opposite feeling.
Yeah, and like I came to have a good night of comedy And now I hate you. Yeah, you know, yeah, and I was like, does that happen to chefs for sure food poisoning? Well, just that or like didn't like the food didn't like the experience didn't like the ambiance, you know Didn't like my server didn't like people get upset about all kinds of things in restaurants These these experiences though were crazy red and vern and then speaking of chefs I don't even know if I did I tell you this now because when we did tom talks with uh, hose and dress He hit me up. Oh, he's like private meal for you.
He's like when you're coming you're coming to DC Like I'd love to feed you and your crew and I was like what and I realized I had two And in one day and then we were out at DC You know, it was the end of the week and I was like fuck because it would have been like we're talking about you If you have a one-show night, you can be like oh fuck and my and it's a sundae So my first show is at five. Why are you doing that? Because on a sundae a lot of times your first show you go on sale with is eight because you're thinking you're just doing one Yeah, it sells out and they go you want to add you got to add early. You can't add late on sundae You know, I'll do all my shows at seven Yeah, but on a sundae you're probably more likely to to do Like people are less likely to go out to like a ten on a sundae, you know, I don't know So they added early and anyway, I was like, well, the only thing I can do is have a lunch and we went to haleo You went to lunch with this guy?
No. No, he sat me. He was in he's in Ukraine feeding people with world central kitchen So yeah, that's who hose and dresses, but like jesus he uh He set me up at haleo and holy shit. They designed a fucking menu for us for real.
Oh my god. It's all spanish cuisine It's j a elia It's it was fucking unbelievable unbelievable man. We so goddamn good. We had this woman come to our show in I forget where the fuck we were in savannah savannah or charleston wanted to charleston.
I think her name's mary brent Um, and she did a meal and she specializes. I'm gonna fuck this up. She specializes in open flame cooking. She is a A chef consultant for tv shows where they cook outside Like we're like if they have a show where they're like a man versus wild or whatever She is the chef consultant that comes in on a show and maybe kind of helps them figure out this like cook turtle or whatever And so i'm sure she's listening.
She's rolling over it going like that's not what I do You don't you don't listen this sounds like birt describing a chef mary brent uh, what's her name? mary brent isn't that from the mary brent galene she's an expedition chef I'm sorry. She's an expedition chef. So it's totally different But this is her like she flies in helicopters.
Yeah and goes out in the fucking jungle and cooks for crews and stuff So she did an open flame meal for us and just cooked everything open flame outside our bus like on a fucking big grill and just fucking It was I got so sick between shows. I hate so much fucking food And this always happens when you get access to something like I ate so fast, bro, you know, I um I try not to even eat before shows. I'm never gonna end and I fucking never drink. You know, I do every show sober We show up and they are just bringing out.
I mean plate after it was like we did the sushi thing But it's full spanish tapas and I was like and then they're like this wine pairs well with this and I was like oh my god How am I gonna do two shows? I had to start just going like I'll have a sip of the wine I can't drink the full glass. Yeah fucking hammered and full of shit myself on stage. It was such an amazing experience.
I'm in I can't I can't drink before a show. I mean, I'm doing it right now, but uh, but like A show that's cold at night, but like I can't I can't go on stage drunk No, I fuck it up like I can have drinks this afternoon when I fly Yeah, I gotta take a nap when I get there get up have coffee one show tonight So I can get through one show and after watching earthquake special. I'm super excited to stand up. Yeah crazy That's inspiring.
Yeah, and so I that's the best thing by the way is people Seeing when you do stand up seeing great stand up is actually the biggest thrill It makes you go like I want to just and I want to I want to write something again I want to get up there and like because you get excited by watching the great stuff And the great ones are like like Jenny Jameson when she was a poor when she was doing porn She was so good. Yeah, there was something different that she did like the way she had sex It was like she meant it. It's like she loves having sex. Yeah, you know, she can't walk.
What? Yeah, jennison Jameson got some like kind of crazy disease and she can't walk right now I've been following on instagram by the way. She looks better than when she was in porn these days like these days She looks great. Jenna can't love those kind of lose can't lose.
Okay. Here's Jenna can't lose is that her? Yeah, that's her Jenna can't lose. She can't walk.