Ep 147: 3 Unhelpful Things We Say to Kids

Send us Fan MailSharing some of my favorite episodes from Kids These Days... Ever find yourself locked in a standoff with a kid and wondering why your go‑to lines aren’t working? We dig into three everyday phrases that seem efficient but quietly sabotage trust and cooperation, then share simple replacements that calm the room and still get things done. As a licensed psychologist and educator, I unpack why “Because I said so,” identity‑tinged labels, and “There’s no reason to cry” can escalate conflict and seed shame—and what to say instead.We start by reframing authority with short, honest reasons and shared routines that reduce pushback. You’ll hear how a family code word creates a clean pause, how first‑time listening agreements take shape, and why the brain shifts from fight to think when expectations are clear. From there, we replace character attacks with crisp I‑statements that name impact without wounding identity, then build a habit of de‑escalation: state the feeling, give space, return to problem solving when everyone’s calm.Finally, we tackle emotional validation. Tears are data, not defiance. Learn how to meet big feelings with simple noticing, offer language like sad, embarrassed, or hurt, and guide kids toward faster recovery and stronger self‑awareness. Along the way, we point you to blog resources with more phrases and scripts you can use right away. If you’re a parent, teacher, or caregiver who wants fewer power struggles and more connection—without giving up boundaries—this conversation is your field guide.If these ideas help, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a reset, and leave a quick review so others can find it. Tell me the most unhelpful phrase you’re retiring and what you’re replacing it with—I’d love to feature your ideas next time.Check out THREE MORE UNHELPFUL things we say to kids at:www.bethtrammell.com/blogBlog — Beth TrammellThis podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcastIf you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please contact 988 or seek a treatment provider in your area.If you are a therapist or psychologist and want to be a guest on the show, please complete this form to apply: https://forms.gle/ooy8QirpgL2JSLhP6Feel free to share your thoughts at www.makewordsmatterforgood.com or email me at [email protected] the showwww.bethtrammell.com