Ep. 14 | Dan McLintock: The hidden force controlling your emotions - and how to find true inner peace

In this raw and revelatory conversation, Xavier Dagba welcomes Dan McLintock, co-founder of the Kiloby Inquiries, for a powerful deep dive into the hidden force controlling your emotions: emotional repression. Dan opens up about his personal journey as a lifelong anger repressor — from childhood trauma and chronic self-doubt to addiction and disconnection — and how reclaiming his full emotional range transformed his life. Together, Xavier and Dan unpack the difference between anger and aggression, how repression drives suffering, and why most nervous system regulation techniques only soothe symptoms without addressing the buried emotional roots. Whether you tend to repress anger or vulnerability, this episode will help you uncover the unconscious stories running your life and show you how to work with your repression rather than against it. Here is what you’ll learn in this conversation: Why emotional repression is the true cause of inner chaos How “being good” is often a trauma response The key difference between clean anger and violent outbursts How to somatically test your dominant repression Tools to dissolve shame, self-doubt, and addiction Why peace is found through permission, not perfection And how to reclaim your power without becoming the very thing you feared ⏱ CHAPTERS 00:00 – The buried emotions that drive suffering 01:01 – The epidemic of emotional repression 02:06 – Dan’s experience as an anger repressor 03:33 – How beliefs and programming trap us in confusion 06:00 – Childhood roots: “I have to be good” 08:49 – Becoming the nice guy & disowning anger 10:19 – Addiction and deficiency stories 11:20 – “I think I might be angry” — the beginning of his healing 12:04 – Developing the repression work with Scott Kiloby 13:18 – How repression expresses as sarcasm, ghosting, people-pleasing 15:23 – Anger repression vs vulnerability repression 18:19 – How to tell which one you carry 20:16 – How expressing anger changed Dan’s relationships 22:20 – How Dan’s relationship with his parents evolved 26:00 – The moment Dan told his parents he was furious 28:11 – Baby steps toward healthy expression 29:29 – The embodied power of a true “no” 30:51 – Cleaning anger from the rageful edge 33:20 – The power of counterintuitive permission statements 35:37 – Spiritual bypassing as a form of repression 37:00 – The messiness of healing repression 39:25 – Reclaiming the part of you that agreed not to be like “them” 44:36 – Tools for somatic testing and reverse inquiry 48:45 – When regulation becomes sedation 51:02 – The fear of emotional overwhelm 54:26 – Why affirming repression often works better than resisting it 58:35 – “I have to suffer” – how unconscious beliefs feed anxiety 1:00:04 – How repression mechanisms behave like an illusionist 1:01:00 – Addiction as emotional regulation 1:04:11 – Shame, sobriety, and letting go of self-punishment 1:07:58 – How shame perpetuates the cycle 1:08:57 – When drinking becomes as neutral as eating broccoli 1:09:48 – Spiritual fallacies and weaponized virtue 1:11:00 – Dan on what he’s still learning to love 1:15:08 – Scars of Gold: transforming self-doubt into trust 1:20:00 – Where to find Dan 1:21:18 – Final wisdom: your back is never against the wall Connect with Dan McLintock Website: www.Kiloby.com/dan Instagram: @dan.mclintock YouTube: @danmclintock1980 TikTok: @dan.mclintock Listen to ENHEARTENED with Xavier Dagba on: Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6sxXNMfsN9FnK34glRnkFC Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/enheartened-with-xavier-dagba/id1798866363 Join Xavier’s newsletter: https://newsletter.xavierdagba.com/ Explore The Embodied Light Project: https://www.xavierdagba.com/elp-unleashed #EmotionalRepression #ShadowWork #KilobyInquiries #SelfHealing #AddictionRecovery #SomaticHealing #TraumaHealing #CleanAnger #SpiritualBypassing #ReverseInquiry #HeartCenteredLiving #InnerPeace #ReclaimYourPower #NervousSystem #EmotionalLiberation #EnheartenedPodcast #XavierDagba #DanMcLintock