Ep #14: Acceptance in Marriage

One thing I think has helped us most in our marriage and we touched on this a little in one of our previous episodes is acceptance. If you’re familiar with what Jody Moore teaches, you’ve probably heard her talk about the “manual”. She describes the manual as a set of beliefs, rules and expectations we bring into our marriages. The manuals are developed as a result of our upbringing, and the examples of relationships we are exposed to growing up. It’s what we believe a spouse is “supposed” to be instead of accepting each other exactly the way they are.    We want to be unapologetically real about what we think, authentic and open about mistakes we’ve made and how we’ve learned from them.    We’re getting better at allowing one another to be who we want to be instead of trying to fit each other into a mold.    It took Sean over 10 years to finally be open about the fact that he was married before me. Last summer we did a YouTube video about this. I think this was a huge step toward acceptance. Not only are we trying to accept one another, but we are also trying to accept ourselves and everything about what has made us who we are today.   Growing up with tremendous disfunction within my home I experienced a lot of shame. And one thing I learned that set me free from the shame is to be open about things. The more I shared what my life was REALLY like, the more I felt free from the bondage of shame. As I’ve studied shame a little more I’ve learned that shame only grows and triggers more shameful actions when you hide things.    Brene Brown says that shame only needs three things to grow. Secrecy, silence, and judgement.    So by learning this at such a young age, I’ve become an extremely open person when it comes to my life. I’m not afraid to share how crazy I am. Which reminds me, The other day I sent out an email to all the ladies on my email list. I was revisiting some of the content Sean and I have shared on marriage in the past. In the same sentence I was being open about the fact that I may or may not have scratched Sean once in a moment of rage. I wasn’t saying I was proud of it, only that I’m human and have weaknesses, but continue to learn and grow from each experience.    I had an unexpected response from one of my subscribers. She was absolutely disgusted with my actions and could NOT believe someone as crazy as me would dare give marriage advice.    I honestly think we learn the most from the crazies. Seriously, they’ve been to the dark side and back. I’m constantly reading books and listening to Podcasts by people who were once drug addicts, or struggled with severe depression, or were even homeless at one point. Those are the people who truly inspire me. People who can overcome such extreme circumstances and struggles. It’s amazing to me when you witness the growth and real change of another person. Not only does it allow others to say “me too” but it gives them a glimpse into what is possible for even the craziest of people.