My name's Renee, and I am bad at movies. That's why I asked my friends to make me watch their favorite movies that I've never seen before. So on today's show, to start off the new year, I've got a great friend of mine, Matt Rosfelder, fantastic improviser on Moonroof and a fantastic friend, and he picked a classic, guys. We are watching the movie Alien today. So usually I do a blind judgment on movies, and, you know, if I've never seen it, I just come up with something based on the title alone. But come on, guys, we all know what Alien is, so I'll just read the plot summary. A troubled child summons the courage to help a friendly alien escape Earth and return to his home world. Duh. That's right. What? That's E.T.
What? That's not the right movie. Oh, my God. I'm so embarrassed. No, it's okay. Okay. No, no, no. Okay. I've got it. I've got it. It's right here. Okay. I'm sorry. I was just looking at the wrong one. No problem. Okay. After an encounter with UFOs, a line worker feels undeniably drawn to an isolated area in the wilderness where something spectacular is about to happen. That's not what it is. You have not seen Alien. Oh, my God. Okay. I've got to watch this real quick. I'll be right back. And now, the movie Alien in under one minute.
Ooh, we should be back at Earth now. What? We're only halfway there. This is not our system. There's a special message. You gotta visit this place, guys. Let's go. I'm sure nothing bad will happen. This is just my job. I ain't gonna rescue nobody. All these eggs are covered in steamy business. Is that his face? What is it? It's like a lobster on his face. Yeah, let's try and slice it open. Hey, where'd it go? Where is it? I don't know. Ow!
Oh, it's dead. I think we're okay. Let's leave it on board. We gotta bring it. I could use some breakfast before we go back to sleep. It's okay, guys. It was a really tiny alien. Can you rig me a flamethrower? That's all I can do. Oh, I got killed. Everyone got killed. Pretty much everyone's dead. Self-destruct in three. Wait, no, I don't want to blow up your ship. Come on, Kitty. Okay, it's still going to blow up. Shit. Okay, it's just me now. It's you and me, Kitty. We're safe. Everything is good. Oh, my God. I was just napping on the escape pod. Escape pod.
Nostromo out. Hello, Matthew Rossfelder. Hello, Renee Barry. Oh, boy. So I've been wanting to have you come on this show for such a long time because you have a wealth of knowledge and you picked such a good movie for us to watch today. Do not overshoot the LV-426. I'm not that knowledgeable about this movie. But I will do my best. Oh, it'll just be fun to talk to you about it regardless. God, I love you, Renee. You're the best. I love you, too. You know who else I love? Pete. Aw. Hi, Pete. Bottom line. Everyone loves Pete.
My favorite noise from that movie. Where do we even start? I mean, it's like a classic. I've been meaning to see it. I will just say that, I mean...
It's an old enough movie that I kind of know some of the plot pieces to it, but I was still surprised by a lot of it. I'm so happy you were surprised by a lot of it because that is really, you know, I think the main point of this movie is, is it over? Is it over? Is it over? No, it's not over. It's not over. I keep getting bad guys. I mean, it's crazy. It's like a really good horror film where the audience has a moment of relief where it's like, oh, everything's okay. Oh my God, it's back. You know, it's just that continuous cycle of like, we're safe. No, we're not. We're safe. No, we're not. That kind of thing.
I mean, is it all right if I ask you some questions? Sure, go ahead. So what I want to know is how you felt about Ripley early in the movie with her tendency towards sort of, you know, by the book, following the rules, kind of like, you know, everyone else was like a fun character and she was like a subdued rule follower. She didn't even seem like the main character to me. Oh, that's true. I guess watching it and not knowing that she ends up being the last one would be very interesting. I liked her character inherently from the beginning because I knew she was the hero, but I really felt bad that she was just trying to do her job by the book, like you said, and everybody was like, shut up. Like, we're not going to listen to you. You're not our...
captain and like she was just trying to do what she had to do totally agree you know trying to think with a level head and nobody else was she seemed like the only real person in the movie yeah you know what's interesting about that is me and Renee were talking about when they go and find the eggs we're both just like why would you even touch the egg right some of the choices they make I feel like were never seen on screen before. So we now know don't do anything that you're doing and listen to Ripley, but for somebody that saw this for the first time and had never really seen a sci-fi horror movie, I'm sure they would have been like, yo, what's in there? Touch the egg. A little bit more context too, guys. I mean, these people are on a towing vessel. They're basically, you know, like tow truck people or like miners. They're not scientists. They're not going in there and saying, oh, I know all about this. And also, no...
alien life had ever been discovered. This is like the first instance of any species or creature like this that they found. Isn't that true, though? Oh, interesting. I think it's true that there's nothing like this that's ever been discovered. I'm not sure if it's aliens and alien life in general. Because they very casually say, is it human? Early in the movie where it seems like... As opposed to animal, I suppose. Yeah. Right, but space animal. This is something I will continue to do research on. Yeah, I don't know. It's like, the thing I loved about the movie is that it sets it up for...
sequels because they leave so much like they just leave so much. I can't speak correctly right now. They leave so much on the planet. Well, yeah, but it's like you just don't get every minute detail about everything. So it's like it's still kind of like in this hazy space where they could.
go a little bit further in it in the next movie or, you know, come back and explain it a little bit in a prequel or whatever. I think that's something that I love about it. I think something that's kind of changed since there's been so many additional Alien movies is some of that mystery. They've tried to answer questions as opposed to that mystery is fun. It's fun to be able to speculate on what it is. Not saying anything bad about it because I love almost all of the other, you know, at least Aliens and I am a Prometheus apologist. We don't need to get into any of that. I probably will watch that just because I enjoyed Alien and I'd like to see where they go. I do definitely want to watch Aliens. Can I watch that with you? Yeah.
We should all watch next episode. I can't believe... Sorry, I'm not even talking to the microphone. I'm an idiot. Are there four, like...
main alien movies? Yeah, so it's Alien to the third power, you know, Cubed, and then Resurrection, I believe. Got it. And then they've got another one coming out. Do they really? There's a Prometheus sequel that's coming out, but there's also an Alien fifth movie that's coming out. So, very nice. There's also, like, Alien versus Predator. I've never seen any of those. Don't bother. I'm not going to. I thought, I mean, there's just so much to unload in this movie that I feel like I'm not going to go in any order at all. But, like, I find it crazy, even now, this doesn't really happen anymore, but the fact that the alien, the monster,
had no weaknesses that they could find. They kept saying over and over again, the whole reason that they're trying to bring back the alien to investigate a little bit more and do research on is because it... It does not have any flaws. Usually in any sort of horror movie or any sci-fi movie, there's like one little thing that can, you know, and it's like just a very strange thing that can destroy the animal completely. But this one, she basically just had to like shoot it out into space. And then question marks. Right. And then it's like, oh, is he going to like float off and come attack again or what? She didn't kill it. Exactly. She got away. She just got rid of it. Yeah. I feel bad for that ship that comes along and is like, oh, random being and brings it back into its ship. Hello, friend. We saved you. Oh, my God. No, you're totally right. And so that point really makes me want to bring up.
So I hopefully will be able to tie this in with you. Sure. The reveal of, and guys, everyone knows this is a spoiler bill. The reveal of Ash being an android. That was my big surprise that I did not know was going to happen. That makes me so happy. Yes. It's just so funny. I was watching it with Pete. And so it shows like, you know, Ash and Ripley kind of have this little tussle. And I just go, oh my God, her nose is bleeding. Oh my God, he's sweating milk. I almost lost my headphones there. It was just such a strange moment. I was like, huh? And then, yeah. And then he like, yeah, that part blew me away. I was like, I did not see that coming at all. No idea that he was.
going to be a robot. Yeah, so a wonderful sort of reveal, but that, I think, ties in with his statement about the alien, the creature. It's like, you know, this thing's perfect. Basically, he admires it. This is an android. This is a robot admiring a creature. As opposed to having total disdain, it seems like, for the rest of the humans on board. Yeah, this creature has less imperfections than an artificial organism. And realizes that, and that's scary. That is very scary. Was he the one, was Ash the one who initiated that order, or was that something from, like, Earth?
Oh, to investigate? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I might not be right, but yeah, I think since Ash is a robot and his directive is to follow the instructions given to him from Earth and the instruction is crew expendable, let's bring this thing back. He's just following that kind of dispassionately but kind of evilly at the same time. Well, you know what's interesting is...
Ash is really the one that's going more by the books than Ripley. And he's going by the fine print that they don't even know about. So that's a great distinction. So I think it might be Ripley doesn't go by the book. Ripley goes by her book. And Ash goes by the book. And Ripley's got morals and thoughts and judgments and stuff. And Ash is just a robot. And what do you guys want to be, huh? What do you want to be? I'm going to be Ripley. I'm going to be Ripley. Oh, yeah. We should mention. I wish I could have seen it in person. But Matt, you dressed up as Ripley for Halloween. And those pictures were fantastic. You know what? Guys, I really tried my best. I got the jumpsuit. I was just for clarification.
I was Ripley from Aliens. But it's okay. It's very similar. I mean, it's still Sigourney Weaver. But I really had trouble judging the bust. I got a 30, I think a 34C bra. Pretty ample. It was like a 40C bra. It was just too much. It was just too much. Did you have like half panties on underneath? You know what? Guess what? I did have Hanes gray tank top and gray just like she does in one of the two movies. I really went for it. Underwear and all. Yes. How did that feel? You know what?
I'm never wearing those again. It was real tight on the old junkaroonie. Junkaroonie. Yeah. How funny. Oh, my God. Yeah, I wish I could have seen it. And it's so funny to me now, after watching the movie, just thinking about you dressing up as her. When we do a sequel to this for Aliens, we can post that in the show page. Sure. Or now. That's fine, too. It's on the internet. I'm never going to erase it. I was going to bring up, right off the bat in the movie, they just basically show different rooms of the spaceship. Yeah.
We had just watched episode six of Star Wars not too long ago to watch the new episode, and Alien didn't really come out too long after some of the Star Wars movies. 77, and then, yeah, I think it was basically the same year for Empire, and we're close. Alien makes the spaceships feel huge, and you feel very secluded. There's like eight people on this gigantic ship, and the first five minutes of the movie are just showing you how empty and large this place is, and I thought that was great. It was great, and it's so...
beautiful and it doesn't look out of place it's like sometimes you look at a movie from the 70s or the 80s and you're like this is supposed to be futuristic and it's totally taking me out of the movie this is so clean and so just beautiful and even like the like you're saying like what we were saying earlier the sounds and like the visuals on the computer screens those do seem a little bit like you know classic or like what people in the past would think the future would sound like but it still didn't take me out of it no it's like it's very well done across the board yeah I love it so much I think it works because they went for like realism so even though it's outdated it's just It looks like old technology, not an outdated idea of the future. Yeah. I totally agree. And especially because it is...
a commercial vehicle and not supposed to be, like, the newest high-tech spaceship. It's, like, it's okay that it looks a little, like, chaunchy or run down because it's supposed to be. It's got doors like you would see in, like, a fucking garbage disposal or something like that. Oh, it's so great. The design of it is incredible. Like, I mean, I joke with Pete, there's a character that a comedian, Matt Gourley, does on podcasts that's H.R. Giger, you know, the guy who designed Alien, you know, the actual Alien monster. What's that podcast? Super Ego? Super Ego, yeah. If you're not listening to that, people, you should listen to Super Ego. Or just, you know, look on YouTube and find H.R. Giger, Matt Gourley, or Super Ego.
And he's got this little voice and he's so creepy. It's so fantastic. You have to be kind of a madman to come up with this really intricate and creepy design of it all. And he is a madman. It's wonderful. So we do as a – we're crazy, dumb improvisers. And as a warm-up, sometimes we do, hey there Bjork, what are you doing? I want to do, hey there Giger. And we'll introduce that. Or maybe it will just be a you and me thing. Hey there Giger, what are you doing? I'm designing alien placeware for service of dinner.
Isn't he just like, I listen to that once or twice, and he just gets very descriptive. He's like, I want the place of the place to come from, a dark abyss where your hunger is bread in a slime bath. Bread in a slime bath? Okay. As the food goes down your throat, it should also go down the throats of all of your deceased relatives. Oh, my God. Super fun. Oh, super fun. Well, I want to see what you know about this, Matt.
You know, the scene where the alien pops out of his stomach, the only thing that feels outdated is when it skirties away. Yes. It's on, like, two wheels. But I read or, like, heard somewhere that that scene absolutely terrified people because it's the one scene in that movie where you actually feel safe. It's like the rest of it is very, very tense and you expect bad things to happen. And then they all sit down for a nice meal because our friend woke up and then that's the worst thing that happens. It is. But you know what's funny is Ash is just staring at him like he knows it's going to happen. Did you guys notice that? No, he's intently like studying him every moment. And I'm not sure. I wonder if Ash knows what's going to happen or just for sure something's going to happen. Yeah, I don't know. It's hard to say. I just realized now, like I knew that Ash was an android because I've seen this, but when the facehugger is on the dude. Yeah.
And they're like, oh, we should try and take it off. He goes to cut one of the legs off instead of the thing that's wrapped around his throat. And I was like, why won't you go? Oh, he's not trying to kill it. He's just trying to do research on it. Absolutely. Yeah, you see his perspective or his drive right there. That's very absurd watching. Yeah, I'd love to watch again now that I know what he actually is so I could see. That's so interesting. What are you doing later today? Oh, man. I know this is a little weird. It's off topic but still related. The only thing, the only...
Things that I knew about Alien were from Disney World before this. Because so like in Tomorrowland they have the or they used to. They changed it. But, you know, they had the Alien Experience ride, which was terrifying for a child, especially somebody who'd never seen the movie. I mean.
Everybody might already know what it's about but basically you sit in chairs and they put like shoulder straps down on you and you're in complete darkness and you just hear the alien coming around and hopping on people's seats and like crunching bones and squirting blood in your face and it's all just like effects but it's fucking terrifying. It was horrifying. My parents took me on that when I was a little kid. Like there's a scientist. You're just sitting in like an amphitheater and there's a glass tube in the middle and there's a scientist showing the alien to you and then alarms go off and the lights turn off and you just hear glass shattering and that man screaming.
They like blow stuff on you and things touch your leg and it feels like the tail is like next to you. Yes. It's awful. Freaky as hell. Are you guys going to confront your parents at some point? I am right now, Mom. I know you're listening. Why would you do that? I actually never went on it because my parents were like, oh, you're not going to like it. But they loved it. My mom loved it. You never even went on it? No, I didn't go on it. But I had her describe it to me like in complete detail. And that was too much. To make sure that I didn't want to go on it. That's how I am with horror movies. Like I don't want to watch it, but I want somebody to tell me every single thing that happens without me watching it. No, it's totally understandable. And then, you know, it's spoiled a little bit. But you know you can see it and you won't be upset.
And then they also had in, I guess, I think it was in MGM Studios, they have the great movie ride. And you can go through and it shows you like you kind of are taking this little train through all these different classic scenes and movies. And one of them is Alien. And they show Ripley looking around the corner and seeing Alien. Isn't that the greatest scene with the light and the fan and the tension and the sweat? It's like, that might be my favorite like.
12 seconds in the movie. It's amazing. And you just never, you never see the alien, like, in full view of just him, like, standing right in front of you. It's, like, always in darkness or in fog or it's just terrifying. Except for, unfortunately, I mean, like, so the one thing for me that, like, knocks this down from a 99.9% amazing movie to, like, 99.8% is the alien at the end, you know, with the tow cable attached, being outside the ship and being just, like, a floppy dummy sort of thing. Yeah. If they could have done that.
just slightly better, or obscured, or, like, you couldn't even see the alien, but you knew it was still hanging off the ship. Yeah. Like, that's, like, the only criticism I have of this movie. Oh, sure. Yeah, definitely. Which is ridiculous. Like, I should have a ton of criticisms of a movie. Have you, did you see, I've only seen this, like, once, and I only saw it, like, two or three years ago, but I watched it with Renee, and when, I can't remember their name, but the skinny, like, engineer guys looking for the cat. Come on, let me just, like, that's, you know, let me just get the names, guys. Yeah, that's, you know, that's John Hurt as Kane.
Yeah? No. No, that's the dude with the chestburster of the worst. It's Harry Dean Stanton. Oh, yeah. As Brett. Brett. I really need to do that. I'm sorry, Pete. When Brett is looking for the cat, and I don't know why so many rooms were wet on this spaceship, but it's like, where's this water coming from? And he...
I'm totally sidetracked, but he walked through there, and then he stood under the water like, oh, yes, it feels so good to be wet. It's probably machine juice. No, no, I bet. Guys, this is the future. I'm sure there's something that converts complex chemicals that are used for propulsion into just steam, H2O, and that drips from the pipes, and he knows it's clean. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt, y'all. Okay. But anyway, you never see alien, and he looks up at one point, and there's chains hanging, and the alien's just sleeping in one of the chains. I never saw that before. How many times do they actually show you the alien, but he's like, where's Waldo, and you can't really see it? Because it's so dark. I had no idea, but now I want to.
Yeah, I bet there's more times where – because they often show places where it's not, but maybe it isn't. Sure, sure. Nope, I'm going to rewatch it. It's just hanging upside down from chains. Guys, do you mind if I do just a quick – I really wanted to bring this up during the podcast since it's me and it's this movie. Yes. Just like a two-minute not-very-good story because I hate when people set up stories with this. It's going to be hilarious. So I'm not involved in this at all. I heard it secondhand, but my parents –
We're having a movie night. You know, sometimes they just watch a movie and hang out and eat dinner and then invite some of our relatives over. So my Uncle Jack was coming over. It's my dad's brother. And he said, hey, why don't we watch Alien? And he was confused. He thought he was requesting Aliens. And my parents got Alien. So he was, I think, you know, it's a totally different movie, right? One's kind of a horror movie. One's kind of an action movie. So he was like, all right, yeah, well, I guess we'll watch this. This is what we have. So they sit down on the couch, start eating their chili. And the movie is going. And my mom is looking over at my Uncle Jack and noticing he's kind of like.
Sitting up. And in the middle of the movie, he has a heart attack. Oh, my God. And ends up, like, laying on the floor. You know, ambulance is called. Oh, my God. And taken to the hospital. Holy shit. But then everything's fine. So he's okay. He's totally okay. But, like, to have a heart attack in the middle of A&M while eating chili. What's the cause of the heart attack, guys? I don't know. Right? He's, like, clutching his chest and they're like, oh, funny. Real funny, Jack. Right. It is. Truly, they did think he was joking. Oh, my God. Right? What a perfect timing. That's awful. That's so scary.
Oh, man. You can look back at it now and laugh, but can you imagine being in that moment? How terrifying. No way. What would you do if everyone thought you were just making fun of the movie? I don't know. I would scream at the top of my lungs, I'm not joking, call 911, and then fall over. Well, now we know. If Ross Welder ever says, I am not joking, call 911, you take them seriously. That's when to take them seriously. If I don't fall over, though, don't call 911. He's still doing his bit.
Okay, so I think we may need to wrap up right now, unfortunately. That was a good final story. Yeah, I mean, it was great. I want to ask you, Matt, if there's anything you have to plug, promote, anything coming up in the month of January or later? I for sure do. Guys, the only thing I'm going to promote is Moonroof because that's what I love. And we are doing a show called BFF IRL every...
Saturday at 7 o'clock. At the playground in Chicago, Illinois. You guys should come out. It's all Best Friends performing together. And I think everyone knows that that generates the best shows or a little something on top of what's already a good show. Yeah. It's a very fun show. And it's BYOB. So come get drunk. Watch people mess with each other. It's very fun. Like Bad At Movies on Facebook. Find us on iTunes and subscribe and rate and review us. We've gotten some reviews already and they are so nice. Thank you, guys. Pete, anything?
To add? Still got sucked with polar bears some days at 10.30 at I.O. Chicago. If you come, come ready to play, because a lot of people aren't, and we get our shows canceled. Oh, no. Pete, Pete, I'm really sorry that I haven't come yet. This is not the time for that. And Small Town Doctor at I.O. Yes. Still going strong. There you go, guys. So, Matt, would you like to speak with our film critics, Morty and Ava, about Alien? Can I? Yes, absolutely. Yeah, we can go ahead and have them come in. You can take my seat. Hey, Morty. Hey.
Hello, hello, young gentleman. How are you? Mr. Rochefelder. Rochefelder. What kind of name is that? What is that? So it's very confusing. I think it started in Switzerland and moved over to Austria, into the German-French Alsace-Morain area. A lot of people think it's Jewish. I'm not sure. Oh, he's not sure. You hear that? It sounds a little Jewish. It sounds a little Jewish, but you know, that's okay. We like you. We like the looks of you, kid. Let me ask you a question. What makes a grown man interested in Space Invaders? So, you know what? I'm not interested in Space Invaders. That's a video game. Could have fooled me.
I'm talking in generic terms, young man. I'm aware of the Atari game. I'm asking you, what's missing from your life that you look towards things that don't exist? I think, Morty, there's nothing missing from my life. I think I just look for versions of myself in Space Invaders, in all of these other characters. And I like seeing them in unique situations that I'm never going to be in.
Who were you in the movie? You know what? I'm so sad to say that. Hold on. Let me go back to my list of names. Oh, my goodness. This is his favorite movie. I can't remember any of their names. And there's only eight characters. This is bad. I have to say. There was one called Dalj. There was one called Cash Money. There was one that was Ripley's, believe it or not. There was another one who, he did not have a name, but I called him Pancake. Pancake. Pancake was my favorite. Was that the one filled with milk? Yes. Oh, delicious. I think Baby Vidalia Onions. Sounds like a treat to me. And they called the Spaceship Mother, which I thought was a clear sign of some sort of. Very psychologically.
He calls mother a bitch. That's right. Well, it sounds a little familiar. We've had experience with our son calling his mother a bitch. Do not bring this up right now. We do not want to. Family tensions. Yes. Always. Guys, I'm a combination of Lambert, who's Veronica Cartwright, the kind of whiny I want to blow up the ship. And then also. Who? Lambert. The lady with the mullet. Oh, the lesbian. And then Sigourney Weaver. So I'm just both of them.
You're the two lesbians? You're the two ladies. All right. And I think two lesbians, if put together correctly, is an accurate description of me. Two lefts don't make a right. What? I'm just talking about Democrats and Republicans. Okay, all right. That has nothing to do with lesbians. We enjoy the gay and lesbian community. Let's get that straight right now. I didn't mean to make it sound like we don't. Sorry, you can be forgiven. You guys are kind of old. I'm old. I don't know what I'm talking about. What movie is this? E.T.? Yes, that's the one. What do you give it, Morty? I didn't finish it.
I'll give it a 6 out of 10 because I saw some things I've never seen before, but I also saw some things I hope to never see again. You know what? I'll give it 7 out of 10 Vidalia Onion Milk Cocktails because I found this movie very interesting. It was a make-em-up, but I liked that. And that alien kept popping out, and I would go, oh, my Jesus Christ. And sometimes I like to be scared.
What about you, Laffy McLaughapoo? I also sometimes like to be scared. I wish I could be scared more often. I wish I could be more affected. Just go outside. The world's a scary place. It is. You don't need space to know that. You don't need to spend $12 on a DVD to feel your blood boil. There's real monsters around. Any advice for my skin paleness and sweat problems that prevent me from going outside? Marry a lady who doesn't give a shit about that. Morty knows that. Morty is very sweaty and pale, and I love him to pieces. And I still go outside, so get your life together.
I burn quickly. You know what? When I step outside and I walk in the sun, it's like when that acid blood falls through the floor. That's what my arm looks like. Just sizzles. And I've never been more attracted to you. I'm a lucky man. Thanks for the advice, guys. Mazels. Yes, have a good day, my friend. Thank you. Mazels.